34. Cashlynn
CHAPTER 34
CASHLYNN
A ll day I’d been battling my feelings, trying to deny the obvious truth of what was going on in my body. For weeks I’d been feeling off. My breasts had grown achy. I’d been sick and throwing up more and having more random headaches. I kept trying to tell myself it was a bug that would soon pass. When Nazai admitted to tampering with my birth control, I was livid. The terrifying realization of what was to come hit me like a raging truck.
I spent today taking my frustration out at the gun range at Nazai’s other house. Each time I pulled the trigger I tried to picture Nazai’s face. He had gone against my wishes for his own gain.
Growing up, I’d never felt like my life was mine. My parents had decided when I was born what I would grow up to be. I didn’t mind killing, actually enjoyed it, so I didn’t fight it once I was brought into the life, but that didn’t take away the fact that the choice had never been mine.
Nazai kissed the nape of my neck, just above the collar. His warm breath tickled my skin. I wanted to push him away, but part of me couldn’t deny wanting his touch.
“My parents only had me because they needed someone to join the family business,” I started, staring out into the night sky. “They were never nurturing parents. They didn’t hug me or tell me they loved me. All they did was train me to be a heartless killer. Growing up I saw them easily dispose of those who were deemed useless to them. Because I never wanted to be in that boat, I made sure to comply with everything they threw at me.
“I was homeschooled until I was thirteen because they never wanted me influenced by anyone who could make me want to go against what they wanted. When Carson was born, my parents couldn’t be entertained with an infant, so they pushed him on me. I didn’t know shit about raising a baby; I didn’t even know how to show affection, but I tried. Early on it was clear to see Carson wasn’t built for the assassin life. He was soft hearted, always smiling and wanting to play, you know, be a normal kid and my parents hated it, so they ignored him most of the time.”
Pausing, I melted into Nazai when his hand wrapped around my midsection. I tried not to flinch when his hand rested on my stomach. I chewed the inside of my cheek. Talking about my childhood brought back a lot of different emotions. My heart felt like a weight in my chest.
“I was sixteen the first time I took a life, seventeen the first time I took a solo job. I trained and trained so my parents would leave Carson alone and allow him to keep being a kid. He was the first person to ever smile at me and genuinely be happy I was around. It was also the first time I loved someone and I knew I needed to protect him at all cost.” A heavy sigh left my mouth. “The older I got, the more I saw my parents fucked up ways. They were into a lot of shit, more than just killing.” My jaw clenched painfully hard.
“I never was taught what a good parent was. I didn’t see it growing up. I was raised to be a killing machine. I don’t know how to love or receive it. My parents raised me to be fucked up. Why the hell would I want to do the same when it comes to my own child? Why would you even want that with me?”
Nazai’s thumb stroked my stomach lightly. His teeth brushed over my jawline before he pressed a kiss into it.
“You’re saying all that, but you forgot that you already raised a kid, Cashlynn. You just said that you’ve been taking care of Carson since he was born. Regardless of if it was voluntarily or involuntarily, you need to give yourself more credit. Your parents are gone now. If you keep holding on to what they taught you, you’ll be chained to them for the rest of your life.”
My eyes closed. A tumble of confused thoughts and feelings assailed me. A warning voice whispered in my head. Since Carson had been born, my focus had been to protect him and keep him out of my parents’ clutches. It wasn’t too hard since my parents ignored Carson once they realized he wasn’t built like us. Up until their last moments played in my head, the anger I felt toward them trampled in my chest.
Slowly blinking my eyes open, I bit into my bottom lip until I tasted blood.
“I killed them,” I admitted out loud for the first time.
“Killed who?” Nazai kissed up my jawline.
“My parents. Everyone thought it was a robbery, but it was me. They weren’t happy with how Carson turned out and I overheard them talking about selling him.”
“Selling him?”
I became numb with increasing rage. My body ran hot and trembled with fury.
“Turns out my parents were into human trafficking. I don’t know how they got involved in it or who they worked with but they planned on selling my brother off to whoever they were working for. Apparently a young, prepubescent, virgin boy would make them a lot of money and they decided it was the only way he would be useful. They saw my brother as some cash cow and didn’t give a damn about giving their child up. I couldn’t let that happen and I couldn’t stand around and keep letting them do fucked up shit for their own selfish gain. So I killed them.”
I remembered the rush I felt as the bullet went through my parents’ heads. I made sure to wake them up so I would be the last face they saw before they met their end. Till this day I hadn’t felt an ounce of remorse and would do it again.
It caught me off guard when Nazai spun me around and pressed my back against the glass. His body pressed into mine and he nuzzled his face into my neck.
