36. Cassidy
Chapter 36
Cassidy
I ’d spent the afternoon with a very pissed off but able to tolerate me Issobelle, who did nothing but express how much of a mistake I’d been making since. I’d confessed to them everything that’s happened, including Eric and how badly I’d fucked it all up.
“I just fall for everyone, don’t I?” I laughed, almost hysterically so I didn’t cry again. I was so sick of crying.
Issobelle had been slam-dunking her straw into her chocolate milkshake as we walked through Manhattan and to my parents’ hotel building. My mother said she had errands to run, and she’d meet me there, giving me some well overdue girls’ time. “I’ve never seen you fall for anyone.” I looked at her confused.
“But I have a reputation for being a serial dater,” I laughed. At least I had up until four months ago.
“Serial dater and flings, Cassidy, but you’ve never declared your outright love for someone,” Clover conveyed. And it’d been the worst time to tell him. I’d been so selfish, as if that’d been a scapegoat to make it all okay. Because I loved him. And only in a matter of weeks. He must’ve thought I was a silly little girl.
I tried to laugh it off. “But it was such a short time we knew each other. And he’s so much older. Isn’t that crazy?”
Clover and Issobelle looked at each other. Issobelle shrugged. “Don’t look at me, I’m the furthest thing from the relationship type to offer you advice.”
Clover sighed, defeated. “Well look at Damon and me. That all happened pretty quickly and in an unconventional way.”
“Dating a billionaire male escort is definitely unconventional,” Issobelle interrupted.
“Hey.” Clover nudged her playfully. Even if she hadn’t known his true identity at the time, circumstance led Clover and Damon together. “Despite our unusual meeting, it still felt inevitable. And I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.”
“So, Clover meets a hot male escort, fake-dates him and then falls in love with him and has her dream job and a new shiny beau. I’m sure a little age gap isn’t going to be that big of a deal in your love quest,” Issobelle exemplified. Clover pinched her. “Hey!”
“You like to bring that one up when you can, don’t you?” Clover asked, trying to keep a serious expression.
“I mean c’mon it’s kind of a cool meet-cute,” Issobelle laughed.
I considered her seriously. “I don’t think it’s the age gap that’s the problem anymore. I lied to him… If you’d seen his expression when he’d found out…” I fell short, the emotion as raw now as it had been then. How could I ever ask for his forgiveness after I brought that kind of trouble to his home?
“Well trust is important but it’s not like you lied to him on purpose. I mean the man saved you from a pack of wolves. If he can do that and not sit in a room with you and express his feelings then he’s really misaligned,” Issobelle casually shrugged.
Clover tsked at her.
“What?” Issobelle made light of it. “Putting him to the side, you can’t marry this Frederick douchebag. I don’t care what your parents say. You can live with me for all I give a shit.”
“You know you’re always welcome to live with Damon and me,” Clover added.
I scrunched up my nose. “No offence, Clover, but I wouldn’t want to be third wheel to your household considering you and Damon just moved in together and can’t keep your hands off each other.
“And besides, I can do this. I’m going to tell my father outright tonight I won’t go through with it.” A heavy weight sat on my chest. “And if he disowns me because of it… well I’ll figure it out.” Ironically, the pay check I’d been waiting on had been deposited into my account weeks ago. It was minimal but it was there and it was mine. And although my mother had given me a credit card to use, I wanted to try and stand on my own two feet and stay true to my decision.
I’d been so scared about my parents’ disappointment and them disowning me that I’d been willing to sign my life away. And although I was blessed with my mother’s permission—in not so many words—I realized vomiting in the bottom of that bin in that ridiculously hideous wedding dress that there was no way I could go through with this, even when I tried to force myself.
We’d finally arrived at the hotel my parents stayed in when they visited. I could see my mother waiting patiently in the reception.
“Do you need us to come with you?” Clover asked quietly. I inhaled a long calming breath.
