Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
ASHLYN
The stupid door was stuck.
It was more than stuck. Orion must have jammed it.
A lord gawked at me wrestling the handle as he walked past. When it wouldn’t budge, I jammed my shoulder into it.
My body paid for it more than the door.
“That’s not how we open doors around here.” Fyn’s fingers slid over the stubble on his chin.
I cradled my throbbing shoulder. “How long have you been standing there?”
“Long enough to know I don’t ever want to be a door that doesn’t open around you.” His usual smirk threatened to pull his lips at the corner. “Is it possible it’s locked?”
“That would require me to have locked it, which I didn’t.” I tried the handle again. “I never lock it.”
“You don’t lock your bedroom door?” He asked. “What if someone enters? What if they take something that doesn’t belong to them?”
“Seeing as I have few possessions, there’s nothing to take.” No one would be stupid enough to steal my sword. It was far too slender and lightweight to be of use to them.
“May I try?”
“Be my guest.”
His jaw stiffened as he turned and slammed it forward, opening the door with little effort. “See. It was easy.”
The slender room was too dim the moment the sun slipped behind the clouds. My sister’s lady’s maid couldn’t enter to check the lantern she usually lit for me.
“How do you see anything in there?” he asked.
I glared up at him. “Normally it’s fine enough, but the lantern must have gone out.”
Fyn reached out to the next servant who passed. “Can you find someone to assist? It seems the princess needs someone to light her lantern.”
She nodded, pulling matches from her apron. “I can, my lord.” She walked into the slender room while we waited in the hall.
The amber light emitted a peaceful glow.
“Thank you,” I said as she left us.
Fyn pressed his weight into the door frame as he inspected it. “I’ll send someone to look at it for you.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s all just temporary.”
His throat bobbed as his thumb slid over the metal latch. “If you wanted to stay… it could be fixed for you.”
My nephew, Astrael’s cries sang through floorboards.
“The nursery is overhead, isn’t it?” Fyn’s nose scrunched.
“It is,” I said. “It turns out you can hear a sound so many times that your mind starts to ignore it. That’s funny, isn’t it?” It wasn’t really, but he was standing too close to me and suddenly I found myself flailing to find something to say.
“That sounds rather unpleasant. Have you told Aelira?”
“No. It is a minor inconvenience.” My sister was queen—a mother—a wife. She didn’t need me piling onto her concerns. She was already stretched thin enough.
I sat on the edge of the bed as Fyn peered around my room.
“Thank you for getting the lantern lit. Now I don’t have to sit in the dark while I think about what comes next.”
“Aelira’s been to speak with you, I assume.” He crossed his arms over his chest.
“She has.” I waited for him to say something else, but he only assessed me. “If you think you’re going to talk me out of it too—you can just keep your thoughts to yourself.”
“That must have gone as well as I expected.”
They were just chatting about it—without me. “Why was it offered to me?”
“Because our people don’t believe in making choices for women. I mean, most of us don’t. Some very much still do.”
“You all think I can’t handle myself.”
“Quite the contrary. Do you think I’d hand a blade to someone who can’t handle herself?” He had this aggravating way of wording things. “One minute you’re convincing me to weave flowers for your nephew’s nursery and the next… you’re trying to take me on with the blade like you’re twice your size.”
I couldn’t handle it. “Don’t go soft on me, Fyn.”
A cough escaped him as his eyes widened. “I fear I’ll be much too bored when you leave.”
“You will survive it.”
“If this is what you choose, your sister will come to peace with it,” he said.
“I’m going to have someone fix this door.
So if you change your mind, entirely on your own, you won’t have to bruise yourself to open it.
” He turned away from me, calling back before he stepped around the corner.
“I can’t make the baby stop crying though. He does that an awful lot.”
I was relieved he didn’t look back at me.
The plans were quickly made.
I waited for my feelings to waver, but they didn’t.
Billowing fabric spilled at my neckline. My sister’s old riding tunic swallowed me in places it shouldn’t and stretched too thin in others.
An amber leather bodice hid the way it wasn’t made to fit me. I never knew how much I hated shades of green on me until it was almost all I had to wear.
It made my blonde hair even more lifeless.
I never mentioned my thoughts about what I didn’t have here. It always seemed so trivial.
The gown I wore when the war broke out was torn when we fled the human realm. I never asked for it to be repaired. It was too painful of a reminder of the life I left behind.
I grabbed my sword before I yanked the door shut one last time.
It popped open.
Hopefully, someday someone would actually fix it.
Vines trailed through the castle halls. My sister brought each one to life with the magic that ran through her veins. I admired them, skimming my fingers over the slender leaves as I stepped further down the hall.
The baby’s cries echoed down the corridor, breaking my trance.
Aelira’s uneasy laughter rose above it.
I would miss them both. Terribly.
But my decision was practical.
Humanity.
Security.
A bedroom with steady light and a door that latched.
