Chapter 4
I left that dinner feeling better than I had in a long time.
Not because of the food, the company or any of the political small talk I had been forcing myself to have all night. It was the ten texts sitting in my phone from Brielle that had me in a good mood while we were pulling out of that parking lot.
I didn’t even read them. I just saw the notifications stacking up and smiled to myself.
I put my phone back in my jacket pocket and let Kyla finish telling me about the city council race while I sat with that feeling for a minute.
Rubbing elbows tonight was really good for her and she was excited about how the night had gone.
She had no idea that my mind was on a whole other woman. It always was.
Kyla talked but my mind was heavy on Bri and how I played her ass to the left tonight.
She’d seen a woman like Kyla on my arms and underneath me all night, so I knew that she had to have been jealous.
After years of being the nigga she treated less than.
Years of showing up every time she reached out and waiting by doors she never walked through.
Years of being the man she only wanted when it was convenient for her, all that ended tonight.
That shit never felt good, no matter how much I loved her.
She’d been abusing that shit for years, and I was finally at the point where I didn’t want her love no more.
It required too much and I didn’t know if I had shit else to give to that situation.
Especially now when I was about to fight for this title.
She was a distraction that I couldn’t afford.
She never gave anything but always came around to take from me.
Tonight I had sat twenty feet away from her with another woman in her face and not looked in her direction once, it was clear now that she had fallen apart about it. That felt good to see. I wasn’t going to pretend it didn’t.
Legal had been pushing the Kyla situation for a few months and I had gone along with it because Legal had never steered me wrong and the logic behind it all made sense.
A fighter at my level going into a world title eliminator needed a clean public image.
Sponsors, networks, the boxing commission — they all paid attention to what you looked like outside the ring.
Kyla was running for city council, she needed more visibility outside of politics, and being seen publicly with an undefeated top ten heavyweight contender wasn’t bad for her campaign either. It worked for both of us.
What I hadn’t expected was for it to actually work this fast.
The blogs had been running with me and Kyla for weeks.
Every time we were spotted together the speculation went up another level.
We’d always wake up to stories written about us, and pictures posted.
Tonight with all the cameras, the mayor’s event and us posted up together all night, I knew that by morning it was going to be everywhere.
I had a few notifications sitting on my phone already.
Legal was going to call me first thing and tell me this was exactly what he had been talking about. He wanted for me and Kyla to go beyond this fake dating and make things real. I didn’t want that because no matter how hard I acted or how much I fought it. I knew that my heart was somewhere else.
I just had to sit back and play my part.
Brielle was going to see all of it and feel even worse than her confused ass does now.
She couldn’t even enjoy her night with her lame ass nigga without worrying about me and blowing me up.
This wasn’t like her at all. I was always the one chasing and I knew first hand that the shit wasn’t a good feeling.
My driver finally pulled up to Kyla’s place and I looked up, took it in for a second.
Since the first time I’ve picked her up, I had been amazed at a young black woman doing so well for herself, by herself.
The house was something serious. It was gated, huge enough to fit a family of ten, the kind of property that said she hadn’t been playing around with her career.
I respected it. She had built something real from the ground up and she did it on her own terms and that was a big ass deal.
She looked at me when the car stopped. She opened her mouth to speak, and then stopped. After a few seconds, she went ahead and spoke.
“Come in for a little while. I really enjoyed your company tonight and I don’t want it to end. We never get to sit and have real conversations while spending real time. I need to know who Xavier really is. Let me pick your brain and further enjoy your company, Mr. Hendrix.”
I looked at the house, then back at her. Her eyes was glistening and she was looking good as hell. A lil quality time wasn’t gone hurt. I had no plans for the night. I told the driver I’d call when I was ready for him to come back through and grab me.
—
Inside she poured wine without asking if I wanted any and handed me a glass, then she walked into one of her rooms and kicked her heels off. The house was spotless and smelled good as hell. I could see that she took pride in herself and in her home.
Kyla moved through her own space with the kind of comfort that told you she had worked hard to have something that was completely hers. I sat on the couch, loosened my tie and took a sip of the wine. I let the night decompress for a minute. Doing those political events always drained a nigga.
She sat across from me and looked at me straight in the face.
“Your mood changed at the dinner. One minute you were mingling and laughing, then you got real tight. Something happened.” she said. “Don’t tell me it didn’t because I was standing right next to you when it did. What’s up?”
“I’m good, nothing changed,” I lied, wondering if I was that easy for her to read.
“Street. Come on now. That’s not what we finna do. I said let me pick your brain. Don’t lie to me and we’re supposed to be building a friendship here.”
“Kyla. Everything doesn’t have to be discussed though. The event is over, so we’re past that.”
“We said we were going to be honest with each other. That was the whole agreement. I don’t need you to perform for me the way you perform for everybody else.” She crossed her legs and held her glass. “What happened in there tonight? And I need you to be real.”
I looked at her and thought about how much to give her and decided she had earned honesty. She’s been solid since we’ve been on this fake dating shit. She’s just a real ass female, and I vibe with her.
“There was a woman there tonight,” I said. “Somebody I have history with, deep history.”
She nodded like she already suspected something in that direction. “How much history.”
“Since ninth grade.”
She raised her eyebrows slightly. “That’s not history. That’s a whole life damn near. Tell me more.” She said as she propped her hand underneath her chin, waiting for me to spill my life to her ass.