“No, I need to do this on my own.” Facing my father terrified me but other things terrified me more… Like a lot of wrongs and hurts I had to make up for. Like flying to Chicago and confronting Eric to apologize. That scared me more than anything else. Because it would be his final rejection, which I anticipated, that would break me completely. I owed him at least a proper explanation. And my fragile heart gave way to the hopeful thought that maybe he’d hear me out… that he’d look at me with something other than disgust. But first I had to get through this.
“Thank you. I love you both,” I admitted and pulled them tightly into a hug.
“I’m still pissed,” Issobelle called out, taking another sip of her milkshake. Clover swatted her arm, the two mock-bickering behind me as I walked through the doors, my mother studying her wristwatch, without looking at me as she stood. “You’re five minutes late.”
“I feel like five minutes late from ruining my father’s day and possibly year isn’t all that bad,” I replied.
She nodded taking a harsh swallow. Because she’d be the one to deal with the fallout. And yet my mother had given me an out. One I could never admit to another person in case she was judged by my father for it.
My mother and I stood silently in the elevator and my heart thrummed in my chest. I loved my father, despite how messed up the situation might be in him palming me off like some bargaining chip, I still loved him. And the thought of him being displeased or even hating me sent a cold chill through me and my stomach swirled with nausea again. But I couldn’t live a loveless marriage simply because I wanted him to be happy with a business deal gone right. He wouldn’t be sitting in the marriage—I would.
When the elevator doors opened, commotion and chaos sounded through the halls. Walking straight out into the hallway of the penthouse, I saw Frederick round the corner with a sneer on his face. He barged between me and my mother. I grabbed her by the arm before she lost her footing.
“Hey, asshole!” I hissed. When he turned, he looked ominous, a vile sneer and expression on his face.
“Couldn’t keep your filthy mouth shut could you?” he growled.
My mother was indignant, and I stared at him, baffled. When the elevator doors closed, we turned to face one another. Neither of us knew what was happening. We followed the noise to where it sounded like my father was losing his absolute shit.
“Dad?” I called out as we rounded into the sizeable living room. A few papers had been thrown to the floor and with a bony finger, he pointed into the direction that Frederick had left.
“He was trying to trick us,” he yelled furiously. Even in my father’s rage, still not a single strand of hair was out of place.
“Marcus,” my mother said calmly because she was used to his many spurts. “What happened?” She hurried to pick up the papers in case someone might see him having “such a moment.” I hadn’t envied my time away. The longer I’d been away from them the more relaxed I became and not caring so much what other people thought, if ever so slightly. But my parents, they hadn’t and were never going to change a bit.
“Did you know they’d run out of oil,” my father said, raising more papers in the air. “They planned on marrying in for the security of funds knowing I would’ve bought into the company.”
My mother silently poured him a whisky from the bottle always conveniently placed on the side table. My mind was a whirl. Slowly, I took the bundled papers from him. It contained graphs and figures, some emails sent via management, and it was all in the negative. The last two years of earnings dropping significantly. How had they even covered this up from the media so far? Then again, Frederick’s family cared about their appearance and reputation just as much as my own parents.
“You will not be marrying that man,” he said, as if it were a punishment that I now couldn’t marry him. “I forbid it.” I tried to wipe the smile from my face, the mounted relief flowing off me. I lunged for my dad, taking him by surprise as I hugged him.
He didn’t seem to know what to do as he carefully wrapped an awkward hand around me. “Thank you,” I said sincerely. My mother slowly walked over, putting a gentle hand on both our backs in what I imagined was meant to be a family hug. When had it become so stifled and awkward between us?
“How did you find this?” I asked. My father ran a hand over his tie, tidying his appearance.
He cleared his throat, still a little flustered, from the ordeal or the family hug, I wasn’t so sure. Dad pointed to the library. “Your friend that works in IT, he’d managed to accumulate some things.” My heart pounded. My friend? “ He said you’d asked him to look into it. Thank you, Cassidy, and… I’m sorry.”
