Eleven
Summer
Me: I’m running away and marrying Shah Rukh Khan
Papi: Sure you are, Mija. Just invite me to the wedding okay?
River is an absolute jerk.
After our kiss last night, which was followed by a talk, I was convinced that he was right. That for once River was making sense. But now I’m lying in River’s bed, curled up under his sheets because they hold his scent, and I’m watching one of my favorite Bollywood movies, Kuch Kuch Hota Hai.
Rahul is running toward the train that his best friend, Anjali, is on—standing in the vestibule.
Hey Anjali? I’ll miss you, my dear.
I’ll miss you too.
Screw this movie and screw River.
I mean, not that he’ll even let me.
“No, I’m the one who should be sorry, Pretty Girl.”
“I don’t want to ruin anything.”
Who does he think he is calling me that? Kissing me that way? Then telling me he doesn’t want to ruin anything? I want to rip his head off yet I want to bury my face in his neck all at the same time.
I try to focus back on the screen but it’s hard. Honestly, I’d rather be hung from the roof by my toenails. Because why does Rahul still get Anjali after choosing Tina?
Anjali still chose Rahul. Still loved him after everything. If they can go through something like that and still come back to each other, then couldn’t River and I do the same thing?
They survived a damn love triangle.
Surely River and I can survive this.
He doesn’t want to ruin our friendship? Good, I don’t want to either, but I think there’s a way we can have what we want. Because whatever is happening between us needs to be fixed and I’m determined to do just that.
No more ignoring this. We’re going to face this head on and then hope we can finally move past all of this.
***
“I need to talk to you.” I stand at the front counter in a close to empty Metric’s.
My arms are crossed and River looks up from the counter he’s cleaning. Even Mario, the evening manager, looks up from his spot at the register with a customer.
“Probably about time you take a break anyway,” Mario chuckles.
Seemingly knowing that I’m serious, River doesn’t waste time clocking out and guiding me toward the back parking lot where his car is parked. Besides Mario’s car, the parking lot is otherwise empty, giving me the confidence to continue with my mission here.
“Is everything okay?” River leans back against the passenger door of his car, arms crossed like mine and mimicking my furrowed eyebrows with amusement.
“No.” I don’t beat around the bush. “Everything is not okay.”
His face immediately falls. “What’s wrong?”
I take a deep breath and decide that I’m actually doing this. “You said that we should just stay friends, right? But aren’t you the least bit curious?”
God, I hate how desperate I sound.
That’s exactly what I am but I still hate that I sound this way.
“Curious about us,” I clarify.
River arches his eyebrow, his entire body freezing. Acting as if I just poured ice water over his head.
“Well, I mean…yeah.” He looks away. “I’ve thought about it but—”
I interrupt him. “Yeah, I get it. We’re best friends and we don’t want this to blow up in our faces. And you know what? Maybe it will, so let’s not even put dating on the table.”
River stares at me like a deer in headlights. He just blinks and I don’t push. I just let my words simmer.
“Okay, so…” River clears his throat. “I’m gonna need you to explain this to me like I’m a complete idiot.”
“What if we…” Oh god, why is this suddenly so awkward?
What I’m about to suggest is something a lot of people our age do.
Maybe not best friends but here I go, regardless.
“What if we stopped thinking we needed to be all or nothing? Dating or friends. Why don’t we just strip emotions out of the equation and keep it physical?
I mean, friends with benefits is a pretty common thing—”
River chokes on his own spit. “Yeah, but probably not friends who have known each other since they were kids.”
“Honestly, I think we’re the ones who are behind on that one.”
I try to joke to save myself the heartbreak of him turning me down. Again.
“So you just think that every set of friends have slept together?”
“Obviously not us,” I mumble, not meaning for him to hear it but also not caring if he does. My determination to save our friendship is now fully taking over.
“How would this benefit us at all?”
Okay, good. He’s asking questions instead of blowing me off. Progress.
“Because obviously there’s something that we’re both curious about,” I explain. “I mean, when was the last time we were able to have a conversation without being worried that either of us would accidently say something to make things awkward?”
“It’s not that bad.”
I can’t help but laugh. Not that bad?
“Dude, we used to be attached at the hip and now unless we’re drunk, we’re dancing around each other.”
River rests his hands on the top of his head and does a pointless spin before turning back to look at me. “If we do this—”
It should be embarrassing how quickly I perk up. River must notice because he puts his hand up to keep me quiet for a second longer.
