CHAPTER FIVE
H E WASN ’ T TAKING it well. Claudia scoured the banquet hall that heaved with all the people and the families of the people who had received honours that day. Tomas stood alone, silent and forbidding. There’d been no Sokolov family to invite—his parents and grandparents were dead and, according to Silas and Lor, who’d acted as his surrogate family for years, he had no extended family.
The way he stood with his feet slightly apart and his arms behind his back suggested a man perfectly at ease. The tension in that perfectly chiselled jaw and the ice in his eyes for anyone he didn’t know suggested otherwise. The look he’d given her a few minutes earlier had been glacial enough to compete with the highest mountain peaks. She’d raised her chin and offered her most challenging smile in return.
Your move, my lord.
Sadly, he’d yet to move an inch.
‘You’re glaring,’ said a voice from beside her and she turned to survey her brother, resplendent in ceremonial garb. ‘Little wrinkles around your eyes, here and here.’ Cas touched his own face in ever helpful fashion. ‘Why are you glaring?’
As if he didn’t know. ‘Two. Wives.’
Cas smirked. ‘Don’t look at me. The right to two wives came with the prize money. Of course, the rules go on to say that should a man’s first wife object to the taking of a second one, the first wife gets the inflationary indexed equivalent of all the prize money. She can do whatever she wants with it.’
Claudia contemplated this latest bit of information. ‘How perfectly brutal.’
‘I knew you’d like it.’ He touched the space between his eyebrows. ‘Still with the little wrinkles.’
‘I don’t like these events.’
‘Who does? And yet they serve a valuable purpose. Who should praise and encourage good deeds and excellence if not a country’s leader?’ Her brother’s smile cooled. ‘You were the one who came back, Claudia. To advocate for change, you said. To be of use. Well, the price to pay is your presence in my inner circle and that means a million more banquets like this one. You know this.’
She did know.
She’d made that devil’s bargain. She had her brother’s ear. He listened when she spoke of the concerns and needs of those who straddled the borders to the north. More than that, he’d offered consultation and collaboration and respect for a nomadic way of life he couldn’t possibly understand because he’d never lived it.
But she had lived that life of freedom, throughout her childhood, teens and early adulthood, and sometimes she missed it so much she wanted to weep and rage at the loss of it.
Now was one of those times.
She’d lobbied hard for Tomas to be given the barony and the prize money. He needed more room for more birds and the ability to expand his activities in that arena as he saw fit. He could be so much more than just a king’s falconer, and Casimir needed strong, steadfast noblemen who could help preserve the mountain regions.
She hadn’t realised until this moment, watching Tomas glower at her from across the room, that he might not have wanted to trade freedom for riches.
‘It’s going to work,’ she murmured, suddenly desperate for reassurance. ‘It has to.’
Cas stared and she lifted her chin high, even as fierce heat flooded her cheeks. She didn’t usually display her vulnerability, at least not in public. She was the stolen princess who’d returned to her country, fierce and unbroken, some twenty years later. She had a myth to uphold. Desperately wanting approval for her actions didn’t fit her image at all.
‘Don’t stare,’ she told her brother. ‘It’s impolite.’
‘I’m so sorry.’ The tenderness in his voice slid through all the cracks in her armour and she silently cursed him for it. ‘I didn’t realise your feelings for our falconer ran so deep.’
‘Well, now you know, and I’ll thank you to keep your newfound insight to yourself. Tomas is going to love Aergoveny when he sees it. He’ll be his own man, free to live and love as he pleases, and maybe he’ll live well and choose to love me. That’s my big master plan. Lame, isn’t it.’
‘It has a few holes in it, Cas conceded. ‘You do realise that being pushy might not get you what you want?’
‘Well, that’s going to be annoying.’
Cas snorted. ‘Poor Tomas.’
‘Not any more.’ She fixed Cas with her sternest gaze. ‘You are getting ready to leave so we can all get out of here, right?’ No one could leave before Cas made his exit. ‘Rudolpho’s been eyeing his watch and giving you stern glances for at least fifteen minutes.’
