Chapter 14 #3
“Let her sleep. She gotta get all her rest for the after party. We gotta turn up,” I said to Karina, and she laughed, knowing that I was telling the truth.
“Oh baby, I can already tell that you’re going to show your ass at that reception,” she commented.
“Me, and my man. I plan to do the absolute most,” I voiced, meaning it.
The photographers that we had in the room called us all over, so that they could start taking pictures of us. We took pictures for well over fifteen minutes.
“We’re going to step out and give you some privacy.
There’s an envelope sitting right there on the table.
It’s from Steel. He wanted you to read it before the wedding starts, so we’ll step out, so that you can read it on your own,” Karina came over to me, after we’d finished taking all the pictures.
She pointed over to the table, where there was an envelope sitting, and I’m not sure if it was just placed there, or if I had just been too distracted, but I didn’t see that earlier.
Goosebumps appeared on my body, wondering what could have possibly been inside the envelope.
All the women left out of the room, leaving me inside with just one of the crew members that was shooting for our reality show.
I walked over to the table, where the envelope was sitting, and I pulled the chair out, so that I could take a seat.
My hands were shaking, as I tore through the envelope.
There was a folded sheet of paper inside.
It was Steel’s handwriting. His perfect handwriting.
I remember when we first met, and I told him that he had perfect handwriting for a man.
His words took up more than half the page. Taking a deep breath, I went ahead, starting from the top of the letter.
Because I know you, I’ll start this off by telling you to relax, take a deep breath, and you can stop shaking, and trying to over analyze this shit.
I know how you are. I know that you’ll allow your brain to go completely left and will overthink the fuck out of something.
This isn’t that. This isn’t some letter to humiliate you, and to run off like a coward, leaving you stranded at the altar.
This isn’t that, baby. You should know me well enough to know that I would never do no shit like that to you.
This letter is just a boost. Some confidence to give you before you walk down the aisle.
I know you, so I know your nervous. Shit, I’m nervous.
Not nervous in a way, where I feel like I’m making a bad decision though.
Just the nerves that come around any time you do something new… something big. That kind of nervous.
I know that we wrote out our own vows, but it’s shit that’s so personal, and deep when it comes to you, that I would rather not say it in front of everybody.
I feel like this kind of stuff solely belongs to me and you.
You came into my life, and you saved parts of me that I didn’t realize were broken.
I was going on, detaching myself from people, out of fear of being left alone again.
I got fears, baby. I know that I often walk around with my head held high, and a lot of people have this persona of me, that I’m the cockiest nigga in the world, but I’ll be truthful, and let you know that my biggest fear in life is something happening to you, or my kids.
I don’t have fears of our marriage not working out though.
I know that I’m going to put my best foot forward and be the best husband to you that I can be.
I have no doubt that you’ll do the same.
My world don’t spin without you. The way you carry things like running the house, staying on top of the kids, you do it as if it’s second nature.
I know a lot of times that men are too prideful to let their spouse know that they need them, but I’ll never be too cocky in myself, where I can’t let my wife know that I need her.
It ain’t a want to have you in my corner.
Toni, It’s a need. I gotta have you here with me.
I ain’t going to take up too much more of your time, baby.
Just wanted to put something heavy on you before you met me at the altar.
I remember when you went back to work after all that shit happened at the job with your crazy ass student.
The day you went back, I sent you a long message, telling you how brave you were, and reminding you that you were going to be fine.
I could sense how nervous and uneasy you were about going back to work.
Later that evening, when you came home, you told me that my message to you gave you the boost that you needed.
I remember you looked me in my eyes and told me that I have the power to calm your nervous system.
I’ll never forget you telling me that. That’s why I wrote you this letter.
I wanted to give you a boost, relax your nervous system, and remind you that I’ll forever be in your corner. I love you, baby.
I sat here, head tiled back, literally fighting back tears after reading a handwritten letter from my man. This was the most beautiful thing that I’ve ever read in my life. As an author, who loved to write about romance, and I loved to write romantic poems, this letter had done something to me.
I remember Steel telling me months ago that he didn’t see how I could write the kind of long novels that I did.
I remember him saying how his fingers would hurt if he even thought about writing out a paragraph.
Love had him pouring out his feelings, writing them down for me, and I couldn’t be happier.
This was the boost that I needed. The calm to my nervous system that I needed.
With my emotions all over the place, trying to fight back these happy tears, I sat the letter down on the table, and I stood up.
It was showtime. I was about to get married.