Chapter 22
Lio’s barely left for his…fun, and I already miss him. It’s hard. So much harder than I thought it would be. I know he needs this, that my love is struggling, but…I am having a hard time with who he needs it from.
Doubt swirls in my mind. Why can’t Hollis and Tennant be enough?
I know I’m not. I understand that I will never be enough for my friend, but…
why can’t they be? What’s so fucking special about Allesandro that Lio is willing to forgive him anything?
And if he can forgive that bastard for what he’s done to him, how come he can’t forgive himself?
My breathing speeds up and tears prick the back of my eyes—fuck, I’m so fucking tired of crying!—but before I can spiral into a full-on panic, warm hands cup my face and force me to look up.
Meeting Hollis’s eyes is hard, but he holds me through my panic, breathing slow and deep, encouraging me to do the same. Eventually, my heart rate settles once more, and I can take a full breath without feeling like I’m dying.
“How is he?” I ask.
“He's with his Daddy and Master now; he’ll be fine.”
I bite my lip to hold back my words.
“Speak, Giocattolo. Holding it in does no one any good, especially not Emilio.”
“Why can’t you give him what he needs?”
Hollis’s expression softens. He sits on the bed and pulls me onto his lap, wrapping his arms firmly around me.
“I could,” he says slowly. “What Lio and I share…it’s not like what Sandro will give him, but I could tap into it.
I’m sure Jude would help if I or Tennant needed pointers, but…
answer me this, Roman: What do you get from me, Tennant, and Jude?
What do you get from Ignacio? From Lio?”
I let out a long breath. “You are my rock, the steadying hand I need, someone safe. Tennant, he is my first love. He's an asshole who will probably kill me one day, but I’ll gladly welcome it because I know it’ll be his last resort.
As for Jude, he is…his intensity draws me in.
He takes what he wants, and he finally believes he deserves what we give him.
Ignacio…” I bite my lip, snuggling into Hollis’s embrace a little more.
“I didn’t know I could like soft sex until him.
Normally, you use it as a punishment, but…
I like the way he treats me, the way he looks at me.
It’s different. He’s different. Sweet and soft, and he believes in me.
I’m not saying you, Ten, and Jude don’t, but…
He makes me want to be better, be more, be worth his time.
” Hollis squeezes me to him, before pressing a kiss to my head.
“And Emilio?”
I smile, even though he can’t see it. “Lio is my Anima Gemella. My light in the dark. He’s my best friend, my stabby soulmate, and someone I never have to question whether he loves me or not.
He is…what first love is supposed to be like, I think.
Soft and sweet, new and exciting. He makes my stomach flutter and my heart skip a beat. When he touches me? I turn to goo.”
Hollis huffs. “You’re such a sap, Amore; it’s adorable.
” Pulling me back a little so he can see my face, he caresses my cheek softly.
“It’s the same for Lio. He gets different things from us all.
Tennant is his Daddy. His ‘feels whisperer’ as Lio says.
He’s his soft place, his comfort, and when he needs it?
He’ll be the stern Daddy who makes sure his Baby Boy knows he’s safe and loved.
You’re his best friend, the one he can share his love of stabbing with, the one who gives him a first love experience he never had.
“I’m his Owner. I literally own him. Which means, I will give him whatever he needs in order to set him free.
It’s a power I never expected, but one I will always cherish.
He is my Puppy. Excitable and fun-loving.
A pup with sharp teeth who willingly lets me lead him around, and will definitely end up on a leash at some point. ”
I sigh. “And Allesandro—Sandro—is his Master. His first love, the one he’ll forgive anything for because Lio loves him like I love you. He trusts him, trusts he won’t hurt him again because of the…extenuating circumstances.”
Hollis nods. “Yes. For Lio, it’s quite simple.
While I or Tennant could take him to where he needs, it’s so much easier to get it from where he knows first. Lio trusts Sandro.
Tennant and I are…working on forgiving him.
It’s hard, but if we’re right, this will show us we can, and it’ll hopefully allow us all to move on. ”
I swallow, nodding my understanding. “I’m not submissive.
I don’t understand the nuances and differences that Lio does when it comes to the three of you, but I do get that you all bring out different parts of us both.
So…I’ll try, too. For him. Sandro was…nice, in a weird way, yesterday. So…I should return the favor.”
“I’m sure Lio would appreciate it. Though he doesn’t need your approval, I know it’ll make it easier on him if he had it. Don’t be a Benjamin.”
I scowl. “Never. Fuck him. I’m surprised you let him live after all the shit he’s pulled.”
Hollis sighs. “It’s…complicated. I’m hoping to talk to him soon, to see if I can get him to break further than Tennant already has, so he can return to his normal self. If he can’t…we’ll need to be there for Ten.”
