Chapter 8
Kenzee
You ever wonder what your purpose in life is? I’ve found myself thinking about this a lot more lately. Why am I here? Why didn’t they look for me? Why did they kill my dad but never look for me? They had to have seen my toys. They had to have known I was there, right?
My purpose on this earth was never clear. My mom didn’t want me. She took off the first chance she got and left me with my dad. There are days when I wonder where she is. Wonder what she thought about when she left me. How could she have left me? What made her want to go?
Dad never talked about it, but I suppose that’s because I was so young. Uncle Jenson doesn’t seem to know, and if he does, he isn’t telling me. I suppose I shouldn’t dwell on it much, but there are times when I do.
“You okay?” I glance up when I hear Storm’s voice and nod.
“Yeah. Sorry.”
“You looked lost,” he says.
“I was a little.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
“I don’t know what there is to talk about, honestly. I was just thinking about why my mom left me. Left us,” I tell him. He shrugs his shoulders before lighting up a cigarette and leaning against the side of my house.
“What difference does it make?”
“It doesn’t. Just something I think about sometimes.”
“Your dad raised you the best he could. Your mom was a fuckin’ coward for walkin’ away. She was a piece of shit for leavin’ you. No one should have to be without their parents.”
“You speak from experience?” I ask him. He nods and takes another drag from his cigarette.
“They’re gone. But you know what? That’s what made me who I am. I needed them to go. I needed to be left on my own so that I could grow into the man that I am today.”
“And who are you?” I ask him now as I reach into the cooler and grab a water, passing him one. I watch him take it and open it before taking a drink.
“I’m me. You know why they call me Storm?” He asks. I shake my head.
“No. Why?”
“Because I came into this world, rippin’ shit apart. My dad left my mom because of me. I tore them apart, and then she left me, too.”
“Do you hate them for it?” He shakes his head.
“No. I actually want to thank them for it. I’m not sure who I would be with them. I know who the fuck I am after them.”
“And who is that?” He takes a deep breath and looks away as if he doesn’t want to tell me, but then he drags his gaze back to mine and sighs.
“I’m a man who would do anything for the ones he loves.
I’m the man who will go to the end of the earth to get what he wants.
When I love somethin’, I love it. There’s no changin’ that.
When I hate somethin’, it’s the same. I won’t change who I am for anyone.
What I’ve done in the past? Those are my sins, my demons to carry.
” Damn. I didn’t think he would say all that.
“That’s…a lot.”
“What about you?”
“I’ve thought a lot about that, especially lately, and I honestly don’t know who I am. I used to think that I was a strong person for what I lived through, but there are times that I get lonely.”
“You don’t let people in easily.”
“No. I keep to myself mostly. If I don’t let anyone in, then no one can hurt me.”
“But that’s a sad way to live, Kenz.”
“Is it? I’ve been doing fine so far,” I remind him.
“What about in the future? Don’t you want a family?”
“Do you?” I question him back.
“Never thought about it really. I’m not sure how good a father I would be, if I’m bein’ honest.”
“Well, I don’t think I’d make a good mom either,” I say. He shrugs.
“Maybe not. Maybe you’d be great.”
“Doubtful.”
“Can’t you take a compliment?” He asks, finishing off his water before tossing the bottle in the trash. We’ve been training a lot more lately, and I think I’m getting better.
“That’s what that was?”
“Fuck, Kenz,” he laughs.
“I really like this training we’re doing,” I tell him, getting off the subject.
“Yeah? You gonna keep up with it after all this is over?” he asks.
“I think so. Maybe find a gym and keep going.” He nods.
“That would be good for you. Gives you somethin’ to look forward to.”
“What about you? What are you doing when this is all over?”
“Same thing I’ve been doin’. Livin’ my life. Bein’ the best brother I can be. Givin’ a hundred percent to this club.”
“Is this all you’ve wanted? The club?” He seems to think that over for a long second before pulling up a chair and sitting down next to me.
“When I was little, I saw this man on a bike. He looked like a complete badass with all the patches and shit on his cut. I remember watchin’ him for hours when he’d work on his bike. He invited me over one day, and I sat by watchin’ and learnin’. Those were the best fuckin’ days of my life.”
“What happened to him?”
