Chapter 13 – Leap
No one was out and about at the lodge, but he saw lights inside.
He figured Jim was up. He parked and went in.
Jim was in his chair with a mug of coffee, his laptop open on the portable desk, probably to the Duluth paper.
He looked up and smiled as Robby walked in.
“When I saw you drive up, I wasn’t surprised.
I don’t suppose you want to drink coffee and pass the time of day with me. ”
“Done, when you put it like that. We’re pulling for you guys. I’ll tell Billy no carpentry till next week.”
“Thanks. I need all the help I can get. I know how it must sound to you, coming from me at thirty-six, but I’ve never been in a relationship like this. Grace didn’t come with a manual.”
“She needs support and love — not so different from the rest of us. Even successful musicians. Am I right?”
“Yes.” He turned to go, then remembered and turned around. “Is it okay if I hang a hammock at the far end of Grace’s porch? It’s a surprise — from a company near her home. She mentioned it once, and I ordered one.”
“Sure. You need help? Tools? Billy?”
“No thanks. I have everything I need. Just have to find a time when she’s not around . . . Maybe send her up here for a cup of sugar. Something’ll come up.”
*******
As he stepped quietly onto the porch, Robby was aware of both the familiarity of the place and the newness of the situation .
. . a unique, exciting feeling. For just a moment, he wondered how he could convey that in a song .
. . Then, the door was in front of him. Should he knock?
He hesitated . . . decided on a soft knock.
No response. He didn’t smell coffee. He turned the knob, opened the door.
She was still asleep. All he could see of her was a mass of dark hair above the covers.
The cabin was chilly. There was no wood on the floor next to the stove.
Maybe there wasn’t any chopped. He could see she was cold by the way she was curled up tight under the star quilt.
He went over to the side door and opened it just enough to see if there was wood on the side porch.
There was. He wanted nothing more than to get in that bed, but he knew cooler weather follows rain.
He also thought Grace would wake up when he brought in the wood, but he was going to wake her anyway.
So, he went out, got an armful of wood, and when he closed the door, she stirred.
He walked over to the stove, laid the wood down, and opened the stove door.
It creaked. She got up on one elbow. “Robby? What time is it?”
“It’s early. The rain has stopped, and it’s getting cooler. I’m going to start the stove.”
“Then you’ll come to bed?”
“Wild horses couldn’t stop me.”
Grace smiled and snuggled down into the covers.
She was glad to have Robby back. There was no denying it.
She had no idea where this was going, but she’d done her work, and she was going to enjoy the weekend.
Robby often said he wanted to just let things unfold.
The pandemic was far from over. They could take their time. And hold to weekends.
*********
Sometime later, after the cabin had warmed up, Grace was lying on Robby’s chest, when he said, “I have news. The band is going to do an outdoor show next month.”
“Okayyy,” Grace said slowly.
“Just ‘okay’?”
“Well, I don’t know what that means, exactly.”
“I hope it means you’ll be coming with me to Chicago.”
“Chicago?”
“Yes. That was part of the deal — one show, as close as possible.”
“Wow. Where in Chicago?”
“Not sure yet. Still negotiating the venue and the date. Because of Covid, even this late, we have choices — all outdoors and lots of hoops to jump through, but everybody needs business — it means jobs. Probably know early next week. I’ll email you.
But you’ll come, right?” He looked down at her, and she nodded.
“What will it be like?”
“Crazy great.”
“Crazy?”
“Yes, but don’t worry. You’ll be with me and there’ll be security. There’ll be rehearsals — we won’t have played in — by then — more than two months, and we have to work out new songs. I’m going to try to finish another one. I think it’ll work for the band.”
“You’re different . . . more focused . . . businesslike.” She smiled and sat up, looking at him.
“Yes. I’ve been doing so much music while we’ve been apart. It may be crazy then and until then. Because it’s so soon. For everybody, including us. The good thing is, it is soon, and then it will be over. Until the next time.”
“When will that be?”
“I don’t know. Depends on Covid.”
