Chapter 20
L ater in the afternoon—after a lengthy, mostly one-sided conversation with the rest of the pack, in which Honey had let them know in no uncertain terms what she thought of their behavior—Honey slipped into the boys’ dorm. She hesitated outside Ignatius’s door, then knocked.
“Ignatius?” she called. “It’s Honey. May I come in?”
No answer.
Well, that wasn’t a ‘no.’ Deciding that was all the invitation she was likely to get, Honey went in.
She hadn’t seen Ignatius’s room before. In general layout, it was almost identical to her own—which made sense, since it was intended to be a counselor’s room.
Unlike her, he hadn’t decorated, unless you counted scattered piles of musty clothes as ‘decorated.’ Campers were supposed to keep their living space neat, but Ignatius was clearly used to having other people tidy up after him.
Ignatius himself sat on his bed, knees drawn up to his chin. As she walked in, he thrust something under the bedsheets. She got the briefest glimpse of worn red fur and a button eye before the stuffed toy disappeared. The boy scowled at her, as though daring her to comment.
“If you’re here to tell me you’re very disappointed in me, you can save your breath,” he muttered. “Believe me, I’ve heard it all before.”
“That’s not why I’m here.” Leaving the door open behind her, Honey perched on the end of the bed. “I thought you might need to talk.”
Ignatius drew his feet further away from her. “What good would that do?”
“I don’t know. Maybe nothing. But not talking isn’t working, is it? You tried to keep a big secret, and it came out anyway.”
Ignatius picked at his sheet, not looking at her.
“You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to. But I think you should talk to someone.”
No answer.
The room wasn’t quite devoid of personal possessions. There was a single framed picture on the nightstand; a blonde woman, her arms wrapped tight around a boy. Honey almost didn’t recognize Ignatius, even though it had to be a recent picture. She’d never seen him smile.
“Is that your mom?” she asked. She’d never heard Ignatius mention anyone other than his uncle. “You look very happy together.”
One-shouldered shrug.
“Do you miss her?”
“She’s not dead,” he muttered at the sheet. “If that’s what you’re really asking.”
“Would you like to talk to her? You are allowed to call home, you know.”
“She’s away.” Ignatius knocked the picture frame over, hiding the photo. “She has to go away a lot. Important clan business. For my uncle.”
“That must be lonely for you.”
Another shrug. He still hadn’t looked at her.
“You guessed before this, didn’t you?” he said abruptly.
“I had my suspicions,” she admitted. “I noticed you avoided shifting with the other kids. But I wasn’t certain. Does your uncle know?”
Ignatius’s mouth twisted bitterly. “Why do you think he made me come to this stupid camp? To learn how to make campfires and idiotic friendship bracelets?”
“I can understand his reasons for sending you here,” Honey said gently. “And I can understand why you didn’t want any of the other campers to know. What I don’t understand is why your uncle didn’t tell any of the staff that you hadn’t shifted yet.”
Ignatius’s shoulders hunched further. “I asked him not to.”
“Why did you do that?”
“Why?” Ignatius lifted his head at last to shoot her an incredulous look, as though this should be self-evident. “You think I want anyone to know I’m a weak, pathetic failure?”
“You aren’t any of those things. Does your uncle say that?”
“No.” Ignatius went back to his sullen huddle, chin on his knees. “He doesn’t have to. He’s never angry with me. Just disappointed. ”
“Plenty of people don’t shift until they’re much older than you are now.” She’d learned enough about shifters to know that was true. “It’s perfectly normal.”
“You sound like my mom,” Ignatius muttered.
“That’s what she says. That I should stop worrying.
She even didn’t want my uncle to send me here.
She said that my dragon will emerge when it’s ready, and nothing would speed it up.
They had a huge fight about it. But he’s the clan alpha, and he insisted. ”
Privately, Honey was beginning to like Ignatius’s mom a lot more than his uncle. “Is that why you didn’t want to come here? You agree with your mom?”
“Oh, sure,” Ignatius said, dripping sarcasm.
“The fact that I haven’t shifted yet is totally nothing to worry about.
It’s not like Goldens always shift young.
It’s not like my uncle could fly before he could walk.
At my age, he was already winning dominance fights and claiming treasure for his hoard.
I don’t even have a single coin that’s properly my own.
Not that I won for myself, like a real dragon. ”
“We all do things at our own pace, Ignatius. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. You’ll shift when you’re ready.”
“You don’t understand ,” he said savagely.
“You’re not a dragon. You don’t know what it’s like, always having to guard your territory and your treasure.
I’m Ignatius Aurelium Golden! My uncle is relying on me to take over as alpha one day.
If I show any sign of weakness, other dragon clans will take everything he fought to claim. I can’t let him down. I can’t .”
Her heart bled for him. No kid should be under that much pressure. Maybe that was the real reason he’d asked his uncle not to reveal his secret. For all Ignatius’s arrogant ways, perhaps deep down, he’d wanted to be treated like any other kid. If only for a little while.
“I’ve already talked to the rest of the pack,” she said. “And to Moira and Ragvald’s campers. No one will tease you about this, I promise. They won’t even mention it, if you’d rather they didn’t.”
“They’d better not.” Ignatius straightened, some of his usual haughtiness returning.
“Otherwise, this whole place will be in big trouble. My uncle only invested in this stupid camp to make sure it would be totally under his control if he had to send me here. If word of this gets out, he won’t be happy. ”
“ Everyone will respect your privacy, and not because of your uncle,” Honey said firmly. “But Ignatius, have you considered sharing some of what you’re going through with the other kids? They’d understand. You aren’t the only person here who can’t shift yet.”
