CHAPTER TWELVE
K ING C ASIMIR AND Lord Ildris were negotiating. They’d been at it for hours and Claudia’s interest had long since dwindled to nothing. The chairs around the negotiating table were outrageously comfortable but her lower back ached regardless. They kept calling for coffee refills for their tiny ceremonial coffee cups, but she’d stuck to water throughout the day, so not only was she not buzzing with caffeine, she’d had four toilet breaks in the past two hours.
Each time she excused herself the two men would stand and break the meeting until she returned, before once more getting down to business without her needing to say a word.
She’d spent two glorious days beforehand with Tomas at the manor that was fast becoming her favourite place in the world. They’d discovered a storeroom stacked with floor rugs, at which point Claudia had also discovered that an afternoon spent lounging on a sunny window seat stuffed with cushions while her husband and several of his apprentices revealed carpet after carpet for her to choose from was an excellent way to pass the time. Especially when said apprentices brought their falcons with them for socialising.
Returning to the palace so soon after watching Tomas effortlessly train and entertain and retain his authority throughout... Surely, she could be forgiven for thinking this high-level politicking a comedown from glorious heights?
As far as she could tell, her brother and Ildris were in agreement for the most part of this extended water use negotiation and were now haggling over minor details. Of course, those minor details weren’t minor at all to the people who were affected by them, but she’d long since lost interest in the earnings projections of the Sorl River salmon farmers versus the hopes of the orchardists further downriver. She’d lost track of the many pros and cons of each five hours ago, which was around about the last time she’d made any meaningful contribution to the discussion.
Ildris was a good leader. So was her brother. Byzenmaach did not stand on the precipice of civil unrest and nor was it warmongering against its neighbours.
Could it be that these two men simply enjoyed talking decisions to death? More power to them, if that was their jam, but, well...
Did she really have to be here?
She stood and stretched, her hand on her lower back, which pushed her stomach out—and while she wasn’t huge, there was no mistaking her these days for anything but well along in her pregnancy. Cas’s eyes flashed from irritation to concern as he too rose from his chair. The ever-present Rudolpho pulled her chair back as Ildris rose too.
‘Again?’ asked her brother.
‘Again,’ she murmured just a little too cheerfully. ‘Your Majesty, Lord Ildris, I must beg your leave. My mind wanders, my back aches, and we’re down to discussing minutiae. You don’t need me here. That’s a compliment, not a complaint.’
Ildris remained impassive, her brother frowned.
She wasn’t above wondering if she should put her hand on her belly to further emphasise her need to be elsewhere, but that was guaranteed to make her brother frown more.
Cas’s eyes narrowed as if reading her mind. ‘Do you need to see your physician?’
‘Only if I want her to tell me—again—that it’s perfectly normal for pregnant women to have aching backs and get tired and go to the bathroom a lot.’
Rudolpho, bless him, was already opening the outer door for her.
‘You’ll be here tomorrow?’ It was Cas her brother and not Cas her King asking. She was almost sure of it.
‘No, I’m heading back to the mountains for the weekend. I want to be there when Tomas’s black-necked and red-necked grebe pairs arrive.’
‘His what?’
‘Ducks.’ She winked at Rudolpho. ‘Yes, the sexiest falconer in the world collects endangered waterfowl and I am there for it.’
‘Are these my ducks or his ducks?’ Cas called after her. ‘When did I agree to become king of the ducks?’
‘You didn’t. They’re not yours. They’re ducks of the world.’ A playful Cas was an absolute delight. He didn’t let himself go there nearly often enough. ‘You’re welcome!’
With her priorities rebalanced and Tomas more often by her side, Claudia began to spread her time more evenly between the royal palace, the fortress and the manor. She’d loved the Aergoveny manor house from afar and the reality did not disappoint. It had the potential to reflect the best of all her worlds and it suited Tomas to perfection. He had vision, natural authority, rock-solid steadiness and fairness at his command, and people responded by working hard for him. Falcons and learning and research and renewal of resources long forgotten. Why wouldn’t people gladly follow him to the top of the world and back?
She was just over seven months pregnant now and last week the palace had released a statement saying she and Tomas were eagerly expecting their firstborn in November. Yes, people could count and would know that she’d been pregnant before marriage. Who cared?
