Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
ASHLYN
Asteady beat was thundering in my ears when I awoke. My head was throbbing with it.
Fyn’s heartbeat was too close.
I was lying across him, holding him.
No.
No. No. No.
Rapidly, the memories from last night crept back in until I remembered his eyes when he knelt before me. The way he told me not to say anything when I almost said too much.
I couldn’t do this.
Not now—not ever.
This was bad. It was horrific.
Slowly, I pulled back from him, trying not to wake him. He hadn’t moved, but I had—I was clinging to him like…
No, it’s not like that.
I wouldn’t let it be like that.
He had placed my boots next to the bed. I slid my feet into them, peering back at him, and then I darted for the door.
When I sped down the stairs and around the corner, I realized I barely remembered my way around. I don’t think I was looking at where we were walking.
I was looking at him.
Dizziness tugged on me with each aching step. Someone held open the door for a fae female that carried a tray of biscuits. They looked so good, but I wouldn’t stop for anything.
“Ash,” I heard Kylana’s voice as I stepped just beyond the inn. She folded her arms. “Everything okay?”
I tugged back my messy strands that must have looked like I had just rolled out of bed. “I’m sorry, I can’t stay right now.”
“You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” she said. “I saw the way he looked at you.”
My head was throbbing too badly for anything to make sense.
“No, you’ve misunderstood.” I was explaining myself to her as if she needed to know it. “Whatever you thought you saw. It’s not that.”
“Are you hurt?” Her face paled.
“Oh, no. I’m looking for… someone,” I lied. “Maybe I’ll see you later.” I left her quickly and headed through the town until the buildings gave way to a wider road.
I didn’t know where I was going or what I was going to do when I got there. But I wouldn’t stop until I got far enough from him.
Thirst overwhelmed me.
I placed my hand on my hip, searching for my flask.
Great. Of course, I left that behind too.
I had no sword, no food, and absolutely no coin to buy anything.
A thicket of trees stood beyond the tallest building. I darted past them, ignoring the stares that my disheveled appearance awarded me.
Somewhere beyond here there would be water. There had to be water.
The even path grew rockier. Wind blew my hair into my face as it slipped from my braid.
I remembered every foolish thing I said—remembered the way his heat rose through my palm as I laid it on his chest. Prickling pain caused my throat to constrict.
Trickling water sounded somewhere ahead of me. I wandered toward it.
A tiny stream flowed alongside the path.
It was too thin and shallow to scoop water from.
I followed the slender stream until a pool of it lay ahead of me. It flooded a divot in the ground, shimmering without the sun’s light even as a grey sky hung over me.
It was the day I was supposed to cross into Estlen—to maybe become a bride in the human realm. I’d meet Soren in a matter of hours. I didn’t know if I wanted it when my heart was…
No, it wasn’t.
I wouldn’t be foolish like my mother was.
I wouldn’t ruin my future like she ruined hers. She allowed herself to feel things she had no business feeling.
Her downfall wouldn’t be mine.
I knelt beside the stream. For a moment it seemed like it shone in a way it shouldn’t have, but I must have been mistaken.
I sank my hands into the liquid.
It was unusually warm as it rolled over my palms.
My feelings would drown me. They would rob me of my place in the human realm.
I hadn’t fallen for Fyn.
He hadn’t fallen for me.
I would marry the prince.
The prince was the right choice.
I scooped the water up and drank it quickly before it could seep between my fingers. But it didn’t satisfy my dire thirst.
In desperation, I downed more until it burned in my throat in a way even the wine hadn’t.
I needed to dull the ache that took hold of me.
Pain rippled through my body until I was quaking. Darkness climbed around the corner of my view as heat overtook me.
I stumbled.
I fell.
Nothingness swallowed my vision whole.