30
The next day, we decide to tackle the problem of Trinity. I’ve spent most of my life pretending and keeping a secret that could get me killed, but now it’s time to put on the performance of my life.
Rook and I head for the cafeteria for lunch, hoping to find her. Sort of. Part of me hopes that she disappeared off the face of the earth so I never have to see her again.
We enter to find the room buzzing with conversation.
A few looks are directed our way, but for once, we go mostly unnoticed.
I scan the room, finding the E-squad in the corner with their heads all bent together.
My back stiffens at the sight of those bloodred shirts.
I think about those men chasing me through the plaza and pinning me down while I screamed and screamed before they so cruelly knocked me out.
I’ve stopped walking, and Rook takes my hand.
“You okay?”
“Not really.”
He squeezes my fingers but says nothing, giving me space to talk myself into doing this.
I search for her among the group, finding her bright-red hair in the middle of the huddle. The sight makes my heart feel like it’s being ground up by a woodchipper. But I need to pretend to fix this. We can never go back. What she did was unforgivable, but I now have a bigger purpose.
For a moment, I hesitate, noticing a few people glancing over and elbowing one another. They probably think I’m here to chew Trinity out, and they’re ready for the show.
A moment later, one of the E-squad spots me. I remember Ruby from last year. Tall and fierce. A bit of a leader among the group. Conversation at the table cuts off as they notice her staring at me, until every one of the E-squad turns our way.
I know they’re wondering about me. I was accused of being the very thing they spend their time hunting. I was absolved, but I can tell that at least a few remain suspicious.
Trinity’s eyes catch mine, and my mouth presses together with the force of a thousand unsaid words. She slides out from her seat and stands, while her friends offer what sound like encouraging comments.
Trinity is a coward, but still, I wonder what she’ll do next. I wonder if she has a shred of honor left.
“Sit down,” Ruby tells her, and Trinity looks at the other woman before nodding and slowly obeying. Of course she’s too spineless to face me.
“Coward,” Rook mutters under his breath, echoing the same sentiments.
But suddenly I’m furious in a whole new way.
How dare she accuse me during that trial, then try to shirk away from facing me when her words were proven false?
She owes me a fucking apology. Even if her words were true, they were never justified.
I don’t deserve to be taken and locked up because of something I could never help.
“Trinity,” I say, my voice ringing out through the cafeteria with a bit more force than I intended. The room goes silent as Trinity stops, hovering awkwardly between sitting and standing. I release Rook’s hand and stride over. “We need to talk.”
“She has nothing to say to you,” Ruby says. She looks ready to rip my heart from my chest, but thankfully, she’s still seated, giving me a tiny, if misguided, boost of confidence.
“I wasn’t speaking to you,” I say, fusing a chill into my voice. “Plus, this is really none of your business.”
Ruby scowls. “Everything that happens with my squad is my business.”
“Does she speak for you?” I ask Trinity. “Are you unable to have a conversation without someone else’s permission?”
Trinity’s cheeks turn pink as she straightens back up. “It’s okay, Ruby,” she says. “I’ll talk to her.”
“You don’t have to,” Ruby bites out. “You owe her nothing.”
I ignore Ruby and watch Trinity, waiting for her to contradict that statement.
Trinity actually owes me so fucking much.
“It’s fine,” Trinity says, her voice small.
I guess it will have to do. Trinity shuffles between the tables, coming around the corner. I can feel every eye on us, but really, what else is new? Trinity always wanted to be the center of attention, and now she’s getting her wish.
“Okay, let’s talk,” she says, and I shake my head.
“Not here.”
Then I turn on my heel and walk away. Rook is still waiting for me in the center aisle. I meet his gaze, and he arches a brow before I shake my head, telling him I’m fine. He nods and moves aside, giving my wrist a quick squeeze as I pass.
I reach the exit and nearly stop dead in my tracks at the sight of Lieutenant Dire in his Extinguisher uniform. He stands with his feet spread and his hands clasped behind his back, looking for all the world like he owns the place.
Oh great.
He glances over, his gaze moving behind me, where I can hear Trinity’s footsteps.
“What’s going on?” he demands. I reach back to snag Trinity’s elbow and brush past him without answering.
“Where do you think you’re taking her?” Lieutenant Dire asks, following us before I spin around, never releasing my hold on Trinity.
“I’m going to talk to my oldest friend. And all of you are going to mind your own damn business.”
“It’s fine,” Trinity says, her tone weak with fear. “I’m fine.”
Lieutenant Dire huffs, and then Trinity and I are on the move again. I find a spot where we’ll have some privacy, rounding a corner and pushing her toward the wall before finally letting go. She whips around to face me, pressing her back to the surface as her chest heaves with nervous breaths.
“Poe, I’m sorry,” she says. “I thought I saw—”
“How could you?” I ask. “How could you do that to me?”
