Harper
Jackson locks himself in the bathroom to get changed and I suck in a deep breath. I know he isn’t happy with me, but he’s still here and that’s all that matters.
As long as I can talk to him, we can figure this all out and get back to normal.
Except I don’t want normal.
I want him.
His words keep playing on repeat through my mind. He was so frustrated. So many emotions were running across his face, but more than anything, he looked broken.
“Then why don’t you help me understand because I feel like I'm drowning right now!”
Why would he feel like he’s drowning? I don’t even know where to start dissecting his comment to figure it out.
“I'm ready,” Jackson says as he steps out of the bathroom. He’s wearing a pair of athletic shorts and a sleeveless shirt.
The arm holes are stretched out, giving me a clear view of the sides of his torso.
Black ink swirls across his chest creating intricate designs. Tattoos I don’t remember him having.
“Ok. I’ll drive.”
He follows me silently out to the car. The entire drive is made without a single word spoken. I'm about to burst. This isn’t how we are. We’re raw with each other. Real. We don’t hide things. I don’t know how to handle this.
But I don’t want to start a conversation like this until I can give him my full attention.
As we climb out of my car, I hand Jackson a water bottle and start down the trail I want to take today. It’s a five-mile loop. I'm hoping it’s long enough to get everything out in the open… if this ends badly, this will be the longest five-miles of my life.
“How long is this one?”
“Five-miles. Is that ok?”
“Dang, Boots. You’re really testing my cardio, huh?” He flashes me the smallest grin. He’s trying, but I can tell he’s struggling and that’s killing me.
“Oh, c’mon, you’re the tough baseball player. I'm sure you can handle walking up a hill.” I roll my eyes and keep going.
We’re quiet for a few moments while I try to muster the guts to broach the elephant following us around.
“You misunderstood a lot last night. It wasn’t your fault, but I want to explain it all to you,” I say softly, unsure of actually how to have this conversation.
“Ok…” He says when I don’t continue.
I step off the normal trail and take us over to a large boulder. I climb up to the top and sit down, pulling my knees up to my chest and resting my chin on them.
Jackson sits down next to me a moment later and waits patiently. He has his legs spread out in front of him, his ankles crossed, and he’s leaning back on his hands.
“Evan and I kind of aren’t engaged.” I wince at how ridiculous I sound. This is so twisted and messed up. I never should’ve gone along with Jennifer’s idea.
“What does that even mean?” His words aren’t mean, but I can hear the utter confusion in his tone.
“Evan threw me a surprise birthday party last week. He had his entire family come. Jennifer and I realized he was going to propose and I freaked out. I'm not in love with him. I’ve never uttered those three little words to him, or anyone else.”
“Me either,” he admits softly.
“His dad called me the wrong name and told me to call him dad before Evan even proposed. It was so awkward. His mom hates me and yet she was fawning all over me like we’re best friends.” I shake my head, reliving every second of that night. It might be the worst night of my life.
“Are you for real?”
“Oh, it gets worse.” I take a deep breath and blow it out slowly. “When Evan proposed, he called me Harper Stone… I’ve never gone by Stone. I went by Brennan until Maddox married my mom. I don’t even know how he knew that name, let alone why he’d call me that.”
“And yet you still said yes?” He arches a brow, surprise coloring his face.
“Well, I kept going back and forth on what to do. Jennifer had convinced me to just say yes and break up with him later. I felt terrible doing that, but when he called me the wrong name, my mind instantly went to my biological dad and I kind of broke. I couldn’t think straight.
He asked me if I was ok and I nodded. Everyone thought I was saying yes to his proposal and soon everyone was congratulating me.
I never gave him an answer. Not really. But I went along with it because I couldn’t think straight.
Too much was happening and I felt like I was struggling to breathe. ”
“Why didn’t you tell me ahead of time?”
