Chapter 16 #2
This place was exactly like what he had wanted to make it, and he wasn’t jaded enough to not be able to feel satisfaction at that.
He looked at Marlowe, who was eating with a rapturous expression on her face. “This is incredible.”
“I should go back and kiss the chef,” Walker said.
“You will do no such thing,” Cody growled.
“Only you’re allowed?”
“I think the chef has to kiss you,” Marlowe said, smiling softly. “Otherwise, it’s an HR violation.”
“I really don’t trust either of your takes on that,” Walker said. “Seems self-serving.”
Marlowe smiled so angelically a halo might’ve appeared over her head. “Seems like a you problem.”
She knew how to match energy with everybody, she was more like Walker in that way. Definitely not like him.
“So, Marlowe,” Walker said, pouring a glass of wine. “You’re from…”
“Vermont,” she said.
Cody was jealous of how easily his brother asked these kinds of questions, and he was also…
Fascinated. He wanted to hear exactly what she had to say.
Wanted to use Walker’s people skills in this moment.
He and Marlowe had had a deep conversation the other morning, but there was more that he wanted to know, and if he were in charge, he would just end up asking her for a biography, and that wasn’t really how it was done.
At least, that was his impression of things.
“Brothers or sisters?”
“Not that I know of,” she said.
“Relatable. I mean, obviously, I have these two. But truth be told, there could be more. There’s a reason none of us have ever put our DNA into one of those things.”
“Same,” she said. “There are things I don’t need to know.”
“Agreed. So, dysfunctional family then?”
“Walker,” Lila said, elbowing him. “That’s not polite.”
“Oh, it’s fine,” Marlowe said. “Yes. Dysfunctional family.”
Cody already knew about that, but it was interesting to listen to her give a very abbreviated, less emotional version of what she had told him.
She didn’t tear up when she talked about her dad, and she didn’t talk about him dying in a nursing home due to his alcoholism.
She gave a nice, neat answer that gave just enough away.
He wanted to ask her how she learned to do that. And why.
This was the thing, he wasn’t interested in the PR answers. So, he didn’t want to ask PR questions.
He wanted real answers. He couldn’t quite say why he was so hungry for that. For something… authentic. Something unique to her that only he had access to.
“What made you want to come to Oregon?”
She got a strange, thoughtful look on her face. “I’ve lived a lot of places, but they were all on the East Coast. So, I thought it would be nice to check this place out.”
She didn’t say we. She didn’t mention her husband. And he had a feeling that the answer was deeply abbreviated. But he didn’t know the real answer to this question, and he wished that he did.
Walker spent the rest of dinner entertaining them with stories of his years cattle roping, and if Marlowe hadn’t put her hand on his thigh under the table, he would’ve been convinced that his brother had charmed her away from him.
They finished their meal with each dessert on the menu. Rhubarb cream pie that made his eyes roll back in his head, a lava cake, a berry cobbler, and banana pudding, which he would’ve said he wanted nothing to do with, but was actually delicious.
When they all stood, he felt himself lingering.
“It’s fine, “Walker said, looking between him and Marlowe. “We know that you’re staying.”
Lila wrinkled her nose, and the two of them walked out of the restaurant, leaving him there with Marlowe.
“So, they know,” she said.
“Walker’s too perceptive. And honestly, Lila is too, she just hides it better than he does. And anyway, why keep it a secret?”
“Because it might not make a difference to you, but it kind of makes a difference to me whether or not everybody here knows that I’m… with the boss.”
He ground his teeth together, irritation at himself making his jaw tight. He hadn’t thought about that. “Sorry. Do you want me to… Leave?”
“No,” she said. “I don’t want you to leave. The fact that you haven’t thought about that is actually…” She shook her head.” Because you aren’t trying to take advantage of me. I get it. So you didn’t think about that. “
It was a lifeline, actually, one he hadn’t realized he was desperate for.
But it was nice that she said that, because it made him feel like maybe he really wasn’t like his dad.
Maybe he wasn’t.
Though his dad wouldn’t have worried at all about how something like this would have rebounded on the woman.
But he might’ve been sneakier for his own sake.
Whatever it was, it would’ve had nothing to do with her, that was the damned truth.
“I should have,” he said. “To be considerate.”