“Killed by a rival. He wasn’t a Soulless Bastard, but he was close to them. That’s how I met the club. I started hangin’ around with them after that, and when I was old enough, I was a prospect. Back then, they patched in at sixteen. That’s what I did right before I went to prison.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, not knowing what to say.
“Don’t be. Like I said, this is what I am supposed to be.”
“You never wanted to be anything else?”
“A cop,” he laughs now.
“No shit? A cop?” He laughs harder.
“Yeah. Can you believe that shit? I was really young, though. As soon as I saw that bike, it was like everything else clicked into place. What about you, death worker?” Now I laugh at his choice of words.
“Death worker?” I laugh again. “I wanted to be a member of the club when I was young. I wanted to be exactly what my dad was.”
“So how did you get into this work?”
“I don’t like people,” I laugh. “Once my dad died, I knew I wanted to do more, help more. I wasn’t good at talking to people and I don’t deal well with funerals, but I can do the makeup.
” There’s a hitch in my voice that I don’t like.
He notices, reaching over and resting his hand on top of mine. He gives me a squeeze.
“Can I ask you somethin’?”
“Yeah.”
“How didn’t they find you?” I want to choke up. I want to cry and crawl inside myself and hide from the old pain that I still have inside of me. I swallow hard and pull my hand free from his grasp before standing.
“I’ll show you.” He looks at me, confused by what I’m saying, but stands and follows me inside. I walk through the kitchen and toward the stairs before climbing them with him behind me.
When we get to my room, I usher him inside and look down at the chest.
“He had this made for me,” I tell him softly as I glance down at it.
“What is it?”
“It’s a chest,” I tell him, leaning down and lifting the lid. The inside is the same as it was back then. The pillow, the blankets, it all still lies in there just like it was when they found me.
Storm walks closer and squats down, running his fingers along the edge.
“He had this made in case somethin’ like that happened,” he says, keeping his tone down.
“Yeah. There’s a lock on the inside, but in the back, there are slits for air to get in.”
“Fuck, Kenz,” he says, dropping his head. I can’t stop it now. The tears I’ve been trying to hold back rush to my eyes and begin to fall down my cheeks. I take a step back when Storm notices. He looks up at me before turning back to the chest, closing the lid softly.
“What did he say to you? How did you know to get in there?”
“We practiced. He made sure that I knew not to say a word or open the chest until I knew it was one of the guys,” I choke on a sob.
“He knew it was always a possibility.”
“He saved me. I screamed for him. He was on the floor and I didn’t want to leave him,” I cry harder now as the memories assault me. I can still see him there, lying there, pleading with me to hide. My body begins to tremble when I wrap my arms around myself.
Storm stands and turns toward me, stepping into my space. I raise my hand to stop him but he doesn’t. Instead, he grabs my upper arms and drags my body into his. He wraps his strong arms around me and just holds me while I cry.
My whole body shakes from the sobs that rip through me.
Storm doesn’t let go of me. He keeps me tucked into him, his arms keeping me safe and I don’t know how to feel about that.
I know what this is, but the more time I spend with him, the closer I feel to him and the club.
I’m torn down the middle and I don’t like it.
I try to pull away from him, but his grip just gets tighter.
“It’s okay to let someone in, Kenz.” His words are like a slap to the face, considering we’re only doing this as a deal that we made. My stomach churns as I think about that and what he’s saying right now.
“We made a deal. This wasn’t it,” I tell him, pulling out of his grasp and taking a step back.
“Don’t do that,” he says, shaking his head.
“Do what? Tell the truth?” I ask him, wrapping my arms around myself once more.
Storm steps toward me once again, and a knot forms in my stomach.
“You know there’s more to us than just the deal,” he says, bringing his hand up to cup my cheek. It would be so easy to get lost in him, but I swore I wouldn’t get involved with anyone in the club life. I can’t handle losing someone else that I care about.
“There’s not.”
“Fuck that, Kenzee. You know there is.”
“Don’t do this, Storm.”
“Do what? Tell you that I feel somethin’ when I’m with you?”
“Exactly. Don’t tell me that.” With that, I step back and watch as his hand falls from my face and lands at his side. Storm watches me for a long second before he nods his head.
“You’re right. Fuck this,” he snaps before storming past me and out of my room. Tears sting my eyes once more before I walk over and drop onto my bed. This is it. This is what my life has become.