Chapter 14
Jesse
Arriving at the big house, I take a moment to collect my thoughts before heading inside.
My parents are in the living room. When I asked about Addison, they said she was upstairs, so that’s where I head.
Memories of when I was her age play through my head.
The number of times I’ve been in her shoes…
although it was always Mom or Dad coming through my bedroom door after they found chew in my sock drawer, empty beer cans in my truck bed or cigarettes in my glovebox.
Ella, though, that girl got me in trouble more than any of those things. Combined. They just didn’t know it.
Eleven years ago
“I can’t believe I convinced you to go skinny dipping,” Ella teases, our skin still wet from the cold creek water.
We came to go fishing but I should’ve known. If she’s along to do anything, it never goes according to plan.
“Baby, you could tell me to crawl home from here and I would.”
She snorts out a laugh and then covers her mouth only to laugh harder about it.
“You love me.” She nudges my arm.
I smile. “I do.”
We’re sitting on the tailgate of my truck, with a blanket around us. It’s late; the stars are the only light casting over us in the darkness of the night. Ella leans against me, begging for another kiss. Of course, I have no objections.
The way her body is shaking tells me the blanket around us isn’t doing much. I’m quickly warming up though as the heat this kiss holds builds in intensity.
“I should get you home,” I whisper, even though I wish it wasn’t true.
Her grin is mischievous. “We have a little time yet.” Her lips land on my neck.
“El …”
“Please,” she murmurs.
Pulling back to bat her pretty green eyes at me, I can’t say no. Her hands have been all over me with an urgency the last ten minutes.
“Fine,” I mutter and bring her closer. “I don’t think we have time for it all, though.” I kiss her.
“Yes, we do,” she says, climbing up onto my lap.
“I really can’t be late tonight, babe.” I cut it pretty close last weekend and, to top it off, Mom found a pack of cigarettes in my sock drawer. It was quite the Sunday morning.
“We can be quick,” her fingers tracing their way down my chest in a seductive matter.
“You’re trouble.”
“I know.” She smirks and pushes me down onto my back in the bed of the truck.
We get carried away for the next fifteen minutes, and next thing I know, I’m racing her home. The last thing I need is to get in trouble with her parents. I’ll deal with mine, but hers, no thanks.
“Hurry up,” I tell her when she’s not moving fast enough to get out of the truck. I practically drag her to her front door, leaning in for a quick goodnight kiss, and then I’m out of here.
“You’re pretty uptight for a guy who just got laid.” She stops me.
I shush her. “Keep your voice down.”
She rolls her eyes. “ Love you, too.”
“Love you.” I run back to my truck knowing I’m already two minutes past curfew. Now to try and guess who’s gonna whoop my ass first, Mom or Dad.
I manage to get upstairs successfully without running into anyone. The second I close the bedroom door, Cody’s voice calls out, “Why’s your hair wet?”
I turn around to see him sitting up in his bed. It’s nights like these I wish we didn’t share a room.
“Why are you still up?” I counter.
He looks at the clock. “Why are you late?”
“I’m not.”
“It’s 12:20.”
“Okay, I’m twenty minutes late,” I concede.
“Why?”
“You’ll know why when you get a little older.”
“I’m fifteen, not stupid.”
I shrug and start to get undressed. “Well then, there ya go.”
“So you were with Ella?”
I laugh. “Does a bear shit in the woods?”
“Okay … so why is your hair wet?”
“Because we were swimming.”
“Where?”
“The creek.”
“Did you fall in?”
I can’t help but laugh. “Something like that. Yeah.” I climb into my bed and pull the covers up over me, facing away from Cody so he quits pestering and lets me go to sleep.
In the morning, the footsteps coming up the steps wake me. It’s Dad, and by the sound of them, there’s no doubt he’s a man on a mission. I glance at the clock. It’s 7:30.
He bangs on the door. “Jesse! Downstairs! Now!” he hollers and then retreats.
His bellowing voice will always get my heart pumping. Did he know I was late last night? Why wouldn’t he just yell at me then, though?
I jump up out of bed, recalling all the events of last night for a moment before I have to put a game face on and see him.
When I get downstairs, I walk through the kitchen. Addison’s eating a bowl of cereal at the table. Mom’s doing the dishes, but she doesn’t acknowledge me. Turning the corner to the living room, Dad’s in his recliner, waiting.
“You two.” He points to Cody and Mason on the couch. “Out,” he demands, and they scurry.
I take a few more steps into the room and look at him, bracing myself.
“So, it seems you have a problem with your curfew time?”
