Chapter 36 – desta
DESTA
Ferrin’s left arm is in a sling, and he looks as beat up as I do, but he’s dead. He’s fucking dead. I saw his body in the water. He was shot. His shirt was covered in blood. He can’t be here.
But he is. Oh my god.
I can tell he’s frustrated that I caught him lurking. His lips twist into a scowl that drags one to mine. Here I’ve been mourning him, and he didn’t want me to see him.
He takes a hesitant step toward me, and my insides lurch. I shake my head, annoyed and hurt, and he chuckles. He takes another step. How is he here? How is this happening? No one said anything to me about him. Did he really not want me to know he was still alive?
“You need to do better than that. I’m so insanely furious with you, I need more words to describe just how much.”
He nods. His eyes are all over me, every inch, uncertainty warring in his features. My breath stutters as the world shifts, but he keeps coming closer. Then he crooks a finger at me. I flip him off in return.
He laughs and does it again. “Come on, princess. Meet me halfway.”
I take a step, then another. He does the same, and fuck this. I’m not as good at holding my emotions back as he is. I quicken my steps until I get to a full run.
“Are you real? Are you here?” I cry out, but he doesn’t have time to answer me. I throw myself into his arms, jumping up and not thinking all that much about his sling because I need to feel him until he makes a pained noise and tenses.
Shit!
I scoot out of his arms but keep myself wrapped around him. He holds me close so my face can bury in his neck. “Are you okay?”
“Are you?” he throws back at me.
“This can’t be happening. How are you real?” I ask again.
His lips and nose meet the crook of my neck, and he takes a deep inhale. I’m positive I don’t smell good, but he doesn’t seem to care. “I’m real.”
“But… you were dead.”
“I was close. I was damn close. He had you, and I knew there was no way I could get you from him. I played dead. It was the only way I could alert anyone that you were in danger.”
I sob, clinging tighter to him. “I thought you were dead. I was so mad at you, and then I was mad at you all over again for dying.”
“I’m sorry. I know you hate me.”
“I did hate you, then I thought you were dead, and I realized I never hated you. Not for a minute. Not even for a second. I was fucking irate and definitely hurt. But why didn’t you want me to know you were alive? No one told me anything.”
“You weren’t supposed to see me. I’m only here to see you for myself. Then I was leaving.”
Except he’s hugging me like he never wants to let me go, our bodies melded together with no space between them. Still, I have to protect myself. There are only so many times I can put myself through this.
Slowly, I withdraw from his embrace. “What does that mean?”
The bastard shifts his weight and skirts my eyes. “I needed to see you. I couldn’t… I couldn’t not see you. I had to know you were okay. I asked the king and prince for ten minutes in the palace, and they agreed. You weren’t supposed to see me.”
“Why?” I close my eyes and steel myself for his answer.
“You know why.”
I shove him back. “Fuck you, Ferrin. Maybe I do hate you after all. You were only in it for the necklace and the money?”
He grabs my waist with his good hand and holds me still. “I stopped being in this for the money and the necklace a long time ago. I wouldn’t have come back to that town for you if I were.”
I shake my head. “I heard you on the phone.”
“What you heard was them telling me about the ransom, not me asking for it or about it. I never did.”
My eyes flicker back and forth between his. He’s telling the truth. It shocks me, but it doesn’t change the situation with us. “Then what? You don’t want me the way I want you?”
He chuckles mirthlessly. “How can you know you want me, princess? It hasn’t even been a week. Yes, a lot has happened, but I’m also the first person you met. The first man.”
I glare at him, miffed. “Yes, you’re the first person and the first man I met. But I didn’t kiss Masters, and I didn’t kiss Lars. I didn’t look at them or think about them the way I think about you. Maybe I’m young and na?ve, but don’t tell me I don’t know my heart or what I want.”
A hint of a smile breaches the hard line of his lips, and he swipes some of my hair back behind my ear before his thumb caresses my cheek. “You’re an angel. A princess. I’m a criminal and a murderer. You’ve seen that. We’re about as opposite as it gets.”
“I’m still me. I don’t care that you’re a thief, and I don’t care that you killed Lars. Just tell me the truth. Don’t give me bullshit excuses. Tell me that you don’t have feelings for me. I can handle that. I’m a big girl now. But excuses feel like lies, and I’ve had enough of those.”
“My excuses aren’t lies, darlin’. They’re reality.”
Frustration slams into me. “Don’t do that.
Please. Fucking please.” My eyes close, and my chin tilts back.
I release a ragged breath, at my wit’s end.
“I’m too tired to play games. I thought you were dead.