Ignatius shook his head. “Estelle has her powers already, and she can talk mind-to-mind with other mythic shifters. She’ll probably shift any day now. It’s not the same.”
“I’m not saying it is. But she’s frustrated that she can’t transform yet, just like you. And although she acts like she doesn’t care, she’s still self-conscious about the fact that all her friends already can. I think you two might find you have more in common than you think.”
“She wouldn’t understand.” Ignatius wrapped his arms around his knees, drawing them closer to his chest. “No one understands.”
I understand , she wanted to tell him… but she couldn’t. No matter how much empathy she felt for him, how could she claim to know what he was going through? She wasn’t even a shifter.
Inspiration struck. “Well, if you won’t talk to Estelle, how about Buck?”
“Buck?” From the look Ignatius gave her, he thought she was joking. “He’s not even a real shifter.”
“That’s why I think you should talk to him.” If there was one thing the boy needed above anything else, it was someone who didn’t give two hoots about shifting. “Maybe Buck could give you a different perspective on all this.”
Ignatius’s snort indicated he was far from convinced. “Yeah, right. Like he’s going to teach me how to shift.”
“That’s not what I meant. Just think about it, okay?”
Shrug. Ignatius fidgeted with his blanket.
Honey’s instincts prickled. She’d been about to excuse herself, but Ignatius had the look of a boy turning a thought around in his head to the point where he either had to say something or explode. She stayed quiet, waiting.
“So now you know,” he burst out. He glared across at her, as stiff as if braced for a fight. “When does the new schedule start?”
“What?” That one, she hadn’t expected. “What new schedule?”
Ignatius looked at her like she was an idiot. “Why do you think my uncle sent me here? I just told you I can’t shift. You think you can waste my time with, with campfires and swimming and, and stupid hikes? ”
Oh no.
“Well, those other activities are an important part of summer camp too,” she said, stalling for time. “And I thought you liked the hikes.”
“Dragons don’t walk,” Ignatius snapped back. “They fly . And I’m supposed to be a dragon. Haven’t you heard anything I said? My uncle expects me to learn how to shift this summer. He’s not going to be happy if he finds out you did nothing to help.”
There was nothing she could do to help. She hadn’t the first idea how one might go about teaching someone to turn into an animal.
And that’s not what he needs anyway.
She might never have had to handle a dragon before, but she’d had plenty of anxious, hot-housed kids pass through her classroom. Underneath that brittle, too-adult manner lay an infinite fear of failure. He needed emotional support, not coaching.
But… was she really the right person to provide that?
He’s not a lost chick you can gather under your wing, Honey. Buck’s gruff, certain words rang through her memory. We have to get him transferred to another pack.
Maybe Buck was right. Maybe she was just deluding herself, getting over-involved when she didn’t even belong here in the first place. How could she presume to know what was right for a shifter, when she wasn’t one herself?
“I want to help you, Ignatius,” she said, picking her words as though navigating through a minefield. “But I don’t think I can. This incident shows that you aren’t getting on with the rest of the group. Perhaps we should talk to Zephyr about getting you transferred to a different pack.”
His shoulders went even stiffer. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”
“No!” It was hard to sound convincing when that was, indeed, exactly what she was trying to do. She rushed on, “It’s just, I think other counselors might be able to support you better. Especially if you want to focus on shifting. Buck can’t control his own animal, let alone help you find yours.”
He glared at her with red-rimmed eyes. “ You could.”
Honey froze, half-truths slipping through her grasp. As she hesitated, something changed in Ignatius’s expression. His gaze flickered over her face, his own going still.
“But you won’t,” he said slowly. “You should be doing everything you can to help me shift. My uncle will be furious if he finds out you didn’t. Yet you still won’t even try.”
“I—I’m not a dragon shifter. I couldn’t help you.” Honey stood abruptly, backing away. “You’re confined to your cabin for the rest of the day. I expect you to use this time to reflect on your actions, and you’ll make a full apology to Archie first thing tomorrow.”
She fled without waiting for a response. Safely outside and out of sight, she collapsed against the cabin wall. With a groan, she let her head fall back, closing her eyes.
“Went that well, did it?” Buck must have been waiting for her on the porch. He held out a steaming mug. “Here. I brought you coffee.”
“You are a prince,” she told him fervently. “Marry me and have my babies.”
“Woman, if that’s your reaction to coffee, it’s just as well that beer cooler hidden under the dock turned out to be empty.” He handed her the drink. “On a scale of one to ten, how bad was it?”
“Don’t ask.” She took a long swallow of coffee. He’d added cream and sugar, just the way she liked. “Buck, I slipped up.”
She gave him a brief recap of the conversation. Buck’s eyebrows drew further together with every word.
“Crap,” was his succinct summary.
Honey winced. “It must be a disaster if you’re almost swearing.”
“Sorry.” Buck blew out his breath. “Maybe it’ll be okay.
It’s still a long step for him to figure out the truth.
And at least he knows now that he’s not getting shifting lessons from either of us.
Let’s hope that lights a fire under his ass.
If this doesn’t make him ask for a different set of counselors, I don’t know what will. ”
“Me neither.” With a sigh, she drained the last of her coffee. “Tell me some good news. Did you talk to Archie?”
“Yep.”
“And is he suitably filled with remorse for his behavior?”
“Probably not.” The corner of Buck’s mouth hooked up. “But he will be.”