Chapter 8 #2
She was looking somewhere else. I knew she’d heard what this baby just said.
That damn near brought tears to my eyes.
This was my daughter and nobody could tell me otherwise after hearing that.
The crazy part is, I’d often dream of a baby girl.
This went on for years and I always thought it was a sign that me and Simone were going to have a daughter of our own. The whole time it was this exact baby.
I stood up and kept Amara’s hand in mine and walked back to Sandra and dropped my voice.
“We can do this the easy or hard way,” I said. “Your choice.”
“What?”
“Easy or hard.” I reached into my back pocket and pulled out the DNA test boxes. “I do this here right now, we get the results and we figure out the next step together like adults. Or I leave right now and drive to your house and knock on your husband’s door and we all figure it out together.”
Her jaw tightened. “You wouldn’t.”
“Sandra.” I looked at her over the top of my sunglasses. “You know what kind of man I am.”
She reached for the boxes like she wanted to take them from me and I stepped back.
“Don’t try it.” I said it flat. “Let me do what I came to do.”
She grabbed my arm, I stopped and looked at her hand on my arm and back at her face. She must had read what was in my expression and let go.
“This isn’t fair,” she said. Her voice dropped and something real came through the composure. “You already turned my life upside down once. You don’t get to come back and do it again.”
“What about me Sandra.” I kept my voice even.
“What am I supposed to do with knowing another man might be raising my child. I’ve already missed three years.
Three years I can’t get back. I’m not trying to blow up your life.
I’m not trying to take anything from you.
But I have a right to know the truth and that little girl has a right to know who she comes from.
” I paused. “What about what’s fair to her. ”
Sandra looked at Amara standing next to me holding her Minnie Mouse and something moved through her face that she pressed back down.
She didn’t say anything else.
I opened the first kit and crouched down next to Amara.
“Can I play a game with you real quick?” I said.
She nodded immediately.
“I need you to open your mouth real wide like a lion for me. Can you do that?”
She opened her mouth as wide as it would go and roared and I laughed before I did the swab.
After that, sealed it before she could think too much about it.
Then I stood up and did my own making the same sound she made, causing her to laugh out.
Sealed both and put them back in the box, then I put the box in my inside jacket pocket.
I looked at Sandra.
“When the results come back I’ll reach out. Whatever they say we’ll figure out the best solution for everybody. I’m not here to make your life hard. But I’m not walking away from this either.”
She nodded once. Stiff. Still not fully looking at me.
“Can we play for a few minutes before you have to go,” I asked her. Not telling.
She looked at Amara and then at me and then she sat down on a nearby bench and took her sunglasses off and rubbed her eyes.
I took that as a yes.
—
I took Amara to the swings.
She wanted to go high and I pushed her as high up as I could without going too too high. I was scared for her to get hurt and I wasn’t going to let that happen on my watch. Still, she screamed with that kid joy that was so loud and so pure it almost didn’t sound real.
She wanted higher. I pushed her just a little higher. She laughed every single time she came back down and her little legs were kicking. Minnie Mouse was somehow still in her hands barely hanging on, even on the swings.
I pulled out my phone and took pictures without thinking about it. Just snapping them because I needed those memories. Her laughing. Her mid swing with her puffs flying back. Her looking at the camera for just a second while she laughed.
I sent them to my moms before I could talk myself out of it.
Then I put my phone back in my pocket and pushed the swing. I watched this little girl who I had a strong feeling was mine. I watched her exist in the world and felt something settle in me that had never been settled before.
Fifteen minutes later I told Amara it was time for me to go.
She pouted for about four seconds and then held up the Minnie Mouse and told me she was going to take good care of her.
I told her I knew she would. She hugged me one more time and I held on a second longer than I needed to and then I let her go back to Sandra.
I looked at Sandra one last time.
“I’ll be in touch,” I said. “I meant what I said. I’m not trying to ruin anything. I just need to know the truth and I hope you understand that.”
She looked at me for a moment and I saw something in her eyes that was too complicated to put a name on. Then she nodded and took Amara’s hand and walked back toward her car.
I walked to mine.
Got in.
Sat there.
My phone started ringing before I even started the engine. It was my momma calling. I let it ring out because I couldn’t talk yet. I needed a minute to just sit with what had just happened and let it be what it was before I had to explain it to anybody.
I started the car.
Called her back when I hit the highway.
She picked up immediately.
“Deon.” Her voice had that thing in it.
“That is your daughter! You weren’t just hypothetically asking.”
“Mama—”
“I know my blood. I told you. Bring her to me, I need to see her in person. Oh my God, is this really happening?” She squealed into the phone and I could hear the excitement in her voice.
“It’s complicated. I can’t right now.” I switched lanes. “I need you to promise me you won’t say anything to Simone. Not yet.”
Silence.
“Ma?”
“I hear you. I won’t say nothing. But Deon—”
“I know. I’m coming over later. I promise.”
I hung up and sent the pictures to Street.
His response came back in under a minute.
Street: That’s your baby bro! No question.
Then one minute later…
Street: Damn. This is crazy.
I looked at that message and then put my phone in the cupholder, drove and let the city move past my windows.
I had a daughter.
I didn’t have the results yet. The test was sitting in my pocket and I wouldn’t have confirmation for over a week or two. But I didn’t need a piece of paper to tell me what I already knew from the second she put her little hands on my face and looked at me like she recognized something about me.
She was mine.
And everything about my life was about to change because of it.