Her life balance was better than good; it was amazing. Happiness had never been so easy to find.
Until the night Claudia stood alone in her dressing room in her brother’s palace as she readied herself for yet another long afternoon of political jockeying disguised as small talk and noticed blood on her panties. Not a lot of blood. A few spots. Four. Maybe six spots overall, none of them big. But the blood was a bright, vibrant red and it rocked her confidence and put a fear in her that nothing else ever had.
She couldn’t lose this baby.
Tomas would have no reason to stay with her if she lost the baby, no reason at all, and no . This wasn’t happening. She wouldn’t run, she’d just sit down, but not on a chair where the blood would soak in, and not on any carpet either. Just for a moment, she’d sit down on the floor in the bathroom, or lie down, that was better, and put her feet up on the edge of the bath and everything would right itself and there would be no problem at all.
She cradled her belly with tender hands. She didn’t want to think about what might happen if there was no November baby for her and Tomas, Lord and Lady Sokolov of Aergoveny.
Would his vows stay true in the face of all that gaping nothing?
Who in her life had ever stuck around if she didn’t deliver what they wanted?
‘It’s just your insecurities talking,’ she told herself between jagged, too-loud breathing. ‘Tomas’s regard for you is real. You know this. He shows it every day.’ He wasn’t a man of love poems and verbal declarations of undying devotion. Actions counted more. He was committed to her and this life they were building. That wouldn’t change. He was not a shallow man, this man she’d chosen. Loss might even bring them closer.
But later that night, after she’d begged off her meeting due to feeling unwell and had seen the doctor, who’d ordered more rest and fewer engagements...much later, after she’d returned to the winter fortress and taken herself to bed early, she didn’t tell Tomas about those seven, eight, bright little spots on her panties. She pretended to be drowsy, already half asleep, and let him hold her, just hold her, as he drifted off to sleep.
While bits of her bled and she remained stubbornly, fearfully silent.
If she didn’t say it, it wasn’t happening.
Claudia took it easy the next day and the day after that.
She slept late and cancelled so many appointments that Rudolpho turned up, demanding to know what was happening.
The bleeding had stopped but fear kept her cautious, and she should have mentioned her spotting to Tomas before he left for Aergoveny for three days without her. She’d told him to go alone when he’d floated the idea of her going with him. She could tell he’d noticed her uncharacteristic need to sleep late and read quietly in her rooms of an afternoon. She wasn’t walking her wolfhounds or taking care of her falcons. Even in the most vicious throes of morning sickness, she’d always managed to do those things if she was within doing distance of them.
But pregnant women were not questioned when their habits changed abruptly, she’d come to notice.
At least, not by men.
Rudolpho being the exception, and that was only because he answered to the King.
‘I have to tell him something,’ Rudolpho emphasised for perhaps the hundredth time since he’d requested an audience with her. ‘When is your current incapacity likely to end?’
‘I don’t know,’ she told him tersely, not to mention truthfully. ‘I don’t feel up to sitting through a state luncheon today.’
‘Have you seen your doctor? What did they say?’
‘They told me to rest, so here I am. Resting.’ The edge to her voice didn’t go unnoticed. She stood abruptly, unable to stay still. ‘I realise Cas is relying on me to help win over his senior courtiers to this new change to the water distribution plan, but the deal is done. They can whine all they want but the kings of four interlocked kingdoms are making this happen. Cas’s old guard are just going to have to get over their vapours or be replaced .’
‘Princess—’
‘Don’t you agree? It’s time he stopped indulging them.’
‘Quite, but—’
‘It really is that simple. He. Is. Their. King. His word is final !’
Rudolpho was standing in front of her now, his dark eyes flashing concern. ‘Your Highness, please sit down.’
‘Stand up, sit down, come to lunch—what is it you all want from me?’ Couldn’t she even have a proper meltdown without someone trying to guide her through it?
‘Princess, sit down .’ The crack of a whip in his voice broke through her indignation. ‘Let’s not be alarmed, but ma’am, you’re bleeding, and this concerns me greatly .’
She did as he said, sitting on the bed at first, and then lying down as a cramp in her stomach struck hard. ‘Don’t tell Tomas.’
