Chapter 6
Jesse
It’s been a few days since the breakup. I’m sitting in the church pew trying to listen to the message and apply it to my life as best I can. Pastor Charlies voice resonates through the speakers as he preaches about letting go and trusting God’s plan. Amen to that.
When the service is over and we’re dismissed, I do a double take. Addison is across the room, up a few rows, talking to Ella. It’s funny to see Addie all grown, conversing with her. Since she was only in elementary school when we dated, they didn’t have much of a relationship.
I’d like to go talk to Ella as well, but not today. I’m not feeling up for it with the breakup weighing on my shoulders. Maybe next week I’ll be a little happier.
Mason stands beside me and whispers, “What’s she talking to her about?”
I shake my head. “I don’t even wanna know.” I walk out to the main hall, and he follows.
“I’m off tomorrow morning if you need a fourth guy to help set up decoys,” he says.
“Up to you. I know you’re working tonight.”
“No, I’m not. I got switched.”
“Switched?”
“Yeah, doing days now for a while. Another guy wants to work night shift.”
“Oh, nice. That’ll be good for you to get back on a normal schedule then.” I give him a pat on the back.
“You’re telling me. I gotta run out for Mom, but I’ll be back for lunch. You’re not skipping, right?” he asks.
My eyebrows furrow. I’m not that depressed about the breakup. “No, I’ll be there.”
“Okay, wasn’t sure with everything—”
“I’m fine.”
If anything, I’m still a bit annoyed. Not upset anymore, just frustrated with how everything ended and why it had to. If the situation were reversed, I would never have broken up with a girl over her desire to have boundaries. Hopefully, I’ll be over it soon and back to feeling like myself.
When I get to my parents’ house, I head straight to the kitchen. I’m the first of my siblings to get here, which is strange. Mom is rushing around, making lunch. I offer to help, and she doesn’t hesitate. She tells me to wash my hands and grate the cheese.
Out the window, I see Dad at the grill. He’s still in his church clothes, wearing his Carhartt jacket over top. It’s getting colder here each day, but it doesn’t matter to him.
He’ll do anything for Mom. Not because he’s scared of her or doesn’t want to cause a fight but simply because he loves her.
Their love has always inspired me. It’s not showy or over-the-top, it’s simple.
Driven by the little things they do for each other every day.
That’s the kind of man he has always been, and I’d like to think some of that rubbed off on me.
I know if Dad were in my shoes, he wouldn’t have compromised his morals for Lexie either, but he also wouldn’t have let things drag on like I did.
He’s a man of action. He’s firm yet gentle.
He and Mom have always seen eye to eye on things.
At least, I think. The older I get, the more I’ve come to realize that being raised by them and seeing their love firsthand are huge blessings—I can only pray to emulate them someday.
“How’re you doing, Jess?” Mom asks after a moment of silence in the room. Knowing that nobody else is here yet, I figure now is the time to talk about it.
I let out a quiet sigh. “Better.”
“Well, good. I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”
“You don’t have to say that. I know you didn’t like her.”
She shakes her head but her voice is calm. “It’s not that I didn’t like her. She just wasn’t your girl.”
“She was too rough around the edges for everyone. None of you liked that.” I watch her grab a stack of plates from the cabinet before responding.
“She was and we could all tell you were constantly trying to smooth them out, which is not your job.”
I look at her. “Well, she was trying for everyone. She knew she wasn’t the queen of prim and proper.”
“No, she wasn’t.” Her tone softens even more. “But as much as you probably don’t want to hear it, she didn’t seem to respect some of the things that matter most.”
“Yeah, Mom, I know that, but I saw potential in her, despite how different she was. I liked that she was different than everyone else.”
She shrugs. “That’s understandable. But there’s a difference between liking someone because they’re different and forcing yourself to overlook the bigger picture.” She takes the plates to the dining room, leaving me to stare at the boiling pot of noodles.
I know she’s right. Lexie’s bold personality, her rough humor, and the way she was more up for hanging with strangers at the bar than trying to grow a relationship with my family—there was a lot there to try and fix.
“I just …” I clear my throat and follow her. “I was willing to work at it.”
“I know you were. But the right person will meet you halfway. You won’t have to put in so much effort to try and make them fit,” she explains, and I just nod, understanding exactly what she means.
“You’ll find the one. When it’s right, you won’t have to question it, you’ll just know,” she adds, ending the conversation at the perfect time as the sound of the front door opening signals company.
