Chapter 16
Celeste
I feel like one giant, raw, exposed nerve right now.
It’s a good sort of pain though, the kind you get when a muscle that hasn’t been used enough gets a hard workout.
Gage is also here to soothe the stinging.
My emotions have been locked up tight for so long, and he’s managed to unleash them with just a few well placed words.
He’s being completely sincere, too, I can see it in his warm eyes.
This man genuinely cares about me and wants me around, not just for my body.
Knowing that he feels the same pull between us that I do both settles me and sets me on fire.
We sit down to eat, the energy between us practically vibrating as we try to act normal after my complete breakdown.
Despite how cathartic it was, I’m embarrassed as fuck, but there’s nothing to be done about it now.
I can be semi well-adjusted and adult enough to own up to my emotions, there’s no reason for me to be embarrassed.
His words made another enormous fracture in my armor, and everything that I normally keep safely wrapped up under it just burst out of me.
The way Gage held me through it and comforted me is not something I’ve ever experienced before, even from Tania.
It’s always been me comforting her for the most part, it’s not like she could hold me and soothe me in the correctional facility.
“Alright, let’s see if these babies are as good as the ones at the bar,” I tease him, trying to get some semblance of our normal rapport back.
He grins widely enough to make a dimple pop, making my insides melt even a little more for him. I take my first bite while he watches intently. The little moan of pleasure that escapes me cannot be helped.
“I will never, ever, get tired of hearing you react that way to the food or drinks I make,” he breathes, gazing at me with eyes heated enough to light a match.
We’re silent as we eat for a few minutes, the birds occasionally flying around us, chattering and playing boisterously.
After a few more minutes, I can’t take it anymore.
I get up and move toward Gage, and he closely follows my every step with his eyes from his seat.
I don’t know if what we’re building is going to last beyond us both getting what we want out of the arrangement.
No one tends to stick around after they’ve had their fill of me, and I know he has a similar mindset because of his mother.
Gage is right, though. What if this could be something good?
Even if it doesn’t last, why not enjoy each other while we’re living together?
It’ll hurt when it ends, more than I care to admit, because I am foolishly already getting a little attached.
That doesn’t mean it won’t be worth it, I’ve dealt with worse pain than heartache.
“Something you should know about me is that I like to be in control,” I tell him.
I stop right in front of him, and he scoots the chair back to part his legs so that I can stand between them.
“All of the control is yours,” he rasps, looking up at me.
His face grows completely serious in the next instant, his throat bobbing.
“I understand why now, too. If I’ve ever made you uncomfortable when I’ve hugged you or tickled you, I am so sorry.”
I shake my head.
“Your touch doesn’t hurt. I like it. I’ve wanted more,” I confess.
His hands come to my hips, then start to run a soothing path from my outer thighs up to my sides and back.
Those warm brown eyes never leave mine, and his pupils dilate enough to make them almost completely black.
The reggaeton he has on in the background still pulses out a beat, and the birds are half watching us, half watching the food.
Tink is doing her tippy taps to the music, it’s so cute I can’t stand it.
“You can have as much as you want,” he says in a voice that seems an octave deeper than usual.
I sway even closer and cup his face with both of my hands. The hint of stubble abrades my palms in the most delicious way, immediately sending my thoughts to how it might feel between my thighs. Slow down, horny thoughts, I’m not ready for that quite yet.
One of my hands moves to stroke the stray lock on his forehead away from his face.
“Can I kiss you?” My voice is downright husky as I look at him.
“I might die if you don’t,” he says with a self deprecating chuckle.
He’s on the taller side, probably about six feet or so, while I am around five feet four inches tall. With him seated, it doesn’t take much to wind my arms around his neck, bend down toward his gorgeous upturned face, and finally kiss this man without it being for show.
His warm, soft lips mold to mine like they’re made to be there, the taste of the arepas and bright citrus filling my senses.
Angling my head, I start kissing him with more intensity.
I nip his bottom lip before running my tongue over the bite, making him gasp and open to slide his own tongue with mine.
