Chapter 18
Ella
“I can’t believe you said that to him, babe,” Jesse says as soon as we get in his truck to leave church.
“What? We’re all adults. He laughed about it.”
Jesse shakes his head. “Well, you didn’t have to tell him your entire life story.”
“He seemed interested.” I pause, thinking this might be a good time to mention something I’d been thinking about. “Speaking of Texas, I’m going to go home next week and get the rest of my things.”
“You don’t have everything?”
“No. I mean, I thought I did but Tim texted and mentioned some things I could have if I wanted, or he was going to get rid of them.”
“Like what?”
“Like a TV stand, coffee table, dresser. I technically bought it all.”
“Big stuff?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, you’re not gonna be able to fit all that in your car, El.”
“I know. I’m going to fly down, get a U-Haul and drive it back.”
“You are not.” He shakes his head and chuckles.
He thinks I’m kidding?
He looks to me, my expression showing I’m offended. “Ella. C’mon now. You can barely even drive my truck.”
“So? Doesn’t mean I can’t.”
He cocks his head. “Ella.”
“Jesse, it’s been ten years. You don’t know what all I’m capable of.”
“But I know you.”
“Whatever. It can’t be that hard. It’s not a trailer.”
“No, you’re right, but baby, there’s no—”
“Do you honestly think I’m incapable?!”
“Yes,” he admits.
I huff. “Jesse Lee!”
“Ella Kate! You are not doing this. I will take you, I will help you load everything, and I will drive you back.”
“No!”
“You are not driving back from Texas! You’ll get into an accident or drive forty miles an hour and get pulled over because you’re supposed to be doing seventy!”
“Why do you have to be like that? Why can’t you let me be an adult? I am thirty years old!”
“You are not! You are twenty-nine until April 16th!”
The heat in my face and body remains as we stare at each other. I don’t know what else to say that will make him let me do this.
We drive in silence. We’ll be at his parents’ house for lunch in ten minutes and I don’t think that’s enough time to work this out. So we’ll both just have to force a smile for now and figure out this issue later.
He parks in the driveway behind Addison’s car, and the air between us is even quieter once he kills the engine. I gather my things and start to change my focus, putting aside this little fight for the day.
As I reach for the door handle, Jesse’s soft voice stops me. “Ella.”
“What?”
“You wanna go in there like this?”
“Do we have a choice?”
“We can talk for a couple minutes.”
“This isn’t a couple-minute conversation.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re not getting your way.” I open the door and get out. Jesse says my name once more, but I keep on walking to the front steps.
The sound of Maureen and Addison echoes in the kitchen, while the TV is on in the living room. Leonard and Cody are watching something.
“Smells like tacos,” I say, turning the corner.
“You are correct,” Maureen answers looking behind me. “ Where’s Jesse?”
I turn around to find him still at the door taking his boots off. “Right there.”
His eyes land on mine when he stands and walks closer. His face is blank, trying to mask his frustration.
I walk over to the sink and wash my hands to help. Mason emerges from the dining room with an empty water pitcher. Still in his pajamas, he looks wiped. He wasn’t at church this morning, so he must have worked last night.
“How are you, Mason?”
“Tired. I’m going back to bed after we eat,” he mutters, his voice hoarse and congested.
“Yeah. Good. You sound sick.”
“I am.”
“Unless it’s an allergy, your eyes are pretty red.”
“I’m fine. But thank you, nurse,” he teases with a nudge.
* * *
When we sit down for dinner, I’m pretty positive Jesse and I are the only ones who can feel the tension. Everyone else is their smiling selves. Well, except Mason because he’s sick, and Cody’s kind of a grump, but everyone else is normal.
The conversation at the dinner table is lively, but I can’t focus.
My mind is still reeling from the argument with Jesse.
He’s sitting across from me, his usual relaxed demeanor noticeably tighter.
His jaw is clenched as he tries to play along with Leonard’s jokes, but his eyes flick to me every now and then, as if he’s waiting for me to say I’m not going to Texas without him. Joke’s on him because I’m not going to.
This is something I need to do on my own. I don’t want him anywhere near my drama or my problems that I created. He doesn’t need all that.
Maureen offers everyone more food. Cody and Mason tease Addison for crushing her taco shell over her plate to make a salad. The table erupts into banter but I keep my head down, scooping some refried beans onto my plate.
“I sense there’s trouble in paradise at the south end of the table.” Cody points his fork at us both.