I wince. “Yeah… poor Ten. Benjamin better figure out what he has, otherwise I vote we kill him slowly, so he feels every ounce of pain Tennant will.”
Hollis laughs. “Such a bloodthirsty Toy.”
“Yep!” I smile, but then it fades a little. “If…if Lio can forgive his monster, I should talk to my own, shouldn’t I?”
“Only you can decide that.”
I look down, plucking at my skirt. “He apologized to Ignacio, as he said he would. I…I don’t want him to be in limbo anymore. I don’t want him to resent me for treating him like trash, but I don’t know if I can forgive him for breaking my dad’s heart.”
“What about your own?” he asks. “Carter is an adult, he can fight his own battles. He’s made peace with Cristian, for his sake and yours.
It’s time for you to either do the same, or let him go.
It’s not healthy for either of you, Roman.
I am not telling you to forgive him, or to let him back in, but put him out of his misery. ”
I nod. “Do you think he really does love Sandro?”
Hollis takes a deep breath. “Yes. I think the two of them have a lot to work out, but I believe there’s genuine love there, it just got buried under their trauma.
Where you and Lio used your shared experience to bring you closer together, they allowed their demons to tear them—and everyone around them—apart.
That’s something they’ll have to work on, together and individually, but that’s a problem for the empire of therapists Javi is building. ”
I wrinkle my nose. “More therapists?”
“Yes. A few who will probably be here soon, once Tennant and…probably Ignacio, give the okay on Javi’s plan to kidnap them.”
I raise my eyebrows in surprise, but don’t comment.
I’ve been kept up to speed on Jude and Hollis’s decisions while Lio and I have taken more time to heal.
I…have no idea how helpful a therapist who’s been kidnapped will be, but I trust the medical team.
Well, I trust Doc and his team. Javi…is a topic I’d rather avoid for as long as possible.
“Why isn't it Ten and Marcus coming up with the extraction plan? Or even the three of them?”
Hollis hesitates before letting out a breath. “Because, last night, Marcus surrendered himself to Doc and Javi, and allowed them to admit him for a suicide hold.”
I gasp. “Oh no…what happened?”
“We, meaning Tennant, Leandro, and I, executed a plan to get Cole back from the Senator. Leandro’s contact came through, and we were able to get him out without any bloodshed or fighting.
It was the quickest, easiest way. I’m sorry for not running it by you, or any of the Council, but we had to move quickly and quietly. ”
“I should be mad,” I tell him. “But I can’t be, not for Cole. His safety is the most important. Why would that drive Marcus to admitting himself, though?”
“I don’t have all the details, and Javi would probably try to kill me if he knew I was discussing this with you—since it’s technically Marcus’s private business—but he’s been struggling since Cole went missing.”
I nod in agreement. The three of them have stayed locked in their suite, because both Marcus and Carter were having a hard time.
Not that I blame them. I might not be a father, but learning of Cole’s kidnapping sent me into a panic.
If it wasn’t for Lio being here to hold me steady, I would have fallen apart.
“Paired with his grief over Amy still…I couldn’t imagine being in his shoes.”
“Shit, yeah, that’ll do it. Poor Marcus. Is there anything we can do for him?”
Hollis shrugs. “I’m sure Javi will let it be known if there is. Right now, they’re keeping him on suicide watch, and have limited his visitors while they try to get him stable.”
“Fuck,” I breathe out. “We really do need that empire, don’t we?”
Hollis sighs. “Probably. Not looking forward to therapy myself, but…I promised Doc and Ten.”
“I want you to be okay, Hol.”
“Same to you, Amore. Will you consider going back? Lio can, of course, be with you again—no knives this time—but it’ll be different.”
My insides churn as I remember the shame at having my insecurities exposed the way they were, and the need to be better for the people who believe in me. “I’ll…think about it. I don’t trust it…but, do you really think it’ll help?”
Hollis reaches out and catches a tear that spills down my cheek. “I think you need someone to talk to, someone who can maybe help you in ways none of us can. You’re young still, Roman. Too young for the shit you’ve been going through. Just try.”
“I will if you will.”
He grimaces. “I walked into that one, didn’t I?”
I laugh a little. “Yep.”
“We’ll try, together. For each other, our loves, and ourselves.”
“Okay.”
Sitting up, I reach for Hollis, grabbing him by the hair and dragging his mouth to mine.
He lets me kiss him, soft and sweet at first, and then deeper, harder.
Our love for each other hasn’t wavered, not once in all these months.
Even when our lives seemed to take us in different directions, this has always been right there, waiting for us to have the breathing room to pick it back up.
I sigh and give in, letting him take over the kiss.
I can’t wait until the fucking bastard of a Senator is dead so I can have this every day, with every single one of my lovers.
Until then, I’ll enjoy being in whoever’s arms are available at the time, and trust I am loved… even when I know I don’t deserve it.