Rudolpho was Cas’s valet or equerry or private secretary—it depended on requirements. Rudolpho kept her brother’s days doable.
Cas nodded but made no move to leave. ‘If I may be so bold as to make a suggestion concerning our newest baron?’
‘You may. Provided it’s only a suggestion.’ One she could ignore.
Cas rolled his eyes and then leaned over to whisper words for her ears only.
‘ Patience, sister .’
Claudia had five minutes, if that, once Casimir took his leave before others started leaving too. So while Cas headed towards Rudolpho, Claudia made a beeline for Tomas.
‘I have the keys to the map room,’ she said as soon as she reached his side. ‘Would you like to see drawings of the lands now under your care?’
‘This is your doing.’ The repressed fury in his voice gave her pause. She’d never seen Tomas properly angry. He was a man of infinite patience when it came to his birds, and horses and wolfhounds. Any beast, really. Even their occasional, ahem, arguments, hadn’t involved full fury. Until now. ‘ You put this reward in your brother’s ear.’
The way he said the word reward made it perfectly clear he thought of it as something else entirely.
‘Cas didn’t need any convincing—if that’s your problem.’
‘I don’t want a barony and great piles of money. I don’t need them. I have enough responsibility.’
‘To your birds.’
‘Exactly. I don’t need any responsibility to people. I don’t generally like people.’
‘Is that really true, though?’ She nodded and smiled at her brother across the room as he finally took his leave. Tomas noticed, he always had been observant, and sketched a brief bow of his own towards the retreating monarch. ‘Because you get on well enough with Silas and Lor. And Ana and Sophia and the stable master and his family and your apprentices.’ There were others she could name. ‘And they like you. You’re firm and fair and I hear tell you have a kind heart.’
For those who could find it.
‘Maybe what you don’t like is thinking that you’re going to somehow let people down, but I don’t think you will.’
His scowl had intensified and she redoubled her efforts to convince him that she’d done the right thing for everyone concerned.
‘The people of Aergoveny have been ignored for a very long time and they’ve heard of you, Tomas. They want their high country preserved, and who better to do that than a baron in need of vast tracts of wilderness, into which he can release all manner of wild creatures? They’re willing to show a lot of respect to a man who can honour them and their children and preserve the old ways of falconry. They’re already tuned to protecting habitat, as are you. As am I. You’re going to be an excellent fit, and I, as mistress of the winter fortress, am going to support you in every way I can.’
Did he really not understand what she was trying to do?
‘Aergoveny is yours now. And it’s a big change from what you’re used to, but think of what you can achieve. You can appoint a steward to help with the day-to-day management of your household and the surrounding lands. You can employ people to help you accomplish goals. You know how important remote settlements can be for those who inhabit them. You know how they run.’
His silence unsettled her.
‘You can expand your breeding programmes, take on seasonal apprentices, invite experts from all over the world to stay under your roof. Hatch plans that reflect your values and no one can stop you now. It’s freedom.’
‘It’s a cage.’
‘You’ve been bound since birth by your family’s service to the Crown. That’s a cage too. This cage is bigger,’ she snapped.
Patience, sister.
So much for sound advice.
She focused on her breathing, slowed it down, and tried not to push too hard and too fast.
All he had to do was give his new life a chance. Give her a chance. She was a woman of great confidence and clarity—everyone said so, and most of the time it was true.
She wouldn’t disappoint.
‘And, in addition, presenting you with the means to excel even more in your chosen field, as a nobleman, you and I are now on a far more level playing field.’ And if he still didn’t get it, ‘Meaning that if you want to, you’re now well placed to pursue me. Romantically. Openly .’ Because that was important too.
Had she really imagined the fire in his eyes all those times he’d looked at her before turning resolutely away? Had she misjudged the way he watched her when he thought no one was looking? Had he been unable to keep his eyes off her because she dazzled him or had he simply been keeping watch to make sure she wasn’t spirited away again by forces unknown?
