Chapter 35
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
CALLA
Something in Scott’s body language tells me he doesn’t want to leave when he sets off home late afternoon, but he has work to do for his course on Monday.
I’ve also persuaded him to get his act together with Angie.
I’m sure he’s wanted to be with her for a while but perhaps needed my approval before going ahead.
That—in itself—is stupid. Who am I to stop them?
Their happiness is my priority, so I just hope it works.
Angie deserves a good man, and I honestly believe Scott is the right person for her. Who would have thought?
Today I officially gained a brother; I’m no longer completely alone.
The distance between Ash and I, both emotional and in miles, has been so hard to swallow.
I’ve never been afraid of being on my own before.
I’ve had to be independent most of my life, but Ash showed me how amazing it is to have someone special around, or rather, how special he was to have around. Shit, will I ever get over him?
I’m thinking things through while getting some fresh air. I took the longer route home after seeing Scott off so I could clear my head. It’s not until I’m back in the uni grounds and nearly at my dorm, I note Eddie walking towards me. He’s smiling from ear to ear as he approaches.
“Calla?” I look up. “It is you? I nearly missed you there. How are you? It seems like ages since you were out with the crowd.”
“I’m okay,” I say, a polite smile curving over my lips as I pull my coat around me. “I’ve been busy, that’s all.”
“I’m glad I caught you. I was hoping we could have lunch soon. You did promise.”
Crap, I’d forgotten about that. “Oh, I’d love to, but I’m on this new fitness regime. I’ve already ruined it today by having lunch with my brother—birthday treat.”
“I was going to ask if you’d lost weight, but it’s not the done thing to ask a girl.” He laughs. Eddie is actually quite sweet, and I feel mean not taking him up on his offer, but I’m not exactly the best company right now.
“Is it his birthday or yours?”
“Mine, but it was a few weeks ago now,” I tell him.
“Wait, why didn’t you mention anything at the time?” He looks genuinely upset.
“I didn’t want a fuss.” The truth was, I didn’t want to celebrate unless I was with Ash. Not that it matters now.
“Rubbish. We have to celebrate your birthday. Let me take you for a burger tonight.”
“Oh, thanks Eddie, really, but I’m not sure I can eat another big meal today after the mammoth pizza I’ve just devoured.
All my good work will be out the window,” I lie.
I had just half my salad and nibbled on the crust of my pizza to keep Scott happy.
I have no appetite at the moment. Who knew having a broken heart could turn your stomach?
Not even the smell of my favourite food can tempt me.
“Drinks, then. I insist. Unless you’re busy, of course.”
“I’m not going anywhere. I just have a lot of work to catch up on—”
“One drink. Nothing fancy. Let’s stay on campus.”
I can’t find an excuse quick enough, so I have to give in. “Um, yeah, sure.”
“It’s a date then.”
“Not a date, Ed.”
“Oh yeah, the boyfriend. What is going on there exactly? I’ve never seen you with anyone.”
Before we split, I’d already decided not to discuss Ash with Eddie or anyone else from our group. There’s no point in talking about him now. “He’s away doing his thing and I’m doing mine. We manage it somehow.” It’s a half-truth and one that hurts.
“I couldn’t be away from my girl for a long amount of time,” he says thoughtfully.
“You’re seeing someone?” I ask with a little excitement.
He huffs out a laugh. “No, still waiting for the right one.”
“Ahh,” I glance away, feeling embarrassed, but there’s no reason for me to be.
He laughs again, “Okay then, how about I pick you up at seven?”
“How about I see you by the outside of Westwood instead?”
He seems surprised but agrees to meet me outside of my accommodation building. “Sure, if you prefer, I’ll see you then.”
I’m pleased he doesn’t argue. I didn’t want to get into a situation where I felt obliged to invite Eddie into my room.
Although he thinks I’m with someone, I get the feeling boyfriends aren’t an obstacle for him.
Then my mind wanders to Ash kissing Dani.
Ash denied it so vigorously, it’s just those stupid photos…
but yeah, that’s done now. I’ve made a decision and I have to stick to it.
I push the thought from my head to save my churning stomach.
When I get back to my room, my intention is to complete an essay which has to be in by next week and then get to the library before it shuts.
I look for my phone to check the time but soon realise I didn’t switch it back on after lunch, so I press the button, check the time and leave it on the kitchen counter.
I only have an hour to get to the library, so I better get a wiggle on.