I only knew one person who worked in IT. No, didn’t work in IT, ran a staff of over two hundred people in IT type of guy. I swallowed hard. “Is he still here?” I asked in a distant voice.
My father combed through his pepper-sprinkled hair and cleared his throat as if the apology itself had singed him. But he’d done it and said it, much to my disbelief. But my breath hitched for other reasons now. Had it been Eric?
“He’s in the library now, said he could wait for your return,” my father said, throwing back the glass of whiskey.
“Let’s sit in the other room,” my mother said knowingly as she guided my father into the second lounge with the bottle of whisky in hand. I had the distinct impression my father would be waking up with a sore head in the morning.
When they’d left, I turned around facing the library, the wooden doors slightly ajar. I’d been surprised by my father so openly displaying his rage with someone else in the penthouse who could hear. I supposed it just showed how mad he was at the idea of being tricked by what had been a longtime friend. But I supposed some friendships came at a price. Especially in the inner circles that my parents danced amongst.
My outstretched hand paused at the door, my heart hammering in my ears. Tears welled in my eyes before I’d even pushed the door open, hopeful as to who might be on the other side. I continued on. Soundlessly, it exposed a thick, muscular, suit-covered back. He’d been looking over the classical library my father enjoyed collecting.
Slowly, Eric turned, that rugged beard and features looking like they were carved out of stone and squeezed perfectly into the suit. His forest-green eyes were trained on me as he slid the book back onto the shelf.
I wasn’t entirely sure what to say, so I foolishly said the first thing that popped into my head. I waved a hand over him. “Wow Chicago Eric in a suit, huh?” He looked over himself self-consciously. “It looks good,” I blurted. “Not that you needed my approval or anything.” Why was I still talking?
His mouth twitched at the corner, fluttering all kinds of emotions into me. No, I was reading into this all wrong. I tried to calm my jittery nerves.
“You found those things about Frederick’s family?”
He nodded. Then more palpable silence. My heart pounded in my chest. Why wasn’t he saying anything? Why was he here? I just wanted to run up and throw myself around him, but the last time I’d seen him he was bleeding on the ground with disgust and betrayal twisting his features. I was scared if I took one step closer, his disgust would reappear.
“How’s your arm and leg?” I asked. He seemed surprised by my question. Whatever his train of thought had been it’d stopped.
“They’re fine,” he said roughly and cleared his throat. “And the information wasn’t that difficult to find, I had a team on it, so it only took us a few days to find cold hard proof.”
I nodded, still standing closely to the doorframe as if it was giving me strength to stand. “How did you know where to find us?”
I was saying all the wrong things. Are you here for me? Do you still hate me? I’m sorry.
He rounded the big wooden desk, coming to a stop before it and leaning against its edge. If my father saw him do it, he’d probably lose his shit. “When I began researching your family’s name it wasn’t hard to find your whereabouts, Cassidy. Or should I say your father’s. And it’s even easier to get in touch with him when you have the right contacts.”
I gulped, almost too scared to ask my next question. “But you came to deliver them personally?”
He let out a slow breath, those intense green eyes boring into me. A mixture of hope and pain rolled through me.
He seemed to not know what to do with his hands as he nodded. “After that asshole took you from the cabin, I left straight for Chicago the next day. I thought I’d go back to normal, but I was more pissed off with the world than usual and I couldn’t get you out of my fucking head.” I winced at every curse word he used, feeling their impact of anger and hurt. “About a week ago, Lori flew to Chicago and kicked me up the ass.” Sounded like Lori alright. He licked his lips as if parched. His expression turned innocent. “I realized I might’ve been unfair to you.”
“No, I was the one in wrong,” I quickly said. He offered a lopsided smile that took my breath away and stopped me short.
“You turned my world upside down, snowflake.” My heart melted at his nickname. “And every morning when I wake up, I still find myself looking for you fluttering about the kitchen or doing some weird pose for yoga, even in my Chicago home. I haven’t been able to sleep right since that night and even though you’re not with me, you’re still somehow driving me absolutely insane.”
