Chapter Twenty-Three
“What number is this now?” Mallory asks dryly.
I frown at her tone and shake my head. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you. I’m only trying to get myself out there, and they’ve been going fairly well.” I’m not going to answer her question, and that’s mainly because I’ve no clue how many dates I’ve been on since I walked away from Brent.
It’s been months and, even though they’ve gone without a hitch, I haven’t been able to find someone who I’m willing to go on a second date with. I can’t count how many times I’ve come home, only to call Mallory and complain about why I can’t see the guy again. Just last week I couldn’t stand the shape of my date’s nose, so I refused to schedule another one with him. In my head, I was thinking about how it didn’t have that same adorable dip in it that Brent’s has and it made the entire date feel wrong.
I’ve done nothing but compare every guy I go out with to the man I can’t stop searching for on social media. They’ve got a show coming up a few hours away from Miami and I’m itching to buy tickets, but can’t bring myself to make the purchase. I’ve got another week before classes start back up, so I’m using that as my excuse for why I can’t go to the concert – I’ve got too much to worry about with setting things up for the school year to spend my time at a concert.
“Why do you keep going if you’re never going to be one-hundred percent okay with them?”
“I need to move on,” I say softly, hating the way the words sound coming from my mouth. The last thing I want to do is move on, but I can’t get Brent’s words out of my head and I feel as though I don’t have much of a choice.
He doesn’t want me and never did.
Mallory gives me a sad smile and shrugs. “I think you should tone the dating down a bit. I’m proud of how far you’ve come since we went to St. Croix, but you need to take some time for yourself.”
“I know.” I take a deep breath. “I’m worried. I don’t know how to do that.”
Mallory chuckles. “You did plenty before, Jules.”
I sigh. “Yeah, but spending a lot of my time with Brent showed me that being with someone is fun, and there’s a lot of happiness that I don’t get by being alone.”
“Or,” Mallory says, a satisfied smile taking over her face. “Maybe you just need the man in question by your side. Why haven’t you tried calling him?”
“So he can reject me for a second time?” I shake my head. “No, thank you.”
She watches as I run a hand over my dress and says, “Well, as much as I’d love to sit here and chat, I’ve got plans tonight.” I watch as she walks out of the bedroom, then turn back to my reflection in the mirror and study myself.
If Brent were here and he could see me in this dress, what would he say? I close my eyes and imagine him pushing through my bedroom door like he”d do if we were a real couple before staring at me with heat in his bright eyes. He’d tell me how beautiful I look, then slowly walk over to me and press a kiss behind my ear. I’d lean back against him and rest my head over his heart, listening to the steady beat of it with a smile on my face.
The moment is shattered when I blink, and everything comes back into focus, the ghost of Brent disappearing right before my eyes. He’s nothing but a memory now.
As if everything happened only yesterday, tears sting and I take deep breaths to push them back. This has been a constant occurrence ever since St. Croix. Just when I think I’ve got my sadness under control, it comes back in full force, and I have to start over to get the emotions under control. I’m about to pick my clutch up and head out when Mallory comes storming back into the room with a red face.
“Put the damn purse down,” she mutters, then flops onto the edge of my bed. “I’m done watching you do this to yourself. I miss my best friend’s bright smile, and there’s only one way to bring it back.” I scrunch my eyebrows in confusion when she reaches into her bag and pulls out tickets for something. “We have plans in a couple of days, and I’ve got a feeling you’ll want to skip your date after you see where we are going.”
“Where?”
Mallory smiles knowingly and shrugs. “Just the best seats in the house for Brent’s concert.”
I groan loudly and throw my head back, then look at her with a frown. “What makes you think I want to go to that?”
She lifts from my bed and walks over to my computer, shaking the mouse so that it comes alive, and angles it toward me so I can see the last screen I was on. My spine straightens, and I look at the ground, embarrassed that she knows what I’ve been doing late at night. Her hand rests on my arm gently and she sighs. “You aren’t over it, Jules, even though you’re trying your damnedest. So, let’s do something about it.”
“What are we going to do?”
She shrugs. “Think of it as a way to get over everything. Let him go once and for all.”
“And you think that will work?”
Something in her eyes tells me no, but she nods with a small smile anyway. “I really do. So, what do you say, babe?” She gives me a hopeful smile, and I roll my eyes while my lips tip at the corners. Then, I let my clutch fall onto the floor. Ahh! I can’t wait.”
I can because seeing Brent is going to bring that love I’ve been trying to push back right back to the surface and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to let it go again.
Mallory whistles loudly when I walk into the living room, and she trails her gaze down my body. Since this is supposed to be a night where I let go of all things Brent, I figured dressing the part would be best. I went to the store, got a red lace cropped tank to pair with a pair of black leather shorts that barely cover my ass, and finished it off with five-inch stilettos that make my legs look magnificent.