‘I’m not written into your future. I wouldn’t do that,’ she assured him. ‘But I am a possibility. I always have been. I’ve just made things a bit easier for us, should you ever actually want me.’
He was like a big, silent wall. The resplendent King’s Falconer, with his iron will and magnificent body and eyes of deepest brown.
‘It goes against my nature having someone else call the shots the way you so very clearly do ,’ he said finally.
Was that meant to be a warning?
‘You like being in control, yes, yes, I know. Probably in the bedroom too, am I right? I’ve heard rumours of your, um, prowess. I am here for you in that regard. I know what I like and I definitely like that. You be you. I’ll be me. I’m very fond of saying please.’
More silence greeted her earnest words. Startled, bemused silence, dripping incredulity all over the marble floor.
‘So would you like to see the map room now or would you rather take another decade or two to think about it?’
She’d had such good plans for them this evening. Was it too much to ask for a thimbleful of cooperation?
‘I’m going home.’
She could work with that. Privacy was all they needed.
‘I’m getting out of these stupid clothes.’
Yes, yes, exactly!
‘And then I’m going to do what I planned to do all along, and take a trip into the mountains for a couple of weeks and do my job, and fulfil the commitments I made before you so helpfully rearranged my world .’
He had no idea how badly she wanted to pull on her travelling furs and ride out there with him. The problem with that plan being that she had political commitments all next week, along with two royal luncheons and a trip to a neighbouring kingdom as her brother’s envoy.
‘If you can postpone your trip for a week, I could come with you.’
‘No.’
‘You are so infuriating.’
‘Me? You think I’m the infuriating one in this—’ he made a sharp gesture with his arm as if he couldn’t find the right word ‘—this...’
‘Relationship?’ she supplied hopefully.
‘Conversation! That’s all this is. A conversation.’
‘I’m disappointed in you. At least call it a battle of wits.’
‘No.’
‘Robust courting?’
‘Wrong again. You made me a lord. On a whim .’
‘It wasn’t a whim. It was a carefully considered reward for your service to falconry, a savvy political move on Cas’s part, and an act of utmost faith in your character.’
He stared at her for what seemed like an eternity.
‘And I’m not giving up on you.’ Might as well get that out in the open too.
‘Oh, for the—
‘For the what?’
At least he was talking again.
‘Show me the blasted map room!’
He wasn’t capitulating. Just because he was walking down a long, empty corridor in a section of the palace he’d never been in before, with the terror that was Claudia leading the way, didn’t mean that he thought any of this was right and good, or that he deserved to be called anyone’s lord.
He was doing this because public showdowns had never been his style and he and Claudia had been heading straight for one.
He was following her lead because he’d needed to get away from prying eyes and fawning courtiers and she’d offered him a way to do so that afforded him minimal contact with others.
That was what he told himself and he mostly believed it.
Right up until they entered the map room with its vaulted ceilings and wooden tables and feature lamps illuminating priceless parchment. A fire crackled merrily in the enormous stone hearth, and supper had been laid out on a sideboard.
Claudia smiled her approval and let out a little sigh as if she too had found the ceremonial events taxing. ‘Make yourself at home,’ she said, and proceeded to remove one earring and then its pair. ‘You have no idea how heavy old jewellery is. It was my mother’s and I’m supposed to have some sort of mystical emotional connection to it, but I don’t. It feels like a noose.’ Her hands went to the clasp of her necklace and she moved closer and turned her back on him. ‘Would you mind? There’s a clasp disguised as a flower with a little pearl in the middle and you have to push on the pearl and then—oh, okay, you’ve done this before.’ The clasp came apart and she caught the necklace before it could fall. ‘Thanks.’
The fact that she looked so put-out by his apparent expertise put him in a better mood than he’d been in all day. He didn’t bother to say ‘No problem’, figuring his smirk spoke for him.
Non-verbal cues were his strength, after all.
