Chapter 13 #3
“Like hell you don’t. At least four.” Nate smirks. “Between this and chess, my, my, Ella, you’re in for a treat.” I let out a genuine smile, because yes, I’d like all the different flavors of Tristan.
“There she is,” Tristan says, catching me off guard. “Perhaps you could… I mean, it’s heavy and full of deaths, but…still a great story.” He shrugs with a shy spark in his eye.
“I’d love to,” I sign, as our gaze locks, sharing a deep understanding, a recognition only we could affirm. And it’s everything. Everything worth living this life for.
“Well,” Nate clears his throat, breaking our spell, “I’ll see you guys tonight for the big show, just…
no one dies, okay?” Nobody answers and we watch him head out of the door, leaving us in a heated silence.
Tristan shifts toward me, his thumb and index finger lifting my chin, his touch drawing along my jaw the promise of possession and love.
I look at him, thinking that this, between us, is the reason wars are won.
When there is something to fight for, something bigger than us.
And with it, we deploy the strength of a thousand men and overcome, over and over, the next obstacle.
I love you, I almost say. Instead, I look at him and let the words shine in my eyes. Our love is why they will never stand a chance. We got to live something real, something they could never touch. No matter what happens, we’ve already won.
* * *
“I wish you would come,” I write in my notes app, then show it to Anja, who has been fighting with the zipper in my back for the last two minutes.
We are both in the massive dressing room adjacent to Tristan’s bedroom.
He is almost back from work, and Anja came over after her shift at the hospital to help me get ready.
We spent the first hour doing each other’s hair, laughing, or trying to, in front of a chick flick with bad writing and even worse acting, feeding ourselves chicken wings she brought from a deli on her way here.
It feels normal. Almost like I am not walking toward death itself tonight.
She does not know Cole might be there. I didn’t want to burden her with one more thing, not when she’s already been such a good friend to me.
She came after a full workday, after juggling her life and her children and everything she carries alone.
Soon, I hope to help her too. Cook for her.
Help around the house. Take some weight off her shoulders the way she has done for me these past few weeks, when I was about as fun as a ghost, barely alive and barely myself.
“Nonsense,” Anja huffs, still working on the zipper. “It’s not my crowd anyway. And I promised Jessie we’d watch a movie with popcorn tonight, so maybe another night, love.”
“Thank you again for helping me.”
“What are friends for if not getting you in your A-game when needed?” She finally clasps the dress behind my back.
“You know he’s going to lose it when he sees you, right?
Men are always saying they like women natural, blah, blah, blah, but when we actually dress up, they end up stumbling over their own words. ”
“I don’t think he’s the kind of man to express…” I start writing, but she cuts me off.
“And that’s why you’re too good for this world. Trust me, his jaw will be on the floor.”
“What about you?” I type, then hesitate before showing her the screen. “Did you see…Matt?”
“Um.” She blushes. “Maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t.”
“I think you did.” I write on the tablet. A smile tugs at my lips, and she laughs, her metallic bracelets jingling as she gathers a makeup powder. I take a second to reflect on the fact that the sound didn’t trigger me. Metal. Cell. Spiral. Not this time, though. So progress is possible.
“He’s actually…” Anja looks at herself in the mirror, pretending to fix her hair. “Kind of cute.” I snap back to reality.
“Tell me more. Details!” I write.
“Okay.” She lets out a fake sigh, but a smile spreads across her face, light and bright.
“He took me on a date.” I stomp my feet, clapping my hands.
“Hey, hey, calm down. It wasn’t…” She looks away, then back at me in the mirror.
“Okay, fine. It was epic. Like love-at-first-sight epic. But shh. Don’t say anything that could jinx it, I’m way too happy right now, and I don’t want to mess it up. ”
I mimic zipping my mouth shut and throwing away the key.
“I think he could meet Troy and Jessie…” She pauses.
“I mean, if things go well.” Turning around, I rest a hand on her arm, so happy for her I almost ache with it.
“Look at that,” she says softly, glancing down at our contact.
“You didn’t have a panic attack. Progress, Ms Brooks.
Looking sharp.” She snaps her gum, and I want to cry.
Because maybe this is the last day I will ever see her.
I do not tell her that, because this moment is perfect enough as it is.
So I gather all the courage I have and hug her tight.
She stills for half a second before wrapping her arms around me, rubbing my back as her motherly instinct takes over.
“All good, Brookie,” she murmurs. I smile against her shoulder, and perhaps one tear slips from my eye and crashes there. Or perhaps it doesn’t. Either way, when I knock on the doors of heaven, at least I will be able to say I knew friendship.
And for that, I am grateful.