Chapter 41
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
ASHLYN
When Eva brought pastries and tea, I indulged in them.
Eating was the only thing I could do to pass the time—and maybe if I was lucky enough, whatever they put in my food would numb the pain I felt.
I didn’t want to feel any of it.
I had taken everything from Fyn with just a kiss.
Soren knocked on the door. When I cracked it, he pushed it wide open.
“You can’t be in here.” The irony was too much to bear.
“Since when does propriety matter to you? Do you want to hear what I have to say or not?” He eyed the plate I had wiped clean. “Eating again, I see.”
“The good news is that within the hour I should be utterly complacent.”
“There’s nothing in your food. I would hate to endure the wrath that a calming tonic stirs in you.” Calming tonic—it sounded so harmless when he said it.
But it wasn’t. It was my undoing. Maybe I was never meant to be calm. “Have you gone to see him?”
“By him, I assume you mean your fae lord?” He turned the chair and straddled it as he sat.
“Is he hurt?” I asked.
“His accommodations could be more comfortable, but he appears to be in one piece.” He scanned me, waiting for my response.
“When will he be sent back to Nythrel?” I would out the king’s lie if I needed to, use it as leverage, even if I outed myself.
“You heard my father.”
“I don’t believe it.” It was a bold accusation to make—to say that a king had lied, but I made it anyway.
“There’s something about you. I can never quite place my finger on it.” He slid his hand down the back of the chair. Streaks remained where his fingers had been.
“I read people well.” I said it like a threat, because it was. It was the only thing I had left to threaten anyone with.
He wouldn’t suspect me of magic—of the starlight that cursed me with whatever this was.
“Yet you miss so many things. Much to your own detriment.” He pinched the fabric between his fingers. “And now you’re left with very few options.”
I didn’t require more reminders. “I am well aware.”
“If things could be different.” Soren peered around the room. “If you could return with him, would you?”
It wasn’t a question to entertain. “You’re enjoying this far too much. Him in there. Me in here.”
“Paint a picture for me, Ashlyn. What would your life be like there?”
Borrowed clothes. Borrowed space. Borrowed everything. “Much simpler.”
“But you’re a princess. It’s only natural you want this life over anything that could be given to you there.”
This back and forth was getting more ridiculous by the moment. “I don’t see why it matters now. The pact’s been finalized. No other future exists.”
“But if it did… would you marry him?” he asked.
Soren didn’t care about me. He most certainly didn’t care about what my future plans would have been.
I thought about the question—the one I had never been asked. If I told him my truth, he’d use it against me.
I flinched, bracing for the starlight’s impact. “No.” The sensation flooded me until my body grew hot in places it shouldn’t—until it was suffocating me.
“You’re not the only one capable of reading people.” The look on his face was maddening.
I was desperate for the flare to release me, for my body to cool. “He hadn’t ever asked me.”
“Ah. Well, humor me, then.” He rolled his eyes. “Answer me freely, because I promise you will have something to lose if you don’t. If he asked you—and you could be with him, would you?”
Weeks ago my answer would have been no. Now my certitude ran as deep as my love for the fae lord that was locked away from me. I didn’t know what I had to lose or what I had to gain. “If that future could have existed, I would have taken it.”
I waited for his fury—for him to lash out at me.
“If I gave you a way to go with him, would you trade your title for it?” he asked.
It mattered little anymore. “I wish to be done with this conversation.” It was growing too painful to endure.
“No, you don’t. Not when you don’t know what I can give you.” He leaned back, still gripping the chair. “Go ahead, Ashlyn, ask me what I can do for you both.”
If there was more to it—if he would help us—I needed to know it. “What can you offer us?”
“A life with him far beyond these walls. One where I never have to see you again.”
I wanted that. I wanted all of it. “How could you offer me that?” He was stuck in this pact just as much as I was.
“Fyn has agreed to take you back.”
I waited for the starlight to strike me, but it didn’t. “And just like that, you will grant his wish?”
“I will. But just know if you go with him, you’ll be making quite the political mess.”
“Your trade with Bailoc?”
“Our trade with Nythrel,” he said. “I hear Lioran is quite dependent on our ore. The Heart is still a mess from the war and he’s trying to build a new palace—both require more of it… none of it is finished yet, is it?”
It wasn’t. “I wouldn’t know the state of his construction plans.”
“He’s ordered cartloads more. They’re paying more than they used to for it. And you going with Fyn… may just stop all of it. All of that money spent on something he can’t finish, because of you.”
“You will take it from them?” He taunted me with a future, only to rip it from my reach.
“If the Lord Chancellor of Nythrel steals the Princess of Bailoc, it would do more than just stop the trade, Ashlyn. Your sister and her husband would look complicit.”
I didn’t want to cost Aelira and Lioran anything.
It was as if I was trading myself all over again. Their peace for my life, or my future for political upheaval. “I can’t do that to them.”
“I only thought you should know before you decide. Because once you do, there’s no backing out of it.” His chilling glare held me. “It will be a difficult thing for you to choose between—political stability for your sister’s kingdom or the life of the fae lord you love.”
“His life?” I must have misunderstood him.
“A prisoner’s fate can so easily shift. Especially when he forced himself on my bride to be. That can’t be forgotten without consequence. What precedence would it set?”
I couldn’t move. I could barely breathe. “You know, he didn’t. You know what you saw.”
“Do I?”
I wished I had never believed the lies I was told—and the ones I told myself.
Both had cost me more than I was ever willing to give. “Please, you can’t hurt him. I will go with him.”
“It is settled then.” Soren’s smile softened.
It looked a bit like relief. “I expect your silence until the plan is set in motion. His fate could still shift if I hear that anything is amiss. Every word you utter—every correspondence you attempt to send will be monitored.” When he rose, he headed for the door.
I hoped someday my sister would forgive me.