Chapter 16 #4
They sat next to each other as the light from the kitchen dimly illuminated the living area. Rio rubbed his hands together and licked his lips.
“I’ve been fucked up,” he began. “…Even before the divorce I was fucked up because I didn’t know how I was going to live without you.
The anger I had gave me this false sense of belief that I could make it without you…
” He hesitated as his gaze drifted to the abstract rug.
“I tried everything to get rid of this feeling of needing you, Cali, but this shit ain't went away. I done fucked other girls, even went out of my way to hurt you but the love is still there… this shit just sitting here waiting to be fulfilled.” He turned to her. “I love you, like even more than before we divorced. I don't know how it’s possible when you stepped out on the marriage. I almost died behind your shit and I still can’t get you out of my head. I feel crazy as fuck for still wanting you, but then I remember that I’m not innocent, and that I hurt you, too.
Tell me I’m not by myself in this shit.”
Awestruck, Cali blinked, wondering if this was a dream but she had yet to awake.
She peered at Rio until her eyes became foggy.
Emotions had stormed in, clouding her judgement.
Months ago, she would’ve loved to hear these words.
They were endearing and filled with so much authenticity but things were different.
Cali had graduated from the state of depression.
She’d finally had her footing and was headed toward the direction of healing.
She no longer possessed the amount of guilt she should've had. Of course, she still felt bad for what Rio had endured but she wouldn’t allow him to tear her down again.
God had forgiven her for her actions and that was what mattered most.
“Cali, tell me,” he ordered with a subtle plea in his tone.
“Rio.” She exhaled. “It won’t be the same. You will never fully forgive me for what I did and I don't want to be begging for your forgiveness for the rest of my life.”
Rio grabbed her hands and held them. Cali didn’t realize how sweaty her palms were until she felt his dry ones.
“I’m willing to move on from that. Shit, I have to. You think I like thinking about what happened to me? I’m ready to get past everything.”
“But it won’t be like it was,” she stressed again. “We did too much to each other. The love won’t be the same.”
“It don't need to be the same. Let’s start fresh. We can create new memories with each other. We don't have to pick up where we left off. Let’s move forward doing new shit.”
That sounded so good to Cali but what about when mad day arose? What would happen if Rio got triggered and decided to spew his hate again? Cali’s heart wasn’t in the condition to take his wrath. She was still repairing it from the damage done when she was back in St. Parklynn.
“What you thinking? Talk to me.”
Cali rubbed her lips together and stared into his eyes. “I love you, Rio. Always will but… you're going to punish me for what I did. I know you. You hold grudges. You won’t look at me the same. I’ll be begging for your love, and I don't want that for my life.”
An expression of disappointment flashed across his face before he grabbed his phone. Rio tapped and scrolled while Cali remained quiet.
“A’ight, let’s settle this the way we used to.”
A smirk formed on her lips. “Don't say pool.”
“Why not?” He grinned. “Whenever we couldn’t agree on something, we would go play pool and fight it out. You on that with me?”
She tipped her head back, sighing dramatically. “Really, Rio?” She looked at him. “That was for when we couldn’t decide on which house to buy or what shift you wanted me to work. Not us getting back together. This is way more complicated, and I don't think a game of pool would settle this.”
“Listen, you’ve whooped me in pool just as much as I've beaten you. It can go either way. If I win, you gotta give us a chance. If you win, I’ll leave and you’ll never hear from me again.”
The sound of the latter made her stomach hollow. Could she deal with Rio being out of her life for good? Cali thought she could but as her imagination created that scenario, it saddened her.
“Come on.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her up from the couch. “Let’s go.”
After a thirty-minute drive, Rio pulled into a parking lot and silenced the engine.
“Where the hell did you find a pool hall?” She looked at the building.
“I googled it. Come on.”
The couple got out the car and walked inside the hall.
The atmosphere was hazy from all the cigar smoke.
EJ Jones’ Gas Station Love played in the background.
Spotting an open table near the back, Rio grabbed two sticks and passed one to Cali.
He then racked the balls into the cue rack and positioned the white ball in front of the diamond.
“You ready, Cali?”
She nodded, chalking the end of the stick. “How come I don't go first? Ladies first, remember?”
Rio shook his head, wearing a sneaky simper. “I’m not being a gentleman this time. I’m trying to win.”
Grinning, Cali observed him break the rack.
One solid ball fell into the hole so he went for his next ball and did the same.
Normally, their game of pool consisted of shit talking but both were silent.
When Rio missed, Cali went for a striped ball and hit it in the hole.
Glancing at Rio, she went for the second striped ball and hit it.
Although there was no conversation, their body language spoke volumes. The shared gazes and the subtle touches from Rio when he walked past her made the game more intense. One by one, the couple battled hitting their balls in the hole. No words were spoken. Only intensity was present amongst them.
It had gotten down to the last ball—the 8 ball. Cali was nervous as she said, “Corner pocket.”
Glancing at Rio, she noticed him biting his bottom lip.
Her stare went back to the table, leaning down and positioning the stick in her hand.
Her fingers trembled while stretching them over the table.
This could be the end of her and Rio. If she hit this ball in the hole, their journey would come to a complete end.
There would be no more messages, no more arguments, and no more pop-up visits.
They would honor their divorce and go their separate ways.
Just do it, Cali…
She closed one of her eyes, centering her single vision on the ball. Tucking her lips between her teeth, Cali prepared to end this arrangement. It had to come to a close. It was best for the both of them.
Hit the ball…
Cali released a deep breath before she suddenly stood up straight. “You said if I win, this will be the last time I’ll see you, right?”
Rio confirmed with a nod as she spotted the uncertainty in his eyes.
Cali resumed the position to hit the ball but she couldn’t. She shook her head and threw the stick on the table. Rounding the table, she wrapped her arms around his neck. Rio quickly abandoned the stick in his hand and let it fall to the ground. He scooped Cali up and held her like a baby.
“I promise we gon’ be good,” he assured in her ear.
Cali pulled back, kissing his lips. Her soul immediately exhaled like it had been tensed for the last six months.
There had been so much debris between them.
So much blocking their path back together.
Instead of taking their normal route, she and Rio took a detour.
However, this lane was clear. They could start anew without all the baggage from their past life.
“I love you, baby,” he quietly said.
“I love you, too.”
“Tell me that you're mine and we gon’ figure this shit out.”
Beaming, she held the side of his face. “I’ve always been yours, Rio. You know that.”
He kissed her again, slithering his tongue inside.
His hands cupped her ass while they devoured each other’s lips as if they were the only people in the pool hall.
The intensity had Cali’s body on fire. She wanted nothing more than to go back to her place and ride his manhood until the sun made it’s morning appearance.
Rio broke the kiss and studied her face. “Let’s ease into this. I don't want us to jump back into it so soon. I want this shit to be perfect between us. You cool with that?”
She nodded, loving the idea of them taking it slow. “Yeah, we can do that but I do have a request.”
Rio’s brows dipped. “What’s that?”
“We gotta attend some kind of couples counseling. We went through a lot and I want to make sure we don't bring that into this.”
“A’ight.” He bobbed his head. “We can do that.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.” A thoughtful look covered his face. “We need it if we’re going to really try and give this relationship our all.”
Cali was relieved he was on the same page as her in regard to counseling.
“Come on so I can get you home. I gotta go back to St. Parklynn and handle some shit but I’ll call you as soon as I land.”
Sadness encompassed her but she would follow his lead. “Okay.”
“And block that nigga you was just with too.”
Laughing, Cali replied, “I got you.”