‘Why in the world not?’ He was already at the door to her suite, gesturing to someone outside. ‘Find former housemistress Lor and bring her here. You, call the royal doctor and ask her to come urgently. As in now, man, don’t just stand there .’ He closed the door and turned back to Claudia. ‘Feet up. Don’t move.’
She closed her eyes on his forbidding frown. ‘Please don’t tell Tomas. He’ll leave me if there’s no baby to stay for.’
‘Now I know you’re out of your bleeding mind. No. No, brain bleeding at all,’ he amended quickly. ‘Out of your clearly addled mind. What have you been eating or drinking of late? Is there any chance you might have been poisoned?’ She felt a smooth palm on her forehead. ‘You’re burning up. What about any unguents or skin potions? Have you used anything new?’
‘Bath oil. I’ve been soaking in it. Bergamot and rose and...other smells. Lady Ester gave it to me.’
‘Your late uncle’s bitter mistress, who hated both your parents with a viciousness even I found impressive, gives you a gift and you didn’t think to have it checked?’
Well, when he put it like that...
‘Wait? Was Lady Ester my father’s mistress? You tell me this now?’
‘Your uncle’s mistress.’
‘Who was in all likelihood my—wait, do you know?’ Was it her stomach or lower down? Hard to tell with the stabbing headache that had so recently arrived. ‘No, you don’t know that secret. No one does. Doesn’t matter. Let it go. Shh. Keep trying to make me feel better instead.’
‘How do you suggest I do that? You’re burning up, I’m quizzing you about poisons, and your nose is bleeding.’
‘My nose?’ Her hand came up to examine it. ‘Yes?’ There was blood on her hands now too. ‘Yes! So I’m not bleeding from anywhere else? Forgive me while I—Oh, there’s nothing. That’s brilliant.’
Rudolpho by now had his face in his hands and his back turned towards her. ‘I’ll tell your brother not to expect you for the rest of the month ,’ he pleaded. ‘If you’ll just lie back and wait for a female attendant to turn up before you go examining any other body parts. I beg you.’
She lay back and swiped at her nose. How had she not felt that? Had she been too mired in righteous indignation to notice a popped blood vessel? ‘You said blood. I thought I was miscarrying.’
‘If you could wait there in silence ,’ he pleaded even harder.
‘What’s going on?’ said a gruff voice from the doorway, a voice Claudia would know anywhere.
‘Oh, hi. You’re back.’
‘I never left. My departure was delayed by a wounded falcon and I was worried about my wife. I repeat, why is the King’s valet in your— our —bedroom?’
‘Thank God you’re back,’ muttered Rudolpho. ‘She’s all yours. She has nosebleed, fever and she’s not herself. I’ve sent for help.’
‘I thought I was having a miscarriage, Rudolpho thinks I’ve been poisoned by the bath oil, and Cas wants to know when to expect me for lunch.’
‘Barking, the lot of you,’ Tomas muttered, and turned to the other man. ‘Why are you still here?’
‘Possessive.’ Claudia approved.
Rudolpho strode to the bathroom, reappeared with the Venetian glass bottle of oil in hand. ‘I’ll be in touch,’ he said, and vanished.
‘Care to tell me what’s been troubling you for days ?’ Tomas asked with an excess of bite. ‘Or would you rather I hear it from somebody else?’
Possessive and out of sorts. ‘I had a little spotting the other day.’ He looked none the wiser. ‘Of blood. From down here.’ She motioned with her hand and watched all colour drain from his face. ‘The doctor said that can be very normal but to take it easy, so I have been. Except now I have a fever and I’m bleeding from my nose and here we are.’
‘And where exactly does the poison theory fit into all of this?’
‘I cannot be responsible for Rudolpho’s wild imaginings. Only mine.’
‘You’re telling me you thought you were miscarrying and chose not to tell me, and waved me off to work this morning as if this was just another day in the life of the world’s most independent woman. Did I not have a right to know?’ His voice was getting louder. ‘Did you think I wouldn’t cope?’
‘I didn’t know! And I didn’t want to worry you in case there was nothing to worry about .’