There was no promise of those things here.
It wasn’t time to let my emotions get the best of me. I rarely let them win. But if I did, I knew I may never have another chance to return to the human realm.
Fyn and Lioran leaned back against the stone wall, shading Astrael and Aelira from the sun. The fae glimmer that illuminated their eyes shone even brighter when she looked at her baby.
“Astrael, your aunt is here.” Aelira hadn’t looked up at me. “She’s going on a long trip, but maybe we will see her again soon.”
The corner of my eye twitched. “Are you trying to guilt me with your son?”
“He is very stressed about you leaving.” Fyn rolled his bottom lip inward.
“He will miss you. We all will.” Lioran took the baby from Aelira.
“You promise you will take care of her?” She asked Fyn as her eyes watered. “You let nothing happen to her.”
“Yes, please make the trip as boring as possible.” Sarcasm laced my tone.
“I’m not responsible for the words that come out of her mouth, but she will have my protection even after she crosses,” Fyn said. “The rest is up to her.”
“I have my own sword.” I gripped it tighter.
No one laughed.
He tried his best to still his face. “Like I said—”
“Must I remind you both? This is a political visit. I will need you to behave yourselves.” Lioran shook his head, his glare sharpening on Fyn. “I am already starting to doubt my choice to send you with her.”
Fyn returned his stare. “My duty is forever to the crown.” His words were sharper than usual.
“I promise I will represent whatever I represent well.” I still didn’t truly know what that was.
Aelira wrapped her arms around me. “Please be careful. You are welcome back if you change your mind.”
I welcomed her hug. “I will be.” Grief tugged at me when I looked at Astrael. “I assume that since you’ve made a hole in the divide I can come back and visit, even if I choose to marry Soren?”
“It is a gate.” Lioran shook his head. “On a trial basis, as long as trade continues to be neutral. If it is open, you’re welcome to travel through it.”
“I need to see how this little one grows up and come and tell him tales of the human realm.” They would most likely sound very boring to him, especially when his magic developed.
Fyn cleared his throat. “I’m sure there will be stories for you both to tell.”
I traced a curl that clung to the back of Astrael’s head. “You be sure to torment Fyn with whatever your magic is… and your aunt will love you forever for it.”
“I’ll miss you, little prince.” I leaned in and kissed Astrael’s head.
Aelira wiped back her tears.
“It won’t be forever.” I said it as if I knew—as if I could promise what was coming.
She clutched my arms, looking me in the eye. “Find your happiness, sister. Whatever it is and make it yours.”
Happiness was a lofty dream I had stopped chasing long ago, but maybe I would find it.
“We need to get going soon so we can make it to Arnlow by nightfall,” Fyn said.
Cora wasn’t here yet. She promised she’d see me off. I hoped she hadn’t forgotten. “Is the riding party ready?”
“They will meet us at the border.” Fyn settled his hands on his hips.
“And who will travel with us now?” I asked.
“It’s just you and me, Princess.” Fyn laughed.
We were going alone. I wasn’t told we were going alone.
“I assure you I know the way. The journey is predictable and tame,” Fyn said.
“I’m so assured.” I didn’t want to be alone with him for that long.
“Ashlyn!” Cora’s voice carried down the hall. She clutched a leather satchel at her side.
“I was worried you weren’t coming,” I whispered as she hugged me tightly.
“Do you think I would miss seeing you off?” Her voice was a soft hum meant just for me. “What you asked for is inside—as much as the infirmary could spare. Rowena doesn’t know if it’ll work on humans. Drink it afterwards. Each one lasts for a week.”
I nodded as she slipped the leather strap over my shoulder. I would carry it and hope that it could do something if I needed it. It felt far too heavy for it to do nothing. “I really wish we could convince you to come with us. It would spare me from being alone with Fyn for days.”
“Heard that,” Fyn said. “You could just thank me for taking you there. I promise I won’t let it go to my head.”
Only he would. There was no saying nice things to Fyn and not having him twist them. “I am eternally grateful.” I offered a coy smile. He wouldn’t mistake it for authentic.
“I’ll await your stories and hope that my visions bring me a glimpse of it all,” Cora said.
I wished her visions had shown her my future—or that I knew when I would see her next.
Aelira took the baby back from Lioran. Together, we walked in silence down the path, until we came to two horses—Fyn’s brown mare and a white one beside it.
Fyn grabbed the sword from me and tied it into my pack. “Do you wish for me to secure your satchel?”
I clutched it closer to my chest. “No, thank you. I’ll wear it.” It was too precious to part with.
“You have my love, always. You both do.” I wrapped my hands around Aelira’s as I kissed my nephew’s head one last time.
She choked back her tears. “You always have ours.”
“Send the royal family our regards,” Lioran said.
Fyn held out his hand for me in front of the mare.
I took it until I could grab hold of the saddle. “I will. Thank you again for everything.”
When we left, I barely looked back.