13. Nikolai
NIKOLAI
I know I screwed up. But it took nearly losing Sierra to realize how much I care about her. She tries to shrink away from me. I grip her arms and hold her close. At last, the sirens fade into the distance.
“That was close,” I say. Blood pounds in my veins, cooling slowly.
“What are you doing here?” Sierra demands.
“Saving your life.”
“I didn’t need saving until I met you, Nik.” She jerks away. Though it pains me, I let her move across the bench seat.
“I know that. I put you in danger. You are the one who ran. I told you not to go anywhere without bodyguards, Sierra. This is why. I’ve been frantic.”
“You put my entire family in danger!” she shouts, glaring at me. “You did not tell me you were in the Russian bratva.”
How did I ever think she was soft and compliant?
My wife is a firecracker with a steel spine.
It’s a mystery what happened to the thousands of dollars she spent on clothes.
She’s wearing nothing but a threadbare oversized T-shirt with a faded Lakers logo over her braless breasts, and a sagging pair of sleep pants.
Her hair is tangled. She’s never looked so beautiful.
How can I say I’m sorry when I’m not? Now that I have her back, I’m never letting her go. She can hate me all she wants to. I’ll fuck her back into a loving disposition as soon as she’s given me a piece of her mind, which I so richly deserve.
“You tricked me!” She prods my sternum. “You kidnapped me, bribed me, and married me under false pretenses. Give me one reason why I shouldn’t annul this marriage.”
“If you leave me now, you’ll be running for the rest of your life.” I lean forward, narrowing my eyes. “Whether from our enemies or from me, you will never know a moment’s peace.”
She blinks at me. “You wouldn’t.”
“You might be carrying my child. I absolutely would hunt you down to ensure you’re safe.” I scrub my face with a sigh. “I shouldn’t have accused you of being a spy. My mother made some suggestions—”
“And you believed her?”
“I did. Foolishly. She was testing me to see whether ours is a true marriage or not.”
“Obviously, it isn’t.”
“I admit that when this started, I didn’t know you from a stranger on the street. But that isn’t how I feel now, Sierra. You are mine. There is nowhere you can run that I won’t find you. Our hearts are bound by blood oaths now. Forever.”
She swallows tightly and hugs herself, looking vulnerable and unsure.
“Hate me if you want. But this ring?” I grab her small hand and hold it up.
In spite of her anger, she hasn’t taken off Lilia’s gold band with the eagle crest. I choose to interpret this as a good sign.
She is angry, and rightfully so, but she hasn’t given up on us yet.
“This means you are family. No matter what.”
She stares at the ring. Then at me.
“I will never let anyone hurt you. Or your sister. Or our children. I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe.” A vow I intend to keep.
She draws a shuddering breath. “Safety is just another word for control. It will take more than new clothes and money to prove yourself.”
A chill traces my spine. What if I can’t win back the love she gave so freely? “What do you need from me?”
“I need you to tell me why you did this. The real reason it was so important to steal a bride.”
I wet my lips, suddenly tongue-tied. “I have always felt like the black sheep of the family. Underestimated. I was sick of being a joke. My brother Maxim—he is the one your sister hit with her purse—he’s always acted like the heir apparent.
Everyone assumed he would inherit. When I saw my chance to prove myself, I took it. ”
Sierra’s expression turns stern. “The real reason, Nik. No more lies. No more half-truths.”
“I’d just lost my father, and I was out of my mind with grief!
” I explode. She flinches, her eyes flaring wide.
“Is that good enough for you? I was desperate to find something worth living for after wasting most of my adult life!” The fight seeps out of me as quickly as it began.
I scrub my face and finally say the thing that’s been bothering me ever since we learned of my father’s death. “I was running away from my grief.”
My wife’s small fingers curl around mine. Comforting. I squeeze her hand and don’t let go.
“If I give you a chance to make this up to me, Nik, I don’t want to be hidden away. I want to meet the rest of your family. I want to be a part of it. No more lies. No blood money, either.”
I hesitate. “Part of protecting my family means only telling them what they need to know. There are things that my brothers do that I don’t know about, Sierra.
We all try to keep Lilia in the dark as much as possible.
The very best role you can play in the Orlov bratva is shield assets by holding them in your name.
” A small smile ghosts over my lips. “There’s more legal strategery than bloodshed, most of the time.
Murders attract attention from law enforcement.
We don’t kill unless we can make a person disappear. ”
“Have you killed anyone?” Sierra’s beautiful throat works as she swallows.
Understanding the full import of what I’m saying.
She would be an accessory to our crimes.
If we are ever caught. In my haste to secure a wife and win this stupid contest, I deprived her of the chance to make that choice knowingly.
She deserves to know what kind of life I am offering her.
“Yeah, I have. If you decide this is too dangerous, I will let you leave, provided you stay in a secure place under my guard. You’ll still get the money. But when you married me, Sierra, it was for life. We don’t do divorces. That ship has sailed.”
“You wouldn’t force our child into a life of crime?” she asks, placing her free hand self-consciously on her stomach.
I hesitate. “I promise I’ll give him or her a choice.”
“No arranged marriages,” Sierra states.
“My parents had a wonderful marriage, and theirs was arranged.” I don’t know why I’m arguing.
I release her hand and hold up mine, palms out, in a gesture of surrender.
“Our children will have the final say in who they love, who they marry, and what, if any, role they play in the organization. It’s their lives, not mine to dictate. You have my word.”
My parents loved me. They also dictated my path in life.
I understand why she doesn’t want to take that risk for her own children.
Sierra isn’t from the bratva, and that is her strength.
Not a weakness. Besides, I love this woman and would sacrifice anything for her happiness.
I couldn’t make her pledge a baby she has not yet met to a life she doesn’t know.
I make this vow, and I will keep it. For her.
The car pulls up to the house where my brothers and I have set up base until we can ensure Sierra’s sister is safe and return to Los Angeles. My brothers have their own agendas to pursue. Still no sign of Rion, that selfish prick who abandoned his family in their time of need. Fucker.
“If I stay, Nik, I want a real wedding. I want to go into this with my eyes wide open. I want a dress that doesn’t show my nipples and real flowers, in an actual church. I deserve better than a mildewed 24-hour chapel. And so do you.”
“Plan any kind of wedding ceremony you want,” I bring her knuckles to my lips and kiss her there. I can do things differently—though I will always be an Orlov, and I will always protect what’s mine, with my life.