Chapter 13
She hates him. She adores him.
She never wants to see him again. He’s all she ever wants to see.
Gage’s sudden absence in her life is a physical wound in her chest, and it bleeds, no matter how much Minnie tries to convince herself that it isn’t, that it shouldn’t. She shouldn’t be heartbroken over him, that lying, criminal scoundrel-
And yet, her heart lies in pieces, and she doesn’t know how to gather them up again.
The division within Minnie is a startling civil war. She cannot help but see her momentary happiness and freedom as a lie, that she was drawn into it by the very skeleton that terrorized her in the first place.
Ariel went home a few days ago, although she’d been wary to leave after Minnie had her brutal revelation. Her phone calls are mercifully plentiful, because although Minnie put on a brave face when her sister left town, she needs someone to talk to.
…and Momma Marla isn’t going to cut it at the moment, despite her well-meaning.
As it stands, she and Ariel have been talking for twenty minutes already, the clock ticking upwards on her phone. Her younger sister is a built-in therapist whom she always gets for free. Minnie has never been more thankful to have Ariel in her life than now.
“I just don’t get it. Am I sick in the head?” Minnie says into the phone, voice unsteady. “How can I still have feelings for the man who ruined me? What’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing is wrong with you! Besides, he didn’t ruin you. He just…changed you.” Ariel sounds lost. How could she not be? No one alive must know how to deal with such a crazy scenario. There is no handbook about how to deal with your traumatized sister accidentally ending up with her former villain.
“Why can’t I just move on and forget about him, the way Daddy wants me to?” The concept is maddening and equally devastating. “Why does it have to hurt so much, Ariel?”
“Because what you felt for Gage as a man was real. You’re right about him changing you, Mouse.
He made you feel free for the first time in years.
And now you think you have to lock yourself away again to hide from pain.
” Ariel’s voice is earnest. “Don’t do that.
Don’t punish yourself like that. You can still live free.
But only you can choose if that life includes him. ”
There’s a sound, loud and jarring.
“Is someone fixing something in your house?” Ariel asks in confusion. “I thought only Gage knew how to fix your varied maintenance problems? Score one for him, I guess?”
Minnie’s face tenses as she looks at the front door. “No. Someone is knocking.” She sniffs and wipes at her eyes, trying to dry them.
“Who? You don’t have guests.” The shock in Ariel’s tone is almost comical, considering she’s right.
Swallowing, Minnie replies, “I don’t know.” Ariel isn’t in town, and Gage knows better than to stop by after she asked for space. He’s a pushy man, but he wouldn’t…he wouldn’t do this to her, would he?
“Keep me on the phone until you know,” Ariel says, verbally puffing herself up as the White Knight. “You can hang up if you’re safe. Otherwise, just scream.”
Minnie makes a face, because that’s comforting.
Another three loud bangs beat out in succession on her door, so Minnie walks over to it, still clutching the phone to her ear as she peeks through the sidelight window.
A tall man with slicked-back blonde hair and a perfect goatee stands waiting with his hip cocked, twin eyebrow piercings glinting.
“Outrageous. It’s Chase,” Minnie mutters under her breath.
He waves lazily when he sees her.
Her nerves zing, and she bites her lower lip as she moves out of sight again, leaning her back against the door.
On the one hand, her last experience with the man was positive.
He was friendly, laid-back, and sociable.
The other hand, however? The other hand knows that this man was part of the robbery gang.
A criminal, just like Gage.
Does she risk letting him in?
He’s not going to hurt you, silly Mouse.
“Who?” Ariel demands. “What man is this now? Just how many men do you have, Mouse?”
She would think that, wouldn’t she? With a laborious sigh, Minnie says, “I’m hanging up now, Ariel. Talk later.” She hangs up on her squawking sister and opens the door to Gage’s housemate.
Chase grins at her and holds out a scrumptious-smelling box of cinnamon rolls from the local bakery.
“I thought you could use some cheer.” When Minnie stares at him in vague disbelief for a moment, he rubs the back of his neck with an awkward little subdued grin.