My bottom lip wobbled.
“And I miss you reading that goddamn book. It doesn’t matter what book it is your reading, I just miss your voice and commentary. And I miss us. I know it’s unreasonable. I know we weren’t meant to meet and I’m just an old fucking man but I’m also a tired one. And for the first time in a long time, I’m finding myself here, taking a risk with you, hopeful that you’ll accept my apology.”
My voice wavered. “That was an apology?”
He exhaled a sharp breath with a taut smile. “Yes, sweetheart. I didn’t know you were under those types of pressures. I should’ve protected you but instead I locked up and selfishly thought about myself.”
I shook my head, taking a step forward. “No, you were thinking about your family, and I hadn’t told you the truth. I brought a bad man into your town, and I’ll never be able to apologize enough for that.”
Breathlessly, I’d taken the last few steps between us somehow and now stood in front of him. My heart hammering in my chest.
“So did they ever live a happily ever after in that book?” he asked innocently, his gaze devouring me.
I felt my throat bobble, his gaze drawn to its dip and then my lips. “I never read the last few chapters without you.”
Slowly, I reached out to him. He mimicked my action until his calloused fingers brushed against mine. My body lit with flames and the tears that had been building finally broke free. He pulled me in, hugging and squeezing me tightly as I cried into his shoulder. I was surrounded by his warmth and protection. Home. I felt like I was at home again. It hadn’t been any particular place and certainly not the cabin. It had been Eric. And I’d make sure to send Lori the biggest present of her life for sending him back to me.
“You know,” I said with a croaky voice. “I was going to come find you in Chicago after tonight. I was going to tell my father I couldn’t go through with it.”
He brushed back part of my hair, studying my face as if he might never see it again. “Shadow would’ve liked that. I haven’t been the only miserable bastard without you.”
I let out a hideous laugh through blanketed tears. “Well, I am still technically on vacay.”
He smiled, staring at my lips. “Would you like to come back to Chicago with me on a temporary vacation?” he asked.
Warmth filled my entire body and I felt like I lit up like a Christmas tree. I nodded profusely. “Yes,” I breathed. “I don’t want to be anywhere else, Eric. Even if you are a grump half the time.”
His lips twitched into a smile until finally, he bent down and kissed me. All that hurt, longing, and passion coiled into one. His tongue was dominant, and I opened up to him more so he could lick every delicacy that I’d happily give him. I could feel his cock twitching beneath the fabric of his pants, my own body heating with anticipation.
He growled, those hooded green eyes studying my lips as he pulled back. “I have a hotel room if—”
“Yes,” I breathed, grabbing his hand and running for the door. He laughed, tugging me back.
“Wait, what if your father sees.”
“I don’t care who sees us together, Eric. I never have. Especially my father of all people. And besides it also turns out that my boyfriend’s big enough to be scary.”
“Boyfriend?” he asked, arching eyebrows.
Heat blasted across my cheeks. “I—”
His lips crushed to mine again possessively. “I never want you guessing where you stand again, Cassidy. You’re the only woman for me. So yes, I’m your fucking boyfriend.”
The way he growled it had my toes curling, as if the moment he’d said it I was trapped in some twisted dark ruin. A dangerous promise and one that I’d been praying for every single day since the moment I’d left him and Shadow behind in that cabin.
“Now take me to this hotel room of yours, boyfriend.”
With ease, he threw me over his shoulder forcing a small squeal to escape my lips as he gritted out, “It’s just one floor down.” But I didn’t even know if we could make it past the elevator.
I kicked and screamed playfully, my loose curls swinging toward the floor as he carried me like a caveman. My father and mother were nowhere to be seen. Most likely because my mother knew exactly who’d been in that room and she kept my father distracted.
Warmth flooded me as a lightness finally took hold. I finally felt free. My parents had shown their love in their own way. But now I’d found my own that filled me entirely and I wasn’t ever willing to let it go.