42 Origin #3
She mourns for family when I’m standing right in front of her, blue in the face from screaming at her to love me.
Her plan will never work, but she will never understand that.
Adele will keep searching, at the expense of anyone who stands in her way.
She will keep searching for a past that is irretrievable and miss a present that is just as fleeting.
“And poetically, the conduit that brings them back is also the weapon that can kill the Chupacabras. The weapon that can avenge you,” I add. “The only material on this planet strong enough to kill them. Landing here by chance, just like you.”
Orion’s eyes widen as he looks at the sword I hold, made from remnants of his home planet. Adele’s home planet.
“I have to do it,” Adele says. “For my family. Our family.”
The Beasts are gone. There is no vengeance to be had, no repayment to be made. Adele is clinging to an enemy long dead, raking open a wound so it can never heal. She speaks of sacrifice, the mathematics of one life for another, and doesn’t see that the equation will never balance.
I consider the math of my own life, the things I’ve done, the mistakes I’ve made. The years I’ve wasted, the things I can’t take back. Life I have yet to live. Future years I was never guaranteed. I can’t see clearly how the scales balance; I’m not sure I’m supposed to.
I look at Calvin. Always ready to believe the best of me, even in the face of overwhelming evidence. His love like the sun, blindingly bright. Warm, essential, vital.
I look at Luca. Always willing to love me, even knowing the worst of me. Like a moon cutting through the darkness.
I look at Eldi, the most innocent here, a future sprawled out ahead of her, unfurling into the unknown. Her eyes that hold hope still.
Eldi, Meredith, and Zara. The three for whom I would give myself to protect. Three babies who hold my whole heart in their hands. The little stars scattered across the horizon.
They orbit me, the supernova doomed to burn too brightly until I collapse in on myself.
A greedy black hole that will consume all their light until there’s nothing left, if I’m not careful.
I hear the echoes of a thousand lifetimes in my ears as I make my choice.
A sacrifice to echo the sacrifice my ancestors made.
Their sacrifice that allowed Eldi to live, allowed me the chance to exist and find this family of mine.
Kill me before she makes me into a weapon.
You are your choices. You are good.
Ma.
“You are my last hope, Regina, please,” my mother begs.
Love is messy.
“Ma,” Eldi calls.
I drop the tethers one by one. Letting them slip through my fingers until only Calvin and Luca remain.
“I love you all,” I say.
Then I shut off my mind and my heart to their pleas, spoken and unspoken.
It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but they’ll have each other to pick up the pieces.
I let go of that last thread, connecting me to Calvin.
Severing it with an icy finality, an iceberg dooming a ship.
I have to fight Calvin as he struggles to hold on to that tether, to hold on to me. He barrels toward me.
My eyes meet Luca’s. A last plea for help.
Abandon ship, man the lifeboats. Only I notice the hope leave his eyes as he understands.
As he lets me go when I’m not strong enough to do the same.
Luca snaps that final tether and lunges for Calvin, the only one who stands a chance of keeping him back as he transforms.
Zara or Meredith, maybe both, scream, but their path is blocked as Luca tries to hold back a raging Calvin.
Eldi has no hope of escaping Orion’s clutches as he holds her back from the fight, from reaching me.
I counted on his caring more about her than anything else, and he doesn’t fail me.
I throw open that door, let a wild stream of energy come crackling through me; restraint no longer matters.
The whole mountain shudders; a wild wind blows.
None of them can follow me where I’m going. Only I will be a sacrifice today.
I am alone. My voyage was doomed from the start.
I think of the Titanic. A velvet night sky filled with strange light from distant stars, the orchestra playing as they go down with the ship.
Survivors huddle in lifeboats adrift in a cold and cruel sea.
The light of a rescue boat, too far away to make it in time—
“Carpathia,” I shout toward Luca, who falters for only a second as he struggles with Calvin. He hears me, and I can only hope he understands.
It’s as easy as breathing, loving them.
“Please. For your true family,” Adele begs. Calm but closer to tears than I’ve ever seen her, holding out her open hand, unflinchingly approaching me despite the surrounding chaos.
“For them,” I agree, stepping forward to clasp her outstretched hand. I grab hold of Adele, body and soul, an uneven tether, and wrench that door open in my mind, as wide as it will go, and throw us both into the void.