Chapter 30
30
GUY ‘FOSTER’
‘Today’s the day,’ Eve says as she drives us to the hospital for my possible ‘final’ appointment with Dr Sully.
‘This is it,’ I say, anxiety building in my chest. I don’t know what I’m more nervous about, getting a green light to go back home or starting this adventure with Eve again and leaving her behind until we figure out the details that have haunted us for years.
‘Are you excited to see your bike?’
I laugh. ‘I honestly don’t know how it held up after this, judging by my injuries. I could be going home to a brand-new steel horse.’
‘You plan on continuing riding then?’ she asks, glancing my way.
‘I hadn’t planned on quitting, no,’ I say honestly. I can’t lie to her at this point. Not if I want things to work out.
She nods, the silence around us slightly thick with nerves. I know I’m not the only one feeling it.
An hour later, I’ve had a CAT scan and Eve and I are now sitting in a small cold doctor’s office, waiting. The silence is deafening. Eve fidgets with her rings, her hair, her outfit, while I sit on the table, staring at the blue skylight covers, wondering how this is going to go. I might have to leave her soon. Shit.
‘Mr Foster, how are you feeling today?’ Dr Sully enters the room with a focused gaze.
Both Eve and I straighten up, our attention on the man who might change our lives sooner rather than later.
‘Better than I was,’ I say. ‘Though I admit, most of that’s been because of Eve.’
He glances at his co-worker, fist bumping her. ‘She’s one of the best.’
‘Thanks,’ she says, as if it’s no big deal. She’s cute.
‘You think I can get this sling off today?’ I ask, motioning to the straitjacket confining most of my upper half. ‘It’d be nice to have two hands again.’
The doctor tilts his head sympathetically. ‘I’ll take a look, but after looking at your CT, you may need another surgery on your shoulder in the coming months. Though I can say your internal injuries are healing nicely. I have no doubt that your physical fitness has played a role in that progress. Now let’s take a look at that shoulder and wrist.’
Doctor Sully carefully removes the sling, revealing a bruised and swollen wrist. As he begins to gently manipulate the limb, I wince in pain. It’s not that bad, but it’s there.
‘What’s your pain level – 1 to 10 – right now?’ he asks, mid-motion.
‘Six?’
‘Still on pain meds?’ he asks.
‘Only at night, otherwise Eve’s got me on a regular ice/heat routine and ibuprofen.’
‘Good, good.’
After what feels like an eternity, the doctor brings a stethoscope to his ears and directs me to take deep breaths as he listens to my chest from both the front and back.
Finally, he finishes with the exam and carefully repositions my arm back into its sling, securing it tightly against my chest.
‘Well,’ he says, glancing from Eve to me. ‘I’m impressed with his progress. How do you feel about going home?’
Eve’s and my gazes lock, a flurry of conflicting emotions passing between us. Uncertainty, longing, curiosity and hesitation all swirl together in an intricate dance. Our eyes are the only communication needed at that moment. Neither of us are sure how we feel about all this.
‘I do miss my bed,’ I say, but there is a small tremor in my voice. I don’t want to say the wrong thing here.
‘Are you saying he’s free to fly now?’ Eve asks.
‘I am,’ he says, watching her response.
She frowns, but catches it quickly, flashing us both a smile. ‘That’s great,’ she says. ‘You can finally get back to your friends.’
When she’s done speaking, the doctor hands me a list of doctors in the Tallahassee area that I can see once I’m back.
‘Take it easy when you get home, Foster; you’ve still got some healing to do, so no extreme sports for the time being,’ he says before exiting the room.
‘Wow,’ Eve says. ‘I expected it, but I didn’t.’
Now’s the time. If I don’t tell her now, I never will and if I put it off any longer, this ending will hurt so much more.
‘Evie, I’ve got to tell you something,’ I say, nervousness apparent in my voice.
‘Sounds serious,’ she says, sitting back in her chair.
‘Sort of. But I’m hoping that after recent revelations, it comes as good news.’
‘Uh-oh.’
‘Remember when I told you I never got over you?’
She nods.
‘Because of that, I never signed the divorce papers. And Matty found out not too long ago and did some research. We’re not divorced – in fact, we just celebrated our five-year wedding anniversary.’
She stares at me, blank-faced, suddenly pulling her phone from her back pocket and tapping at the screen frantically.
Her going straight to her phone is never good. I thought maybe she’d be excited to know we don’t have to do anything more than make our relationship work – and celebrate the anniversaries as they arrive.
She reads the screen, her shoulders dropping.
‘My God, I wondered why I’d never heard anything. Here’s why: “Howard Sweet, long-time local divorce lawyer, aged sixty-seven, died unexpectedly yet peacefully at home over the weekend” – two months after I filed for divorce. Foster, do you know what this would have done to me if Cayden and I had made it down the aisle? I’d have been humiliated. Again.’
‘In my defense, I wondered why it took so long to get the papers, but I had no idea you were getting married. All I knew was that I didn’t want to lose you officially, so I ran the papers through my shredder thinking that would stop it. I had no idea the guy was going to die and never actually file.’
‘You’ve known this the entire time you’ve been here, and you’re just telling me now?’
I nod, shame likely etched across my face like a shadow.
‘I wanted to tell you,’ I say, my voice thick with emotion, ‘to lay all my cards on the table and just get it out there. But between the pain, meds and seeing you again, then all the interruptions we were dealing with – I couldn’t find the time or the courage.’ A weighty silence hangs in the air between us.
‘Every day I’m with you, I’m reminded of how good we were together,’ I continue. ‘And I knew that telling you the truth would ruin that – so I wanted to see if anything was even still there for you before I did, and I didn’t know that until recently.’ My shoulders slump with shame.