She slid him a sideways glance as she placed the jewels on a nearby table and started tugging on her gloves, one fabric finger at a time until she’d taken those off too.
‘Feel free to take off your coat,’ she murmured, knowing full well that he couldn’t do so without her help.
‘I won’t be here long enough to settle in.’
She made that small hmm she was so fond of. The one that never failed to make his manhood stand up and take notice. ‘There are ledgers here too. Stocking rates and harvest figures courtesy of the last Baron of Aergoveny back in 1672. Are you sure you don’t want to at least undo all those buttons on your coat?’
‘Positive.’ He was one hundred percent sure she was downright evil, knowing as she did that he’d left doing those buttons up until the last possible minute. But he needed to be in control of something, even something as insignificant as when he undressed. ‘You’re bossy.’
‘I prefer to call it having leadership skills.’ Now she was the one with the smirk, and it was infuriating.
‘Not quite the same thing.’
‘Hmm.’ She headed for one of the far tables and turned on a lamp to illuminate the map placed upon it. It had the ripples that came of being rolled up for a long time, and someone had placed strips of lead around the edges to keep it flat. He wanted to remain unmoved, but the weight of history and continuity wore him down. Even so...
‘How can this be owned by anyone?’
‘It can’t,’ she said simply. ‘We just pretend. But you can be a steward, with protection your goal.’
‘I never asked for this.’
She traced the outline of the estate with her forefinger. ‘The land suits your needs perfectly. It may not seem like home to you at first, but as the years pass, surely that will change. Your Barony could become one of the greatest reserves in northern Byzenmaach and beyond. Cas is already pressuring neighbouring kings to dedicate land in that mountain range to preservation. You can lead conversation and influence policy and all you have to do is believe.’ She turned to face him, her eyes beseeching. ‘Protection for this land. Financial independence and opportunity for you and yours. Why can’t you see this as an opportunity? Is it because I’m the one who fought for it?’
The things he wanted to do to her.
‘My hands are rough. I can be rough. My sexual appetite is strong. Coarse. Greedy.’ So he’d been told. ‘I’m not a nobleman.’
Her eyes glowed.
‘Claudia, it’s a warning .’ He couldn’t be more plain. ‘I would ruin you if I let desire rule me. Rule us .’
‘Please try. You have my full permission. Because I certainly want to ruin you. I’d even put you back together afterwards. You have my word.’
‘You are so—’
She stopped his words with her lips against his and as far as tactics went it was ridiculously effective.
His coat was too tight and her lips were too warm. The skin of her cheek was softer than feathers against his calloused fingers. She was finer than any woman he’d ever kissed and his mad, hidden desire for her made itself well and truly evident. She was a gossamer butterfly beneath his hands and he still had control—a slender silken thread of it. He hadn’t ruined anything yet.
Only after her eyelashes fluttered closed did he slip his leash enough to savour her, tilting his head for better access and taking his fill. He fitted her body to his so easily, or maybe he gathered her in—was he holding her too tightly?—hard to know his own strength, and he felt honoured, and hounded and completely adrift from reality in this room of maps and traps and other people’s history. He didn’t know who he was any more or where he fitted in the grand schemes of kings, but he knew without doubt that if he could kiss like this every day he would be a wealthy man.
And for every bit of common sense that said no, Tomas, back up a bit and think , desire made him stupid.
He didn’t stop her when she unbuttoned his coat and the shirt beneath it too, because he wanted her hands on his skin so badly, and she seemed intent on delivering. When her nails scraped lightly across his skin and edged across his nipple with a quick and sudden change in pressure, digging in like a claw, he shuddered his approval. When her lips left his to trail across to his jaw, pillow-soft right up until that moment when she nipped the sensitive skin just behind his ear, he groaned. New kink. Formerly unknown hotspot.
‘Do that again.’
And she laughed against his skin and soothed with her tongue, catching his earlobe and, hello. He wouldn’t object to her spending more time there too, but right now her kisses were more important. He could lose himself if he wasn’t careful.
