Chapter 46 Dax
Dax
After Lacy’s briefing, we’d returned to the mess because it had more room. More room to move, more room to think. After several hours of wrangling and more pots of coffee than I wanted to count, we had a plan. Or most of a plan.
Mercer and Orion had argued for more time to refine our strategy. While extra time never hurt, I didn’t think waiting another day would do us much good since we had no idea what we were facing down there.
It wasn’t just that, though. Lacy was already a bag of nerves and another delay when her sister had been missing for weeks just might break her.
I’d ordered everyone to bed with instructions to meet again in the morning. Then I locked the ship down tight and grabbed a few hours of sleep myself.
The next morning, Burn waltzed into the mess right on time. Mercer and Orion trailed after her. Both looked freshly showered and alert. Good.
“This is the mess,” she said, doing a little spin and gesturing around the room.
“But you already knew that. Fresh food there, prefab food there.” She pointed in opposite directions.
“Coffee there.” She stopped her spin and glared at them.
“If you take the last cup, make a new pot. We’re back in civilization now.
” She reached for a mug. “Oh, and Lacy makes weak-ass coffee. Beware.”
I choked back a laugh. Lacy’s coffee was the worst. If she were staying on board, we might need to get two pots, because she drank as much coffee as we did, but complained that ours was like tar.
“That’s because motor oil belongs in the engines, Burn, not in a mug,” Lacy snarked as she followed them into the room. She didn’t look nearly as rested as the others. She’d probably been up all night worrying about her sister.
“Here, sit down.” I stood and pulled out the chair next to me.
When she sat, I gave her shoulders a squeeze. The others stared at me, but I ignored them. I knew how freaked out I would be if one of my sisters was missing. We were so close, and still, anything could happen.
With a final squeeze, I stepped away from the table and toward the coffee.
Orion had just pulled a mug off the shelf, and I plucked it from his hand.
“It’s her favorite,” I said, already reaching past him to fill it two-thirds with coffee.
Then I doctored it the way she liked it, with a flavoring she’d bought on Rigel Naught.
“Gotcha,” he said with a wink.
Good thing my hands were full or I would have flipped him off. I grabbed a shelf-stable pastry from the dry goods storage and the last piece of fresh fruit from the chiller. “You need to eat something,” I said, setting breakfast down in front of her.
“I’m not hungry,” she said.
I grabbed my own breakfast, a bready, bacon and cheese–filled heat-and-eat and sat down next to her. “I don’t care.” I pushed the plate toward her while everyone else took a seat around the table.
Despite the stress of the moment, I smiled. My team was on the ship. I’d missed this, eating with them most mornings.
Lacy took a sip of coffee, but didn’t touch the food.
“Look, Lacy, I get it. You’re stressed out,” Burn said.
“But if you don’t eat, you might pass out.
If you pass out, we might have to abandon the mission.
And even if we don’t have to abort, you’ll be out of commission, and we might not recognize your sister.
So I think you should eat, so we have a better chance of rescuing her. But that’s just me.”
“Fine,” Lacy said with an exasperated sigh. She didn’t dig in the way the rest of the team did, but she took reasonable bites.
Thank you, I mouthed to Burn.
She rolled her eyes and made kissy motions at me.
I finished my coffee and after enjoying the clatter of silverware and the sounds of a full dining room, I steepled my hands and studied my team.
“Once we launch, we’ll have about ten hours in transit.
I want to use that time to check our gear and prep for the mission.
Mercer and Orion, you’ll be in charge of the equipment, while Burn and I pilot the ship.
We’ll rotate through so you can gear us up as well. ”
Lacy swallowed the last of the pastry and looked at me. “What about me?”
“You’re in charge of the engine room and the cargo. Whatever we need to make this look legit.”
We’d hammered this all out last night, but it was good to go over it again.
“Pick the least military-looking clothes you have,” Lacy said. “We’re just traders, not soldiers. I picked up coveralls for everyone that say Fortuna. Unless you don’t want to advertise.”
“No names.” Everyone agreed.
“Then try to look more like Blazer than space corps.”
I winced, but knew what she was saying. The man was famous—or infamous—for his high boots, dark trousers, vest, and gun belt.
“We’ll do our best,” I said before anyone could argue. My clothes didn’t look anything like that, but I’d find something. Burn would probably look like a supermodel, though.
“Finally, I’ll need you guys to kit Lacy out with protective gear.” Neither Burn nor I had body armor—I hadn’t even thought it was something we would need aboard—but the guys had brought some for us. Now we just had to cobble together something for Lacy.
