2. September 9, 2022 #2
“No. Not lying. Secretive. Like whatever the secret is, she’s worried it’s going to blow up in her face. Worried. That’s what it is. She’s worried about what she’s hiding.”
“Maybe if she just told us what she’s all wound up about, then she wouldn’t be worried.”
Steel flashed him a look. “The person she’s most likely to tell anything to has been missing for three days and is now in my truck. Hmmm. I may not be good at math, but two plus two equals four. Still wondering why she’s looking for you?”
Demon looked out the passenger window, his fingers absently playing with the leather bracelet he wore. “She doesn’t tell me anything anymore.”
“Well… I’m guessing she’s struggling with trust right now.”
They sat at a stoplight. Steel continued, “Look, far be it from me to tell you how to run your life. I’ve made my own choices that have been less than popular in the past. The point is, you have something in your grasp that could right a lot of the wrongs you’re harboring, and you’re blowing it.
What she’s asking of you is such a little thing.
Give up the fucking pills already. You don’t need them. ”
“You don’t know shit about what I need. And if it doesn’t matter to you all, it shouldn’t matter to her. Or are you saying it matters to all of you?” The pang in his gut intensified. Were they finally giving up on him? He wouldn’t blame them.
“Of course it matters to us, but not in the way you’re thinking.
” The light turned green, and Steel eased into the intersection.
“The oxy? It’s how you cope. I’ve never seen you unable to function.
You take them like you’ve got a prescription because we can set our watches by when you do.
It’s as natural a part of your system as if you took vitamins.
You’re never unable to do what you need to do.
You probably even have a tolerance built up, and the shit’s all in your head. ”
“I have physical pain,” he mumbled. Even to him, it sounded like a weak excuse.
“Okay, but then why do you stop taking them as soon as you’re on any type of assignment that requires you to potentially have to do your doctor thing on somebody?
Clearly, you’re trying to numb something, yet you recognize the drugs could be a detriment in a crisis.
You’re making rational decisions, so by refusing to give them up, you’re also making a rational decision.
If it’s her only condition for the two of you being together, why wouldn’t she believe you don’t deserve her trust?
You’re basically throwing in her face that the shit matters more to you than she does. ”
“Didn’t you just say it wasn’t your place to tell me how to live my life?”
Muttering in Spanish under his breath, Steel pushed the button on his dash that opened the gate to Tribe’s underground parking and pulled into his preferred spot. However, he didn’t turn the vehicle off after he put it in park.
“I’m not telling you what to do . I’m just telling you how it is , pointing out that you have no right to be pissed when you’re willfully doing the one thing that’s fucking up the possibilities.”
Demon opened the truck door, exited, and slammed it behind him.
Arriving at the elevator that would take them upstairs, he jammed the button so hard it cracked.
Steel followed him into the carriage. Demon knew the man would never press for details, but he felt like he needed to give his teammate some sort of answer.
Other than God and Waters, none of them knew much, if anything, about each other's pasts, so they would have no clue what had driven Demon to his dependency on prescription narcotics to get him through his days.
Making a choice, he hit the emergency stop button on the elevator just before it hit the second floor of Tribe, where the offices were. He stared at the unopened doors.
“There was an accident.”
Clearly, Steel knew better than to prod. Instead, he leaned against the elevator wall, not looking at Demon, waiting for whatever was going to come out of his mouth.
“A boy. Caught in a riptide. He was drowning. I promised his parents he’d live, and then I went out to get him.
When I got to him, he was already gone, so I had to decide—try to do CPR in the water or swim with him to land and then start compressions.
He’d be too long without air if I did the latter and likely have a brain injury, so I started CPR in the water. I chose wrong.”
“Losing a child always hurts more than any other death. You made the best decision you could under the circumstances.”
Demon heard a note of pain in Steel’s voice that he’d never heard before. It was both comforting and frightening to know that even a stone-cold assassin could feel compassion.
“I know. It was a judgment call, something I’d been used to making in all my time as a surgeon.
I always understand that I’m taking a chance.
But… I’d had a surfing accident the week before.
Screwed up my back, and I was on medication to get me through until therapy.
I took medical leave because I couldn’t stand long enough to operate, so I was on my medication when I went out to the beach that night.
I had no business going out into the water in that condition.
On top of that, I made a promise I had no right to make because there was no guarantee I could keep it, and it was just one in a long string of promises in my life that I was failing at. ”
“Do you honestly believe that taking an oxycodone pill was the difference between that boy living and dying?” Steel asked incredulously .
“Well… no,” Demon admitted.
Steel opened his mouth, but Demon cut him off as if he knew what Steel was planning to say. “But it could have been a factor. Would I know if pain medication was affecting me? I mean, that’s part of what it’s supposed to do, essentially. Make people not feel the pain.”
Shaking his head, Steel made a “tch” noise.
“If I’m bleeding out, I’m saying it now.
I want your high ass operating on me more than some sober, cookie-cutter mad scientist. You’d know if you were impaired.
And even if you didn’t… mierda , even a stone-cold sober person can make a mistake or a poor decision.
No one expects you to be perfect, hermano .
We’re successful most of the time, but we make mistakes.
Waters let orders override his spidey senses, and he left Kubrick vulnerable.
TB let Flame out of his sight, and we had to rescue her.
Nemo let the love of his life get away twice.
The difference is, we learn from those mistakes, and they’ve never happened again. ”
Demon swallowed hard against the lump in his throat.
“I’m untrustworthy. I say I can do things, but I can’t always follow through.
” He shuddered as if he had taken that first step into an ocean in winter.
What would Cherry be worried about? What could be so worrisome that it was causing her to close off from the team?
To deflect rather than lie? Was she in some kind of danger?
He didn’t think he could last long against the fear of that.
“Some days, I wonder why Waters even hired me.”
Steel clapped him twice on the shoulder.
“He saw something in you, just like he saw something in all of us. Five fuckups with skills we were putting to use, six if you count him, but in ways that were causing us all to burn up like comets in the atmosphere. We have a purpose now. It wasn’t the purpose we envisioned for ourselves, but we have it just the same.
This was our second chance. It came at a cost, so now we need to take it.
Value it. Keep it alive, unlike our previous selves.
” He hit the emergency stop button to allow the elevator to continue on its journey.
“Grab on to her, D. The love of a woman can heal anything. Fuck. Ninety percent of your work is complete because you’ve conquered the urges and self-doubts that plagued Waters and TB.
You just need to take that last step, and to be honest, that last step is the hardest one to take. It will also be the most rewarding.”
The doors opened onto an empty reception area. Steel exited without a backward glance, turning toward their personal offices. Demon glanced at Cherry’s abandoned desk, then hit the button to close the doors and travel up to his apartment to change into project gear.
Where the hell was she?