Chapter 21
Ella
Why on earth did I come back here? Oh right, furniture.
For some stupid furniture that I don’t even necessarily need.
Jesse has everything already. If we do get married, we’ll end up getting rid of all of this stuff anyway.
Whatever. I guess, until then, I’ll just have a better equipped apartment.
Plus, it might be nice for me to tie up any loose ends. I did leave sort of abruptly.
My dad, as expected, has been treating me the best. I’m his little girl, his only child. Mom, on the other hand? You’d have thought I wasn’t even related to her. The coldness she puts off—it’s honestly the worst I think she’s ever treated me.
I told them the first day I got here that I had met up with Jesse again and that things between us pretty much picked up where they left off. They were surprised. Not at the fact I moved on so fast, but that Jesse Lee Jennings was still single. They didn’t even believe me at first.
They liked Jesse. He was always super respectful.
They saw how much he loved me, how well he treated me, how much he made me smile.
They were rooting for us. But when we broke up, we all got thrown for a loop.
Nobody was expecting his reaction to be what it was when I told him about moving.
They thought distance would be the last thing to rip us apart. They weren’t the only ones.
I still remember that day. When I got home to tell them, I could barely walk, let alone speak. I cried for days. Then days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. It was rough. I handled it terribly, but I guess that’s what they call true heartbreak.
When I called things off with Tim, I cried for two days. That’s it. And most of that was due to the uneasy feelings of guilt and judgment from everyone else, not because of sadness at the relationship ending.
It’s a little after lunch when I get to what used to be Tim and I’s house. A knot forms in my stomach. Seeing him isn’t exactly on my bucket list, but I press on. Walking down the pavement, unsure where to look, I hear the squeak of the front door.
“There she is,” he calls out.
I give him a soft smile as I walk. He looks almost the same. Grew out his hair a little more. His beard is trimmed neatly, how I used to prefer it.
“How are you?” The uncertainty in my voice over what he’s gonna say is definitely present.
He pulls his hands from his pockets and hugs me which takes me by surprise. I guess that’s okay? Would he have hugged me if Jesse was standing here, though? I don’t know and now I feel weird.
“You look good.”
“Thanks.” I try to stay chill and not let the awkwardness take over.
He walks back into the house and I follow.
It looks a little different. He got rid of all my girly touches.
There are no decorations. No decorative tea towel folded over the oven door handle, no pictures, fake plants, or placemat settings.
The wall of cowboy hats on display makes this place scream bull rider bachelor pad.
“So, the coffee table is yours, the TV stand, the dresser upstairs in the spare, and then I have a box of random things I found that are yours right here.” He points to a cardboard box folded shut beside the fridge.
“What’s in it?” I bend down to see.
“Just like pictures, fake flowers, a sweatshirt,” he rattles off.
When I open the box, my stomach drops. I’m met with a golden picture frame that used to sit on the mantel sitting on top of it all.
Framed inside it is a picture of us together on the front step of this house.
It’s from the day we moved in. I remember how ecstatic we were to finally have our own place together.
Tim’s voice is low. “You sure you’re over it all?”
His words make me second-guess everything but not for more than a few moments. I can’t look at him, so I just nod my head and close the box back up. “Yeah.”
He lets out a slow breath, stuffing his hands into his pockets as I stand back up. “I know I wasn’t always perfect,” he admits. “But I did love you, Ella.”
My body stiffens. “Tim—”
Before I can finish the sentence, he closes the space between us, leaning in to kiss me. I practically give myself whiplash from jerking back so fast.
Lifting my hand up, I stop him. “You can’t do that.”
“Okay,” he mutters, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”
“You’re right, you shouldn’t have,” I cut in, stepping to the side, away from him. My body is overheating and my heart is beating faster than before. “I told you, I’m just coming to get this stuff and that’s it. We’re not rekindling this. I’m with Jesse.”
His head tilts. “Jesse? The Jesse you—”
“Yes, that one.” I cross my arms. Tim just laughs and shakes his head, walking across the room as if he’s in disbelief.
I talked to him about Jesse before. Early on in our relationship, I told Tim he had a lot to live up to.
He tried for a while, really tried. He listened, paid attention, did the exact things I asked, but it still wasn’t the same.
No matter how much effort he put in, something was just always missing.
I just never wanted to admit it. I knew there wasn’t anything I could do about it.
But I kept moving forward, convincing myself that love was something we could build if I just tried hard enough.
I was doing well until he proposed. I thought we were a while out from that yet. I said yes because we had an audience and I wasn’t going to embarrass him.
For the next 3 months I told myself it would be fine.
I could make it work; I could create a life with him.
But then one night we got into a stupid fight and I had the epiphany.
Love shouldn’t have to be forced. Why was I going to settle for someone I didn’t truly love?
On the outside I did, sure, but not in my heart.
“So I have absolutely zero chance at winning you back,” he mutters.
“None.”
He nods and looks away. “Right.”
“Let’s just … get the stuff in the truck and I’ll be out of here, okay?”
“Yes, ma’am,” he mutters again.
Over the next half hour, there’s no more funny business from Tim.
We managed to carry each piece of furniture out to the truck, he wished me well, I said the same, and now I am on my merry way back to my parents’, fully prepared to leave tomorrow and get home the following day.
I’m ready to be home. I don’t miss a single thing about living down here.
Before I head into my parents’ house, I pull my phone out of my purse and stare at it.
The guilt is eating at me about Tim trying to kiss me.
I can’t keep that from Jesse. Not after what happened last time, keeping the engagement a secret for too long.
He really didn’t like that, and I just want to keep trying to be better. I want him to be able to trust me.
“Hey, sweetheart.” Jesse’s gentle, comforting voice fills the truck cab.
“Hey.” I sigh, heavier than I meant.
“Uh-oh,” he mutters with a laugh at the end of it.The line between us goes quiet as I try to figure out how I wanna say it. Jesse beats me to it, his tone steady.
“Ella? What’s the matter?”
“I need to tell you something.”
His voice sharpens a little. “What happened?”
I exhale slowly, searching for the words I want to use. “Tim tried to kiss me.”
The silence is actually deadly.
“Did you?” His voice is still calm, still steady.
“No.”
“Did you want to?”
“Of course not.” My voice cracks. Unnecessary tears brim in my eyes and start down my cheeks.
“Then why are you upset, babe?”
“Because. I don’t want you to be mad at me.” My voice cracks.
“You didn’t try to kiss him.” He’s soft spoken, “why would I be mad?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know.”
“El, I think you’re just tired, baby. I’m not mad, promise. You’re still leaving tomorrow, right?”
“Yeah.”
“So get a good night’s sleep, okay?”
“I will. I just wanted to tell you. I’m trying to be better, remember?”
“I appreciate that, I’m proud of you.” His words make me smile.
“I miss you,” I confess.
“I miss you too. I love you.”
Feeling my chest tighten with warmth, I breathe. “I love you.”