I look down and mutter, “I didn’t think you even knew.”
“I didn’t. Until a little birdie told me this morning.”
I look over my shoulder, catching a glimpse of Cody in the kitchen, smiling, and anger bubbles inside my chest.
“Why are you a pain in my ass?” I call him out and Mom turns around, pointing a finger.
“Hey! That is enough!” Her voice is stern. She’s clearly not messing around.
“So, care to explain?” Dad asks.
I shove my hands in my pockets and shrug. “Just lost track of time.”
“Were you drinking?”
“No. I was with Ella.”
“And were you guys drinking?”
“No, we went fishing.”
“You left after dinner. That’s six hours you had to fish.”
“I know, sorry.”
“One more time and we’re cutting you back to eleven.”
I shake my head. “It won’t happen again.”
“You’re grounded the next two weekends.”
“Two?!”
“Did I stutter?” He sits up in his chair.
“No, sir.” I swallow, and he reaches for his coffee, indicating he’s done. I head out of the room to eat breakfast. Cody has a smug grin on his face and I want to smack it off of him.
When I sit down at the table, I pull my phone out and text Ella.
Me: Caught. Grounded the next two weekends.
Ella: Oops. Sorry. Hope I made it worth it though ;-)
I still smile—she’ll always be worth it.
End of Flashback
I knock softly on her door. “Addie? It’s me.”
She opens it. Her hair is half up in clips; the half that’s down is curled. Her makeup is done and she’s dressed as if she’s heading out somewhere nice.
Her brows furrow. “What are you doing here?”
“I just wanted to talk about something.” I step inside.
“Oh … okay … ?” She shuts the door behind me and walks back to her mirror.
I glance around her room, tidy as always. “Where are you going?”
“Wesley’s.”
“To do what?”
“Just the usual. Bonfire,” she says, like it’s obvious.
“Is Brantley going?”
“I’m not sure yet. I was supposed to go to his house, but I got too anxious and bailed.” She sighs, “again”
“Oh? Really?”
It’s been a while since I’ve heard those words come out of her mouth.
Addison has dealt with some anxiety ever since she was little.
We never knew what her issue was or what to call it until she finally went to a doctor and got diagnosed with a mild case.
We used to just call it her nerves; she’d get extremely nervous, so much so that sometimes she’d throw up.
“I don’t know why I can go to Wesley’s or anywhere with him and be fine, but the second it’s Brantley’s truck or his house, I get anxious,” she says, her frustration clear.
“Maybe you don’t feel as comfortable around him?” I suggest, trying to steer the conversation in the direction I came over for.
“No, I do,” she defends.
“How comfortable?” I sit down on the edge of the bed, studying her in the mirror.
Her eyes narrow. “What?”
“How comfortable are you two together?” I press gently.
“What are you trying to say?”
“Does he respect your boundaries?”
Her face goes blank, and I notice a slight warmth of embarrassment creeping up her cheeks.
“Yeah?” There’s uncertainty lacing her tone.
“So it was your idea to hang out upstairs while Mom and Dad were out?” My tone is soft but serious.
Her face loses color. “Who told you that?”
“Who do you think?”
“Do Mom and Dad know?” she whispers.
I shake my head. “No, and it can stay that way if you promise me it won’t happen again.”
“Fine, but it was nothing.”
My voice turns firmer than before. “Then what was it?”
“I wanted to get changed out of what I was wearing. He followed me and …” Her voice trails off.
“And then what?”
“And we just made out …” She shrugs.
“Addie …” I shake my head, not buying it. I know exactly how these things unfold. The heat of the moment takes over faster than you expect. One second you’re just kissing, and the next, you’re crossing lines you said you wouldn’t. I’ve been there; I know how quickly things can turn.
“Jesse, we didn’t do anything. That’s all it was,” she insists.
The look in her brown eyes is believable. “Promise me?”
“I promise. You know I’m not like that.”
“I know you’re not, but as your big brother, who was also seventeen once, I’m just making sure.”
“You don’t have to worry. He knows the limit and he hasn’t pushed it.”
“Good.” I swallow, biting my tongue before I accidentally ask what the limit is. I have to trust her judgment.
I stand up, slowly making my way toward the door, a sense of relief washing over me that this conversation went smoothly and I don’t have to commit a crime over this guy.
As I reach for the doorknob, I turn back to her. “Give yourself some grace, okay? Brantley’s new. You’ve known Wesley your whole life. Of course you’re going to feel more comfortable with him.”
She sighs, still with some uncertainty, but she nods.
“Are you seeing Ella tonight?” she asks.
