Twenty-One
River
“Okay, you’re supposed to blot, not scrub, dude.”
“I am!” I argue with Moose.
I’m currently on my hands and knees but unfortunately not in a sexy way. Instead, in a desperate way of trying to get a stain out of Stone’s carpet.
I came in here to look for some extra colored pencils Stone said I could grab. He doesn’t usually like anyone in his room, so I was considerate enough to text him and ask.
Trying out color in my artwork is a recent thing, so I don’t tend to have a lot of colored art supplies lying around. But watching Summer eat her breakfast this morning while the sunrise cascaded around her, warm, glowing, and hair still braided was enough inspiration.
I planned on a quick trip of grabbing the pencils and walking straight out of Stone’s room, leaving everything untouched. But Moose thought it’d be a great idea to pop out from behind the doorway and drop his voice extremely low, pretending he’s Stone.
In hindsight, it probably wasn’t the best idea for me to be holding a soda can when I stepped into Stone’s near sterile bedroom. I had a certain level of confidence at the time that I now regret.
“Remember to start on the outside edges and work your way to the center,” Moose instructs me.
I stare up at him, deadpan. He thinks reading instructions off the internet has now made him a cleaning guru. I could’ve done it myself but I needed the moral support.
“What?” Moose looks up from his phone. He hasn’t even dared to step past the doorway into Stone’s room. I’m sure he’s just as nervous to ruin something and get Stone’s “I’m not mad, just disappointed” lecture.
To completely avoid that, I continue scrubbing—I mean blotting—while Moose lists other ways to get the stain out. All of which involve a carpet cleaner or club soda. Two things that we don’t have right now.
Moose’s phone rings. He brings it up to his ear. “Hey, babe.”
I can hear Bethany’s muffled voice through the phone. The room grows quiet and I’m fully prepared for Moose to ditch me in a matter of five seconds.
“Well, can you get her off the table?”
My interest is piqued and I’m now focused on Moose’s conversation rather than the mix of warm water and vinegar I’m dabbing into the carpet.
“No, absolutely not.” Moose’s voice grows stern. A rare occurrence. “You’re not driving. I’ll be right there, okay?”
Screw this stain. When Stone gets back, I guess I’ll just have to sit through his fifteen-minute lecture about being careful.
Stone is usually pretty quiet. He’s bulky and tall and a machine out on the ice.
He’s the epitome of well…a stone. Which is why getting in “trouble” with Stone sucks.
The guy is cool, calm, and collected. All he asks is that we clean up after ourselves and respect his space.
“We’ve got an errand to run, my friend.” Moose slips his phone into his back pocket.
I snort. “Is Beth dancing on tables now?”
“Oh, no.” Moose grins. “That was your girl.”
Wait, what now?
I’m already standing up and draping the washcloth over the foot of Stone’s headboard.
“Yeah,” Moose chuckles. “They snuck into the club and now they’re drunk and Summer thinks she has a career as a table dancer.”
I don’t think I want to know how that ensued. Or maybe I do.
“Let’s head out then before she starts getting dollar bills thrown at her,” I joke, although I’m not sure I like that idea very much.
“Really quick question though.” Moose stops me from walking out of Stone’s room. “Does this mean she is your girl then?”
“What are you talking about?”
“I said ‘your girl’ but I didn’t attach a name to that sentence. You just kind of filled in the blanks.”
I chuckle but the back of my neck begins to warm up and I’m worried that he can now see every thought in my head. “Yeah, well they were easy to fill. Who else would you be talking about?”
Moose shrugs and steps aside. “True. It’s just…interesting.”
“Get in the car,” I sigh, exasperated.
“Aye-aye, Captain.”
***
Calling Summer and Bethany drunk would be an understatement.
They’re plastered.
I don’t know what encouraged them to do so.
When they said they were having a girls’ night, I assumed that meant grabbing dinner or something.
I didn’t think it would lead to Moose walking out of the club with Bethany over his shoulder and Summer singing her heart out while holding onto his other arm to keep her balance.
I would’ve gone in with him but considering I’m not twenty-one yet, I was quickly shooed away.
Behind Moose is another guy who seems sound of mind, but not Ava and Jeanette who are on either side of the guy. I’m starting to think I should’ve tagged along ’cause their night seemed a lot more fun than cleaning out carpet stains.
I push myself off my car, on a mission to help Moose out. And to be in closer proximity to my bright-eyed Summer-girl.
