Chapter Twenty
THE LAST week with Tad has occupied so much of Lewis’s brain that he hasn’t even had the chance to get excited about Friendsgiving. It’s been an annual tradition since college, when Stacy’s roommate, Ava, revealed she wasn’t going home for Thanksgiving.
That first year, it was just the three of them—dumb, broke eighteen-year-olds concocting a disaster of a Thanksgiving dinner in the kitchenette of Stacy and Ava’s dorm building. They had three Lean Cuisine turkey dinners, Hawaiian Sweet Rolls, a can of Ocean Spray cranberry sauce served on a paper plate, and a pumpkin pie. Ava managed to get some cheap ass wine, and they all got drunk and giddy and had awful hangovers the next morning.
It’s way classier now. They host on a rotating basis, usually the Sunday before Thanksgiving, and this year is Stacy’s turn. Lewis assures Tad’s plants he’ll be back later to stick to their watering schedule, laughs at himself, and jumps on the 1 to 14th St, where he can get the PATH over to Hoboken.
The 1 is delayed, so he’s the last to arrive. When he walks in, he brandishes a bottle of rosé and says, “Now the festivities can really begin.”
Friendsgiving has grown over the years. Stacy’s fiancé, Alang, is obviously there now, since they live together. Ava’s wife, Elise, has been coming since the two of them got together. Lewis’s old roommate Matthew usually makes it, even though he lives in DC now. A couple of Stacy’s other friends usually show up—this year it’s Ofelia. There’s a man Lewis doesn’t know sitting next to her, who’s introduced as her new boyfriend, Walt.
“Cheap ass wine!” Stacy cheers.
“Now immortalized by T-Swift.” Lewis grins and then chants in time with Stacy, “Your roommate’s cheap ass screw top rosé!”
Alang pops his head out of the kitchen. “Are we singing Taylor Swift?”
“Not yet babe, you’re good,” Stacy assures him.
Lewis hugs Matthew, who gives him a kiss on both cheeks and says, “You’re glowing .” To Stacy, he adds, “I thought she wasn’t dating anyone.”
“I’m not ,” Lewis says, to a chorus of boos.
When Ofelia’s boyfriend looks confused, Ofelia says, “Lewis got so drunk when we were in Vegas that he married a guy he’d just met.”
The boyfriend laughs as Matthew demands, “What?”
“Holy shit, man,” Ofelia’s boyfriend—Walt?—says. “I hope you’re gay. Or bi, I guess.”
“Um, very gay,” Lewis says, though he always feels like he needs to step it up when Matthew’s around. Matty’s dark skin is always flawless, and there’s apparently no makeup palette that doesn’t look amazing on him. It’s especially unfair, since he’s the first of them to Settle Down—his husband is back in DC with their two toddlers.
“Why wasn’t I informed of this?” Matthew demands.
“If you’d been at my bachelorette party, you could have been Lewis’s best man,” Stacy says airily. She scrunches up her face. “I think I must’ve been best man?”
“Maybe someone shouldn’t have scheduled her bachelorette party for the weekend before election day,” Matthew shoots back. “Since I work for, hm, let’s see, a senator? Who was up for re-election this year?”
“I forgot it was election day!”
“At least he won the race so you didn’t miss the party for nothing!” Alang helpfully adds from the kitchen.
Matthew lets out a theatrical sigh and sits back down. “Only you, Lew. Only you. So are you trying to make it work?”
“Inquiring minds want to know,” Elise, Ava’s wife, says. Next to her, one of Ava’s legs is bouncing—she’s probably nervous about Ofelia’s boyfriend being here. “We’re working on the divorce stuff,” Lewis says shortly. He doesn’t want to talk about this, especially when Tad isn’t here. Maybe if Tad hadn’t gone to visit his family, he could have come to Friendsgiving. That might have been fun.
“I still think you’re a cute couple,” Ava grumbles, like it’s a personal affront.
Lewis changes the subject.
At dinner, he ends up seated next to Ava on one side and Matthew on the other. Ava is her usual quiet self. Walt is across the table from Lewis, and he’s boisterous and kind of bro-y—but he seems smitten with Ofelia, and he’s nice.
Lewis has always brought his current boyfriend to Friendsgiving. The memories make him cringe. They never fit in with his friends—he can’t even remember what they talked about with his friends.
It’s easy to imagine what Tad would talk about to them. He’d like Ava and Elise—especially Ava, with her sharp cynicism and cutting sarcasm. They’d probably share pictures of their pets and get into some deeply nerdy debate about Captain America versus Iron Man, or something.
The realization hits Lewis like a punch to the gut.
He misses Tad.
For a second, his chest is so tight he can’t breathe, and it’s partly panic at recognizing how deep he’s gotten himself. But it’s also partly just the simple ache of wanting to see someone, wanting to be with them, and wanting it so hard that your bones creak with it.
He snags his phone from his pocket. He and Tad haven’t communicated at all since yesterday. Lewis waited until late at night, then he sent a heart emoji back to Tad. He didn’t get a response, and he’s trying to remember that Tad isn’t free to text all the time.
But his chest hurts too much now. His heart’s too full, and he can’t pretend he’s cool just not talking to Tad. Hope you’re doing ok , he texts. Then, I’m at Friendsgiving with Stacy and her fiancé Alang, and some of the people from the bachelorette party, and my friend Matthew who I think you’d really like. He’s fabulous and smart so you two already have a lot in common
Was that too much? It was probably too much. But he hits Send anyway, because… well, this is how he feels, and Lewis hasn’t ever been good at fighting how he feels.
