Chapter 10
Ten
Being in the home that Cali and Rio shared was almost unbearable for her.
Her gut felt like it was hollow as she passed the threshold inside their home.
Somehow, the scent of Rio lingered in the air, provoking so many sad thoughts that Cali’s eyes welled with tears.
Upon Ruthia’s insistence, Cali went home so she could shower and grab more clothes.
Throwing her purse on the couch, she dropped to the floor, running her fingers through her unkempt pixie cut.
She looked a mess and felt even more in shambles internally.
“God, I know I deserve all of this and more, but can you lift the burden a bit?”
Cali couldn’t take this much responsibility.
The load slipped from her grasp. Knowing she had been a horrible spouse to Rio made each day waking up harder than before.
Slowly but surely, he had been progressing but not as much as she would’ve liked.
Cali needed him awake so she could confess her sins and vow to be a better woman.
Yet, with each day that passed with Rio hooked on the life support machine, Cali was unfortunately losing hope.
There was no amount of hugs, reassurance and prayers that would remedy the regret that had consumed her.
It sat in her limbs, making her muscles ache.
Cali felt sick for most of the day. Nausea was a constant companion, and her headaches came like clockwork each night.
Stress had signed a lease and taken up residence inside Cali’s body.
Every part of her mind, body, and heart was ill, and she just wanted it to cease.
After sulking for almost an hour, a sudden knock at the door jolted her body.
“Who the hell is this?” she fussed, getting up from the floor.
Snatching the door open, Cali wore a bewildered expression, annoyed that her moping session had been interrupted.
“Hello, I’m looking for Calia Campbell.”
Her face softened when she spotted the delivery driver carrying a bouquet of flowers.
“That’s me.” She sniffled, wiping the evidence from her crying spell.
“Here you are. Have a great day.”
Cali grabbed the bouquet and went to the kitchen. She studied the peonies wishing she could appreciate their beauty. Sadly, her life was so bleak that Cali couldn’t find the glamour in anything these days. Grabbing the card, she pulled it out the envelope and covered her mouth with her hand.
Cali,
I looked up what peonies meant, and it said it represents a happy marriage. We not there yet but I’m hoping we get there…
Love, Rio
Cali wept for a while, reading the card over and over and over.
He must’ve had a standing order for them to come while he was in a coma.
Rio often sent her flowers, expressing what his mouth couldn’t.
He didn’t know how to express his feelings clearly, so he chose to do it with flowers.
Each time, there would be a note, confessing how he felt about her.
Before, Cali didn’t think much of them but now, this gesture was so beautiful and painful.
Why couldn’t I appreciate him before?
That question played on a constant loop in her mind. Cali just wanted to rewind the time; flashback to the past and open her eyes a bit. She’d been so self-absorbed, sticking to her own agenda that she neglected her marriage and her husband.
Cali snatched a paper towel from the rack and wiped her face. She had never cried so much in her life. This was torment. She felt like a prisoner inside her mind. There was more than one thing to be sad over and Cali was an emotional wreck.
Sniffing the flowers, she transferred them to a different vase and filled it with water.
Afterward, Cali went into the bathroom so she could shower.
The shower was another getaway for her to sob uncontrollably.
No one understood her pain because a lot of it had been self-inflicted.
This was all her doing. Cheating, lying, and being selfish had been a part of her makeup and now she felt so much shame.
With her body wrapped in a towel, Cali grabbed her phone and sat on the bed. She dialed Bria, hoping she could vent before she headed back to the hospital.
“Hey, girl. I was just about to call and tell you I’ll be there after my afternoon class,” Bria answered.
“I’m actually at home. I came to shower and get some fresh clothes… Bria, I feel like shit.”
“I know you do,” she sympathized with her. “Just keep praying, Cali, Rio will wake up.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of.”
“What? Him making a full recovery?”
“Yes… how will I face him after everything? I feel like a fraud, sitting at his bedside, knowing I was going to hurt him. I don't even feel worthy of being there.”
Cali couldn’t shake her shame even if she did a stint in rehab. It haunted her like a virus that wouldn’t leave her system. Her marriage had been nothing more than a lie and Cali was the culprit.
“You can right your wrongs. I feel that you being there for him in this vulnerable state is the start to honoring him. When he wakes up, cause he will,” she stated confidently.