Over and over our mouths come together, our tongues tangling.
He whimpers as my hand strokes through his hair and scratches down his neck, which winds me up higher.
I move to sit in his lap, but look to him first to check. I’m not sure how far he wants to take this, and I will be the last person to do anything without consent.
“Ok?” The word barely scratches out of me I’m so breathless.
He wordlessly nods and wraps his arms around me as I straddle him.
His one hand moves up to cup the back of my neck, while the other one cradles my face as if I’m something precious to him.
My hands roam across his chest, shoulders, and arms, feeling all of the lean muscle under his tee as we stare at each other intently.
It’s as if we’re memorizing each other to permanently sear this moment into our brains.
Bringing my mouth to his again, we both become completely lost in each other.
Our making out ratchets up to a fevered level, angling our heads to deepen the kisses as much as possible.
I suck his tongue into my mouth, making him groan so deeply that I feel the rumble in his chest everywhere in my body.
I want to swallow his sounds, and lock them away to keep in my heart forever.
No matter what happens with us, I want to always be able to remember that I made a wonderful man feel like this.
It’s pure heat, and comfort, and unlike any other kiss I’ve experienced.
He’s not kissing me to take something from me, he’s kissing me like he wants to give me everything.
My touch starved heart is pounding in my chest, practically begging to be let loose and fall right into his gentle hands.
Gage is rock hard underneath me, and all I want is to roll my hips for some much needed friction.
My core is absolutely aching to be properly filled.
Doing too much too soon would be overwhelming, though.
We have to have some more conversations about what we like, what our limits are, and how the hell we navigate these feelings without ruining our arrangement.
“So, that happened,” I breathe before stealing one more kiss. A soft laugh pops out of him, his eyes a little dazed while we study each other.
“It sure did.” His warm breath fans across my neck as he buries his face there.
Those inked arms of his come around me again to hold me tight.
Mine loop back around his neck to squeeze him back.
We’re quiet and processing for a minute, simply existing in each other’s spaces.
That’s a whole big step for me on its own, I’m not a snuggly person.
As if he can hear my churning thoughts, he brings his mouth to my ear.
“We go at your pace physically, and we keep talking, yeah? This doesn’t have to get figured out overnight. There’s no pressure, or else we’ll both suffocate before we’ve even given this beautiful thing a chance,” he murmurs.
He’s right, of course. We have to take this one day at a time, and see if what we’re feeling can become solid enough to last. Our hang ups won’t go away overnight, and if we ignore that fact, everything we are working so hard to build will collapse.
I’m still getting used to the idea of letting my armor down with him after vowing to not ever let myself be vulnerable with a man again, and I know he needs to process the idea of trying a committed relationship for the first time.
“That sounds good to me,” I whisper back into his ear, planting a quick kiss on his neck before I pull back.
A few days later, I’m back at the OB/GYN since the hormones and over the counter pain medication are not helping the pain enough, especially during my period. Now that I’m on Gage’s insurance, I can hopefully explore stronger treatments so that I can freaking live my life without pain.
Dr. Naraya strides into the room and smiles when she sees me.
“It’s good to see you, but since you’re back so soon, I have a feeling you’re not here to tell me the hormones helped,” she says.
I shake my head.
“They do seem to help a little most of the time, but during my period the pain is still awful,” I explain.
“I think we should explore the laparoscopic option, getting rid of that tissue would help tremendously,” she says.
“That’s the route I’d like to go, since nothing else seems to help enough,” I agree.
The receptionist took my new insurance information when I checked in, and I have no doubt Dr. Naraya notices it now as she glances over my chart.
“Your insurance should hopefully help make it affordable. It won’t cover the entire surgery, but at least it will cover most of it.”
I nod.
“It will still probably hurt a lot financially, but at least I’m in a much better position now than I was when I was here a couple of months ago,” I say.
Thanks to Gage, I think to myself, allowing a daydream about kissing him to run through my mind for a few seconds.