And right now, he definitely wasn’t being careful.
When he lowered the zip at the side of her gown, a hidden item he’d spent some time looking for in the ballroom when fantasising about undressing her, his only thought was yes . He could be gentle, and the smooth slide of haute-couture undoings proved it.
See?
She was beautiful in the lamplight, all golden skin and rosy flushes, and he bent his head to her breast and drew a cry of pleasure that would stay with him for ever.
She was generous in her praise of his every move. So willing to go where he led. That he wanted to savour every moment, and she wanted to rush, made her huff and him laugh. Slowly, he unwound for her and let the fire between them burn hot and needy.
When his fingers dipped beneath her panties, she swiftly got rid of them and stood before him, naked but for her glittering pearl-coloured stilettos, as she placed the palm of her hand over his manhood and claimed his mouth with kisses that grew wilder with every breath.
There was a tabletop right there , and she scored his back with her polished nails as he shoved his trousers out of the way, lifted her up and dragged her against him so she was barely resting on the table edge and the rest of her rested on him . She closed her thighs and legs around him, cradled him, and it only took a moment to lift her up and on, and his forehead connected with hers as she whimpered and they both looked as, inch by inch, she took him in.
He’d never felt anything like it—this haunting, perfect homecoming.
She gasped, or was it a whimper, as he clenched his teeth and clutched the hard edge of the table rather than leave bruises on her , as he fought to stay in control so that he didn’t drive too deep, but her whispered words weren’t exactly helping, broken curses smattered with ‘ yes ’ and ‘ don’t stop ’ and ‘ more ’.
‘Lie back,’ he muttered harshly, hoping to make their joining more comfortable for her. ‘Let me.’
Let him put his calloused thumb to her centre and press it against his thick ridge as he tried so hard to be gentle with her and limit the power of his thrusts. Let him raise her arms above her head and clasp her wrists together as he teased and suckled her areolas to pointed nubbins.
Let me lose my way in the slap of flesh against flesh and hope you like rough edges.
Watch you twist and brace as I steal whimpers straight from your mouth, and I warned you it would be like this.
Heaven was opening up before him, warm and slick, and, no matter how hard he tried to be otherwise, Tomas was not a gentleman.
Claudia had relatively modest expectations for the concept of heaven on earth, right up until the moment Tomas entered her and unleashed his emotions. His earthy, uninhibited desire flat-out worked for her—so much for his muttered words of warning—and he was beautiful in the lamplight. A golden-skinned warrior, finally hers to hold. A hard man, barely able to contain his fascination for her softest places because he had none of his own. He was like an aphrodisiac made especially for her, and she was rushing towards a finish line that was far too close, because once she crossed it the pleasure might stop.
‘No,’ she whispered when he repositioned them both so he could put a thumb to her centre. She clutched at his wrist and felt him freeze. ‘I’m not going to last.’ She guided his hand north and pressed a kiss to his knuckles.
He smiled then, and all but melted her with its sweetness. ‘You can go again.’ But this time when he began to move, his hips were slow and sure, with a sensuous roll and drag guaranteed to send her into orbit anyway. ‘Better?’
She closed her eyes on a particularly close brush with the end. ‘Not exactly going to fix my problem.’
‘How sad,’ he murmured into the skin of her neck, and did it again, and again, as she arched up into him, chasing whatever wild magic he was delivering. There was no going back now—only up, up.
And over.
‘ Bastard. ’ It had to be said.
Tomas found his completion moments after Claudia left earth, and she laughed, because it was all so glittering bright and perfect.
His hair clung to his forehead in damp curls. Her princess bun likely resembled a bird’s nest. She pressed a kiss to his temple as his ragged breathing slowed and so did hers. Their bodies were so in sync. She laughed again, inviting him to share her joy. ‘Whatever will we do for an encore?’
Tomas said nothing, and she re-entered the earth’s orbit with a searing sense of disappointment. Their bodies hadn’t lied but minds lied all the time. Memories lied. Self-evaluation was notoriously unreliable.