“Then, you can strive to be the best wife to Rio. You gotta forgive yourself, Cali, or you’ll be filled with guilt that will never go away. ”
Cali heard her sister, but she didn’t know if she had the ability to actually forgive herself for starting a love affair with another man.
“You know I had to curse Braye the fuck out. He was so damn inconsiderate that it almost made me gag.”
“Block him. He has no place in your life right now.”’
“Yeah, you're right.”
“No, I’m serious, Cali, ‘cause you like to say all the right things but never do them. Block him and never talk to him again. This is your chance to start clean with Rio.”
“I will. I promise.”
There was no doubt that Cali was ready to permanently close the chapter with Braye.
The love that she thought she possessed for him had been decreasing by the day.
The rose-colored glasses had been snatched off her face, forcing her to peer at him without lust. Braye had been fun and at one point, a thrill she had fallen in love with.
Now, she didn’t feel those same sentiments.
The only feelings she possessed were shame, guilt, and sadness.
“Okay, I have to get to work but me and Mama will be there later.”
“Alright.”
Cali didn’t want to end the call. She didn’t want to step back into her web of melancholy. However, she had to be the praying and devoted wife. Right now, Rio’s needs superseded hers.
“So, did you decide on the new collection?” Jovanis asked.
“Um, I’m still working on it.” Irish sipped on her tea, still distracted by her last encounter with Noble.
It had been a night she didn’t want to end. If she could, she would transport back into time and stay in that night for as long as she could.
“You need my help?”
She looked up at him, noticing the sweat stains on his compression shirt. He had just got done running a mile on the treadmill.
“Not really but if I do, you know I’ll call you.”
He nodded, taking a seat at the island. “What else been up with you? Seems like you’ve been in your own world.”
Actually, I’ve been in Noble’s world…
“I’ve been cool. Working and supporting Cali while taking time out for myself, ya know.”
Before Jovanis could respond, the doorbell rang.
“Are you expecting someone?” she asked him.
“Hell nah.” He got up and headed for the door.
Irish craned her neck, trying to see who it could be. Jovanis talked for a few moments before he grabbed something and shut the door. Irish’s eyes expanded when she spotted the bouquet of chocolate covered strawberries.
“Who is that for?” she wondered aloud.
Jovanis sat the bouquet on the island and reached for the card. His eyes scanned it before his mouth transformed into a crooked grin.
“What the fuck you got going on, Irish?”
She snatched the card, wondering what he was referring to.
You deserve something sweet, Pumpkin…
Irish laughed, not believing Noble had sent a treat to her home, knowing Jovanis had access to it.
I love a bold man…
“So, you been holding out on me, huh?”
She peered at Jovanis’ amused expression before she chuckled again.
“Don't laugh, ‘cause now a nigga feel slighted. You know we tell each other everything.”
Grinning, she read the note again before giving Jovanis her full attention.
“What do you wanna know?”
“Who is this nigga and why is he calling you Pumpkin?”
Because he loves my pumpkin spice…
“He’s someone new.” She made sure to watch her words. “Someone that I’m getting to know. Nothing major.”
Irish had to downplay it since telling Jovanis that Noble had captured her attention wasn’t wise at the moment. She didn’t think she would ever have the gall to reveal that his general had her smitten.
“And you couldn’t tell me?” His voice sounded wounded.
“Jovanis, you know I don't hold out on you. I was going to tell you once I knew that it was serious.”
He stared at her before his gaze went to the edible arrangement. “I think it’s serious, Irish. The nigga sending shit to the house and giving you a pet name. Does he know about me?”
“Of course, he does. I would never hide you.”
Angling his head, he questioned, “So, he knows you're married?”
She nodded.
“And that his place in your life will never be number one?”
Number one… Jovanis claimed that spot in her life, but she wasn’t sure if he’d be able to reserve it forever.
What if she wanted children or to be loved wholeheartedly from a man?
There would be a clash of lovers. A platonic one and a romantic one.
Irish couldn’t fathom that reality but wondered if it was inevitable.
“Sure.”
“Sure?” he spat. “What you mean sure? I’m looking for you to say yes.”
Irish sighed, hating how she couldn’t completely relish in Noble’s sweet deed because Jovanis felt a bit of insecurity.
“Jovanis, please don't do this. You say you have no problem with me dating but when I do get involved with someone, you do this.”