In a few quick seconds, I hear the first alert tone.
Another second, it pings again, then again and again after that.
I can only guess it’s the likes of Angie, maybe Nanna and Gramps, who knew Scott and I were getting our results today.
With no thought, I put the phone on speaker and tap into my messages, expecting to hear a rattled Angie having a go because I haven’t called her back.
But it’s not Angie’s voice I hear. Instead, his deep, gravelly tone sends an all too familiar ache through my body.
There’s no other sound as comforting, calm and sexy as Ash’s voice.
“Hey, it’s me.”
There’s a moment I hear his rapid breathing.
“I just got off the phone with Scott. It seems I have to watch myself now you have a big brother.” He laughs a little.
“But yeah, it’s good news. I’m pleased he’s there to look out for you.
I just wanted you to know I’m happy for you.
Anyway, yeah…take care, Calla and—” I hear him blow out a breath.
“This isn’t easy. I wish I could hear your voice.
Will you at least think about talking to me, please?
There’s too much left unsaid and I wish we could make this right.
At least give me a chance. Please, Cal, please give me a chance.
Don’t let this be over, I’ll do whatever I have to do, but I can’t function knowing you’re not mine. I can’t.”
There’s another brief silence, his breathing rapid and heavy down the line before he’s gone.
I have a moment of uncertainty, not the first by a long shot, but this one cuts right to my core.
The voicemail service asks for the next instruction, but I can’t bear to delete his voice.
In truth, I haven’t deleted any of his messages since we said goodbye.
It’s like I’m holding on to something I can’t erase.
Breaking up might have been my decision, but it wasn’t what I wanted.
Not deep down. But then, trust would always be an issue, so what do I do?
I flip to the photo I took of Ash sleeping.
I miss him so much and this ache inside me is almost too much to take.
“There’s nothing left,” I say out loud to myself.
But if that’s true, why do I have all these feeling I just can’t shift?
Why am I still in love with him? I inhale a sharp breath as my legs tremble beneath me.
“Shit.” My phone tumbles to the counter as I stagger to grab the side.
I’m dizzy and confused. I need something to keep me balanced.
The phone vibrates to life again with Angie’s name screaming at me.
I have to take it before she loses her mind.
I barely have a moment to say, “Hey,” before she’s on me.
“Where have you been? Didn’t you get my messages? I’ve been worried sick.”
“I’m sorry, I was with Scott.” The mention of his names strikes her silent. “Hello? Angie?”
“Yes, I’m here. Sorry, you were saying.”
“Scott came to see me, remember? We got our DNA results today.”
“Oh, yeah, of course.” Her tone is softer now.
“Don’t you want to know what they said?”
“Yes… yes, you know I do. That’s why I’m calling.” Then she adds, “How was Scott?”
Thankfully, she can’t see the smirk across my face. “He was great—on top form, actually. Keep it quiet, but I think he has a new woman in his life.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, anyway, you don’t want to know about Scott’s love life.”
“Don’t I?”
“I don’t know. Do you?”
I can almost hear her brain ticking over down the line. “No, course not… no… so anyway, what were the results of the DNA test?”
I smile to myself. “It’s official. I have a brother.”
Her voice strains, as if she has something in her throat. “How does it feel to have an older brother?”
I take in a breath, then slowly release it. “It’s pretty amazing. If you’d asked me this time last year, it would be a different answer, but I didn’t know Scott as I do now. If the tests had been negative, I’d be disappointed.”
“Wow, what a turnaround.”
“I know.” Then I realise something. “Hold on. How did you know he was older than me?”
Her voice sounds flustered. “I…I didn’t.”
“Yes, you did. You said, how does it feel to have an older brother.”
“Maybe I remembered from school or I just assumed.”
“Which is it?” I reply, enjoying myself.
“I assumed—I suppose.”
“Huh, huh?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Just stop with the questions, you silly cow.”
Now is not the time to grill her about Brae Fest, and anyway, winding her up is lifting my mood, no end. “Whatever you say, Angie.”
Eddie is waiting with a smile on his face. “You look gorgeous.”
“Um, thank you?” I glance down to my black sweatshirt, blue jeans, and trainers. I’m hardly rocking it, but Eddie has made an effort. He’s in black jeans, matching black polo and smart tan shoes. It’s a little over the top for the student bar.
“Are you sure you don’t want to go into town?” he asks.
“I’m not exactly dressed for anything fancy and I can’t be late back. I have to be up early.”