“Or maybe just a peace offering. Gage is in a funk; I figure he fucked things up. Did he?”
Eyes narrowed, Minnie cranes her head back to look up at him, mouth in a firm line. “He didn’t send you over here on some far-fetched mission to butter me up, did he?”
He scoffs, shifting in his Type O Negative getup, his leather jacket creaking.
“Nah. He’d be pissed if he knew I was over here bothering you, but.
Ya know. It’s kinda an odd situation, ain’t it?
I know you had it out, so, if you wanna be mad, or yell at someone, I’m offering to eat some cinnamon rolls and let you stomp your feet until it makes you feel better. ”
Still suspicious, but oddly touched, Minnie pokes her head out further, squinting at the driveway. Gage isn’t there, isn’t in Chase’s rugged sedan. “Did he give you my address?”
“It’s public knowledge, I didn’t have to ask.” He shrugs, gesturing to the rolls again. They smell heavenly, and Minnie’s stomach gurgles with interest. “You know you want some. I swear, they’re to die for.”
I hope not, Minnie thinks dryly.
Staring at his pale eyes, Minnie feels another piece of the puzzle lock into place from that day long ago. “You’re the Wolf. That was your mask. You didn’t talk much.”
The humor melts off his face like paint dripping down a wall.
Chase becomes somber, his cheesy facade of harmless cheer fading away.
“Red always said enough shit for all of us combined on a job. He never stopped bitching.” He looks away from her, staring down at the concrete beneath his feet for a second.
“You know, I’d robbed a lot of banks, but I’d never had a hostage situation before.
And you were so young and scared. It felt shit, man.
” The admission of guilt doesn’t horrify Minnie as much as she thinks it should.
Making a decision that she hopes she isn’t going to regret, Minnie steps back and gestures for him to come inside. “We should microwave those rolls. They’re better warm.”
Taking the invitation, Chase steps inside.
The microwave is humming while Chase inspects some photos on the walls. He’s leaning towards one collage with interest. “Who is this babe?”
Minnie doesn’t have to look as she grabs some plates. It doesn’t take long to heat cinnamon rolls to perfection, making the icing just melty enough. The kitchen already smells of bakery spices and warm, doughy bread. “My sister, Ariel.”
“Is the red natural?”
“Not in the slightest.”
He shoots her a saucy grin. “The craziest kind. My favorite.”
“Hmm. I’ll take your word for it,” Minnie replies, setting a warm roll near him on the counter.
He’s been looking around her home, taking in the sights, and naturally, that makes her feel uneasy.
He is a former thief, after all. Hopefully not still.
“Maybe you’ll come across her one day.” Ariel does enjoy ill-advised flings.
With a chuckle, Chase comes to the plate and starts scarfing down one of the large, steamy rolls, humming with delight under his breath. “Thoughts and prayers,” he says flippantly.
Minnie remains on the other end of her pale kitchen, arms crossed over her chest. She leans back against the countertop, her roll left untouched.
“Why are you here, Chase?” Her expression feels stony, eyes hidden behind her glasses.
“I’m not the sort to rant and rave; you know I’m not going to yell at you to ‘make myself feel better’ or whatever it is you thought you’d get out of me. ”
Sitting on one of her barstools, Chase gestures with both hands, palms up. “The offer stands. You can even hit me if you want. Just, uh, watch out for the piercings.”
Minnie shakes her head, looking at the ceiling. “I’m not hitting you either.” After contemplation, it becomes clear what the problem is. “You’re here for a reason, and I get the sense you like confrontation about as much as I do.” Which, quite frankly, is not at all.
The dynamics of the group are clearer in her mind now, thinking back to the cookout.
Red and Gage are firecrackers, always ready to be lit, at each other’s throats in a heartbeat for the thrill of it.
Marlin, cool-headed and steadfast, the mediator and enforcer of mediation.
Last comes Chase, the go-along who sails wherever the wind happens to push him.