“So, maybe a lifetime away,” Grace said, moving to get out of the bed. She looked back at him as she stood up. “I can understand why you have to plan these things far in advance. It’s just hard to know how and where anyone will be, between regular life and Covid.”
“I can’t imagine Covid’ll last that long.” He threw the covers back and put his legs over the side.
“Cases are still ramping up in the Northeast and now in California,” Grace said, opening the curtain to the closet.
She found a pair of black leggings to go under her buffalo plaid nightshirt and was pulling them on when Robby said, from right beside her, “Where will you go when it’s too cold to stay in this cabin? And you don’t have a car. And you’ve never wintered up here before.”
“When is your birthday, ‘cause I’m giving you that bell! And where are my slipper socks?” She looked up at him. “As for your questions, I don’t know. But I’ll have options, and I’ll choose the best one for me.”
She put her hand out to pull back the curtain, but Robby put his hand on her arm and held her back. “Where do I fit into that equation? You sound like you’re pulling back. Your tone changed when I said we might do a second show, and now, when I asked about your winter plans, you’re defensive.”
“I guess. I have to look out for me. I can’t expect others to do that. They have their own lives to plan.” She looked down at his hand still on her arm, but he didn’t move it. She looked at him. “Please let go.”
“No. Suddenly, I have become an ‘other’?” He inhaled.
“You’re infuriating. No matter how much we talk, you’re so quick to doubt.
And you won’t share anything to help me understand why.
I’m an open book. Some of the pages aren’t pretty, but I’ll let you look at any of them.
Ask me anything. I’ll answer. What’s scared you this time? Is it my career?”
After a while, Grace said, not looking at Robby, “I don’t think so. I think it’s talking about the future. When we do that, I feel unsure. A future that includes you is scary.”
“No one can be sure of the future, but you’ve got to trust. Why is that so hard for you?”
“I don’t know. It’s true I have a hard time trusting, but I don’t think I’m different from anybody else.”
“You are. Otherwise, there would be no relationships ‘cause everyone would be running at the first sign things weren’t rock solid. There’s a problem here we’ve got to solve.
I’m serious. You’re driving me crazy. We’ve got to get past this, or we won’t make it.
And I didn’t go through the last several weeks for this.
Let’s sit down.” He moved his hand down her arm to her hand, pulling her out of the closet and toward the woodstove.
“Sit,” he said, when he had her in front of a recliner.
He went over and got a chair from the table and placed it directly in front of Grace and sat in it.
“This is a little extreme.”
“It’s the start of the weekend. I don’t know how many more of these we’ll get because of the show, and I want us to get past this. You want that too, right?”
“Yes. Although, I’m not sure what we’re doing.”
“I’m just as in the dark as you are. I’m a patient man, but I need some hope this trust issue isn’t going to be a recurring obstacle.” He leaned toward her, his forearms on the tops of his thighs.
Grace exhaled. “Okay.” She was warm now, but she wished she had coffee and not this conversation.
“Okay. First, trust. You’re going to have to take a leap of faith, and trust I’m going to be there for you, even when we talk about the future.
And I’ll try not to endanger that trust by letting my career take over.
Second, you said you want another person in your life.
Well, adding another person is messy. So, you’ve got to control your impulse to run every time we get out of balance, ‘cause the balance is going to be shifting. We’re both new at this.
We’re going to make mistakes, but we can’t quit at the first sign of trouble. ”
“Exactly — you’ve never been in a long relationship. You have no credibility on this subject. I should trust what you say? I don’t think so. And I don’t like being mansplained to.”
Robby sat up. He shifted his gaze briefly and took a breath. “Okay. Fair. It’s true I’ve never been in a long relationship, but not for lack of trying — we’ve talked about that, about the traveling factor, and now it’s much less of a factor.”
“For now.”
“Now is all we’ve got. It’s where we are. We can’t predict the future. Yesterday, you were okay with trying weekends. Now, you’re going to run because of a future we know nothing about?”
Grace took a deep breath. “No.”