“Any questions?”
When no one responded, I continued. “Great, we launch in an hour.”
The breakfast conversation turned to regular topics and my three team members caught each other up on what they’d been doing since leaving the corps. I listened with half an ear, most of my attention on Lacy. When she finished her meal and pushed away from the table, I followed.
We walked side by side in silence to the crew quarters. When we reached the captain’s quarters, I grabbed her hand and pulled her inside with me.
“I love what you’ve done with the place,” she quipped.
I was glad to see that hint of humor return.
As she turned in a circle to study the room, I did the same. My quarters were twice the size of the crew cabins, which meant not only a bigger bed, but more furniture. There was a bigger desk in an alcove, almost like an office. A bigger bathroom. And a bigger closet.
And all I’d brought with me was a duffle bag full of clothes. They barely made a dent in the closet space. “I keep wondering if I should let someone else take it.”
“You’re acting captain, right?” she asked, her gaze on me.
“Yeah.”
“Then it’s yours. If anyone argues, they can step up and captain the ship.”
She was right, I realized. While I was making the decisions, or at least guiding them, the captain’s quarters should be mine. If someone else wanted the job, that was fine. Or if I decided to follow Lacy, they’d need a new captain.
Would I do that? Could I do that?
This wasn’t the time for that kind of decision. Our focus, my focus, had to be on Layla.
I led Lacy over to the desk and gestured for her to take a seat. She took one of the visitors’ chairs and I took the other, shifting so I faced her.
“To what do I owe the honor of being in your cabin?” Her voice was stronger now. Seeing her so quiet at breakfast had unnerved me. She glanced over at the bed.
Ignoring the big, fluffy, soft elephant in the room, I kept my gaze on her. I’d imagined her in my bed more than once, but as much as I’d enjoy spending the entire transit cocooned in my cabin with her, we couldn’t afford to be distracted.
“I wanted to talk to you in private. I know the team has been a lot to deal with, and I’m sorry about that.”
“You don’t have to apologize for them. You’re not the one being an asshole. At least not anymore.” Her grin was warm and open.
I took her hand, rubbing my thumb over the back of it. “I’m sorry about being an asshole.”
“I accept,” she said. “I’m sorry about stealing your ship.”
I laced my fingers with hers. “Are you, though?”
“Okay, I’m 90 percent sorry. But without it, I’m not sure where I’d be now. If I’d be about to rescue my sister.”
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“The rescue?” Eyes full of worry, she tugged her hand free and stared at me.
“You don’t have to come with us, if you don’t want. You can stay safe on the ship. Or even up here.”
She surged to her feet. “You think I’m a liability?” Her voice rose and I was grateful we were having this conversation here, rather than elsewhere on the ship.
“No, not at all. I just want to make sure you’re safe. I . . . You’re important to me. I don’t want you hurt.”
“I don’t want you hurt either, Dax.” She offered me her hands and tugged me to standing. “I appreciate you worrying about me, but I’ll be okay. I promise. Plus, I can help. I know it.”
Her arms slid around my waist and she lay her cheek against my chest. I closed my arms around her.
“What if we don’t find her?” Lacy asked quietly. “Or worse, we do and it’s . . . it’s really bad?”
I rested my cheek against the top of her head. I’d been expecting this moment for a while. It hadn’t been a question of when it would happen, but if she would share it. I rubbed my hand up and down her back.
“I’m not going to feed you a line of bullshit just to make you feel better. There’s a chance that we won’t find her. If that happens, we’ll regroup, explore other leads. I told you we’d help you find your sister and we will.”
She sniffled. “What if they’ve hurt her? Or k—killed her?”
Fuck, she was breaking my heart.
“Don’t borrow trouble. Right now, we don’t know anything. When we arrive at Kottke, we’ll go down, we’ll ask some questions—”
“And get some answers,” she broke in.
“—and get some answers. Then we’ll work out the next steps to getting her back.”
My hand continued to rub soothing circles over her back. She wasn’t the only one who had considered the possibility that Layla had been injured or killed. But until we had proof, I was hoping for the best.
If the worst had happened, I’d burn it all down if Lacy asked me to.
“Thank you,” she said. “I know I haven’t said it often enough. Or maybe even ever. But thank you. For helping me. For getting me this far.” She raised up on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to mine.
Though I worried for a moment, this kiss wasn’t about gratitude. It was about connection.
I embraced that, embraced her. And tried to tell her with my body and with my lips, the feelings I hadn’t even dared to admit to myself yet.