“I thought I saw you!” she answers. “You were covered in it. Spark.”
“So what?” I practically roar. “How could you just give me up!”
“Because I had to!” she argues. “I had no choice.”
“You had a choice,” I say, my voice dropping into a menacing growl. “There is always a choice, and you chose them over your best friend.”
Trinity opens her mouth and then closes it, clearly at a loss for words.
I give her a moment, hoping she’ll say something that makes any of this okay.
I quickly lose my patience.
“Say something!” I shout.
“You’ve always been weird!” she shouts back. “I thought . . . I thought . . .”
“What? Was my personality a moral failing that should see me condemned to death? I’m weird. For fuck’s sake, Trin. I thought we were friends! You’ve been like a sister to me! Is that really what you thought all these years?”
She’s sobbing now, big fat tears tracking down her cheeks. I search inside myself for some sliver of sympathy, but I find nothing. I’m empty, wrung dry by her betrayal and the awful things she believes about me.
“Poet,” she says, her tone thin and wheedling. “I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean for this to happen. I just . . . I thought I saw something, and I fucked up.”
She has no excuse. I know that. There is nothing she could say to make this right, but I have a job to do, and I have to find a way to pretend.
My eyes close as I try to calm the raging pulse of my furious heart. When I open them again, I find her shrinking against the wall like the gutless coward she is.
“Please,” she says. “Can you forgive me? Can we fix this? I hate that we grew apart.”
I want to remind her that she pushed me away first. But maybe I had a part to play, too. I pulled back when she joined the E-squad. I had planned to talk her out of joining, but then I got too wrapped up in my own shit, and I never made it a priority. I let my hurt feelings come first.
“I don’t know,” I say, and that is the truth.
If I didn’t have ulterior motives, could I find a way to forgive her?
Something happened after she failed that first test all those months ago.
Something changed when she tried to save herself and find a new path to redemption and a future she could live with.
“Can we try?” she asks, her voice whisper-soft. “I’m sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. I love you, Poet. I don’t want to lose you.”
I stare at her, allowing tears to fill my eyes, like I’m really regretting what happened between us. It isn’t hard to call them up.
“I never wanted to lose you, either,” I say, my voice wobbling with what I hope sounds like sincerity.
“We could go out and do something?” she says. “Just the two of us.”
I think about how she went to Sogno without me last year, and I add it to my list of reasons I’ll never forgive her, but now isn’t the time to bring it up.
“Okay,” I say. “Sure. Let’s try.”
She pushes off the wall and throws herself at me, wrapping me in a hug with such force that I stumble a few steps. It takes me a moment to return it. I gently embrace her, but my skin crawls at her touch.
She pulls back and clasps my shoulders, offering me a watery smile. I try to return it. I try to be okay. I need to convince her. I can’t let her suspect what I’m up to. I need to do this for Rook and his family, for the Tiera Frais, and for all the people lost to The Shield and its ambitions.
“I’ll text you,” she says before she gives me another hug.
“Sure,” I say. “I’m having dinner with my parents on Saturday, so maybe next week.”
“Oh!” she says. “Are you?”
“Yes, why?”
She shakes her head. “I don’t know. I thought after that whole defecting-to-House-Aria thing, they weren’t speaking to you anymore.”
“They weren’t. But I guess believing I might be dead reminded them that they’re my parents.”
“Oh,” she says, an emotion flashing behind her eyes that I can’t interpret. It almost feels like irritation. “That’s nice.”
“What about your parents?” I ask, curious about where things stand with the Robinses.
Her face flushes, her cheeks turning red. I don’t think it’s from shame but rather anger. “The same as before,” she says, her smile tight. “I’ve been disowned, and they have no reason to remember what I meant to them.” She waves her hand. “So, I guess I did you a favor.”
“Well . . .” I say, but she’s already turning away. I wouldn’t exactly say that, and I’m a little surprised by her audacity.
“Anyway, I’ll talk to you soon.” Then she’s walking away, wiping her eyes, leaving me standing alone.
I hear her talking to someone down the hallway, and I inch forward to peer around the corner. It’s Lieutenant Dire, and she’s still sniffling as she wipes her nose with the back of her hand. He clasps her shoulder, and watching her find comfort from this man makes my stomach churn.
“Let’s go,” I hear him say in a low voice.
He takes her elbow, and they start to walk away, but not before he looks over at me. Our eyes meet, and his gaze narrows.
I was cleared of the charges he helped bring against me.
But that doesn’t mean he believes I’m innocent.
I pause as my breath cements in my windpipe.
Trinity sniffles, and Dire turns away before they both disappear around the corner.
Once they’re gone, I step out from the shadows, roll my shoulders, and head back to the cafeteria, understanding that whatever plans I have for Trinity are about to put me directly in Lieutenant Dire’s path.