Chapter 6
The buzzing of my phone wakes me from my coma. It was the kind of sleep where I completely forgot where I was. It startles me, actually, but the memories of the night before come flooding back, and the panic leaves me.
Landon is still here, asleep, with one arm across my middle.
My phone vibrates, and I check the screen. It’s my boss, Daryl.
“Hello,” I say once my fingers stop fumbling and I can press talk.
“Erin, thank God. I’ve been trying to call you. Where are you? I heard what happened.”
“I’m in Iowa. In a motel.”
“Oh, poor thing; I’m so sorry.”
I don’t mention that I’m not the least bit sorry. I push my hair from my face. “What’s up?”
“The Coffer Group, they called me. They’re not sure about the deal. Supposedly, they got another offer, and it looks good to them, too, and they’re floundering. I need you to go back to New York. They like you, and I think you can close it. It is just really unfortunate you are in Iowa.”
“Can I call them? Maybe that can work. I have no idea when I can get a flight to New York. I mean, it’s Iowa.”
“The other offer came local, so someone in New York. Listen, I really need you to get back there. Stay as long as you need to. Close this deal. If you close this deal, the promotion we’ve been discussing might happen sooner than later.”
I pause for a second. I’ve been asking for a raise and promotion consistently for years. When I think about how much money I’ve made the company and how little has trickled down, I could scream.
It doesn’t matter that I cry in bathrooms during work. It doesn’t matter that I just met the most interesting, soul-connecting man I have ever met. This is business, and this is my life.
Landon is just a guy I had fun with once, who did not believe in fate, though my body screams that yes, this is fate.
“Okay, I’ll go.” I have no idea how I will get back to New York or even to the airport.
Landon stirs next to me when I kiss his cheek. One eye cracks open, and he looks at me.
“Morning, sunshine,” I say. “I have to go.”
That wakes him up. He sits straight up and rubs his eyes. “What?”
“My boss called me. The deal is about to fall through, and I need to go back to New York.”
The expression on Landon’s face can be described as blank. “Okay,” he says.
I breathe in and out. I do not want to be the typical woman who jumps all over a man for a response of one word. Still, it hurts me that there is not more angst, more desire from him.
We sit there at a standstill. I break, standing up and walking over to my luggage.
He says nothing as I pull out my rumpled suit and examine what I’m dealing with. Landon says nothing as I search and eventually find the iron. As it warms on the ironing board I found, I check for flights out of Waterloo to New York.
When I turn back, Landon sits cross-legged on the bed, cracking his knuckles. It feels like we’re strangers again—something I keep forgetting.
His stare bores into me, even with my back to him. I turn around and shrug. “What?”
“I wanted more time with you,” he says.
“Well, I have to work. The deal may fall through, and they want me back in New York. I have to go.”
“But it seems like you hate your job.”
“I don’t hate it,” I say as I hold my hand a little from the iron. It’s finally hot enough.
It helps distract from the awkwardness and the general anxiety.
“When I first sat down next to you, you seemed so uncomfortable. It’s just something I noticed.”
He is not wrong. It makes me want to crawl out of my skin. My parents always raised me to believe that work is not supposed to be fun. It’s called work for a reason, so you find something you’re good at, excel at it, and that will fulfill you.
A stranger sees something in me that my friends don’t see and my parents do not comment on. My brain spins with his words.
“I’m good at it. And I’m vital to my company.”
“You just seemed like a very unhappy person when I sat down. That is, until we started talking, and then you came to life. It was nice to see.”
That comment strips me bare.
This man, who does not believe in fate or destiny, has an unknown level of heartbreak in store for me. Patrick, so steadfast, blindsided me on our wedding day when everything about our relationship felt safe and comforting. Landon is uncertainty incarnate, and I cannot take it, known or unknown.
“Maybe I just want you to fly back to San Francisco with me. Spend more time together.”
“And then what?” I ask as I run the iron over my blazer pockets. Working on the creases is the perfect distraction.
“And then…I don’t know.” His honesty hits me in the gut. He is basically asking me to quit my job just so we can spend a few more hours together. There are no declarations of love or passion from this man I’ve known less than twenty-four hours.