“So you killed them in cold blood to protect you brother, huh?” he breathed in a husky tone. A tingling formed in the pit of my stomach. “I could picture it, you standing over them with your gun pointed, expressionless, dressed in all black. I know you looked sexy as hell.” My heart jolted and my pulse pounded when his tongue grazed my skin. His breathing grew heavier, causing goosebumps to scatter across my skin.
“You say you don’t know how to love or nurture but you did what you needed to do to protect your brother. Since the moment I met you, you’ve been doing it. I have no doubt you would do the same with our child.”
His hand brushed across my stomach. “When I decided to make you my wife, it was because I saw something in you I knew I needed. I still see that. This whole marriage you’ve challenged and pushed me. You’ve cut me, you cursed me out, you’ve threatened me and that fire has been the driving force behind my feelings for you. It’s the main thing that attracted me to you. So don’t worry about what you think you lack because I don’t see that shit as a flaw.”
Nazai moved his hand down and pushed it under my shirt. His bare hand felt warm against my stomach. He didn’t stop moving his hand up until he got to my breast, cuffing it through my bra.
“You’re gonna have my baby and be the best fucking mom too,” he growled. I moaned when he slipped his hand inside my bra and fondled my nipples.
“Tell me, Wildfire. Tell me you want to have my baby.” His teeth nipped my skin. My breathing sped up in an uneven rhythm. Nazai grabbed the bottom of my shirt and lifted it over my head, tossing it to the side.
“Your breasts already seem heavier than normal. Are they more sensitive?” His head dipped and he bit the top of my cleavage, making me cry out. My hands went to his shoulders. He explored my skin with his mouth, sending a shiver up my spine. Closing my eyes and tossing my head back, I clenched my legs as my wetness grew.
“Are you gonna have my baby?” He licked the bite and sucked it roughly. “Tell me you’re gonna have my baby.”
It became hard to breathe as my heart beat wildly while a million butterflies fluttered inside my stomach. He moved his hand to my jeans and undid the button while kissing his way between the valley of my breasts. My chest rose, wanting to feel him more.
“She’s wet for me, huh?” His hand slid into my now opened jeans and brushed over my pussy.
A whimper fell from my mouth. Blood rushed to my clit, it pulsated with need.
“Yes,” I whined, rolling my hips.
“These are too fucking tight.” He pulled away and kneeled. I watched him in a lustful haze as he pulled my jeans along with my panties down my legs, helping him remove them.
My knees buckled when he kissed the inside of my thighs, making his way up to my pussy. He inhaled a sharp breath.
“You always smell so fucking good.” I cried out again when his rough tongue ran up my pussy and he pulled my clit into his mouth.
“Are you gonna have my baby?” His tongue skillfully flicked against my lower lips. My hands went to his shoulders, gripping them tightly.
His teeth suddenly sank into my clit, sending a jolt of lightning up my body. “Oh fuck!”
“Tell me.” Again, he sucked and rolled his tongue.
“Yes, fuck yes!” I whined when he pulled back and kissed my pussy teasingly.
“That’s what I like to hear.” He lifted to his feet and gazed down at me. His lips shone with my juices along with his beard.
“Taste how good you are.” He stuck his tongue out. My heart stuttered as I leaned up and sucked his tongue into my mouth. He gripped my sides tightly, pulling my body closer to his. I became drunk off my essence.
“Can’t wait to see how full these get,” he rasped, cuffing my breasts. When he flickered his eyes to meet mine, my breath became caught in my throat at the intense emotions coming from them. “You and my baby won’t ever have to worry about anything. I didn’t think it would happen so soon but I fell in lo?—”
“Don’t!” I begged, lifting my hand and covering his mouth. My heart fell into my stomach. The words that he was about to say, I wasn’t ready to hear. “Not yet. I just can’t,” I whispered.
He stared into my eyes deeply and cuffed my cheek. “Okay.” He pecked my lips. “Okay.”
Nazai fumbled with his sweats, then leaned down, picking me up with my back still against the glass before lowering me onto his dick. A low moan fell from my lips as he stretched me good. My walls grew wetter the more he sunk into me.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and my head fell back as he began moving in and out of me.
“What about your piercing?” I asked the moment I felt it inside of me. It rubbed against my insides, intensifying the pleasure he brought me. He was supposed to use condoms for the next few months while he healed.
“Fuck this piercing. I’ll never use a barrier between us. I only ever want your juices to touch my tongue or dick.” I moaned at his crude words. The cool glass felt good against my warm body. I was glad we were on the highest floor, otherwise people would get an eyeful.
“Your stitches.”
“Fuck these stitches,” he said tightly.
Nazai lowered his forehead onto mine as he pushed into me, his piercing tapping against the spot that caused my body to tremble. Pleasure shot through my body and my walls clamped around his dick. I bit into my bottom lip, attempting to push down the whimper desperate to escape.
