Chapter 13
Thirteen
JADE
Present
As soon as Stephen’s salt and pepper hair comes into view, my irritation lifts.
I cross the patio and wrap him in a tight hug that he returns just as enthusiastically.
When he drops his arms, I step back and am immediately met with a solid wall of muscle.
Xander stops my elbow just before I ram it into his gut at full speed.
Then, much to my irritation, he pulls out my chair as if he’s some sort of gentleman.
“How are you two?” Stephen’s eyes flit back and forth between us as he tries to figure out what’s going on.
“Great,” I say.
“She’s pissed at me,” Xander says at the same time.
Stephen chuckles at us. “Well, whatever you did, I’m on her side.”
“I just wanted to make sure she was okay.” Xander puts his palm over his chest. “There was a strange truck in her driveway, and the front door was wide open.”
“I had a handyman over to help me do a few things around the house.”
“She hired a guy from fucking Task Rabbit to come put up a new pole in her house.”
Stephen’s lips thin. “Maybe I’m a bit on Xander’s side now, too.”
I’m grateful that Xander didn’t mention I was testing the pole’s sturdiness when he walked in.
If I felt like being fully honest with myself, I’d say I wasn’t fully pissed that he came over.
The guy was nice enough, but you never know, and when I’m fully focused on something, I can be slightly oblivious.
Still doesn’t mean I want Xander barging in like some sort of white knight, though.
“She mentioned wanting something done on her deck.” Xander looks over at me.
“Give me a day this week, and I’ll be there to help,” Stephen says. “I assume you will be, too?” he directs the question to Xander.
“Yep.” He directs a full grin in my direction, and my belly swoops. Those stupid fucking dimples still get me every time he flashes them. “I bet Stone would be down to help, too, if we need another set of hands.”
The server comes with a bottle of rosé and pours us each a glass.
I quickly glance at the menu while the guys order and settle on a turkey burger and sweet potato fries.
Xander tosses his arm over the back of my chair when the server leaves to put our order in.
The heat radiates into the bare skin of my back.
At one point in our lives, I would have loved it. Now it’s just a reminder of what I lost all those years ago. A dull ache lodges in my chest.
“It’s nice to see you two together like this,” Stephen says looking back and forth between us. “How’s Suzette?” There’s only warmth in his eyes as he asks. I think he understood who she was when he married her and that their ending was inevitable. There were never any hard feelings from him.
“She’s good. I actually spoke to her this morning. She’s in London working on a film there right now.”
He smiles. “She’s always loved it over there. I hope she’s having fun.”
“Probably too much knowing her,” I joke.
He nods and looks out over the water, a pensive expression clouds his face. Sometimes I think he still has feelings for her. I remember when she told me they were getting divorced. He wasn’t angry, just resigned.
That was when he pulled me aside and told me that even though he and Mom were ending their marriage that didn’t mean he was ending his relationship with me. He told me I was the daughter he always wanted and that he would always be there for me. And he has. Anytime I needed anything, he was there.
It’s why I took this job to begin with. When Stephen approached me about it, I couldn’t say no. It’s not like he had any idea what went down between Xander and me that summer. How my heart was shattered into a million tiny pieces.
The sensation of Xander’s thumb caressing my back in slow strokes brings me out of my thoughts.
I can feel the deep timbre of his voice as he talks about something I didn’t catch with his dad.
I shift in my chair to escape his touch, pissed that shivers of pleasure ebbed through my body from where our skin met.
This is why I usually make sure to avoid sitting next to him. Not that he makes it easy. It’s especially annoying on the tour bus when I’m working at the table and he plops down beside me on the bench. He’s so fucking tall I end up scrunched against the window just to have space.
Dinner is brought out, and our conversation flows to the possible film Stephen might pick up production on.
He mentions wanting to look into a book-to-film adaptation, and I immediately know what he should look into.
I launch into a spiel about Hazel’s book and how fucking good it is.
That Stone read it in one sitting. By the time I’m done, he’s already ordered it online and plans to start reading it over the weekend.
As the sun begins its final descent over the water, Stephen asks for the check and pays. We say our goodbyes, and I soak in the comfort of my only fatherly figure squeezing me tight. He and Xander then share a hug, and we part ways.
“Do you want to go watch the sunset over on the beach before I take you home?” he asks as he opens the car door for me.
Maybe it’s the nostalgia of the night because I find myself saying yes.
He finds some street parking, and we walk down to the beach.
There aren’t many people out tonight, probably because of the chill in the air.
Xander pulls his hoodie over his head and tosses it in my direction without me even saying anything about being chilly.
I take it begrudgingly because I’m not too proud to walk around cold when I could be cozy.