I’d normally keep my hair down and curled to frame my heart-shaped face, but went with a straightener this time and pulled it into a high ponytail. My makeup is more than I’d wear any other time, with red lipstick and smokey eyes. I’m the complete package tonight, and I want Brent to see who he lost out on.
That’s what this is.
I’m not going to take him back, no matter what he does when he notices me in the crowd.
That’s what I have to keep telling myself, and no matter how many times I repeat it, there’s no ounce of trust in the words.
“Damn, girl,” Mallory says and fans her face. “He’s not gonna know what hit him. You ready for this?”
I take a deep breath and nod, then shake my head. “Uh, no?”
“You will be, trust me.”
As much as I’d love to talk to Mallory through the duration of our ride, I can’t stop all the thoughts swimming in my head that drown everything around me out. Eventually, they become too much, and I end up with my head pressed against the window, and my eyes fall shut. I’m shoved awake by Mallory at some point, and I jump up, my gaze pointing out the window at the crowd of people heading toward a large stadium.
“We’re here,” Mallory says excitedly.
My stomach drops and I place a hand over it, then close my eyes to calm my nerves. I can do this. I can do this.
“I can’t do this,” I whisper.
Mallory sighs and forces me to turn toward her. “Yes, you can, and you will. He deserves to see how much you can thrive without him. Plus, we came later than the show start time because I wanted them to start their set before we got here.”
“They’re already playing?” I ask, then shove the door open and fix my clothes before hurrying toward the stadium entrance. Mallory’s heels click behind me as she tries to catch up and throw a glare at her over my shoulder. “Why would you come late?”
She shrugs, although there’s something weird going on with her eyes – almost as if she’s got something up her sleeve – and she says, “I thought it would be easier for you.” Mallory hands the staff member our tickets and they lead us through the halls until we come to a stop at a door no one else is waiting by.
My heart beats wildly, with the bass bursting through the speakers. Then, we’re being led up a flight of stairs and into an empty room. The staff member leaves us there, then says something into a walkie-talkie that I don’t understand because when I shift slightly, my eyes lock onto Brent’s from a distance, and he winks at me before continuing with their current song.
The rest of the world grows dark, leaving only me and him, and I try to convince myself to look away. He’s only going to hurt me. What if he doesn’t though? He’s tried getting in touch with me enough these last few months that maybe I’d gotten things all wrong before I disappeared on him.
As the song comes to an end and the crowd goes wild in front of the stage, Brent walks over to his bandmates and nudges his head in my direction. Each of them looks over at me, then nods at whatever their lead singer says, and Brent plants himself on a stool that’s brought out for him. I watch with fascination as he strums the chords of his guitar, fixing them as needed, and he smiles into the microphone in front of me.
“How are we doing tonight?” He asks, the crowd cheering loudly in response, and it has him chuckling. The sound swirls from my head to my toes, and I close my eyes to bask in the sensation of it. “I’m slowing things down a bit because, the thing is, I’ve fallen in love, and I wrote about it.” My eyes snap open, and I find him looking at me, while the crowd makes a noise I can’t distinguish. His eyes are still on mine as he says, “She happens to be here tonight, so I thought I’d sing the song for her and hope that she’ll take me back. Even though I don’t deserve it.”
Mallory bumps into me, and I finally turn my attention to her, finding a bright smile on her face. “Good, huh?”
My mouth parts, and I look back at him, listening to the soothing words about regret and hope, then back at her. “You knew about this?”
She scoffs. “Of course I did! now go get your man before someone else does.”
Can I do it?
I close my eyes once more and let the notes take over. His soft tone swirls throughout my body and rests on my heart.
You’ll never know how sorry I am,
All I want is to be your man.
Your green eyes are what I see,
Every night in my dreams.
How could I possibly deny this?
As he sings about being in love with me, I get the courage to take steps toward the stage where his bandmates already have a space open for me to walk out, and the crowd goes crazy when I appear. I’ve only got eyes for the man in front of me though, and him the same. His eyes never leave mine, even as the crowd gets louder and louder, and he lifts from his seat so I can take it while he still sings to me.
When the song comes to an end, I wish that he would start it over and never stop. He steps up to me, the mic away from his mouth, and rests his forehead against mine with a small smile. “I fell in love with you, Julia. It’s not what I expected, and I got scared, but I’ve realized I’m more scared of a life without you.”
A tear falls down my cheek slowly, and he swipes it away. “Will you give me another chance?”
“Can you give the audience an encore?” I ask with a bright smile.
He nods. “If that’s what will get you back, then yes.” I nod and he presses his lips against mine, the sparklers on the stage going off like they would in the movies, and there’s nowhere else I’d rather be right now.