‘Foster, you lied to me. For weeks. After I gave up so much for you. My fucking lord, are all men liars? I mean, what else did you lie about?’ She stands up, pacing the room in front of me.
‘Lie? No. Evie, I thought after our recent conversations, you’d see this as a win? We still have feelings for one another, and we’re still married. Is that not a good thing?’
‘A good thing ? This makes you a liar, Fost! Do you have any idea how selfish that was? What if Cayden and I hadn’t broken up? When would I have found out? While standing at the altar?’
‘I want to say I would have signed them since you were engaged to someone else, but that’d be a lie too. Had I known you were engaged to someone else, I’d have been the guy objecting to your wedding.’
She purses her lips, attempting to force away the quivering chin sneaking up on her – but I see it.
‘Now I’m wondering how much of what you’ve said since you’ve been here has even been true?’
‘That is ridiculous,’ I say, surprised she’s this mad. ‘Every word that’s left my lips has been true and you know it. That kiss, Evie, are you telling me you’re going to deny feelings we didn’t even have to say out loud?’
The shake of her head says she’s not buying it.
‘Come on, Jellybean. Can you blame me? You left without even talking to me, using words from our wedding against me. So I was mad that the papers didn’t even come with a phone call,’ I continue, my voice slightly elevated unintentionally. ‘For years, I wondered what the fuck was going on. I would have tried your family but come on, Evie, we’d only known each other a handful of months before we were over. I didn’t know how to find you besides just showing up at your door, and considering you didn’t even say goodbye, that wasn’t an option for me.’
She perches her hands on her hips. ‘Was, “Thanks for nursing me back to health; by the way, I think we may still be married, so you might want to look into that”, not an option either? You could have said this before you left the hospital.’
‘Would it seriously have changed your mind?’
She lifts her shoulders, crossing her arms over her chest. ‘I should have had the opportunity to find out at least.’
Our voices are raised and this feels like a giant backward step.
‘Ugh!’ she stomps her foot onto the ground. ‘Why does every man I fall for tell me something at the last minute that should have been said far sooner? I don’t want to be someone’s last thought, Foster. Getting this from you , after all the conversations we’ve had since you’ve been here, feels exactly like that.’
‘No time seemed right, but I knew I couldn’t leave without telling you.’
She huffs. ‘I can’t invest years of my life in men who lie to me. I’ve tried it, and I pass. I think we both know that if we decided to give this another shot, I’d be sitting home, waiting for you to remember I exist. Then we’d spend an amazing weekend together, and then I’d have to wait another few weeks for another glimpse at what I got married for – because you don’t have time for me when you’re on the road – remember saying that?’
I nod. I did say that. It was a long time ago, but the words were said. At least I spoke mine – she wrote hers.
‘I want to be someone’s priority,’ she says. ‘I need someone I know I can count on, and I’m not sure you’re that guy.’
My jaw is literally hanging open as she speaks, words eluding me. Is she dumping me right now when we barely even saw what could’ve been?
‘I think you should buy the plane ticket. We both have lives to get back to. And when you get there, file for the divorce. Irreconcilable differences.’ Without me, she exits the room, storming out, slamming the door behind her, and leaving me in silence.
Fuck. Did I seriously just fuck this up again? She wants me to leave. I drop my head as my heart – or what’s left of it – falls through my chest, landing like a delicate glass vase and shattering into a million pieces right here in the middle of a doctor’s office. Somebody call 911 because I’m pretty sure I’m dead.
She left me at the sterile, white-walled doctor’s office and I was forced to call an Uber to get back to her place. My limbs feel heavy and uncooperative, like they are filled with concrete as I trudge up the three flights of stairs to her apartment. I finally reach her door and knock, but there’s no answer.
‘Evie?’ I call out, rapping on the door again.
The click of her door opening gives me hope, but it’s not Eve who appears – it’s Phil.
‘Hi, darling.’ He shakes his head. ‘She doesn’t want to talk about it,’ he says. ‘But don’t worry, I’ve got your stuff.’
As he exits Eve’s apartment, he closes the door behind him, motioning for me to follow.
Confused, I do. ‘You’ve got my stuff? What does that mean?’
He looks at me with pity in his eyes and it only adds to the ache in my chest. As I reach his now-open doorway, I notice my suitcase behind him in his apartment.
‘Shit,” I run a hand through my hair. “She’s that angry?’ I ask, feeling a sense of dread wash over me.
Phil nods solemnly. ‘Come on in,’ he says, beckoning me into his vibrant and eclectic apartment. ‘You can stay here until you figure out your flight arrangements.’
‘I haven’t even booked one yet,’ I confess as I step inside his home, not sure if I’m ready to face the reality of leaving Evie behind – but I’ve got no choice now. She doesn’t even want to see me, let alone talk.
As I sink onto Phil’s couch, my phone open to a flight finder, the weight of everything crashes down on me.
‘I can’t believe she’s giving up on us. Again.’
Phil places a warm cup of tea in front of me, the steam rising slowly, offering comfort in its simple gesture.
‘You know, sometimes things fall apart so that better things can come together,’ Phil says softly, his voice filled with understanding. ‘You’ll figure it out.’
‘I wish I were as hopeful. But I’m not. This feels just like it did the first time. No closure at all, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she hands you a note to give to me before I leave…’
He smiles sadly. ‘Maybe I can try to talk to her?’
I shake my head. ‘I can’t risk pissing her off more than I already have, can I?’
As night falls outside, casting shadows that dance across the walls like memories fading into the distance, I drift off to sleep on Phil’s couch, with a sense of dread settling over me. Tomorrow morning I leave – without her. If there’s a way to save this, I hope it comes to me soon.