Chapter 8 #2
I remove my hand from Lio’s, so I can place both over my mouth, trying to stifle the sounds.
Tennant reaches over and lifts me up off the bed, holding me in his arms. “Shh, it’s okay, Giocattolo. I got you.”
He holds me while I sob into his shoulder; great, heaving wails that are barely muffled by his shirt. My body shakes so much, I fear I’m going to vibrate out of my skin.
Jude brackets me on the other side, his warmth barely reaching the depths of my shattered and freezing soul.
“What happened, Roman?” Jude asks.
I whimper. “He…he said I was a disappointment to m—my father. That I…I ruined the Amato name, and destroyed Cristian’s legacy.
I… He said I have Daddy issues, and my relationships were proof.
” Letting out a humorless laugh, I look from Tennant to Jude, not able to see Hol from my position.
“I probably do have some fucking Daddy issues, but that has nothing to do with my relationships with you three, or Ignacio…or hell, even Lio! I love you all because you’re part of me. My soulmates…right?”
Doubt begins to creep in, and Stanley’s words, paired with my own lifelong insecurities, begin to cloud my thoughts.
“His father must be disappointed.” My biggest nightmare come to life. It's what has haunted me since I first knew what it meant to be an Amato.
I always knew I wasn’t good enough to carry the name; that I was too much, too feminine, too emotional… To have it said aloud, though? I didn’t expect it to be so devastating.
I wanted…I wanted to be more, better. I wanted to make a name for myself. To prove to Lio and Carter that I am more than my father’s heir…that I could be useful on the Council with them. Instead, I am nothing but wasted space.
“Hey, come back to me, Little One, come on. Let me see those pretty green eyes.”
Gasping, I blink and look at my surroundings, unaware that I was moved. I try to scramble off the bed. “Where’s Lio?”
“Shhh,” Ignacio says. “He’s right over there, see?”
I follow his gaze, and my entire body shudders in relief when I see Lio is still where I left him, on his bed, deep in his drug-induced sleep. Allesandro still sits by his side, his hand in Lio’s, which eases my ache, knowing he’s not alone.
“What…how…?”
“You scared the shit out of us, Roman,” Jude says from next to Ignacio.
“We managed to talk Dr. Ranlen into letting you have a bed in here again—reminding her of what a disaster it was keeping you separated when you first came home, and that you’d probably end up in each other’s beds anyway.
You…were unresponsive for a while. Hollis and Javi talked her into not drugging you.
Javi argued that your brain was just disassociating for a little while, as it tried to process everything you’ve been through. ”
I lick my dry lips. “How…how long was I…like that for?”
“A few hours,” Hollis replies in a wrecked voice.
I look over at him, and the sight of his red-rimmed eyes brings tears from mine. I push Ignacio’s steadying hand away and scramble over to Hollis, climbing into his lap when he opens his arms to me.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I’m so fucking sorry. This is the last thing you need.”
“Shhh, Giocattolo,” he says. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”
“But you…you’re already going through so much.”
He squeezes me tightly. “So are you, but we’re here, together, and it’s going to be okay.
” He shudders. “Yes, I…had some bad thoughts while you were out of it, but I had Tennant and Jude to get me through it, and Javi too—though he mostly threatened to give me something to calm my ass down. I’d rather not add another fucking pill to my life—as a short-term, emergency relief or not, thanks.
We’re going to get through this, I promise.
You, me, and Lio? We’re stronger than anything, especially together.
Saremo sempre insieme, Roman, attraverso qualsiasi cosa. ”
I shake in his arms. “But…what if Stanley was right?”
“He wasn’t,” Tennant states sharply.
I lift my eyes from Hollis’s shoulder and look at where he stands behind Hollis’s chair. His blue eyes are colder than I’ve seen them in a long time, maybe ever. Ten’s arms are crossed, and there’s a tension running through him that makes me whimper.
Hollis tightens his grip on me. “Ten is right. That fucker was not right. I need to have a conversation with Doc about how he fucking found this guy…and Leandro, because he’s the one who did the background check. But he was not right, Roman, about anything.”
I sit back so I can look into Hollis’s eyes.
“How…how do you know? I…I always felt that way. Always thought I wasn’t good enough.
Even though Dad always said how proud he was of me…
he—he couldn’t have meant that, right? Not when I dress like this.
” I flash my nails and gesture to my skirt.
“I might be well-trained, but that’s because Ten is the best. I might know how to do my job, at least, I think?
We managed to rescue him and Allesandro, after all.
