Chapter Fifty-Four - Michaela
Chapter Fifty-Four
MICHAELA
STANDING AT THE KITCHEN sink, I scrub the remnants of my coffee from the mug. There’s a heavy weight on my shoulders that I haven’t been able to shake — not surprising since there hasn’t been a single moment of peace since joining the campaign trail in January. The last three months have been a blur of luncheons, dinners, parties, flights, and campaign stops. “Get used to it,” Cindy said earlier when we got into the car. We spent most of the day outside the polls talking to voters — shaking hands, kissing babies, that kind of thing. “When we win this, you’ll always have somewhere to be,” her words made me sick to my stomach. This wasn’t what I wanted. Now, I didn’t have a choice. I reached for my neck but found it empty. Instead, my fingers tugged on the neck of the dress staring out the window. Where one would expect their husband to offer a reassuring hand-hold or leg squeeze, I got nothing. David remained securely in his space with his nose in his phone.
That’s how it’s been. I might be standing next to him physically, but mentally he is somewhere else entirely. I’m an accessory to toss into his drawer when the night is over. When I’m not on his arm, I’m expected to be at the club with the other wives or doing something philanthropical (is that even a word?). That’s how he prefers it — when I’m not there — unless there is an event, I’ve barely seen him. Last night was our first chance in a month to have some alone time, but what did he do instead? Run off to the office. We should be embracing the opportunity to be alone together.
Tonight is the primaries. I don’t understand why, but they’re treating this like the general election. His parents (Helen) are hosting a small party for the staff while we await the results — even though we know he’s going to win. According to Cindy, we won’t get much time alone once he’s elected (surely, it can’t get worse than it already is). Oh, don’t worry, he will be, she said when I questioned what if he didn’t win. The thought terrifies me. Despite whatever plan they might have cooked up, David is well-liked in his hometown community. I know he’ll be elected. David winning the election means I become a congressman’s wife.
Congressman .
I don’t know that I’m cut out to be a congressman’s wife.
I didn’t want this. I don’t want this. I didn’t sign up to be a politician’s wife… Running for office isn’t the kind of thing you decide on a whim, which means David knew about this when we ran into each other in Brooklyn. He knew when he asked me for a second chance. I can (almost) guarantee he didn’t tell me this was part of the plan because he knew I’d say no. Immediately, the answer would have been no.
“You ready?” David walks into the kitchen fiddling with his cufflinks, and I have to do a double-take. He’s dressed in the freshly tailored suit that arrived this morning, but he had left it in the garment bag and tucked it safely in the closet until now. The royal blue color reminds me of Finn. My coffee starts to creep its way back up my throat.
“I can’t do this.” I barely register the words, but as soon as I say them, the weight lifts off my shoulders.
“What are you talking about?” David glances up at me but still fiddles with the cufflink. “It’s going to be an easy night.”
“David, I—”
“Are you sick or something?”
“No.”
“Then you have to go. How is it going to look if I’m there by myself?”
“I don’t want this.”
There’s a brief pause, and it feels like the air is slowly being sucked out of the room. My hand reaches toward my neck but still finds nothing. The metal heart is no longer there when I need it. Instead, my fingers grasp the kitchen towel, wringing it through my fingers.
“I can’t do this, David.”
Confusion is written across his features. “Michaela, what the hell do you want from me?”
“I’m done. With this…us. I thought this was what I wanted. I thought I wanted to make this work, but… I don’t, and I don’t think you do either, not really.”
“Michaela, you can’t be done. I need you! I can’t run this campaign without you.”
“I don’t give two shits about your campaign,” a breathy laugh escapes my lungs. “I’m not some accessory to make you look good. I’m not here to be the perfect little housewife who spends her days cooking, cleaning, going to brunch with other wives… That’s not me. But, that’s all this is to you, David. It was never about making things work between us. It was about you looking good to the public.”
“C’mon Michaela, don’t do this. We can make this work. We—”
“The thing is, I don’t want to. I get it. You’re busy with the campaign, but do you realize until yesterday we hadn’t spoken since last Thursday? We were apart for three days and didn’t speak one time.”