I turn my attention to the doorway, waiting to see which one of my siblings has finally arrived.
The dark brown hair is unmistakably Addison’s. But when I see who’s walking in behind her, my chest tightens, and the pounding of my heartbeat thumps in my ears.
It’s Ella. Dressed the same as she was in church just an hour ago. A dark green dress with small white flowers spread all across it. Her straight blonde hair falls down over her shoulders. There’s something very familiar about seeing her back here, though. It’s not awkward, it’s comfortable.
I watch her eyes scan the room briefly before they land on mine. My throat goes dry, my heart rate kicks up, and I can’t even form a sentence.
I glance to Addison, her face full of mischief. I observe her fighting the urge to laugh. She just threw me a curveball I certainly wasn’t ready for, nor even saw coming.
* * *
I’m sitting at the foot of the table. Dad at the head, my mom beside him, Addison next, and then Mason. Across from him, to my left, is Cody and beside him, Ella. It’s been ten years since she last sat at this table and it feels … good.
“Mac and cheese is great, Mom,” Mason says as he fills his plate with more.
Ella interjects, “It is. Tastes the same as I remember.”
I focus on the spoon in my hand, swirling it through the leftover steak juices on my plate. I can’t keep staring at her every time she speaks. Eventually, she’s going to catch me, and that could be awkward. More for her than me—if I remember correctly, she blushes like a stop sign.
“Thank you. Have you been enjoying the new job?” Mom asks. Curious to hear her response, I look at her while she answers.
Ella shrugs. “Yeah, not much different than Texas.”
I’d always hoped to see her in those nursing scrubs someday. Now, unless I find myself in the ER, my chances of making that dream come true are pretty dang slim.
Mom smiles. “How are your parents doing? They plan on staying in Texas?”
Ella’s face falters for just a second. “Yeah, they’re staying down there.”
“Will you go back to visit for Thanksgiving?” Mason asks.
Ella reaches for her drink and shakes her head. “Not this year.”
Not meeting anyone’s gaze, her body stiffens. Her short response and facial expression tells me there’s something going on between her and her parents.
No one else seems to pick up on it. I can read her though. Like the way her shoulders tense, her lack of eye contact, and the biggest giveaway, tucking her hair behind her ear. Which she just did.
Ella always idolized her parents, listened to and obeyed everything they said. If they told her to jump, she’d ask how high. I study her another moment, as if the explanation is going to be written across her forehead.
“How are they with you back here?” Dad asks, his tone casual.
Ella’s smile is quick but doesn’t reach her eyes. “They’re fine. Just … adjusting too.”
She’s trying to keep it light, but I can see right through it.
The conversations that carry through the rest of lunch move along fine. I’m distracted still, my mind swirling around with ideas. Trying to figure out what could be the reasoning for Ella’s discomfort surrounding her parents. Maybe they didn’t want her to move back? But why?
After we finish eating, everyone helps clear the table and moves to the living room. I’m on dish duty this week and Ella is standing beside me, drying each one after I rinse it. It was supposed to be Cody but she insisted. I’m not complaining.
After Mom gets the food put away, it’s just Ella and I left in the kitchen.
“I didn’t know you were coming today,” I tell her.
“I didn’t either.” She shrugs, a playful grin forming. “Addison said you told her to ask me.”
My expression blanks and I become defensive. “I didn’t—”
She cuts in with a laugh. “I know you didn’t.”
“I’ll talk to her later,” I mutter with a hint of agitation in my voice.
Handing Ella another dish, I catch a glimpse of Addie walking to the bathroom. I shake my head at her and watch her flash me a cheeky smile.
“She said you and Lexie didn’t work out?” Ella asks gently, catching me off guard. Good grief, how long did they talk this morning?
“Unfortunately.”
“Sorry to hear that,” she admits. I can’t help but wonder if she means it, though.
“It’s for the best.” I shrug. “We were pretty different.”
Ella just nods, and now the space between us feels a little awkward.
“Wanna go for a walk or something when we’re done with this?” I ask. I still have an unfulfilled feeling, a bit desperate to get more time with her. And I don’t want to feel like anyone’s listening or interrupting.
Her cheeks flush, but she agrees.
Ten minutes later we’re heading down the driveway. I don’t know where exactly I’m taking her but that’s the last thing I’m worried about.