“Yeah.” I took another sip. “Her family never approved of me. Not when we were kids, or ever, hell. I grew up in the hood, she grew up with money and a family that had a very vivid idea about who she was supposed to be with. I was never going to be that person in their eyes no matter what I did or how far I came.” I leaned back.
“We’ve been going back and forth for years.
She shows up, I open the door, she leaves.
I wait and she doesn’t come back. She finally comes back.
I open it again.” I shook my head. “I’ve been doing that for a long time. ”
“But not tonight?” she asked.
“Not tonight. To be real, tonight was my first night not jumping for her. She’s called and texted me hella times but I’m not on that. I can’t fall back into that cycle. Not this time.” I answered honestly. Trying to convince myself and Kyla at the same time.
She was quiet for a moment. “Is that where your heart is. With her?”
I sat with that question for a second because it deserved a real answer.
“My heart has been with her since I was fourteen years old,” I said.
“But after being hurt, brushed off and made to feel like I was something she was ashamed of for this long — I don’t know if love and resentment can stay separate forever without one of them winning.
” I looked at my glass. “Tonight, she snuck away from her nigga at the event, and she was blowing my phone up. I was sitting there not answering it. Shit, that felt like the first time in years I wasn’t letting her pull my strings.
And it felt good. It felt right, like maybe it’s time to completely get her out my system.
No man will wait forever. Seeing that she’s moved on, that changed something in me. ”
Kyla leaned forward and refilled both our glasses without saying anything for a minute. Then she looked at me.
“Can I be honest with you.”
“You can always do that. That’s all I’ll ever ask.”
“You are sitting in my living room looking like everything you went through to get here didn’t break you although it should have.
” She said it straight, no performance behind it.
“Where you come from, what you lost as a kid, what you had to do to take care of your family before anybody was taking care of you…most people don’t come back from that.
They get swallowed by it.” She shook her head.
“You made yourself into something special. From nothing. And I don’t think you fully understand how rare that is. ”
I didn’t say anything.
“Don’t ever let anybody make you feel like you’re not enough.
Not her, not her family, nobody.” She looked at me straight.
“Everybody has a past. That’s not what matters.
What matters is what you’re doing with your future.
And from where I’m sitting all I see is a great man who doesn’t give himself enough credit for it.
You are Street Muthafuckin’ Hendrix, and excuse me, but anybody who doesn’t respect that is out their damn mind. ”
The room was quiet after that.
I looked at her and something shifted in the way I was seeing her. Not the arrangement, not the campaign strategy, not Legal’s public image plan. Just her.
Sitting across from me in her own house saying everything that she didn’t even know that I needed to hear. She poured into me and the shit opened up something inside of me.
I didn’t know if it was the wine, the night or just everything that had been building up in me since that dinner. But I leaned forward and kissed her.
She didn’t stop me.
For a second neither one of us pulled away from the kiss, then something happened between us that hadn’t been part of any plan Legal had put together. Something that felt less like strategy and more like two people who had been being pulled toward one another.
When we pulled back she looked at me and I looked at her. Neither one of us said anything for a minute.
Then she laughed softly. Not embarrassed. Just in disbelief.
“Well,” she said as she smiled at me. If I ain’t know better, I’d think she was falling for a nigga.
“Yeah,” I said.
She slowly sipped the wine.
And we sat there in the quiet of her house and talked until neither one of us was watching the clock anymore.
We went from talking, to watching movies, and eventually, I fell asleep with her on my chest. It was innocent, but something about being around her tonight felt different.
It was like, I saw her in a whole new light.
I saw how intelligent and beautiful she was.
She spoke life into a nigga instead of telling me what I’ve done wrong and why I’d never be good enough.
She really got through to a nigga and nothing about our encounter was sexual.
—
When I woke up, she was still asleep. I reached for my phone on the coffee table without trying to move too much and wake her up.
I shot a text to my Chef, and asked if she was free.
I told her that I’d pay hefty fee for a rush and being so last minute.
She agreed and I sent her Kyla’s address.
Then I shot a text to my driver and asked him to grab six dozen pink roses and to come and grab me afterwards.
I laid back and enjoyed Kyla’s soft breathing while I rubbed her back as she slept.
I didn’t know shit about making a woman happy, or dating.
The only woman that I’ve known has been treating me like shit since I was a kid.
I never got to properly date her or learn the things a man should do for a woman.
All that I could do now is go off what my heart is telling me to do.
Not even 40 mins later. My driver had arrived.
I eased off the sofa and went outside to grab the roses.
I went back inside and placed them on her beautiful, marble kitchen table.
After putting my shoes on and grabbing my things, I went to wake her up.
I knew exactly what I was doing, and my nervous ass didn’t want to give her time to process anything before I was out the door.
I kissed her forehead and gently shook her to wake her.
“Get up beautiful. I have to train today, so I’m about to go home, shower, brush my grill and start my day. Once you get ready for your day, get dressed into something nice for brunch. My chef will be here in the next hour to cook for you.”
“What? Xavier no you didn’t. Why would you-“
I didn’t let her finish before my ass was rushing out the door.
I didn’t even wait for her to see the roses either.
I kissed her head one more time and rushed off.
I don’t know what it was that had me nervous like this, maybe it was the fear of rejection again.
I got my ass the fuck out of dodge, quickly.