When Summer spots me, her entire face lights up even brighter. I didn’t know that could be possible.
“Jaejoon!” She stumbles over her heels but Moose is quick to catch her.
Man, maybe I should be more active. How can he carry Bethany so effortlessly while still making sure Summer doesn’t faceplant onto the uneven pavement.
My pace quickens and Summer all but falls into me, her arms wrapping around my neck. I’m convinced she’s about to kiss me and I’m fully prepared to let her. In front of everyone or not. But she doesn’t and I shouldn’t feel this disappointed.
She buries her face in the crook of my neck and hums against my skin. “I missed you, Jaejoon.”
I don’t know why she feels inclined to use my Korean name, but I don’t mind hearing it as much when it’s said in fondness rather than scolding.
She pulls away just enough to look at me in the face and smiles.
“I missed you too,” I whisper.
“You good with those two, man?” Moose turns to look at the guy walking with Ava and Jeanette.
I turn my attention to Moose, my eyebrow arched. He nods his head and mouths “Ava’s boyfriend.”
Okay, good. At least they know the guy.
I turn back to Summer who’s quietly singing and poking my cheek.
“Ready to head home?” My voice remains soft, quiet, and just for her.
She presses her cheek to mine. “I like home.”
The drive back to the apartment consists of Bethany and Summer giggling over absolutely nothing in the backseat, while Moose gently argues with them to keep their seatbelts on.
Then getting them up the stairs wasn’t very easy.
I had to take Summer’s heels off as she couldn’t walk up the short flight of stairs to the apartment entrance.
Although I did love those shoes and the height they gave her.
Then Bethany took it upon herself to push all the buttons on the elevator but luckily, we’re only on the second floor.
“I love you lots and lots and lots.” Summer has been telling me this for the past five minutes while I’ve been trying to get her into pajamas.
I chuckle. “I love you too, Summer.”
Summer stops trying to help me get her into something more comfortable and stares at me. I keep my eyes on her face and not the exposed skin of her top half, or her toned arms and elongated torso.
“Not tons?” Her voice cracks.
“Of course I love you tons.” I hold up one of my shirts, ready to slip it over her head. “I just think it’s time for you to lie down.”
“How?”
“How?” I can’t help but laugh. “How do you lie down?”
Summer, drunk and swaying, still tries to shove my shoulder. I catch her elbow to keep her steady.
“How do you love me?” she clarifies.
I know how I want to answer that. I’m just not sure how she wants me to answer.
“’Cause I really love you.” Summer doesn’t give me a chance to speak yet. “So much—sometimes it hurts right here.” She points at her chest.
She’s drunk. I have to keep reminding myself of that. Nothing she’s saying holds any weight.
I carefully slip my shirt over her head, leaving her hair even more of a fluffy mess, despite me trying to braid it back for her but Summer won’t sit still.
She continues. “I steal your clothes because I like smelling like you,” she hiccups. “And I like when you call me Pretty Girl. My favorite thing in the whole world is your laugh. I don’t just love you like a friend. I love you differently.”
Summer rubs her eyes and her words are mumbled but I can make out most of what she’s saying. Only because I’m standing a little closer than I should.
I don’t think I’ve ever questioned if Summer loved me or not.
But with her dad in chemo, Lily ending up in the psychiatric hospital, and her trying to keep up her grades and swim time on top of all that, I’m sure Summer just needs something—someone—to keep her grounded.
To talk to so she feels less alone. Less like everything is out of her control.
I’m happy to be that for her but I know that it’s only going to be temporary. I’m something constant in her life right now but when she inevitably outgrows this life, it’ll only make sense for that to include me.
My hands come up to her cheeks and against my better judgement, I kiss her forehead. She buries her face in my neck. Summer’s breathing is gentle and her chest presses against mine, allowing me to feel her heartbeat.
Sometimes it hurts right here.
“Let’s get you into bed now, okay?” I gently suggest.
Summer doesn’t argue with me. Not when I sit her down on the bed or hold up a glass of water to her lips. Not even when I tuck her in and don’t slip into bed next to her.
“I’ll be on the couch if you need anything,” I whisper into her hair.
She yawns and buries herself deeper into my pillow. The same pillow that she—
I shake the memory from my head. A replay of that night is the last thing either of us need right now.
So, instead I give Summer one last kiss on her forehead and move to quietly shut my bedroom door.
I’m glad that Summer doesn’t ask me to lie down with her because if I did that, I’m pretty sure I’d finally tell her that I love her differently too.