“I don’t know! I think I was just so embarrassed! I thought I could make it through this without anyone knowing what happened. I figured if I dumped Evan before I left college and Pittsburgh, I could leave all of it behind me.” I bury my face in my knees.
“How’d that work out for you?” There’s a smile in his voice and it makes me grin.
Jackson’s always had the ability to make me smile no matter what’s going on in my life.
“Not great,” I groan, rolling my head to the side so I can look at him. “I'm sorry, Jackson. I never meant for you to find out because there was nothing for you to find out. It was all a lie.”
“It’s alright, Boots.” He drapes an arm around my shoulders and presses a soft kiss to my head. “I forgive you for royally messing up everything.”
“Jackson!” I swat at his chest, making him chuckle.
“I'm kidding. But maybe next time you ask me to visit you, warn me if you decide to get engaged to someone else, even if it isn’t real.”
“Why? You want to punch them too?” I peek up at him with a grin.
“Really? You want to go there? I was trying to defend your honor!”
He tickles me, making me shriek and squirm around on the boulder. I try to get away from him and I almost fall off of the rock entirely. Jackson catches me and pulls me into his chest.
“I’ve got you, beautiful,” he murmurs, holding me closer to him.
My heart skips a beat when he calls me beautiful. He’s only ever called me Boots or Harper. I don’t know what to do with the term of endearment.
“Do you promise not to keep things from me again? I'm supposed to be your best friend. I want to know about everything going on in your life. Got it?”
“Yes,” I whisper.
He’s so close. I could lean forward an inch and our lips would touch. It’s so tempting, but I can’t do that. Not after what happened between me and Evan just last night. I’d give anything to make Jackson mine, but I don’t want him to think he’s just a rebound. He’s so much more than that.
“I’ll call you and tell you about every second of my day.
” I grin, needing to put some space between us.
Not long term, but long enough to make sure I know what I'm doing and I can make it clear to Jackson he’s always meant something to me.
I don’t want him thinking I'm falling into his arms because I lost my boyfriend.
“That sounds perfect. Especially when you sneeze and pee yourself.”
“Oh my gosh! That happened one time!”
“And I’ll never let you forget about it.”
“Yeah, well… I was there when your bathing suit fell off on the boat.” I grin even wider.
“That was your fault! Your dad let you drive the boat and you gunned the engine. I had a choice to hang onto my suit or the tube. Since I didn’t want to get left behind, I chose the tube. Plus, you didn’t see anything.” He rolls his eyes.
“That’s what you think,” I singsong.
“Oh, c’mon, Boots. You were like seven.” He lays back on the rock, taking me with him. He tucks me into his side and lets out a sigh. “This is all I wanted when I thought of this weekend.”
“What do you mean?” I peek up at him, taking in the scruff on his jaw and the way his hair is a mess right now. He looks so much like the boy I fell in love with. The one I dreamed about forever with but never believed it could actually happen.
“I just wanted to spend time with you. Not friends. Not parties. I wanted it to be you and me. No plans, just spending time together. This is what I’ve missed the most since I went away to college.”
“That seems like a lifetime ago,” I whisper.
“Because it was. So many things have changed and for once I want to feel like nothing has changed between us.”
“Me too.”
“What are you doing after the semester is over?” He never once looks at me.
I don’t know if that’s because he’s enjoying staring up at the sky or if he’s giving me the chance to answer without being watched, either way, I love it.
It’s giving me a moment to memorize every inch of his face without him noticing.
“I don’t know. I’ve applied to a few different law schools, but I'm waiting to hear back from them. I kind of applied late, so I might take a year off and just work. Honestly, I don’t know what I want to do.
I applied to a bunch of jobs all over the country, but I’m not sure I want to move further away from home.
Sophia told me I could come work at the bakery if I wanted to.
I'm thinking of just moving home and then worrying about everything later.”
“If you could plan out your dream life, what would it look like? I want you to think about it for a few minutes before you answer me. I don’t want some quick, off the top of your head answer. I want the real answer.”