Chapter 19
ROWAN
He’s changing the rules, and I don’t know why—which means I’m behind.
It feels like he’s stopped trying to break me. Maybe he intends to make me choose. Choose what, though, that’s the question, isn’t it? Choose him? Isn’t that what I did all those years ago when I left and didn’t look back?
I haven’t slept much, my limbs are heavy and tired, but my mind just won’t let me rest. The house is quiet, and ever since I stepped outside into the chilly February air with him yesterday, all I’ve wanted is to go back outside and suck some fresh air right into my lungs.
So, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
If he wants to stop me, he can. But he seems to be back to the grumpy-arsed cold shoulder after whatever happened on our walk yesterday.
I’m not going to try to climb the walls or fight with the electric fence lining the perimeter.
I’m not even going to do reconnaissance because I know people with guard dogs, cameras, and scary-looking guards aren’t going to be easy people to escape from.
And I’m just a web developer turned bartender.
I’m not a warrior. I’m a survivor though, and right now that needs to be enough. Warriors fight head on. Survivors wait, pick their moment, and make it count.
I just want some fresh fucking air. Need it. I’ll do damn near anything to get out of this room, even just for a few minutes.
At first, my movements are tentative, quiet, like a burglar in my own prison as I open the door and make my way to the stairs. I need to catch a grip. He’s not going to hurt me. I stand up straighter, roll my shoulders, and force a slow breath through my nostrils.
I’m halfway down the hall when I hear Liam’s sharp voice somewhere close by. “Keep fucking looking, Kai. Don’t assume there’s nothing to find just because everything looks boring.” His voice lowers. “People don’t disappear this cleanly unless they practice, or have resources.”
I stop dead, about three quarters of the way down the stairs. The front door is in view, fresh air lies just beyond with an open driveway, no cover, and nowhere to hide. The gardens and orchard out the back would be smarter. Is this another test? Aren’t they all?
I’m not normally one for eavesdropping, so I keep going, pretending that my blood didn’t just run cold at his words, pretending that he might be talking about someone else—
“I need to know every single thread of the life she built while she was pretending to be Erin.”
Pretending. The word lands like a knife to my chest. My fingers tighten on the banister. My lies are supposed to protect both of us, but if he starts pulling at threads, everything unravels.
I miss a step, panic clawing at my throat as short, ragged breaths saw in and out of my chest. Shit.
He’s hunting. He’s not guessing, or raging, or torturing the information out of me, he’s actively hunting.
I clearly let our previous relationship cloud my mind because it turns out that Liam Mahoney wasn’t waiting for me to crack, he was already fucking digging.
What does he know already? Has he talked to my boss? My friends? Boring is good, right? Boring means my cover hasn’t failed me.
But Liam wants him to keep searching for the truth.
He can never know.
The walls close in on me. Stars blur the edges of my vision as I grip the banister with sweaty palms so I don’t go on my arse.
I need my phone. I need to tell Brian where I am. I don’t keep it on me. Not here, not with Liam. If he decides to search me—I’m fucking done for.
I need to go back upstairs and send him a message telling him who has me and where I am. I need him to come and break me out. I thought I could handle this, but I can’t. Blood will be spilled. There’s no avoiding it now.
Visions of a lifeless body on the ground flicker in my mind. Two men standing over him. My gasp. One of them slowly turning their head, their eyes burning into me. The memory sends every hair on my arms standing on end.
The killer’s face is one I’ll remember till the day I die.
I stumble as I turn to go back upstairs, but once the adrenaline hits my veins, I take them two at a time. By the time I reach my bedroom, I know waiting Liam out is no longer an option. He won’t stop until he gets the truth—and the truth could get us both killed.
My heart stops dead in my chest when I reach the top of the stairs because Sorcha’s bent over, scratching Titan’s ear, and what looks suspiciously like my burner phone is clenched in the dog’s mouth.
Of course Titan found it. She’s been poking around in my room.
She has a thing for dirty socks and likes to chew on my guddies, but to my knowledge, she’s never been in the bathroom.