“We text each other.”
“And in those brief texts, you never once asked me how I was doing or if I was okay.”
“I’ve been busy, I—”
“I know, and that’s okay,” I say softly, “but this life is not what I want.”
“You were willing to accept the same kind of life with Finn Sheffield, though.”
My face falls at the mention of his name. “Don’t bring him into this.”
“I can’t bring up the man who was sleeping with my wife?”
“Finn has nothing to do with this.”
“He has everything to do with this!” David’s palm slams against the island and his eyes are like southern storm clouds just before they unleash a heavenly downpour. If we were outside, there’d be a rumble of thunder in the distance. The air growing more humid and damp, with a distinct smell of earth and ozone one can only know as the coming sign of a summer storm. “I will not have a divorce scandal in the middle of this campaign!”
I wet my lips tasting the matte lipstick coating them. “The truth finally comes out.”
David squares his shoulders, and his lips pull into a tight line, but he doesn’t deny it.
“I will get you through tonight, but after that, I’m done. The votes are going to go how they’re gonna go. I’ve played my role, and I’ve played it well, but…no more.”
Personally, I think tonight was my best show yet. One-thousand-watt smile. Tender touches. Perfectly timed laughs, but never too loud or obnoxious. Listening intently as if every word was step-by-step instructions on how to cure cancer. Applause, feigned shock, and an appropriate kiss on the cheek when the results were called. David had won the primary election, and now it was time to go home.
Walking through the kitchen door, there’s a heaviness in the air. Before I can make a break for the stairs, his voice cuts through the silence. “Don’t do this, Michaela.” His voice is soft, almost defeated. “Don’t…Don’t leave.”
“Don’t leave? You didn’t even want me to begin with!”
“That’s not true, I love you. I do, I—”
“You don’t love me. You haven’t for a long time. Sometimes, I wonder why we even got married, because we knew things weren’t going to work. When you got the job with Barnes, we said we would figure it out. We said we wouldn’t let it come between us. I didn’t realize you already had this plan for us…our life. Even though you knew I’d never be able to give it to you.”
“I just wanted us to be together.”
“That’s why you asked for a divorce?”
“It was the only option! You wouldn’t come here, and I couldn’t be in New York. My job is here, Michaela. I’m not the only one at fault here.”
“But I did, David. I finally gave you what you wanted. I left everything behind. I moved to Washington. I haven’t seen my family, my friends in months…” Tears prick the corners of my eyes. They threaten to fall when I take a shaky breath. “And it’s still not enough.”
“That’s not true.”
“I thought I could do this. I thought coming here and doing all the right things would make you happy. I thought it would fix things, but it hasn’t. We might be in the same place, but we’re still living separate lives!”
“Michaela—“
“The difference is, you got to keep your identity, I lost mine. I can’t keep pouring from an empty cup and pretending to be okay, David.” I wipe a tear that breaks the surface and falls down my cheek. “It’s time for me to finally choose me.”
“You mean Finn.”
“Stop bringing him into this!”
“But that’s what you mean; you’re just choosing him over me.”
“You didn’t want me! You were dating Karina up until the moment Cindy told you that you needed me instead of her.” Her name makes his stormy eyes grow ten times their size.
“Karina? I haven’t— I haven’t seen her—”
“Oh, save it.” I roll my eyes. “I know you’ve been seeing her.”
“Michaela,” he scrubs his hand down his face, “please, I can’t do this without you. After the election in November, we can do whatever we want. You want to be with Finn? Fine. You can be, just not publicly.”
“Do you hear yourself?” I scoff and slip the ring off my hand. I feel like I can finally breathe without it on my finger. I set it on the counter between us; as relieved as I am, a small part of me hurts to see that diamond sitting there. David looks between it and me. His eyes grow more desperate with each glance. I almost feel bad for the man across the kitchen, but I have to walk away, even if it means losing everything I have left. The past five months have proven we’ve only been putting off the inevitable, and someone else is meant to live this life. “Goodbye, David.”