You have no clue how that…” I drop my chin and meet his gaze.
“Just tell me the truth. Do you care? It’s a yes or no question.
Because if you care, then the other stuff, all those excuses, aren’t as important. ”
His knuckles glide along my cheek, a smile on his lips that makes my insides flip. “It doesn’t matter if I care or not. This is where you belong. It’s not where I belong. I’m trying to do the right thing for the first time in my life. Don’t you see that?”
I scowl and take a step back, my arm flopping down at my side. “So you saw me.”
“I saw you,” he agrees.
“Now you can go. I’m alive. Reward earned.”
I start to turn, but he tugs me back by the front of the shirt I’m wearing.
“I didn’t take the reward.”
“Why not? That’s your retirement.”
“I don’t want that money, princess. From the first moment I saw you, it became annoyingly clear that you’re all I want.”
My breath hitches.
Slowly, he looks up at me from beneath his lashes.
“You’re sure I’m what you want? You have to fucking be sure.
I’ve only had two people, both of whom left me, and neither liked nor wanted me.
No one has ever wanted me. So you have to be sure.
Because if I give you my heart and you let it go, I won’t come back from that.
You salvaged the only decent remaining part of me and brought it back to life.
Me wanting you isn’t the issue, nor is how I feel about you.
It’s everything else. So be fucking certain. ”
His vulnerability cuts me to the quick, and I place my palm flat against his chest. His pulse thrums against me. “This is where I’m meant to be. With you.”
“I’m not a prince.”
I scrunch my nose. “Thank god, right? Imagine if you were?” I make a gagging noise, and he laughs.
With his good arm, he hauls me back into his chest and slips his arm around my waist.
“I want you,” I promise him.
“You mean that?”
“More than anything.”
“I thought I lost you.” His forehead lands on mine. “You’re such a pain in the ass.”
“Me?” I squawk. “You’re the asshole. I thought I lost you too.”
“Princess, I’ve nearly died a million times, and you have as well, but the one thing I know, the one thing I’m certain of, is that I’m so fucking gone on you. You say you want me to stay with you, but the truth is, I obviously don’t have it in me to leave you, or I would have by now.”
“Then stay,” I whisper against his neck. “I get it. It hasn’t been very long. We might be crazy. This might all blow up tomorrow or next week or next month. I haven’t done this before, and neither have you. But I don’t care.”
“Being with you is the best time I’ve ever had.
Even when it was awful and scary, it was better than anything else.
Any other moment. You’re my crown jewel.
My greatest reward. The ultimate prize. The thing I’d steal over and over to keep as mine.
” His lips trickle along my cheek and neck back up my jaw to my lips.
“But you’re not supposed to fall for the villain. ”
“The villain is sexy. Heroes are boring.”
I can feel his smile. “I need a shower.”
“Thank goodness. I need one too.”
“If you’re staying with the villain, you can’t say thank goodness. It’s too sweet.”
“If you’re staying with the princess, you can’t be so judgmental.”
He smiles like the devil, and it makes my insides flip in the best way. My fingers lock with his and he leads me back down the hall. Tossing a wink at the queen and the prince’s fiancée, he drags me upstairs.
“Don’t worry,” he calls down to them. “I know which room is hers. I’ll have her there for her meeting. But I can’t promise she won’t be blushing.”
“Oh my god! I just met these people. You can’t say that.”
He grins. “I just did. Judging by their giggling, they’re not put off.”
That’s it as he races us straight into a room. He kicks the door closed, and his lips fuse with mine. He spins me around and slams me against the wall, only to wince.
“Shit. I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
“I’m so tired of that question.”
I grin against him, but he’s kissing me, and he doesn’t stop. “I need you right now. I can’t wait.”
I arch, trying to roll my hips against him.
I’m losing it. All of it. My mind, my body, my heart.
I don’t even get a chance to look around the room because he’s kissing me like he’s never kissed me before.
With fire and passion and a need so strong it makes me quake.
Our tongues sliding, licking, sucking, eating.
He walks me backward toward the en suite bathroom, my hospital-borrowed shirt coming over my head but snagging on my cast. Christ, we’re a mess.
He’s been shot, and I’ve been broken, and it still isn’t over.
It’s just getting started. Maybe that’s a reason not to do this.
Maybe I should shower and go meet my… brothers and hear what they have to say about all this.
But if this is the beginning and life is about to get infinitely more fucked up than it was even yesterday morning, I can’t think past having him now. The world is about to burn around us, and I’ll die in the flames with him inside of me.
“Shower,” I mumble against his lips.
“Shower. But it won’t be easy.”
“Then prove to me you’re up for the challenge.”