‘Because you’ve got this miscarriage event covered all by yourself, is that right? Was all your wedding night talk about needing to lean on me sometimes a lie?’
‘No!’
‘Because I don’t see you leaning, Claudia. And I need you to.’
‘Not for every little thing! I said that too, on our wedding night.’ She swiped at her nose with the side of her hand—it was bleeding again, or maybe it had never stopped. ‘Damn.’
‘Don’t move.’ He pointed his finger at her for good measure and went into the bathroom, returning with tissues and a damp facecloth. ‘Thinking you might be losing your baby is no small concern. Thinking you might have been poisoned by the bath oil—why haven’t you ever raised that as a possibility?’
‘Because I doubt it is one.’ The wet cloth felt cool against her burning skin as she lay back against the pillow and savoured the temporary relief. ‘I’m not that disliked, am I?’ Maybe she was. ‘I have a nosebleed and a temperature. Or a fever that might have caused the nosebleed. The doctor will shed some light.’
‘And the other bleeding?’ He turned the rapidly warming cloth on her head over to the cool side. ‘What happened there?’
‘A little bit of blood on my panties, not much, but I panicked. The doctor wasn’t too worried but did say to take it easy for a while. I didn’t want to worry you until I had to,’ she murmured again. ‘I didn’t want to lose you.’
‘Lose me how?’
She deliberately kept her eyes closed so she wouldn’t have to look at him. ‘You only married me because of the baby. I know that. The world knows that.’
‘I married you because I’m worthy, and if you think I’d leave you if you lost this baby, you’re out of your feverish mind. You have to stop working so hard for others! I’ve asked for this and now I’m begging. Stop! It won’t make us love you any less. How can you not know this? Get it through your head!’
Her Tomas was yelling now. It was a sight to behold and somehow it did make her feel loved.
She was so screwed up.
‘You love me?’ she asked quietly. ‘Really?’
‘ Yes! Baby or no baby. Whether you love me or not. Regular as sunrise. Yes! How can you not know this?’
‘You never said.’
‘I told you on our wedding day. Do you think I’m in the habit of making false vows? Don’t answer that. You thought that. And you thought wrong. I’ve been trying to show you how much I love you ever since. You want to hope you haven’t been poisoned,’ he added next.
‘I do hope that,’ she told him earnestly.
‘Because my vengeance will not be kind,’ he added. ‘I’m a lovelorn man on the edge.’
Her smile broke through his emotional frenzy, but only because it was blinding. ‘I love you, you know that, right? I’ve only ever wanted to make your life better, never worse. I want...’ The temptation to tell him she wanted whatever he wanted was so strong . She was fighting to stay awake—surely that wasn’t normal after a full night’s sleep and a morning spent lazing around. ‘Tomas?’ She reached for his hand and it was warm and big, with pleasing callouses. Not as overheated as she was and surely that couldn’t be good for the baby. ‘If something really is wrong and you have to choose betw—’
‘I choose you,’ he interrupted. ‘No debate and no apology. I will always choose you. Please don’t make me prove it.’
His answer was... ‘Acceptable.’ Enlightening. ‘For now. We may have to have this conversation again once our baby is on the ground and the light of our lives.’
‘We are never having this conversation again. You’re not miscarrying, you’ve not been poisoned and you’re not dying on my watch. Never again, without me going with you. There’s nothing else to discuss.’
She sighed and couldn’t tell where sorrow ended and delight began. ‘I suppose we could consider that settled.’ Feverish she might be, but there would be no forgetting that promise. Tomas was perfect in every way and she was a bad wife for not trusting him to be rock-solid there for her, no matter what.
‘No more protecting you from pregnancy worries.’
‘No more.’
‘We can share the panic.’
‘We can.’
‘I’m really glad you hung around this morning.’
‘I’m not a mind-reader. Next time say, Tomas, would you mind staying with me this morning? I’m not feeling great . That is all it’s ever going to take!’
‘Yes, but not feeling great is fairly common for me these days. How do I tell the difference between morning sickness, a bad scallop and a right royal assassination attempt?’
‘I’ll ask around. Maybe Ildris will know.’
‘You’re bonding with Ildris now?’
‘No way, nohow and never. But I’m not above instilling overwhelming concern for you in his heart. He deserves it.’