Dating break , some part of him whispers, but he just stares at his phone, hoping Tad texts back.
Then—a miracle! Three dots! Lewis holds his breath.
I’m ok
I was going to ask if you had time to talk later, but if you’re busy, nm
Panic seizes Lewis and he frantically types back, No I’m totally free later
I’ll probably be home around 9? If that’s not too late?
Lol I’m 29 not 90
9 is fine
Kk good
It’s been weird not talking even though I know it’s only been like 36 hours
Yeah
Same
I mean
I wish I was at Friendsgiving even if I’d probably just sit in a corner like a freak
Sorry that was probably weird
I wish you were here too
Ava glances over at him. “You’re into him, aren’t you?”
“Huh? What?” Lewis drops his phone and it clatters to the hardwood floor. Everyone looks at him. His face flames, and he ducks under the table to pick it up. There’s one more message from Tad: I can’t wait to talk to you later
Lewis’s chest hurts again, winding tighter and tighter until he’s afraid it might snap. Me too , he types back, wanting to say so much more. He’ll save it for their phone conversation.
Next to him, Ava snickers. “You are. God, how disgustingly adorable.”
“What if I am?” he asks, trying to sound airy. Judging by the way Ava smirks at him, he doesn’t sound any version of cool or smooth.
Sagging in his chair, he says, “He’s kind of great. I think he might be different than… you know.” You know. The asshole parade.
“Do you think he might be different or do you just want him to be different?” Ava asks bluntly.
Lewis winces. Yeah, that’s the problem, isn’t it? He doesn’t trust himself. What he needs is an outside observer—someone to spend some time with Tad and tell Lewis honestly if he’s more of the same, or if he’s as special as Lewis is starting to think he is.
“I really think he’s different,” Lewis finally says. Inspiration strikes. “You should hang out with him! I think you two would get along. And like. You could tell me if you think we’ll work out.”
Ava looks flustered. “Oh, um, I guess… I could? If you set something up….”
“Yeah! I will. I’ll talk to him.”
She takes a bite of cornbread. “I remember Elise and me were supposed to hang out with you and Jonah, but Jonah ditched you to club with his friends.”
Blech. Yeah. Jonah did stuff like that a lot. “I guess he hasn’t had much chance to stand me up yet. Not that I think he would. Anyway, we’ve mostly just been working on the divorce forms.”
Her eyebrows go up. “Shouldn’t a paralegal be able to wrap those up pretty fast?”
A flush climbs up his neck, and he coughs. “I just want to make sure he understands everything.”
“Understands everything about your erogenous zones, more like,” Ava says wickedly.
Lewis’s face flames and he stuffs sweet potatoes in his mouth. As he’s trying not to choke, a snatch of remembered conversation floats through his head. Eventually, he gets the sweet potatoes down, and then he says, “He actually said he doesn’t have any friends, so that’s probably not a very good standard to judge by.”
“Oh, so he’s like me.” Ava gives him finger guns. “We know how much you love me, so maybe a male version would be great for you?”
“What are you two talking about?” Matthew asks, pivoting away from his conversation with Alang.
“How Lewis can tell if his new guy is trash like all his exes,” Ava supplies.
“Has he stolen any of your shoes?” Matthew asks.
Stabbing a piece of turkey with his fork, Lewis aggrievedly asks, “Does everyone know that story?”
With a shrug, Matthew says, “It’s a cautionary tale, darling.”
“Great,” Lewis mutters. “So glad I can be of service.”
Matthew plants his elbows on the table and fixes Lewis with an unblinking stare. The highlighter on his cheek bones shimmers. “Does he take advantage of you?”
“Oh my god ,” Lewis yelps. “No! My exes were assholes, but they weren’t assaulting me, Matty—”
“God, calm your tits.” Matthew rolls his eyes. “I mean does he take advantage of your endlessly generous nature.”
“Oh.” Lewis turns red again. Maybe he never went back to his normal color.
“You want to star in your own rom-com so much , Lew.” Matthew smoothes the front of Lewis’s shirt, looking a little sad. “Boys take advantage of that.”
Lewis concentrates on his dinner for a second. It hurts to think about this stuff. His brain doesn’t want to think about it—he doesn’t want to even consider Tad capable of taking advantage of him.
But Tad’s been nothing but wonderful. Nothing but generous. Tad upended his plans so he could go camping with Lewis, bought a bunch of camping stuff he already owned, sent his luggage home with his brother, then had to make the four-hour drive to Watertown to retrieve his luggage and drive back to NYC. And they’ve been at Tad’s apartment for the past week. Lewis has been eating his food, taking up his space.
It’s nothing like the way Lewis’s past relationships have gone.
“He’s not taking advantage,” Lewis says quietly. “He’s… really sweet.”
Keeping it casual, Lewis. Keeping it real casual.
Matthew drapes an arm over his shoulders and pulls him into a hug. “Trust your instincts, then.”
Trust his instincts. A few weeks ago, Lewis would have scoffed and said his instincts were fucked up at a party somewhere and had lost their phones and keys, and they definitely couldn’t be trusted.
Now? Now, he haltingly, hesitantly does.
He checks the time. Only a few hours until he gets to talk to Tad.
Lewis smiles and eats his dinner.