“You’re a man. You don’t have to think about those things. Though I have to say, everyone here is so great, I don’t really think they would judge me. Chris wouldn’t judge me.”
“Well, as long as Chris understands.”
She smiled at him.
The ache inside him was profound. He wanted more.
More than what she had given Walker at the dinner table, more than he had gotten from her when they had been up on Painted Ridge. He couldn’t explain it. But then, nothing with her felt readily explainable.
“I haven’t seen your place since you got settled in.”
“Is that how you’re trying to maneuver your way into my bed? Because you could’ve just asked.”
They walked out of the restaurant, casually, making sure not to touch one another. There would be nothing strange about them walking through the hotel together, even going upstairs together, after all, he had a vested interest in the place. He was the owner.
They ended up on an elevator, by themselves, but even still, they kept their distance.
“This doesn’t feel real,” she said.
“What?”
“None of this. None of this feels real. Nothing from the time since I left New York to now.”
“It’s been over a month.”
“I know. Just barely. But still. I was supposed to be doing something totally different than this. And now I can’t… I can’t imagine him here.” She looked him dead in the eye. “If he were here, it would be a problem.”
“No, it wouldn’t be. You would be married. That’s a pretty clear boundary.”
She looked up. “Cody, I was attracted to you before I ever saw you.”
He felt like he had been punched in the gut. Because that was exactly the same for him. Exactly.
He hadn’t known how to explain it, and he hadn’t wanted to. He still didn’t, not really.
“How?”
“Your voice. I had a… I had a sex dream about you?” Her face was turning bright red. “After we interviewed. Especially after the time we talked, just the two of us.”
So did he. He had dreamed about her, about that voice. “I knew it was you,” he said. “When I saw you walking toward the hotel with Cara, I knew which one you were. Because I felt the same way.”
She looked stricken. “What would we have done?”
He realized what she was asking. Because they both came from a situation they wanted to be better than. She was asking him if they would have been good. If it would’ve been okay. He knew who he was. Or rather, he knew who he was afraid he was.
So, the answer on his end wasn’t all that good.
“You would’ve honored your marriage vows,” he said. “Because that’s who you are.”
“What about you?”
Her gaze was just a little bit too knowing. And as the elevator stopped and the doors slid open, leaving them standing there in a way that, at least right now, was empty, he couldn’t give her a lie.
“Oh, I wouldn’t have cared about your marriage vows. I would’ve made it clear to you that if you wanted, you could’ve had me.”
“But you would’ve been my boss, and my husband would’ve been working for you.”
“If my morals would’ve held firm where you were concerned, I wouldn’t have touched you once.
I know for a fact, for a shameful fact, that I would’ve wanted you just as much if you had come with a wedding ring on your finger and a husband attached to your side as I do now.
I know for a fact that I am who I am, no matter how hard I’ve tried to outrun it. This has made things very clear.”
She looked away from him and stepped out of the elevator. “I don’t think I like the idea that I’m evidence of your corrupt nature.”
“It’s good,” he said. “It’s clarifying.”
“Could it be something else?”
“Yes. It can be. It just means that I want you more than I want to be good. I think we all have that limit.”
She looked up at him, and he could see that she was tired.
There were circles underneath her eyes, and the smile that she gave him was just a little bit sad.
“I don’t know if I would’ve kept my marriage vows, Cody.
Because I don’t have anything to compare this to.
If I would’ve met you when I was younger… I might’ve been my parents.”
He chuckled. “What makes you say that?”
“Well, the thing that I’ve been outrunning is making decisions based on passion.
All my life. I connected to anger. Punching holes in the wall and all those things my mother used to do, drinking to drown out the intensity because you have to, like my father did, but…
I’m not sure that I’ve ever experienced emotions I couldn’t control, and I thought that it meant I was winning.
I thought it made me better. But then I met you.
And it’s something. Something bigger than me.
Bigger than I can control. Or maybe just bigger than I want to control.
I think I just want you because it’s exhilarating.
Because I feel alive when you touch me. In a way that I never have before. ”
She took a deep breath and continued. “It’s showing me why some people don’t play it safe.
Why they don’t do the things that I’ve done for years, making everything as stable as possible, because they know that there’s a high out there, they can feel that…
It’s more fun than stability. And I bet it’s addictive.
I can feel it. I guess I’m losing my superiority, too. ”