“I feel your walls tightening around me, you ready to cum, baby?” he rasped as he pushed up while pulling my body down. Heat spread through me as if I was in a sauna.
“I wanna feel you wet my dick up more. Go ’head, be a good girl and let me have it.” He pecked my lips, sucking my bottom lip into his mouth.
My eyes rolled to the back of my head as an orgasm exploded through me. “Fuck, we always make magic together, don’t we? You love the way I abuse this pussy, don’t you?”
I nodded, my brain currently a pile of mush. Ecstasy replaced every thought, ridding my mind of anything but the pleasure Nazai brought my body.
“I know. Since I popped that cherry and you bled on my dick, I’ve been obsessed with your ass too. You knew that though, didn’t you?”
Again unable to form words, I bobbed my head. His forehead pressed against mine again. His heavy breaths brushed over my face. My lips parted and a small gasp escaped.
He moved his hand to the collar on my neck and tugged on it. “You became mine the moment I chained you up in my bedroom.” The raw possession in his voice wrapped around my heart and hugged it securely.
“Yours,” I breathed, clenching my pussy around him. His strokes were slower, but still just as deep. I felt him everywhere. My pussy gushed like a raging lake on his length. My stomach grew tight with desire. My heart pounded like a drum.
“Mine.” He captured my mouth again. Bolts of electric shot through my veins as I came again. He swallowed my cries, pumping into me a little quicker before releasing inside me.
“Does it feel good when I cum inside you? Knowing that I own you?”
“Yes,” I sighed.
“I love knowing you got me inside you too baby.” He pecked my lips. “I love knowing that every inch of you is mine. I love…” He kissed me again, this time moving along my jawline. The ghost of the words left unsaid lingered between us.
I was still against the whole pregnancy thing, but I’d make that a conversation for tomorrow.
____
“You’re lucky the stitches were ready to come out,” Lucas complained as he checked over Nazai’s wounds. Nazai called him over when we got up to check him out, after realizing he might have overdone it last night.
“Even if they weren’t, you could have just stitched me back up, right?” Nazai grinned at his brother who glared at him.
“I told you to take it easy until you healed, but you act just like Ezra, never fucking listen.” He wiped the wound.
“They were flesh wounds. You act like they were life-threatening.”
“That’s not the point. Does this hurt.?” He pressed the wound on his side.
“Just tender.”
“That’s to be expected. They both look good, but I would still take it easy because they’re still healing. Continue to clean them with antibacterial soap and use this ointment on it.” Lucas went into his bag and pulled out a small, rectangle box and tossed it on the bed.
“I need you to do another favor for me,” Nazai said as Lucas started cleaning up. His eyes fell on me. Cutting my eyes into slits, I shook my head.
“We need to find out how far Cashlynn is.” This morning I sucked it up and took a test. I barely was able to pee on the stick before it popped up positive.
“I’m a surgeon; not an obstetrician.”
“Then I need a name to one. A good one.”
Lucas turned and focused on me, one corner of his mouth rising. “I guess congrats are in order, huh?” I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. A low laugh left his mouth. “I’ll make some calls for you. In the meantime, no wild shit. I know that isn’t good for the baby.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I mumbled.
Again, he chortled and stood. “A’right brother, if there’s nothing else I’ll see myself out.”
Once we were alone, Nazai lifted his head and stared at me. “You know Lucas had a point right?”
My brows scrunched. “About what?”
“You not doing any wild shit. With Neil still out there, you need to be more lowkey and no more killing while you’re pregnant with my baby.”
“I’m not changing my life and living in a bubble just because you trapped me.”
He grinned. “Of course you are, wifey.” He stood and crept toward me. Towering over me, he cuffed my chin, forcing my head up. “If anything happens to my baby because you’re being reckless, I promise I’ll make you suffer a fate worse than death.” His eyes darkened along with his tone. The smile that formed on his mouth sent chills down my spine. “Understand?”
I snatched out of his grip. “Don’t threaten me.”
He brushed his hand down my arm and tilted his head slightly. “Oh it’s not a threat, Wildfire, it’s a promise.” He bent down and pecked my lips. “Now I got some errands to run. Don’t leave this house without a guard with you and let me know when you leave too.”
“Why? You have my location.”
“Doesn’t matter.” He tapped my nose. “Now smile and tell me you’ll miss me when I’m gone.”
My mouth turned upside down and he laughed. “It’s okay, I know you will. I’ll miss you too.” He kissed me again, this time longer and harder. I sank into the gesture easily, enjoying the feel of his lips against mine.
“Take it easy today. I’ll be back later,” he muttered against my lips then pulled back.
It felt odd having someone worry about my wellbeing, even if part of it was because I was now carrying a life inside of me. It felt good in a way. It made me feel like for the first time in my life, someone outside of my brother truly cared about me.