Interlude Mangy Coyotes & Escaped Lab Experiments
Interlude
Mangy Coyotes & Escaped Lab Experiments
Transcribed excerpt from The Debunker podcast archives:
Calvin: The Chupacabra is one of my favorite monsters.
Maybe it’s because my parents own one of those little hairless dogs that, from a distance, you might assume is a small iguana.
He could easily be mistaken for a bloodsucking monster if you met him in a dark alleyway.
They’ve even named him Chuppy in honor of his beastly doppelg?nger.
The Chupacabra, or the English translation, the Goat Sucker, is most notable for leaving its victims completely drained of blood. It seems to prefer small farm animals, especially goats. Hence the name.
The Chupacabra is a modern-day cryptid that first appeared in Puerto Rico in the mid-1970s.
It’s subsequently cropped up all over since its popularization in the 1990s: Mexico, Chile, Texas, Florida.
Chupacabras have been spotted as far north as Maine in the United States, and even in other countries across the globe.
The nature of the Chupacabra varies wildly, depending on who you ask: escaped lab experiment gone wrong, extraterrestrial, a plain old vampire.
One aspect of the story I find most intriguing, though, is the consistency of the sightings.
Almost all the reports tell of a similar creature.
Reptile-like with glowing red eyes and grayish, scaly skin.
Some even claim it’s beautiful, with an iridescent tone to its scales.
Scales that can shift colors like an octopus.
A ridge of spikes running from head to tail, long fangs, and a forked tongue in a snout-like jaw.
Sharp claws on overlarge hands and feet.
It has the ability to travel bipedally, although it seems to prefer to travel on all four limbs.
Sounds at least as cute and cuddly as my parents’ dog. Sorry to throw you under the bus, Chuppy, but we have to face the fact: Lovable as you are, you’re not winning any beauty contests.
Although I may claim to love the story of the Chupacabra, don’t make the mistake of thinking I believe the Chupacabra exists in its fully fledged monster form that’s well known today.
I will admit, the consistent descriptions do sound like they could originate from a biological entity, a flesh-and-blood creature.
But the videos I’ve seen clearly show mangy coyotes and hairless dogs.
The DNA inevitably proves only the existence of known canids.
You can even see the purple collar on one monster in a popular video floating around.
Have you ever seen a picture of a mangy bear?
Terrifying, but no monster. It’s always going to be something mundane, not monstrous.
As for the cattle mutilation and the lack of blood in the bodies, this is a case of natural predation appearing creepy and unnatural to the untrained eye. There are too many natural explanations, no matter how unsavory or unpalatable to our sensibilities.
Vampires really exist. But they’re merely another of Mother Nature’s inventions, nothing supernatural.
Vampire bats, for example, are actual creatures that could account for the puncture marks and bloodletting.
Carrion birds go for the soft eyes first. Hell, there’s even a vampiric bird that lives on the Galápagos Islands.
Coyotes, big cats, they know to go in through the other, ahem, soft orifices first. What predator isn’t going to head straight for the juicy and nutrient-packed internal organs?
I know I said “to the untrained eye,” but honestly, even to the trained eye, if you’re looking for the Chupacabra, you’re going to find it. And that’s on confirmation bias.