But that doesn’t mean he isn’t disappointed. ”
“He’s not.” I look across the room to Allesandro, who is watching me with vivid blue eyes.
“He’s proud of you, Roman. We talked…in our cell.
I know things got fucked up and twisted when we came home, that we let the horrors of both past and present ruin the most important things in our lives, but know this: Just like Emilio is the single best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I will always love him, the same goes for you and Cristian.
He said you were “la luce della sua vita”, and I know he meant it, and will always mean it. ”
I can’t stop the tears from falling. “If that were true, why did he hurt me? Why did he hurt my dad?”
Allesandro sighs and looks down at Lio. “I can’t answer that.
I don’t have an excuse for why I did what I did to Lio…
not that there’s ever an excuse for the type of monster I am.
I’m not sure Cristian has one either. He…
told me about his uncle, how Tennant was the one to save him.
Neither one of us are the type to dive deep into our pasts, but if his was even a fraction of what mine was…
Well, don’t excuse him for what he did to you and Carter, but I have to believe he learned from that type of evil, and he means what he says about trying to be more than that. ”
Letting out a breath, I try to give him a smile, but it falls flat. “Th—thank you. I don’t know if I can ever forgive him, but…it helps.”
I look back to my lovers. “You…you really believe in me? And…don’t think I’m using you?”
“No, never,” Ignacio says. “You’re the kindest, most selfless person I know, Roman. I don’t know what I did to earn your love, but I will never take it for granted.”
Turning in Hollis’s arms, I lean against his chest, so I can face Ignacio and Jude on the other side of the bed.
“I love you, all of you. I…if asked to choose, I don’t think I could. I’d fucking kill myself before I ever made that choice.”
They all protest, but I know it to be the truth. I need each and every man—aside from Allesandro—in this room.
“This doesn’t get you out of therapy,” Tennant says from behind me.
I sigh, not looking at him. “Yeah, sure. As if I can ever trust a mental health professional again.”
Jude frowns. “Doc is…unique, and an asshole, but not malicious. He might have known Stanley wouldn’t be the perfect fit, but there’s no way he would have brought him on if he knew he was so…well…that.”
“So where the fuck did the wires get crossed?” Ignacio spits. “Roman got hurt because of him.”
Pressing my lips together, I stay quiet. Because Hollis already gave us the answer, but I’d rather not sign my best friend’s death warrant—the Martellis are already wary of him.
“He knew too much,” I said quietly. “Doc would never spread our personal business like that, not even to a colleague who was here to ‘help’.”
“Are you thinking he’s a plant of some kind? That one of the moles we’ve been hunting turned him when they learned we were bringing in a therapist?” Jude asks.
“Makes sense,” Hollis muses. “Leandro and I have been going through the USB drive Javi gave us. We have all the pieces, and have already flagged one of them—who I don’t believe is the culprit, simply because they haven’t been here long enough.
But, Stanley is simply another piece of the puzzle; one that will lead us to the final mole. ”
“How many did Javi manage to dig up?”
“His theory and information pointed to one or two people—and no, the nanny didn’t fit any of the framework he gave us.
With the one I have flagged? All evidence is now pointing to two moles, for sure.
Give Leandro and I another few days, and we will hopefully be able to give you definitive answers.
Getting Cole back is our priority right now, but we are looking into every avenue possible. ”
“Okay.” Twisting my upper body, I press my lips to Hollis’s, groaning at the feel and taste of him. He keeps the kiss sweet, but it’s no less hot or claiming.
When it breaks, he lifts a hand and smooths it across my tear-stained cheek. “I love you, Amore.”
“Ti amo, Hol.”
Tennant moves to the side of Hollis’s chair and swoops in for a kiss next. This one is harsh, all teeth and tongue as he makes me bleed. “You ever fucking scare us like that again, Giocattolo, and I will kill you, understand?”
I let out a whimpering breath. “I’m sorry.”
Ten smirks. “You will be.”
Hollis loosens his hold on me and I climb back onto the hospital bed, moving to kiss Ignacio—who is a contradiction to Tennant. His touch is soft and sweet, though he moans in pleasure when he tastes the blood on my lips.
I kiss Jude next, who opens the bleeding wound on my lower lip further. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I shudder against him, enjoying being passed around from lover to lover like the toy I am. It makes me feel…normal, for the first time in too fucking long.
Pieces of me have been shattered beyond oblivion, but for now, I am safe and loved, and I actually truly believe that.
All my insecurities may have been thrust in my face, but of all the things that bastard said, I know he was wrong about one thing: loving the way I do will never be wrong, not when the people I love are these men.