‘Don’t say anything awful,’ she begged.
‘You’ll bruise.’ She could barely hear the words within his gravelly rumble.
She could work with that. ‘My lover’s desire mapped out on my skin. A compliment.’
‘Don’t humour me.’
‘There’s no shame in honest desire. My marks will be on you too. I want you to regret their fading.’
He drew a ragged breath.
‘I want this.’ Could she be any more direct? ‘I want to be with you like this again. Don’t pack all that fierce, gorgeous emotion away. There’s nothing wrong with it. I don’t bring out the worst in you, do I? Because, from where I stand, this is the very best of you and I am here for it. Why can’t we see where this attraction ends?’
‘You’re a myth.’ He loosened his hold and stepped away and moments later she was sitting naked on the table while he tugged his trousers into place.
‘And you’re not?’ She began to laugh, harder this time, and wondered whether he’d still be here when laughter turned to tears. She’d known that rushed intimacy might deliver a rough landing, and that she would feel fragile in the face of his withdrawal. She’d taken that risk anyway. ‘You’ve been my rescuer since I was seven years old. For real to begin with, and then in my dreams. But I’m prepared to consider you a real person—complex and flawed—if you’ll do the same for me.’
‘I’m no rescuer,’ he said, and the tight fury in his voice made her stop and listen, even though she’d scooped up her dress and the best thing to do would be to put it on rather than strangle it with her bare hands. ‘I wanted to find you and keep you safe but, no matter where I looked, you weren’t there. I failed you.’
‘No! You saved me from so many beatings. You spoke up for me and persuaded your father to take me under his wing and gave me a getaway place and moments to look forward to. Once they took me, I didn’t really expect you to—’ Save me. But she had expected that, and maybe deep down she still expected him to make life here in Byzenmaach more bearable. ‘I knew you wouldn’t come for me. How could you?’
And yet how many nights had she stayed awake hoping he’d crawl into her tent, hold out his hand and whisk her to safety? Especially in those early days. Maybe Tomas wasn’t the only one who needed to deal with the past and admit all the emotions. Even the ugly ones.
‘I mean, I could dream, but you were just a boy and I knew there was nothing you could do. You were powerless, like me.’
‘Is this conversation meant to make me feel better ?’ He’d half turned to stare at her from beneath a lowered brow and he was every bit as forbidding as the apex predators he served.
‘I’m rather hoping it’s not going to send you straight to therapy,’ she muttered, slipping the gown over her head. ‘Who cares if I’m a fantasy princess to you and you’re a Galahad figure to me? We can work with that. Neither of us is powerless now . We have control of our lives going forward. We’re outstanding together in bed, even if our communication elsewhere still needs work. And I for one have worked my arse off to get to this moment and I’m exhilarated.’
By the time she’d wrestled the gown in place, he had the buttons on his shirt done up and was helping himself to a glass of water over by the sideboard. He poured one for her too, but didn’t bring it over.
‘So, can I pencil you in for a private dinner and dessert some time soon?’ she asked. ‘After you return from your trip into the mountains?’
‘You’re relentless.’
‘Is that a yes?’
He shrugged and drew attention to those stunningly broad shoulders, and she tried not to let her eyes glaze over with renewed sexual appreciation. Probably too soon. But he noticed her reaction, and was that a slight shoulder muscle flex just for her? Maybe there was hope for them yet.
‘I’ll be away for at least three weeks.’
She’d waited longer for less. ‘Okay.’
‘I might swing by Aergoveny on my way back.’
‘You should.’
He nodded, still with his back to her, and then gestured awkwardly towards the array of bottles on the sideboard. ‘May I pour you something stronger?’
‘I’ll have the Highland single malt Scotch, please. No ice.’
‘There’s ice?’
‘In the silver ice bucket with the lid.’
‘How anyone thought I’d make a decent aristocrat...’
‘You will.’ He had a generous and deft hand when pouring, a certain grace about him as he crossed the room and handed it to her. ‘You could join me in a drink.’
