Chapter 19
Chapter
Nineteen
“Let him at least talk before you make your decision,” Meg murmured in Riona’s ear as they hugged.
Riona nodded and squeezed her friend harder. She was going to miss Meg and Connal.
“Promise me you will hear him out. Don’t leave in the night like I did and wonder what could have been if you’d just been braver,” Meg pressed.
“I promise,” Riona whispered.
Meg pulled away with a sad smile, and Connal bounded over. He wrapped his arms around Riona’s waist.
“I’m going to miss you, but you’ll come visit us, right?”
“Of course I will.” Riona ruffled Connal’s hair and smiled.
The boy seemed satisfied with her answer and skipped off next to Aiden, who was avoiding Riona. He’d tried to talk to her last night, but Riona had ignored his knocks at her door and quiet entreaties to let him in her room. She walked beside Meg until they reached the portal. His golden eyes snapped with emotion when they fell on her, but she just gave him a cold look.
According to Meg, Aiden sent a message to Bloody Bones last night on behalf of Meg and her child. The response had come this morning with instructions for accessing Ciar’s portal. Riona was sad that her friend was leaving so quickly, but Meg and her son seemed excited about their new adventure.
Meg squeezed Riona’s hand and then moved beside Connal. Aiden ushered them forward, and both turned back to wave at Riona. She smiled and held her hand up in farewell at the two. They both had large backpacks bulging with supplies and were kitted out in new clothes topped with brightly colored fur-lined cloaks. Slung over Meg’s back was a wicked-looking longsword. Riona grudgingly admitted that Aiden had come through for her friend and her son.
As Aiden walked into the portal, he shot an unreadable glance over his shoulder, and Riona dropped her hand. She watched the portal pulse, and then the door returned to normal. Riona sighed and turned away.
She didn’t want to be here when Aiden returned. His betrayal cut her. He’d lied to her. His actions proved he didn’t have any respect for her. The thought of what he’d done made her feel like a fool. They’d gotten so close and were happy over the past few months. But now the cold reality of who Aiden really was froze her heart. He didn’t care about anyone or anything except himself. He never had. It was all just pretend to him. She’d been such a fool to believe that he cared for her in any capacity. Riona was just a plaything, and she always had been, ever since that day they met in the forest when he unwound her glamour. It had all been amusement for him, but his choices had a deep impact on her life.
She couldn’t stay and let him hurt her again. She had to protect herself and leave. Ciar was a possibility, but she worried the city wasn’t for her. Meg was probably right that she would be miserable there. She wasn’t cut out for fighting, and there was no need for a bard on the front lines.
“Where can I go?” She sat down on her bed and stared out the window, watching the snowfall. Loch-Gaar. She could help them. If Aiden weren’t willing, then maybe she could appeal to Siobhan.
Suddenly, the need to go home welled up inside of her. Homesickness and a need for familiarity hit her hard. Somehow, she would find a way to save the village and make it right with the villagers. They needed her, and Loch-Gaar was her real home.
With a renewed sense of direction, she rose from her bed and pulled out a large green velvet embroidered bag from the wardrobe. Aiden had given it to her for overnights at the Unseelie Court. He had quarters there, and they had stayed in them a time or two, but he preferred to be home.
Ava sauntered into the room. Her tail was up in the air as she cooed happily. She stopped when she saw Riona placing the pack on the bed and grumbled. The cait hopped up and sat down on top of the pack with accusing blue eyes. Riona picked her up and sat her unhappy companion down beside the bag, but Ava immediately fluttered back on top.
Riona sighed and turned towards the wardrobe. She pulled out her old clothing and a cloak. There wasn’t much she wanted to take since most of her things had been given to her by Aiden. She didn’t want reminders of him. Her broken heart was enough. Ava refused to move, so she sat the clothes beside the pack.
Her lute hung on the wall. Riona moved in front of it and ran her hand lovingly over the polished wood. The etched leaves her mother had painted shimmered in the sunlight and shifted. Since she’d started playing the lute at the Unseelie Court, its magic had become more apparent. Riona worried about taking it to Loch-Gaar with her. If the villagers saw it as it was now, almost lifelike, who knows what they would do. She carefully wrapped it up.
Riona moved back to the items on the bed and the pack that cait was sitting on. “Ava, move, sweetie,” Riona said. She picked Ava up and moved to sit her on the trunk. Riona didn’t miss the look of disappointment in Ava’s wide blue eyes.
“Don’t look at me like that. You will be fine here. If I could take you with me, I would, but the wings wouldn’t go over well in Loch-Gaar.” Riona started stuffing her meager possessions in the bag. Ava hopped back on the bed and started swatting at the clothes. Riona gave up and sat down beside Ava. The cait hopped in her lap and lay down with a satisfied sight.
“I need to be gone before Aiden gets home,” she said to the cait as she scratched her chin. Her efforts were met with purrs, and Riona couldn’t help but smile a little. There was always time to pet cats, winged or not. They made the world a little better, in Riona’s opinion. She would miss Ava. Aiden too. Riona ignored that thought and watched the snow fall outside of the window. Winter had arrived.