‘I didn’t realise I’d married a comic genius masquerading as a madman,’ she murmured.
‘Didn’t you?’ he grumbled, right on cue. ‘Well, now you know. Claudia?’
‘Mmm?’ So weary.
‘You can’t die again. I won’t let you. You’re going to beat this. Whatever it is.’
‘I’ll do my very best.’
‘And I will ever be with you.’
There was no poison in her blood. The bath oil had been declared safe and Lady Ester had been indignant. The spotting had stopped but a piece of Claudia’s placenta was flapping. It was all very manageable for a man of reason capable of exerting great control when needed.
And if that no longer described him in full, Tomas was altogether on board with fudging it.
He’d called on Casimir and told him to stop using Claudia as his personal scapegoat.
He’d cornered Ildris and requested, on Claudia’s behalf, more support from the northerners during her complicated pregnancy. Alya lived with them at Aergoveny now, alongside two other young women from the north, and three young men from Aergoveny, the younger ones duly added to the apprenticeship roster, and staying in the west wing of the manor house.
Outreach, Tomas called it. Surrounding Claudia with people who knew and accepted her as her own good self was what Tomas meant .
He’d made it happen. Simple.
He’d braced his big body as he’d stood in front of all comers, crossed his arms and reminded every last one of them of all she’d ever done for them and the love she deserved. He’d warned them ever so politely that should they ever feel the urge to use his wife’s overarching need to make herself useful for their own benefit they should do so extremely carefully. If anyone broke her, he would break them. No exceptions. He was being very reasonable!
How fortunate everyone agreed.
‘I need your help these next few weeks to supervise Alhena,’ he said to Claudia one morning as he pulled up a chair to her bedside. There were dozens of chairs in the room and yet not one of them seemed like a useful place to sit. ‘She’s not immune to one of the male goldens we introduced her to and I want to bring them both in here for you to keep an eye on.’
‘You mean in this room?’
‘Yes.’
‘And you chide me for bringing my work home with me,’ she murmured with a roll of her eyes. ‘Okay, yes. I’ll do it. But only because I like Alhena.’
‘Perfect.’ He sighed. ‘But if she has taken to him, they’ll need close observation. That’ll take weeks. In here. Under your watchful gaze.’
‘Now you’re just making stuff up.’
‘You noticed. You can always sit and watch the grass grow. I’m trying to be supportive about the fact that you’ll be spending these next few months on bedrest until this baby is born. You’ll crack unless you have something to do, and I need you whole when the baby comes. You’re going to be the most amazing mother, have I mentioned that? Adventurous and unconventional, tender and encouraging. There will be hugs. So many hugs, and falcon jesses. It takes a village to raise a child and I’m all for building one right here around you. We’re going to add a table and a couple of comfy chairs by the window, and in the mornings I can push the screens aside and let the mountains in. And we’ll put the baby’s bed over in the corner, and once she arrives she’ll sleep long and well, until we’re ready to greet her every morning.’
‘Oh, you poor deluded soul, but please continue. Are there tapestries on the walls?’
‘Er...yes?’
‘Excellent.’
‘What else do you want me to set right in our world?’ he wanted to know. Big or small, petty, silly or serious—he’d make a deal with the devil if it meant keeping his wife hopeful.
The doctor arrived for her weekly check-up, and asked questions and took Claudia’s temperature and blood pressure, then collected a blood sample and a urine sample and finally pulled out her stethoscope and listened to the heartbeat.
Then she sat back on the edge of the bed, arms crossed, and levelled them both with a no-nonsense gaze. ‘Here’s the deal. You’re too far away from proper medical care here and we need to do some investigating.’
‘I can relocate to the palace,’ offered Claudia, but the doctor was already shaking her head and Tomas’s heart was dropping to his toes.
Just when he’d thought he had everything under control.
But it came with the territory and he was there for it.
‘Pack your bags,’ the doctor said. ‘You’re going straight to the hospital.’
From bad to worse and worse again, Tomas paced the hall of the hospital and King Casimir, Ana and Ildris paced with him. He wasn’t built for narrow halls and tiny waiting rooms, he wasn’t used to this kind of terror. None of them were.
