11. Wavering Hearts #2
I packed up slowly, slipping my scarf around my neck and flipping off the lights.
My mind was churning with restless energy that made focusing impossible.
Outside, the chill crept in early now, curling beneath doorframes and tugging at hems, reminding everyone that winter was here whether they were ready or not.
As I stepped into the hallway, I found myself moving toward the front office, not because I had to, but because I knew Levi would be waiting there.
He usually was, leaning just inside the doorway like he had all the time in the world, chatting with Kathy or whoever happened to be around, and somehow always managing to be there when I emerged from my classroom.
It had started as politeness—offering me rides when my new used truck needed snow tires put on, casual invitations to grab dinner in town when we both seemed too tired to cook.
But somewhere along the way, it had become routine.
Expected. A dependable presence that made me realize how much I'd been looking forward to it.
And this time, I needed that steadiness more than ever, even if what I was about to say might shift everything between us.
He looked up when I walked in, smile already starting—automatic warmth that had become as familiar as morning coffee. But I must have had something written on my face, because his expression shifted immediately to concern.
“Can we talk?” I said, and even I could hear the weight in my voice.
He straightened, setting down the football schedule he'd been reading. “Of course. You okay?”
“Just...walk with me?”
We stepped out into the parking lot where his truck sat under the tall light pole, tires dusted with snow from the student lot. The cold caught the edge of my coat and flared it like a banner. I pulled it tighter around myself, trying to gather courage along with warmth.
“You're making me nervous,” he said, aiming for light but not quite hitting it.
I took a breath that tasted like winter and honesty. “I got a job offer today. From Miller's Pass. Starting in January. High school English.”
He stopped walking, hands sliding into his jacket pockets, shoulders straightening.
“That's...” He paused, clearly calculating. “That's unexpected. I thought you’d decided to stay here, in Everwood.”
“I actually applied last spring,” I said quietly.
“Before I got here. Before my truck had its temper tantrum in your driveway. Miller's Pass was always the plan. I applied for 9th and 10th-grade English, like Mom. When they didn’t get back to me… well, I didn’t get back to them.
I know I should have withdrawn my application… ”
Something flickered across his face—recalibration, maybe. He was rewriting a story he thought he'd understood.
“So Everwood is...” He didn't finish the question.
“Everwood was an accident,” I said, then immediately wished I could take it back because it sounded so much harsher than I meant it. “A good accident. The best accident. But not something I'd planned.”
He nodded slowly, processing. “And now?”
“Now I don't know,” I admitted. “If I’d received the offer a few months ago, I wouldn’t have hesitated. But now—I don’t know what I want.”
He looked at me and, in that moment, I felt completely seen and exposed. “What would leaving mean to you?”
I hesitated. I wasn't ready to speak it out loud. Because speaking it would make it real, would turn this swirling mess of confusion into something I'd have to deal with.
“It would mean following through on the original plan,” I said finally. “The one I made with my mom before she died. Living in the town where she grew up. Living the life she and I planned before I even knew what I wanted. Living the life she wanted.”
“And staying? Here, in Everwood?”
“Staying would mean...” I stopped, trying to find words for something I hadn't fully articulated even to myself. “Staying would mean choosing what I've built here over what I thought I wanted. It would mean admitting that maybe my plans changed without me noticing.”
Levi exhaled slowly, a long breath that turned visible in the cold air. As the days grew shorter, evening chill came on sooner. When he spoke, his voice was gentler than I'd expected but also more direct.
“You’re still carrying it, huh?”
I frowned. “Carrying what?”
“Your mom’s dream. Miller’s Pass. The job she pictured for you, the life she laid out.” He kicked a loose stone off the blacktop. “You’ve been hauling it around like a knight under a sacred oath.”
I huffed a laugh. “You really went full fantasy metaphor on that one.”
He grinned. “Figured you could handle it.”
“Yeah, well...I don’t even have a sword. Just a stubborn streak and a garden gnome named Professor Fungi.”
Levi’s eyebrow lifted. “Still think he needs that cement dragon?”
“Obviously. He looks lonely.”
Levi nodded solemnly. “Every hero needs a companion.”
I smiled, but the weight of his earlier words stayed with me. I knew I had been chasing someone else’s quest. I thought I’d given up on that, built something of my own. But now…
I crossed my arms, partly against the cold and partly because his words hit closer to home than I was comfortable with. “It was both of ours, you know. The dream. We planned it together.”
“When you were seventeen and you loved everything she loved,” he said, rubbing my arms against the cold.
“But you're not that girl anymore, Cass. You've built something here. Something real and good and entirely your own. You know, in all this time, I’ve heard about your mom and English, but I’ve never heard you rave about your love for English. It’s always been science.
Do you even like teaching English, Cass? ”
The nickname caught me off guard—rare from him, and softer than usual. Emotion welled up unexpectedly. It made what he was saying feel more intimate.
“So what?” I said, hearing the defensiveness in my voice even as I tried to control it. “I shouldn't take the job because I've gotten comfortable here? Because I like my lunch spot and the students don't fall asleep during my lessons on mitosis?”
He smiled, but it was barely there and gone quickly. “No. You shouldn't take the job because you think it'll bring her back somehow. That fulfilling her vision will make you feel closer to her or more worthy of the dreams she had for you.”
That stung more than I expected. It was a sharp ache, and my chest tightened in response.
I looked away toward the tree line, where a squirrel was conducting what appeared to be a very serious negotiation with a bird over territorial rights to a particular branch.
“I know she's gone, Levi,” I said quietly.
“I know you do.”
“Then don't talk to me like I'm chasing ghosts.”
His voice softened further. “I'm not. I just want you to see what's already here, what you've made. The way your students light up when you explain something difficult. The way you've become part of this place, not just someone passing through because your truck broke down. Not just because of me either. It’s the way you belong here.”
I met his eyes again. The warmth and caring there was almost overwhelming - harder to handle than if he'd been angry or demanding. “Maybe I am seeing it. That's what makes this so much harder.”
He didn't answer right away. Just nodded with understanding that said more than any words could have.
I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, heat gathering beneath my scarf despite the cold air.