Chapter 13 #2
“Hey, I’ve told you before, and I’ll say it again. I want to know you, Celeste. Anything you’re willing to tell me is something I want to hear.”
She gives me that speculative look again, and then her eyes go far away, looking pained.
“I’ve only talked about this stuff a little with Tania, and the counselor that worked with me through a few of my foster homes.
It’s not easy to rehash, but if we’re going to live together, I should let you know me better.
It’ll make things easier in the long run if you understand where I’m coming from.
” I nod in encouragement, and she takes a breath.
“Pretty much anyone who has ever doted on me, or shown me special interest, did it expecting something in return. When I was six, my foster dad at the time had a younger brother who always came around and gave me a ton of presents. He’d put me in his lap, tell me how pretty I was, and fuss over me.
One night, I woke up to him in my room with his hand down my pants. ”
Ice coats my veins, my heart unable to decide if it wants to stop or jolt into a sprint. It’s probably going to tear in two, as it should at her admission. Celeste visibly shudders next to me.
“You don’t have to tell me,” I tell her hoarsely. She shakes her head.
“I won’t go into the gory details, I’m sure you can imagine for yourself. He told me if I kept quiet he’d keep giving me gifts, and I was too scared and overwhelmed to stop him.”
“You were also only six,” I bite out, my breaths starting to become shallow. Closing my eyes, I will myself to calm down. I have been an asshole about stealing little touches and tickling her when she went through this? How is she even sitting here with me, let alone married to me?
“It went on for a couple of months until one night my foster mom must have been walking by and heard me whimper. She came in to check on me and went ballistic, screaming at him that he better have never touched her own daughter that way. That’s when I understood what he did was bad.
She called the counselor, and I was taken out of there immediately. ”
“What happened to the sick asshole who did that to you?” I’m watching her closely enough to see her throat bob and her jaw clench. Those mesmerizing eyes are the darkest of thunderclouds.
“Not sure where he is now, but my counselor told me my foster mom was going to put him away for as long as possible, and testify in detail about what she saw. That was one of the families who treated me like a dog getting scraps in favor of their bio children, which you can probably tell since she was more worried about what he might have done to her own daughter instead of worrying about me. It’s probably why he managed to make me trust him with all of his affection and presents, I was craving them.
I was glad to get out of there, but that was the start of my mistrust of anything resembling the doting he did. ”
“What else happened?”
“He wasn’t the only man in my foster homes to take an interest in me, there were plenty of wandering hands.
Then there were smaller things that built up as I got older.
The guy who tutored me in science during high school who thought his good deed meant he was entitled to try to stick his tongue down my throat.
The assholes on dates who thought bringing me flowers and buying me dinner guaranteed them an invite back to my place or theirs. ”
She pauses to look away and take another shuddering breath, before meeting my eyes again.
“I think it’s why I did the best at my last foster home with Jack and Bev.
They weren’t demonstrative and never tried to buy my love.
They were there and steady, trying their best with two troubled girls.
Tania is the only person in this world who has ever showered me with love and affection without expecting anything in return,” she says with a helpless shrug to downplay the enormity of what she’s saying.
“So you don’t even know how to accept genuine love and affection,” I surmise. She sets her chin and reluctantly nods.
“That’s why I need the boundaries. It was easy when we were just being silly and flirting, keeping things pretty light.
The kiss at the wedding, and you welcoming me with a snack board, insisting on bringing my things in?
That all has me twisted and freaking out, because it seems real when I know it’s not. ”
She looks so lost and vulnerable that my heart cracks.
It’s obvious how much she hates being this exposed.
She’s twitchy, and her eyes won’t meet mine.
That alone shows me how raw she’s being right now, since normally she puts on such a strong, confident air that I’ve come to realize is her armor. I decide to give her some honesty back.
“Celeste, I don’t know a lot about relationships.
What I do know is that I genuinely care about you, and I’m so glad you came to the bar that first night, and all of the nights after it.
You’re not wrong to feel confused because I sure as hell am, too.
That kiss has thrown me for a complete loop, it’s not just you.
Maybe I’m off base for telling you this, but I don’t want you to think you’re alone in wondering what the hell is going on with us. ”
She finally looks at me, eyes wide and lips parted in surprise. Then after a second, her eyes brighten with relief, the storm clouds in them drifting away to let the sun shine through.
“Well then, we’re quite a pair, huh?” She quips, trying to lighten things again.
“I know you think you’re a mess, but so am I. So yeah, we make quite the pair,” I shoot back with a gentle smile.
“What do we do about it? We still have to live with each other and make this work, so I’m scared to do anything that might screw it all up,” she says, gnawing on her bottom lip. It distracts me for a second before I meet her eyes again to answer.
“We don’t have to figure out anything today. Why don’t we just get used to living with each other first and go from there?”
“I think I can do that,” she says with a decisive nod.
“Someday, hopefully I’ll prove to you that affection and care don’t have to come with strings attached,” I tell her. She just sends me a dubious look, but there is the faintest glimmer of hope in that wonderful face.
I hear an ungodly loud whistle from the living room, where the birds have been not so patiently waiting to get let out.
“Where’s Gage?” Hermes demands.
Celeste laughs and shakes her head.
“Your presence is requested,” she chirps.
“He’s such a diva,” I groan.
We play with the birds, throw together an easy dinner, and eventually go to bed early since I think we both have had a long, tiring day.
Our conversation and banter seems to be back to how it was after our heart to heart.
She doesn’t look so skittish, and I feel calmer about everything too.
It’s pretty fantastic having her presence in the house, it doesn’t seem so quiet and lonely.
In spite of how tired I am, I lay awake for hours thinking about the complex, wonderful woman sleeping two doors down the hall.