“Yeah, for a bit. She’s working the next few nights.”
“So, are you going to marry her?” Her question strikes me. I nearly choke on the air.
“Addison.” I stifle a laugh. I haven’t even gotten the chance to tell Ella I love her yet, let alone discuss marriage.
“What? The way you look at her is the same way Dad looks at Mom,” she says matter-of-factly.
Her observation hits me hard, taking me by surprise. I didn’t realize it was that obvious, but hearing it like that makes everything feel more real.
“I mean, it’s not that simple.” I wish it were though.
She crosses her arms. “I’m just saying, you’re twenty-nine years old and haven’t been in a serious relationship since her, so what are the odds your one that got away shows up soon after you get into a semi-serious relationship with Lexie?
” She pauses for me to process. “God couldn’t have made it any clearer,” she adds.
Her statement is bold and hangs heavy in the air.
I don’t think she’s wrong. I’m a strong believer in everything happens for a reason—we all are.
God has a plan, always. But trying to navigate through things He throws at you can still be difficult.
It’s not always clear; but this, this does feel clear to me.
“You’re the one who invited her to the house. I wouldn’t have moved on so quick.” I let out a laugh to lighten the depth of the conversation.
“So is that a thank you?”
“I don’t know, sure. For now.”
“Well, then you’re welcome, but just don’t mess it up.” She smirks and tosses her newly curled hair back behind her shoulder.
On that note, I turn to leave and proceed back downstairs to head home.
Marriage isn’t something I take lightly. It’s a commitment, a promise. We used to dream about it together, when life felt simpler. Of course I still want it with her. But first, I should probably tell her I love her.
Ella shows up at my door an hour later, lasagna in one hand and a plate of cookies in the other. She mentioned yesterday how upset she was about missing church for the second week in a row because of her night shifts, so I suggested making up for it with a Bible study. Just me and her.
Some people might think one-on-one Bible studies like that are awkward. Lexie sorta did. But Ella and I grew up in the church together. We spent half our childhood in youth group, Bible studies, trips, camps, so it’s never felt weird to us. It’s just another way you connect with people.
She slides the lasagna into the oven before joining me on the couch. I reach for my Bible on the coffee table as she settles in next to me. Hers is the same one she’s had since we were younger, just like mine.
“Okay, I think I was in Romans,” I say, flipping through the pages. “That good with you?”
“Yeah, whatever’s good.” She thumbs through her pages.
“Want to read it out loud? You’re a little better at it than me,” I say with a small laugh.
She smiles. “Sure.” Clearing her throat before she begins, her voice is soft but confident.
I don’t really hear the verses at first as I’m too caught up in the sound of her voice, how pretty she is. She catches me staring at her for a second longer than I should.
“What?” She nudges me with her elbow.
“Nothing,” I lie, shaking my head and looking back at my Bible. But I know it’s not nothing.
She continues to read, then we stop and talk as thoughts spark in our heads.
I get caught up in staring at her again, watching the way her lips move as she reads. My heart starts to pound harder, and I know I can’t keep my feelings bottled up anymore.
“Ella.” I stop her mid-sentence, and her eyes fix on mine.
“Yeah?”
I swallow hard. “I love you.”
Her eyes widen at me, her lips slightly part.
“Don’t feel like you have to say it back. I just wanted to make sure you knew.”
The silence between us is longer than I anticipated, pressing this unbearable weight against my chest as I wait for her to say something. I’m sweating, panicking. Does she really not feel the same? How can she not feel this?!
She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “It’s a little soon for that, don’t you think?” she says quietly, looking down.
I shake my head. “It never went away, sweetheart. For me, anyway.”
Her eyes gaze back up to mine. The uncertainty in them is almost paralyzing me. I’m so lost; I thought we were both on the same page.
“Huh.” She sighs. “Jesse.” She breathes and stands up, circling around the coffee table.
“What? I’m just being honest. I thought you were still there too.” My voice is soft but full of confusion.
“I know, I know.” She sighs, rubbing her temples. “It’s just … there are things we still need to talk about before we get there, and the longer I wait, the more I feel like I’m digging myself into a hole.” She shakes her head, clearly frustrated with herself.
“Talk about what, baby?” I stand and step closer. “Stop pacing. Sit down and talk to me.” I gesture back to the couch. My worry is rising. She’s scaring me, and my heart is pounding harder with every second that passes.
She exhales deeply, sits back down, and meets my eyes. “I just got out of an engagement.” Her voice is barely above a whisper.
Her words hit me in the gut, and my entire body goes numb. I want to throw up.