That kind of thing only happens in movies, but I still hope and pine for it like a silly, silly woman.
I prop up the iron and turn around. “I have to go for my job. I can’t just get on a plane with you, and go back hand-in-hand, and then we never see each other again. Are we together now…”
“No,” he says bluntly. He stands up and approaches me, and I recoil away from his outstretched hands. His brow furrows. “But I would like to see where this goes.”
“Ah,” I say, putting my hands on my hips. I laugh, at the ground.
What should I expect out of this man I just met? I have no idea.
“Erin,” he says softly, reaching for me again.
So many things came to me after Patrick left. All the signs I did not see. The red flags that slapped me in the face, and I did not register them.
Here, a man tells me that he doesn’t believe in fate, we are not together. I would be a complete idiot to not see this for what it is.
Not fate. Not even a blip on the great loves of my life. This was just a tryst in a rundown motel in Iowa. Something to pass the time, something fun to tell my friends when I go back to San Francisco.
“Let’s just call this what it was. A distraction,” I say.
“Erin, I…” Landon says, and then my phone buzzes again.
Daryl.
“I have to take this,” I say as I point to my phone.
Daryl is breathless. “Hi, so Charlotte was able to find a flight out of Waterloo that lays over in Chicago, but you could be in New York by one. I need you at the airport immediately.”
“Got it,” I say. “Email me the flight info.”
“She already did it,” Daryl says.
“Thanks, boss,” I say. I end the call and chuck my phone across the room. I finish ironing the pants to the best they’re going to be and take all the clothes into the bathroom.
Now that this is on the verge of ending, Landon seeing me naked is too much since we are about to become strangers.
When I walk out, Landon stands in the same spot. His indifferent stance tells me everything I need to know.
“I’ll come to the airport with you. I should see what’s going on with the flight to San Francisco anyway.”
“Okay,” I say.
“We can just chalk this up to a fun flight and a fun night,” Landon says. I expect him to smile at his rhyme, but it does not register.
“I think so,” I say.
He crosses his arms, and his eyes look everywhere but at me. “I mean, this wasn’t meant to be forever. This wasn’t fate.”
“No,” I agree.
“Okay,” he agrees.
How quickly he gives up on this is my answer. This was nothing to him.
There’s something in his eyes that is confusing, and I can’t quite put my finger on it.
We collect our belongings quickly, and Landon checks us out as I call a cab. The morning air is crisp on my skin; fall has arrived. The seasons barely change in San Francisco, so it’s nice to see the season, even for a moment.
I choose to focus on this moment. Not that it is ending, but that it happened.
This will be a good memory to take me through the rest of my life.
Something gnaws at me, though, when Landon walks toward me with a nod. His eyes look heavy and red, and he sniffles as he takes me in his arms and says nothing. I wrap my arms around him in response, and we settle in together. He kisses my hair just as the cab arrives.
Landon takes my luggage from me and puts it in the trunk.
The pangs begin in my chest as I sit there next to Landon. He grips my hand even though we are not meant to be, and it makes my heart soar and ache all at the same time.
Landon rushed into my life unexpectedly, and now he is leaving it forever.
It’s silly to say, but he changed me.
When we reach the airport, I pull up the reservation details that Charlotte emailed me. I check in and get my boarding pass as Landon checks in with Skyline on alternatives to get him to San Francisco.
I wait for him, although my flight is boarding soon.
I have to.
He finally finishes and approaches me.
“This was so great,” he says, taking my arms in his hands. “I am so glad we were seated together.”
“Me too,” I say. I do not ask when we will see each other again. I wait for him to ask for my number, but he doesn’t. With a smile, I say, “I guess we’ll just leave it up to fate, huh?”
“I guess,” he says. “You can finally prove to me that fate is real.”
He kisses me tenderly, softly, with a caress of my cheek.
The announcements shake me from this dream. I need to go.
I walk away, and my heart cannot take it. This feels wrong. Why didn’t he ask for my phone number? It feels like I’m floating as I make my way through security and to my gate. I make it just in time.
When I’m seated, I have women on either side of me. I’m back in my uncomfortable suit, heading to do a job I hate, and away from a man I could’ve seen a future with after less than twenty-four hours.
I cannot help it. I begin to sob.