Chapter 8
CHAPTER EIGHT
FYN
Iraced after her.
When I caught up to her, she jerked her horse’s reins.
“Ashlyn, please.”
Aelira and Lioran didn’t know how badly she was hurting.
I didn’t know.
I should have recognized it.
“Just forget it.” She wouldn’t look at me.
“I will not.” My orders were to rescue her from the Vale during the battle—to take her back with us. She was so afraid when I found her, but all she cared about was her sister.
It took little convincing to get her to come with me. I thought I was saving her. Instead, the quick decision we made forced her into a life she never wanted to live.
There was no time to debate the order.
No time to push back.
It was the beginning of a war. “I never would have brought you here if I thought it would hurt you.”
“I’m not that fragile.”
“No one would ever accuse you of that.” She was far from breakable.
“I need everyone to stop deciding things for me. My brother—my sister—Lioran—you…”
She might as well have struck me. I nodded, unable to say anything.
“Your orders are to take me to Estlen now. Then you won’t have to deal with me anymore.” Tears clung to her cheeks.
It gutted me to watch them fall. “I would have honored your choice even if he hadn’t ordered me.”
Her reddened eyes found mine. “When you return, don’t tell them I knew—that I was ever angry about it. My sister doesn’t need to carry that pain.”
“Do you despise me for it?” I wasn’t sure if I wanted the answer to that question, but it was better if I knew.
“No,” she uttered it so quietly that I could barely believe it. “Just forget I said anything. We can keep going now.”
“I can’t do that.” I didn’t want to forget any of it. I needed to keep every moment she scolded me or glared at me etched into my memory. “I just want—”
“What do you want from me?” She threw her braid over her shoulder.
I really wish she hadn’t asked me that.
When her golden eyes caught the sunlight, my throat tightened.
“I want you to have what you want.” It was the only thing that mattered to me. “If you want to forget this journey and create a life here, you can,” I said. “But once I take you across the border, everything becomes more complicated. If you’re second guessing it, let’s talk about it.”
“I don’t want to talk about it. I want to go to Estlen still.”
I wanted her to change her mind—desperately. But what good would it be? Admitting how deeply I cared for her wouldn’t do anything for her. She shut me down every time I tried to say anything about it at all.
There was a reason for it.
I wouldn’t talk her out of it.
Somehow I’d have to learn how to function with an ache that wouldn’t release.