A tentative knock on the library door diverted his attention. Alarm flashed in his eyes as he looked at her. ‘What is it?’ he barked, every word forbidding.
The door stayed closed. ‘A messenger from King Casimir, Lord Aergoveny. He says to tell you the helicopter is leaving for the winter fortress at ten p.m.’
‘I’ll be on it.’
Claudia glanced at her watch. Twenty minutes from now. So much for persuading him to stay the night with her.
‘Your brother’s protecting your reputation,’ said Tomas with a frown, once the sound of footsteps had retreated.
‘Or yours,’ she pointed out. ‘Possibly his. Likely all three. You don’t need the added complication of being known as my lover while establishing your new position. Cas doesn’t need people thinking him a soft king who would bestow a barony on you at my request—not that he did .’ Basic statecraft. She knew this. Patience, Claudia . ‘He’s looking out for us.’
‘You mean he’s controlling the situation because we’ve failed to do so.’
‘Nonsense. We’ve got this.’
‘Princess...’
They were back to honorifics and her heart broke a little because she’d thought they were done with that.
‘Don’t Princess me.’
‘Today has been...a lot,’ he continued, without uttering her name. ‘And while I’m ambitious in my own way, I’ve never sought a barony. I’ve never thought about what that could mean. I’ve never imagined this, us, being something that could happen openly, and I need time to think about that too.’
‘Unbridled passion not about to sway you?’
He huffed a reluctant laugh. ‘Clearly it did .’
‘I want...’ Did it even matter what she wanted in the face of his retreat? ‘My brother warned me about being pushy. I should have listened to him.’ Patience, Claudia . Let the man catch up. ‘To your freedom, Tomas. To happiness and fulfilment, no matter where your road leads. My hearth is ever open to you and yours.’ She set her drink down and pressed her hands to her chest and then extended them towards him, one cupped hand sitting atop the other to form a heart shape. It was a formal farewell offered by the people of the high north. A pledge of unconditional support, no matter what the future might bring. ‘Safe travels, Master Falconer, Lord Sokolov of Aergoveny.’
He brought his heels together and bowed his head. ‘Thank you. I’ll...be in touch.’
She hated slippery words and empty promises. Especially from a man who’d already pleaded his need for space. ‘Break my heart now and quickly if you must. I hate false hope.’
‘Isn’t that all I’ve ever given you?’ He was back to being harsh and distant.
‘Why would you even think that?’ If he didn’t leave soon, hot tears would fall. ‘No,’ she said earnestly. ‘You gave me reason to hope. Nothing false about it. Just like there’s nothing false about what I’m offering. But if you don’t want it, go. Leave me some dignity.’ As much as could be gathered with her lopsided hair and sated body and heart he had no desire to claim.
‘I’ll be away for three weeks, maybe more. Will you be at the fortress when I return?’
Her fortress now. Also the only home he’d ever known. Awkward. But then, she’d left so many places in her lifetime, even special ones. If Aergoveny didn’t work out for him and he wanted to return to the winter fortress, she would move on. She could occupy the rooms set aside for her here at the palace. She could build something. ‘I return there on the eighteenth. And you have another helicopter to catch in...eleven minutes. Time to go, Lord Sokolov.’ See? She could do stilted formality too.
He ran his fingers through his hair and straightened his vambraces. Checked that his belt was positioned just so.
‘You have a bit of lipstick...’ She demonstrated the spot by pointing to the area on her own face, but he got the wrong cheek. ‘Other side.’
‘Thanks. You have...’
He made a flapping motion with his hand that seemed to encompass her entire body.
‘I’m in need of a mirror, yes. I’ll see to it.’
‘You look...’
‘I know .’
‘I was going to say beautiful. Better than any dream I’ve ever had.’
Oh.
‘The phones never work up in the mountains where I’m going,’ he said steadily as opened the door a crack. ‘Look to the skies for my homing pigeons bearing news.’