My dress flutters around my thighs as we walk along the sand with the cliffs to one side and the Pacific crashing ashore on the other.
A comfortable silence settles around us as we take in the beauty of the pinks and oranges painting the sky.
“I love it here,” he says, dropping down onto the sand.
I join him, loving how the sand still holds warmth from the day beneath me. “It is gorgeous.”
A towering rock formation stands sentinel to our left, the water slamming into it with each wave that comes ashore. I dig my fingers into the sand behind me and let my head fall back as my eyes close. The weight of his gaze on the side of my face is too hard to ignore, so I look over at him.
“What?” I ask.
“I miss you.” The sincerity in his amber-flecked eyes hits me like a knife to the chest, just like the last time he said those words to me.
“We’ve spent the last couple months locked on a tour bus together.”
“Exactly.”
“We’ve been home for two days.” I sit forward and dust the sand off my hands.
“That’s not what I mean.”
Panic surges in my chest. My mind is screaming for me to run fast and far from where he wants to take this conversation. But my stupid heart, the one that he broke but has never stopped loving him, says stay. Hear him out.
“Do you have the time?” I left my phone in the car. “I forgot I told Mom I’d call her tonight.”
“It’s the middle of the night in London.”
Fuck.
“Jade,” his tone implores me to look his way. “Look at me. Please.”
Despite knowing I shouldn’t, I do. I cave to him like I always do. “I know I fucked up by leaving you once. I was young and stupid. I didn’t think about how it would hurt you, but I’ve never stopped loving you.”
He reaches over slowly, watching for me to flinch or pull away as he cups my cheek. I close my eyes at the warmth of his palm over my cool skin. Maybe just a few seconds of letting him touch me would be okay. I’m not giving into him.
I’m not.
But as he leans closer my eyes flit to his lips and I wet my own.
I haven’t kissed him in so long. Just as I start to lean forward, I catch sight of a couple walking hand in hand down the beach toward us.
Her belly is swollen with a baby, and it’s exactly the cold douse of water I need to pull away from him.
Pain flickers in his eyes as I pull away, but he doesn’t push.
“We should go. I need to edit some photos I’ve taken of you guys from the tour, so they’ll be ready to post.”
“Okay,” he says, voice resigned.
He pushes to his feet and then offers me a hand up. I take it and then brush sand off my legs and dress. “Thank you.”
We walk back to the car in silence. He opens the door for me, as he always has. Noah Kahan comes on the radio as he drives me home. Perfectly setting the slightly depressing turn of the night.
Xander shuts off the car when he pulls into my driveway and opens his door.
“You don’t have to walk me to the door,” I say quietly. “It’s literally right there.”
He gives me an annoyed sideways glance and gets out.
I walk to my front door and pull my key out. “Thank you for inviting me to dinner. It was nice to see your dad.”
“Of course. He probably loves you more than he loves me.”
My lips lift and fall just as fast. “He does not.”
Just as I unlock my door and move to open it, Xander puts his hand over mine. “I’m serious, Jade. I want a second chance more than I want anything else in the world. Tell me what to do.”
I don’t want to tell him what to do. I don’t even know if there’s anything he can do to change my mind. Plus, there are so many things he should be thinking about that have nothing to do with me.
“I think the only thing you should be thinking about is the baby you could possibly have.”
He rolls his eyes. “For the last time, it isn’t mine.”
“Really? Did you not sleep with her?” I cross my arms over my chest. “Because that’s the only way I can think of to ensure you don’t put a baby in someone.”
“No, I did fuck her.”
Knife meet chest. Fuck, it hurts to hear him say those words. Not that I’ve been celibate. But still, I don’t parade my lovers around like trophies.
“But I couldn’t have impregnated her. I had a vasectomy.”
I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. He obviously doesn’t owe anyone his medical history, but he could have said something sooner. “When?”
“In my early twenties. There was a scare with a girl at Juilliard. Not to mention, I also always use condoms.”
I can think of one time he didn’t use them.
“Does Darren know?”
“Yeah, apparently there is a very, extremely slight possibility of failure years after the procedure and condoms can fail, so he wants to push forward with the DNA test just to be sure. But I fucking know it isn’t mine.”
“Oh.” I stare at my doorknob. “Okay,” I nod. “That’s good. Thanks for sharing this information.” I push the door open.
“Jade.”
I turn as he stays on the other side of the threshold and look up at him.
“I’m not giving up.”
My stupid heart flutters with hope. Instead of responding, I quietly close the door. I don’t hear his footsteps walk away until I flick the deadbolt closed. His words echo in my mind for the rest of the night.