Which means I could have got sloppy and dropped it.
One mistake, that’s all it takes. I’m unraveling from the inside out. I’m not cut out to be a fucking spy.
“What’ve you got there, girl, hmm?”
Fuck.
Sorcha pats Titan’s jowls and plucks the phone out from between her teeth. “Give it up.”
The dog growls.
Sorcha sighs then clicks her fingers. “Drop it.”
The dog does exactly what she’s told and drops the phone onto the floor.
The step under my foot creaks as Sorcha picks it up, and her head snaps, eyes meeting mine. She takes in my stricken face, and I swear to God, she can hear my heart beating from a few feet away because she looks at the object in her hand, looks at me again, and her features fall.
“Oh, Erin.” She shakes her head. “No.”
My whole body starts shaking, my eyes filling with tears because of all the things that could happen right now, this one’s pretty fucking bad. I was so busy worrying about the battery life on my phone that I didn’t think about what might happen if someone else found it first.
What the fuck am I going to say to her? How do I get her onside without having her betray the Mahoneys? Is it even possible?
Shit. This is bad, so fucking bad.
“P-p-please don’t tell him.” My voice is shaky, barely above a whisper. “You don’t understand. If he knows I have that—” I swallow hard. “This isn’t just about me.”
Her eyes narrow. It’s slight but I’ll take it. She’s listening.
“I wasn’t just… living a life.” My fingers curl into my palms. “I was placed there.”
The words taste like betrayal, of Brian, of Liam, of myself. I hate it, I hate all of it, but right now, in this moment, it’s what I’ve got.
“Brian… H-h-he’s been watching Liam for years. Waiting for a reason to move.” My chest heaves, and I’m not acting. I need her to buy this, for all our sakes. “I’m the reason.”
She still doesn’t speak, so I keep going.
“If Liam finds out before I can get it under control—” My voice breaks. “This turns into a war.”
I beseech her with every ounce of bone-deep honesty I can muster. If I can get to her empathy, it might buy me some time. I don’t know what happened to her when she first met the Mahoneys, but I can tell it wasn’t an easy journey.
She tucks the phone into her back pocket. “We’re going to talk. I’ll hear you out, then I’ll decide what to do. Okay?”
I nod, my tears streaming off my trembling jaw and onto my top.
A stair creaks behind me right as something touches my arm. A scream rips from me as I swing my arm to swat whatever it is. It collides with something warm and hard. It’s a person, and he grunts before descending a step or two to put some distance between us.
“Fuck.” Liam holds his hands up. “Ow. It’s me, Erin. Fuck.” His voice is calmer. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
I round on him, my whole body shaking with terror, but now also with rage. “Why are you calling me that when you don’t believe it’s my name?”
His brows and nostrils twitch, but otherwise he doesn’t react externally.
I point at him, still unable to calm my frazzled nervous system or stop the tears from pouring down my face. “I heard you. I-I was going to go outside to get some sun on my face, and I heard you on the phone digging for dirt about me. Was this your plan? Be nice to my face and stab me in the back.”
He takes a step up toward me. “That’s rich coming from the woman responsible for the literal knife that got lodged in my back.”
My heart clenches, stomach threatening to bring up my breakfast. He still believes that I set him up. He’ll never believe I left to save him, to keep him safe.
My head’s shaking furiously from side to side. “I didn’t. I told you I didn’t write that letter, or make that phone call, and I didn’t set you up.” My voice is nearing hysteria; the rest of me isn’t too far behind. “Why don’t you believe me?”
His hand shoots out and cups my throat before I can suck in my next breath. He lifts me off the stairs and backs me into the wall in one swift motion, his face so close to mine that every exhale tickles my skin.
“You’re shaking.” His eyes rake over me like he’s cataloging my every fucking move.
“You s-s-see how scared I am. W-Why don’t you believe me?” I grind the words out around his fingers gripping my neck.
His hand is firm, controlled and filled with intent just like everything he fucking does. “Give me one good reason why I should.”
My pulse spikes, not from fear, but from the realization that he knows exactly how far to push without breaking me. Yet.