Finally Ava drifted off to sleep, and Riona slid her off her lap. The cait wasn’t a light sleeper. This time, it worked in Riona’s favor.
Riona finished stuffing the rest of her items in her bag and leaned down to plant a kiss on Ava’s furry little head.
“Where are you going?” Aiden stood in the doorway. His eyes glowed with anger. He moved inside of the room. Each step struck the floor loudly as he stalked over to where Riona stood. “So you were just going to leave? Nothing else. Just walk away?”
“You lied to me.” Her voice was low and furious. She was glad that none of the hurt bled through. Just the anger.
“I didn’t lie to you.” Aiden’s response was infuriating. He hadn’t lied to her—he’d just led her to believe one thing while doing something completely different. Just like our relationship.
“Don’t be an ass. You may not have outright lied to me, but you did deceive me.”
Aiden didn’t respond, and the silence made her even more angry.
“You’re pretty good at deception. So everything between us was probably a lie too.”
“Is that what you think this all is?”
“What else am I supposed to believe? How can I trust you? You promised—” Riona held out her hand, stopping Aiden’s interjection. “Wait, no, you didn’t promise. You made an implication that you didn’t follow through with.”
“Why the fuck should you care about what happens to those people?” Aiden’s outburst surprised her. She noticed that he didn’t contradict her about their relationship, and her heart broke a little more. Aiden continued, “They treated you like a pariah just because you were different. That place is not your home—it is your hell, and you’re going back there? You’re going to try to save them even though they don’t deserve your help. Leave them to rot and never look back.”
“No regrets and no apologies like you, right?”
“Exactly. Stay with me.”
“Why? So you can deceive me again someday? I love you, Aiden. I love you so much it hurts, but I can’t stay with you. I can’t live with someone who doesn’t have a conscience or doesn’t give a damn about me.” Aiden’s eyes widened at Riona’s proclamation of love. He took a step away from her as if to ward off her feelings.
“What are you talking about? I have a conscience.” Another piece of Riona’s heart fractured when he didn’t acknowledge she’d just told him she loved him. Despair washed over her. Everything with him really was a lie.
“Unraveller. You unravel people’s lives. You have hurt so many people, and you don’t stick around afterward to see the consequences of your actions.” She lashed out, regretting her words the second she said them.
Aiden scoffed.
“Look at what you did to me,” Riona whispered.
“You seemed pretty happy until you found Meg,” Aiden retorted, unmoved by her emotion.
“I was talking about the day you found me in the forest. My mother had just died. I was in so much pain. Then you stole my glamour. A glamour I didn’t even know about. It kept me protected, and then it was gone. My life was in shambles. You helped create the world I lived in. You made me miserable, and then you walked away. You hurt me, Aiden. Even though you didn’t mean to, you hurt me, and you never realized how much until the damage had been done. You hurt me, and you never acknowledged it in all the time we’ve been together. You never brought it up. I should have known then how little you really cared.”
“I took over the patronage of Loch-Gaar and showed you partiality to try to help you. It was the only thing I could do. You had to stay hidden in the village. If Adamas had found out who you were before we deposed him, Riona, I...” He closed his eyes, and when he opened them, they were no longer hard with anger. He opened his mouth to speak and then closed it, his expression bleak. Manufactured probably.
Riona stayed unmoved. The anger had come back. She meant so very little to him. If he showed any real remorse or accountability... but he didn’t. Not really.
Riona laughed bitterly. “You pretend not to have regrets and refuse to apologize to save yourself from more pain, but I think we both know that it brings even more. Your sister would be ashamed of you. This isn’t how she wanted you to live your life, turning your back on anyone and everyone because you’re too afraid of allowing anyone in.”
Aiden hunched over at Riona’s words as if he were in pain.
“How dare you. You know nothing about her. You’re just as cruel as I am.” Aiden’s voice was harsh with emotion. His hands shook. When he straightened up, his eyes were filled with pain. Regret lanced through Riona, seeing how much pain she’d caused. She moved toward him; her hand outstretched to comfort him.
“No. If I’m such a monster, then leave. You were already packed to go. I’m not going to stop you.” Aiden’s voice was cold. Colder than the snow that had started falling outside.
Riona hesitated. She took another step toward Aiden and then steeled herself. She’d told him she loved him, and he hadn’t said a damned thing. He’d just continued with their fight, focusing on other things she’d said. He’d never acknowledged what she’d said.
He didn’t want to. Deep feelings were too much for him. He’d been playing with her all along.
“I’m sorry I brought your sister into this fight. That was wrong of me.” She swallowed and walked toward the door. She lay a hand on the frame, and the wood underneath her fingers was cold. “You are so afraid of any kind of feelings that you wouldn’t even acknowledge I told you I love you.”
“Riona...” Aiden said. There was pain in his voice. She waited for him to say something else. Anything else, but he just stood in the middle of the room. His eyes were wide with fear, struggling to say something, but the only words that came out of his mouth were unintelligible.
“Goodbye, Aiden. I hope that someday you find someone that you can feel for. I hope that someday you will find someone you will allow to love you and love in return.”
She walked over to him and placed a kiss on his brow. Then she moved like a sleepwalker from the room through the house and out the front door into the cold winter afternoon and didn’t look back.