Jesse looks to him and then me. His expression hardens, like he’s about to give him hell, but I speak up first.
“We’re fine, it’s nothing. Just a difference of opinion.”
Jesse scoffs. “More like a disagreement about who can and can’t drive a U-Haul across state lines,” he mutters under his breath in a casual tone. But I know I’m not the only one who can pick up the sharp edge to it.
“Across state lines for what?” Leonard asks.
“There’re some things back home I need to pick up,” I answer.
“So? What’s the big deal?” Addison counters.
“It’s not,” I say.
“Can we just drop it? It’s not even worth talking about,” Jesse says as if he’s letting it go, but I know him better than that.
“Good.” I force a smile as I reach for my water. “Because it’s my decision anyway,” I mutter.
His eyes flash at me. “You are not doing it!” he snaps, and my jaw falls slack at him. I can’t believe he’s going to do this right now, in front of everyone.
His dad scolds his name like a curse. “Jesse!”
“Whoa,” Mason says, while murmurs of surprise rise around the table.
Jesse rubs a hand over his face and then lifts his hat to run through his hair. “Would you let Mom drive a U-Haul from Texas all the way back here by herself?!” He looks straight at Leonard.
“No,” Leonard answers.
“See!” His eyes shoot back to mine.
“Okay?! So?!” I argue.
“Ella, you really wanna do that? Why not let Jesse go with you ?” Maureen asks, a motherly worry laced in her voice.
“I wasn’t going to drive straight through. I’ll stop halfway or something, sleep, and then drive the rest.”
“How far is it? Twenty-four hours?” Cody asks.
I shake my head. “Twenty.”
He sits back in his chair. “Alright, so not too bad. Drive ten, sleep, drive the next ten.”
“Cody,” Jesse grumbles.
“It’s not that bad if you think about it,” Cody argues.
Leonard looks at Cody. “I think you need to stay out of it.”
“Yeah. Agreed,” Jesse picks up his drink and sips.
The silence that follows feels suffocating. Everyone’s eyes wander around the table, not knowing what to say. It was easier to deal with this when no one knew what was going on. But now I feel like our relationship is on full display.
Eventually the conversation does shift into something light hearted. I stay to myself, trying not to focus on the agitation between him and I.
* * *
Everyone helps clear the table. Addison makes small talk with me which helps. She’s got good intuition; I’m sure she can tell I feel a little uncomfortable.
As we wipe down the table to put out a new tablecloth, I hear the front door open.
It’s then shut rather forcefully. Glancing out the window, I see Jesse head down the front steps but then I lose sight of him when he rounds the side of the house.
I get another small knot in my stomach. He’s really mad, and I hate it.
“You know, I know you probably know this already but Jesse is usually pretty patient,” Addie says, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“I know he is. He’s always been.”
“Yeah. So, I don’t know … if I were you, I’d remember that.”
“What do you mean? I won’t hold it against him if he snaps every once in a while. We all do,” I explain.
“No, I mean maybe take into consideration how much something bothers him by the way he handles it.”
“Oh. Right,” I mutter. “Yeah, I know.”
“Yeah.” She gets quiet when Maureen comes in the room.
I know what Addison means; maybe I do need to consider Jesse’s feelings on this. He’s just worried about me because he cares that much.
I head outside to go see where he got to. Finding him in the garage, it looks like he’s grabbing bags of dog food. Or maybe it’s something for the deer feeder. I don’t know, it doesn’t matter.
“Hey,” I mutter.
He turns his head my way. “What’s up?”
“We can’t do this.”
“Do what?”
“This.” I gesture between us. “I don’t want to fight with you.”
He shakes his head. “You know I’m just trying to help you, right?”
“By telling me I can’t do something? Like I’m still the eighteen-year-old girl you knew?”
“I’m not—” He stops, pushing a hand through his hair. “I just don’t want you to have to do it alone. I’m trying to help you, Ella.”
“And I’m telling you I can handle it.” My voice slightly shaking. I really hate confrontation like this.
Jesse steps closer, his eyes softening. “I just—Ella, I want to be there for you. Can you not see that?”
“Of course I do. But that doesn’t mean you have to do everything for me. I need you to have some faith and trust in me.”
He doesn’t respond right away. Instead, he nods slowly, his jaw tightening again. “Okay,” he says.
We stand in silence for a moment before he gets back to whatever he’s doing. The tension still feels hot, even though it shouldn’t anymore.