Part of him wished Claudia could see them all falling to pieces at the thought of her absence. She’d know she was loved then, without doubt, rhyme or reason. Her usefulness had nothing to do with it.
He couldn’t stop pacing.
He wanted nothing more than to return with her to the mountains.
‘You love her,’ Ildris murmured. ‘I wasn’t sure of that.’
‘You need to stop talking.’
‘Mr Sokolov?’ A woman had appeared by way of the door at the end of the corridor.
‘Yes.’ There was no need for titles here.
‘You can see your wife now.’
He looked to Cas. Tomas had no intention of giving up his place for the other man but, y’know... King. ‘I’ll tell her you’re here. I’ll tell her you’re all here.’
‘Go,’ said Cas. ‘Get in there.’
Everything was so white when it came to hospital rooms and beds. It wasn’t soothing, thought Claudia. It wasn’t soothing at all, but she was in good hands, the doctor kept telling her. The best hands in the country were here and if she could stay put for even one more week, with her baby in her belly, the baby would benefit. Partial placental abruption was manageable. In her case, continuous external foetal monitoring of the foetal heartbeat was recommended.
No problem.
Whatever she had to do, she’d do it.
The door opened and Tomas stepped in and she willed her heart to stop beating faster at the sight of him. He looked at the machines she was hooked up to, paying particular attention to the heartbeat monitor.
‘That’s our baby’s heartbeat,’ she told him. ‘She’s okay for now.’
‘She?’
‘Oh. I actually don’t know. The technician who did the ultrasound absolutely knows but I didn’t ask. She, he, either way, I’ll be happy and grateful.’
‘I love you,’ he said. ‘I’ll be saying that more often.’
Brilliant.
‘I’ll be staying here until this baby is born,’ she said. ‘Doctor’s orders.’
Her favourite falconer in the whole wide world digested that news with the shrug of his very capable shoulders. ‘Makes two of us. I’ll be here when you go to sleep of a night and I’ll be here when you wake up each morning. You don’t like waking up alone in strange places.’
She looked to the doctor. ‘Can that...?’
‘Be arranged? Of course. We can move you to a double room with a window view. Of course, there should be no intercourse between now and the birth.’ Tomas looked scandalised. The doctor looked apologetic but resolute. ‘It is my duty to state that.’
Rock-solid Tomas said, ‘Thank you, Doctor,’ and looked to Claudia. ‘I love you and you need me. Which is the only reason I haven’t completely lost my mind yet.’
‘I will always need you,’ she said.
‘Thank you,’ he said again. ‘That’s very useful.’
He was so delicious. ‘I’m confident this is going to end well for us.’
‘I love you,’ he said again. ‘It bears repeating. Repetition is very effective in a learning environment.’
‘You’re the falconer,’ she murmured. ‘By all means, prime me to fly into your arms. You probably don’t even need to use food.’
The doctor snorted and the attendant who’d done the ultrasound covered her smile by way of rubbing her hand across the lower half of her face.
‘Moving on ,’ said the doctor. ‘I’ll go and brief the King and Queen and the northern lord who’s out there in the waiting room with them and then see about a room change, and someone will arrive in due course to take down your dietary requirements.’
‘No hospital food will be necessary,’ said Tomas. ‘The palace considers poisoning a high risk. There will be guards. There will be food coming in from outside. You’ll meet Rudolpho. He’ll organise everything and you will endure.’
‘Because they love me to bits.’ Saved Tomas having to say it, but he was nodding most seriously.
‘Yes. Yes, we do. Isn’t it obvious?’
‘Very,’ said the doctor with a wink in Claudia’s direction. ‘Claudia, I’ll leave it to you to keep your loved ones in check. May I suggest no falcons, no parades, no dinner parties in your room and no press? If you think of anything else I need to ban, let me know.’
‘Thank you, Doctor.’
And then it was just her and Tomas, with his mighty heart packed full of love to give. ‘You don’t really have to stay here with me until I have this baby, you realise. At some point I fully expect you to come to your senses.’
‘I don’t think so.’ Gently implacable was his stance.
‘Because you love me?’ She could get used to such devotion.
He smiled and it was just for her. ‘Now that you mention it, yes.’