She breaks the silence between us when we come up on the creek that weaves through our property.
“Remember when Cody got your dad’s truck stuck along here somewhere?” She points down to the water, stifling a laugh.
“Yeah, and then when we got it out to the field, he got it stuck there too,” I add, and the laughter between us builds effortlessly at the memory.
“He was so mad,” Ella shakes her head, and I sigh. I had forgotten about that night.
“What were we doing?”
“Cody shot a deer and needed to drag it out.”
“Why wouldn’t he just take a four-wheeler?”
“Because it was too muddy.” She snorts and covers her mouth quickly, embarrassed.
I laugh harder at her. “ You haven’t changed a bit.”
“I don’t know if that’s good or bad,” she says.
I look straight into her green eyes. “It’s a good thing,” I wink.
She doesn’t reply, just looks down to try and hide those red cheeks from me.
As we continue walking, we come to the entrance of my stone driveway where my cabin sits less than a quarter mile back. I steer her that direction and hope I don’t regret it.
“So you’re really okay with everything?” she asks, sending my stomach into my throat about what exactly she’s referring to. “Addison said you were pretty down about it.”
Some relief hits. She’s talking about Lexie, got it. “I was. But I’m fine. Addison can be dramatic. I have to watch what all I tell her, I guess.” I shake my head.
She clears her throat. “I’m sorry, I just didn’t know what else to say. I wanted to be respectful.”
“Don’t apologize. It’s all good.”
Once we reach my cabin, I feel excited to show it to her. Back then, there was nothing here but trees. She knew the plans for it, saw the blueprints, but never got to see it become real.
“This is it.” I gesture to the house.
It’s a log cabin, inside and out. The stone driveway leads right up to the small front porch.
I haven’t gotten around to setting pavers yet.
As far as plants and landscaping goes, it was supposed to be just some bushes along the sides, under the windows.
But then summertime came around and I had these white, pink, and red flowers pop up all over the place.
My gut told me that had Addison written all over it.
She’s sneaky and good at it too. It’s terrifying.
I study Ella’s expression, her eyes taking it all in as she says, “Wow, it’s cute.”
I can’t help but flash her an unsatisfied glare. “Cute?”
Her smile is playful. “Sorry. Not cute. Masculine, rough and tough,” she clarifies and follows me up the front porch steps.
“You’ll probably think the inside is cute, too. That’s what I get for letting Mom and Addie decorate,” I warn and push the door open.
Letting her in ahead of me, she wipes her shoes off on the mat first, and I watch her scan the room.
“Oh wow. This is bigger than it looks from the outside.”
“Yeah? There’s two bedrooms upstairs and a bathroom. The master’s down here.” I point off in the direction of my room.
She takes a slow walk through the main living space. Taking it all in, she stops and looks at the few pictures I have sitting on the mantle. Seeing her in my house is surreal. It feels like a fever dream honestly.
She looks back to me. “I remember you were just getting ready to build when we were running around together.”
I take a few steps closer to her, closing some of the distance between us. “Yeah, I think we were getting ready to break ground.”
“I remember we were dreaming about having a place to go, just the two of us, that wasn’t your truck.” She laughs.
My pulse quickens when she meets my gaze, her eyes cutting through as if she can read my thoughts. That truck has too many memories, our memories. Enough has happened in there that I’ll never get rid of it. I’m not that sentimental about most things, but that truck? That’s different.
I chuckle. “Yeah, we were certainly eager, never lacked passion for each other.”
Ella’s cheeks flush again. She looks away from me now and shakes her head. “No, we didn’t.”
The air between us starts to feel heavy as it closes in, as if we’re both remembering those nights that we got lost in each other. We were barely legal but too deep in love to care. I can still close my eyes and remember it all like it was yesterday.
Ella clears her throat. “Still never found that earring.” She laughs, trying to lighten the mood.
Her words hit me. I stare at her but don’t say anything. I hold up a finger to tell her to wait here and walk to my room. Grabbing a small plastic baggie buried in the back of my nightstand, I take it out to her.
Her face goes blank when she sees the missing earring inside. “Jesse, are you serious?”
“I found it shortly after we…” my voice trails off. The word breakup doesn’t want to reach the air.
Her eyes soften almost as if she could cry. Neither one of us says anything. I can feel the weight of the past hanging between us, and I can’t help but wonder if she feels it too. Like this is about more than just an earring.