“How would this work?” River asks. “We just screw every now and again?”
I’m glad he brought that up.
“No, that’d be too complicated and messy, which is the very thing we’re trying to avoid, right?”
River nods.
“So, we keep it strictly just for the summer.”
I really think this is the perfect solution. We don’t have to commit to anything and we get to explore this newfound curiosity all while not having to destroy our friendship. It seems like the best of both worlds, honestly.
River studies me for a moment and all I can think about is him saying yes. Like I need him to or my entire world is going to fall apart right in front of me.
“And then things go back to normal in the fall?”
“Yes.” I quickly nod. “Right when school starts and Lily gets here.”
If anything, I think this whole setup will further prove to us that we’re meant to be best friends. Not romantic soulmates.
“Let’s do it,” he says in a way that someone would respond to grabbing lunch, not hooking up with your friend.
“What?” Everything in me comes to a halt and I’m wondering if I heard him correctly. Of course this is how I wanted the night to go but I had my reservations.
River leans back against the car, always one to go through the motions. “You know, I was kind of thinking that since you suggested it, you would have wanted this answer.”
“No.” I clear my throat. “That’s—yeah no, that’s the answer I wanted.”
“Okay, cool,” he says so casually it’s almost eerie how well this is going.
I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I convinced myself on the entire taxi ride here that there was no way River was going to agree to this.
I just knew I couldn’t sit back at the apartment and do nothing about us for the rest of my life.
Now that I’ve spoken my proposition out loud, I’m not quite sure where to go from here.
I mimic him. “Cool.”
Because what else am I supposed to say? Hey, thanks for letting me have you for the summer, because I know that it’s all I should ever allow myself to want from you?
No. I’ve already met my desperate quota for the evening.
“So.” The word hangs in the air as I rock back and forth on my heels, trying to wrap my head around this outcome. I give him my best smile. “What ground rules are we thinking?”
That earns me a laugh. “What are you talking about?”
“I mean, I know winging it is kind of our thing but I can’t have you falling madly in love with me so—”
“Me? Fall in love with you?” he gasps. “I’m a man of willpower, Summer.”
Whatever helps him sleep at night, I guess.
He continues to try and prove his point. “You’re the one that suggested this whole thing, so I can only assume that you’ve been thinking about this for god knows how long. If anything, I should be the one worried here.”
“Rule one.” I ignore his accusations, knowing I can’t succeed at arguing with that. “This is all completely physical. No talking about plans after the summer. No feelings.”
“Okay.” He nods. “Best friends with benefits.”
I groan, throwing my head back. “Oh god, don’t say it like that.”
“I really don’t think there’s any other way to phrase that, Pretty Girl.”
“And none of that!” I immediately scold him.
“Why not?” he argues. “You didn’t seem to have a problem with it when—”
I interrupt him because that name is dangerous and admitting that is just as risky. “Yeah, well…” I get heart eyes whenever I hear it. “I don’t like it. So no cutesy nicknames. I’m Summer. You’re River.”
“Fine, then I have a rule too.”
“Okay, shoot,” I challenge him.
“This stays between me and you. No one knows. Not our families or friends. And definitely not Lily.”
For some reason that makes my heart sink, even though I completely agree and understand, but hearing him say that he wants to keep me a secret kind of stings. I decide that in order to get rid of this uncomfortable ache in my chest, I’m going to need to set more rules here.
Order and control.
That’s how I’m going to survive this.
“Okay, deal,” I agree. “One more thing.”
“Of course there is.” He playfully rolls his eyes.
“No sleeping with anyone else.” It comes out before I can even register the thought.
River opens his mouth and I wait for him to say something, but instead he chews on his bottom lip and nods.
“If someone else does come along, we need to talk to each other about it beforehand,” I finish.
We’re trying to avoid drama between us. Communication is key.
“Is that all the rules for our secret summer love affair?” River grins, causing me to groan yet again.
“Don’t make it weird.”
“I mean this is a little weird, Summer.”
“Well, are you in or not?” I sigh.
He hums. “Just for the summer you say?”
“Just for the summer.”
“Alright,” River says and it feels like something tight loosens in my chest. My mood for the next few months definitely wasn’t riding on his answer. “I accept your proposal and I’ll be your summer fling.”