He doesn’t make things happen; things happen to him. Much like Minnie. For a moment, she almost feels kinship.
Chase’s plate is empty, and his eyes are pointed at the box of cinnamon rolls with a certain hunger. Minnie says, “You brought them; please have another.”
While helping himself to another delicious roll -Minnie is going to have to buy these in the future- Chase finally replies.
“I’m here for Gage. I mean, he didn’t send me or anything.
Like I said, he don’t know. But uh, he misses you.
I mean. Of course he does. He’s crazy about you.
” Chase’s lip quirks fondly. “I guess I’m hoping to see if you’re willing to at least talk to him again.
I understand why ya wouldn’t want to though. ”
Minnie finds herself pinching the bridge of her nose, pushing her glasses up in the process. Her eyes feel tired. “I told him I would let him know when I’m ready to speak with him again.”
“But like, when is that?” Chase says around a mouthful of cinnamon roll. “A week from now? Or like, five years?”
Insides twisting with knotted ropes, Minnie looks down at the floor, counting the tiles.
How does one put time on trauma? On hurt?
Days have gone by, and yes, the initial sting has lessened, but the betrayal and the reality disconnect is still very real.
There is a part of her that cannot quite come to terms that Gage is the Skull Mask.
The other half accepts that he is, but only sees the Mask, not Gage.
They are not one entity.
When she sees the monster, she doesn’t see the man under the mask. “I think I’m still afraid of him.” A ghostly feeling of a gun sliding against her cheekbone makes her shiver.
The expression on Chase’s face drops, pale eyes bright. “He’s not that guy anymore, the one in your head. Gage would never willingly harm you.” He cocks his head to the side, all matter-of-fact. “He’d hurt other people for you, though.”
Goodness, Minnie doesn’t need that.
“But he was that man, once.” Minnie’s voice is soft, wavering.
It feels as though her voice might crack like her insides if she speaks too loudly.
Her emotions are fraught. “It’s hard to unsee that.
I dream of that day. Don’t you understand?
” She bites her lower lip, looking at nothing, seeing nothing but the past. “That day changed my life in a way that it didn’t change his.
He was incarcerated; he was punished, sure. But I was scarred inside.”
Chase is looking down at his once again empty plate, quiet.
His blonde hair catches light from the sun peeking through the window, giving it a golden fire.
“I know there is no healing that type of wound. I’ve got my own from my shit childhood.
” His tone is bitter, jaw shifting. Minnie already knows hints about his neglectful mother; she doesn’t want to know about more.
Silence falls between them, tangible. They are both, perhaps, wallowing in old injuries.
After a moment, Minnie utters, “You see why it’s so hard for me to just take him back? As if nothing ever happened?”
He nods, defeated. Seemingly taking this as his sign that his welcome is over, he gets up and asks where to put his dirty plate. Minnie takes it from him and places it in the sink, thanking him for thinking to bring some over to share.
At the front door, he starts putting his shoes back on, hopping around on one foot comically for a moment.
“You have all the power here.” Chase straightens up, looking rough around the edges and ready for a metal concert.
“You can choose to forgive him, or you can choose to never see him again. For what it’s worth, I hope you can forgive him.
He would do anything for you. I’ve seen him with girls before, but when he looks at you, it’s just, it’s different.
I thought you should know that. Your relationship has changed something in him, and I don’t think even he understands it.
” He tilts his head, his twin eyebrow piercings glinting.
“Can he call ya at least? Even if you aren’t ready to see him? ”
The words worm their way into her brain matter. Minnie inhales and nods in acknowledgement. “Thank you for the visit, Chase.” A hard pause of indecision. “I guess he can.” It’s better than him showing up.
When he stands on her front stoop, he turns and gazes down at her with something sad in his expression.
“I’m sorry, Minnie. About that day. I know words will never make what happened right.
You don’t have to forgive my part in that event, but I hope you can find a way to accept Gage. That bastard is in love with you.”
Heart squeezing painfully, Minnie closes her eyes and whispers, “I know.”