28. Death
Death
M y eyes stung as I clasped my warm mug of coffee.
I was going to need more than one cup before I got to class.
The heater clinked a few times, trying to keep up with this morning’s frigid weather; at least it hadn’t snowed yet.
Not that it mattered. Nothing mattered anymore except the pain in my chest. I knew what I had to do to keep Jack safe, but it was easier said than done.
Like summoned by my thoughts, a knock resonated throughout my apartment. I slipped off the chair, but before I moved any more than that, the door unlocked, and Jack stepped inside.
I’d given him a copy of my keys so he wouldn’t need to break in every time.
I stared at him through my blurred vision, then dashed to him.
Fuck pushing him away—I needed to make sure he was actually here.
That he was alive. I wrapped my arms around his torso, hugging him as tight as he held me.
His coat was still cold from outside, bringing me back to reality. To what I needed to do.
I took a step back and averted my gaze. “I’m...glad you’re okay.”
“Jill?” He grasped my chin, tilting my head back so I’d look at him. “What’s wrong?”
I shook my head, pulling away from him. “I just... I need to focus on my final report from now on. You almost getting killed made it impossible for me to work. Besides, I...need to make sure I’m following the correct methodology of an interviewer-interviewee relationship.
A professional one from now on.” I tried not to throw up, the bile burning the back of my throat.
“You’re obviously still upset about yesterday and aren’t thinking clearly,” he said quietly, but the ghost of a smile touched his lips as though he knew I was spouting bullshit. “Why don’t you ask me some questions? It’ll make you feel better.”
“I have classes I need to get ready for.” I rubbed my arms; his icy stare seemed to freeze me in place. “I...also don’t have any more questions I need to ask.”
He cocked his head. “Is that so? What about the one I’d withheld for another time? The one about whether I’d ever been bullied?”
I’d almost forgotten about that. “Were you?”
“Is that a question, then?” he asked with a smirk. When I frowned, he just chuckled. “Tell you what. Since you’re getting ready for class, how about I come back tomorrow morning, and you can ask me then.”
I swallowed against the lump in my throat and nodded.
“Okay...” But I didn’t want him to leave.
I wanted to beg him to stay. That even if I didn’t have any questions left for the interview, I had millions of questions I wanted to ask him so I could find out more about who he was.
What his favorite color was. What season he liked best. But I was too scared. Too terrified he’d die because of me.
He pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“You wouldn’t understand.” The words came out harsher than I’d planned, and I quickly grabbed his wrist to keep him from leaving.
I was giving way too many mixed signals, but I couldn’t think straight.
“I... People die around me all the time. My parents and brother, my aunt, my fos...” I bit my lower lip.
“My friend overdosed because of me. Even Trevor and Martin are dead now. And you got shot, and I thought you’d died too. ”
“Those last two were my doing, not yours. As for your family, they died in a car accident when you were an infant. Not sure how that could’ve been your fault.” When I nodded, he continued, “And your aunt?”
“Cancer...”
“Last I checked, you’re not cancer. And unless you forced pills down your friend’s throat, that also wasn’t your fault.” He kissed the top of my head. “And I didn’t die. I will someday. So will you and everyone else you’ve ever known, but that’s because we’re human. Death is part of life.”
“But―”
“If you’re trying to get rid of me, it’s not going to be this easy,” he said with a smile as he brought me in for a hug.
I cuddled against him, breathing in his familiar wood and musk scent.
His words repeated in my mind; all these years, I was sure I’d been cursed, but maybe that wasn’t the case at all.
Death just happened, and it wasn’t my fault.
I didn’t want to move, too comfortable in his arms. Why couldn’t we stay like this forever?
“The last two died because of me, though...” I said quietly against his chest.
His chest vibrated as he laughed. “They touched you, so they had to die. That’s not your fault; that’s because of my jealousy.” He cupped the back of my head, his mouth brushing against my hair. “And if I find other men who touched you, they’ll die too.”
“You can’t just kill everyone I’ve ever been with,” I said with a grin; he was getting pretty close to accomplishing it.
He pulled me away, darkness dancing behind his gaze. “Don’t bet on it.” He leaned forward, closing the gap between us with a gentle kiss. Nothing sexual, just affectionate.
“I’m really happy you’re alive,” I whispered against his lips.
“So am I.” He gave my ass a playful slap. “Now, get ready for class, and I’ll be by tomorrow morning, alright?”
“Okay,” I said as he opened the door.
He glanced over his shoulder. “And if this is, in fact, the last question you ask me, I’ll make sure my final ask is memorable.” He gave me a wink before leaving.
I stood in my living area, staring at my door as the locks turned.
Footsteps echoed from outside, and I blinked a few times.
His final ask... What would happen after I finished interviewing him?
I still had to integrate the information I’d gathered into my report.
The threat of the PIN was over... There was nothing stopping him from killing me at this point. No more threats looming over his head.
He loves me.
And I loved him, but I knew love might not be enough to spare me.
He’d never left witnesses before...except once about twelve years ago when he left me behind.
He hadn’t known I’d been hiding in the washer-dryer closet, though.
If he had, I’d probably be dead, along with my foster parents. Instead, he became my hero that night.
I finished drinking my coffee, nearly chugging it as I grabbed my messenger bag. My two classes were apart by around four hours, so I’d use that time to work on my report some more. I made sure my notebook was in my bag along with my laptop, and I dashed outside.
The weather was freezing in comparison to the inside of the building, the wind hitting me like shards of ice against my skin. Thankfully, it was only cold and hadn’t snowed yet since that would’ve slowed me down a lot. But walking against the wind wasn’t great.
By the time I got to my class, my face stung and throbbed, but at least I was inside again.
Away from the windiest day I’d had the misfortune of traveling in.
I promised myself I wouldn’t complain about the summer heat after this but snorted at my own thought; I swore the same thing every year.
I hated both extremes and just wanted someplace to have a perpetual spring and autumn instead. Was that so difficult to ask for?
The day seemed to crawl at a snail’s pace. I couldn’t stop thinking about Jack and what his last ask would be. The thought of never hearing him ask for that again made my heart ache. I hated myself for having grown so dependent on him. On needing him.
As my final class came to an end, I stretched long and hard. I hated this stupid schedule; having a class finish at ten o’clock at night was torture. I was a night owl, but with a class earlier in the day, it just screwed my whole sleeping routine.
Elsie leaned against my side of the table with a grin. “Want to come have drinks with me and the girls? We’re heading out right after we stop at our dorms to get changed.”
“I don’t know...”
“Oh, come on. You never want to go out. All you do is work,” she said with a teasing smile. “Once. Just once. Please?”
I wanted to refuse, but then I imagined sitting at home, thinking of Jack. Wondering what he’d ask for. Wondering what came next in our strange relationship. “Sounds good...”
Elsie nearly screamed in glee as she bounced on her feet while clapping her hands. “Awesome. Okay, we’ll meet back at this building in around thirty minutes?”
“Sounds good,” I said, part of me regretting agreeing to this. I could’ve also gone home to work some more on my report, but Elsie was right—all I did was work. That or watch some television to pass the time. And occasionally do some scrapbooking.
This could be an opportunity to have fun.