Chapter 4
Chapter Four
‘You’re telling me he’s totally your type, but also totally not your type?’
Nicky spooned lime pickle onto her plate. Monday was curry night, because knowing you didn’t have to cook made starting a new working week bearable. Tuesday could also be curry night, as could Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and the weekend. When Nicky and Evie had taken a ten-day break in Ibiza, they’d received a text from the owner of The Bombay Tiger checking that they hadn’t died.
‘He looks like my type,’ said Evie.
‘A guy who wears a plaited leather cord around his wrist even though he only surfed for three days one summer in Cornwall?’
‘That guy crossed with a young David Beckham,’ said Evie. ‘Though I might have imagined the tattoos.’
‘So, basically, a Shaun-Tony-Jason clone,’ said Nicky. ‘But his personality isn’t like theirs? He’s not an grifting narcissistic chancer?’
‘Very, very harsh,’ said Evie. ‘They were all nice guys. Fun to be with.’
‘Until they got bored and buggered off.’ Nicky ripped a Peshwari naan in two and gave half to Evie.
‘Yes, yes,’ Evie sighed. ‘We know I’ve made bad choices. Even if I had no clue that I was making them. But now I have my eyes wide open, I’m still confused. Leo’s smoking hot but – I don’t know – it’s like he’s two people, one being smothered by the other. I got tiny glimpses of a real human, but mostly I got boss-bot.’
‘Boss-bot?’ Nicky laughed. ‘You mean, he says things like “let’s blue-sky this” and “it’s all about disruption”?’
‘We discussed “low-hanging fruit”,’ said Evie. ‘And “increasing mindshare”.’
‘Mate.’ Nicky shook her head. ‘This is the universe testing you. It heard you committing to a journey of self-discovery, so now it’s putting a shiny object in your path, the kind you can’t resist, and watching to see if you’ll give in yet again. Probably taking bets on how long it will take before you start throwing around words like scalable and going forward .’
Evie took a bite of naan and chewed thoughtfully.
‘He was wearing a very sexy cologne,’ she said. ‘But I could never fall for a man who doesn’t have a sense of humour. And you do not have one if you can say “incentivise” with a straight face. Plus, he doesn’t eat sugar or dairy. He wouldn’t touch Janice’s scone.’
Nicky looked shocked. ‘And she let him live?’
‘I secretly ate it for him,’ said Evie. ‘Probably the only bonus I’ll get for the foreseeable.’
‘Mate,’ said Nicky. ‘What did you do in a past life to deserve this?’
One of the attractions of working for Double K was that head office was within walking distance of Evie and Nicky’s flat. Or it would have been if Evie ever got up early enough. Luckily, the bus went practically from door to door, and on the days that she managed to get to the stop on time, dropped her off with five minutes to spare.
This morning was not one of those days. Evie arrived at her desk at nine-fifteen. To find Leo waiting for her with a stony look that did not bode well for the coming seven-point-five hours plus lunch break.
‘I expected you forty-five minutes ago,’ he said.
Evie hadn’t had enough coffee for mental arithmetic, but it seemed expected of her.
‘Eight-thirty?’ she tried not to squeak. ‘No one’s here at eight-thirty. How did you get in?’
‘I asked for a security key,’ Leo replied. ‘I assumed everyone would have one.’
‘Did you have to walk through the whole office and switch on all the lights?’
Leo’s expression became stonier. ‘Yes,’ he said, shortly.
‘Oo, annoying.’
Evie knew she was pushing things, but there was something about him that brought out the imp in her. It was the sense she had that he wasn’t quite being himself. That he was playing a part: the ambitious professional, in charge and in control, no room for mental or physical weakness. The kind of man who got up at five in the morning to do high-intensity exercise and had some wearable thingy that monitored all his vitals. Who read biographies of tech billionaires and posted quotes from them on LinkedIn.
Okay, it was probably because he did look a lot like her exes, but Evie was convinced there was a more relaxed and, well, normal, Leo behind the facade. Who might emerge if she poked him just a little.
‘I expect you here at eight-thirty from now on,’ he said. ‘This is not negotiable.’
Evie dearly wished to negotiate but she kept her mouth shut. That was enough poking for today. She didn’t want to provoke him into suggesting anything more heinous, like breakfast meetings or working through lunch.
‘Copy that,’ she said.
He gave her a last frosty look and turned his attention to his screen. Leo’s desk faced hers, so she could only see the back of his laptop. The latest Apple. Everyone else at Double K had budget-brand PCs, so he must have really impressed Keith and Kev at his interview for them to make an exception. Evie wondered how much more than her Leo was earning but put that thought away as unproductive. She was perfectly happy with her salary and her job. Well, she had been until Leo arrived.
Leo was busy tapping away at his keyboard, and so Evie surreptitiously scoped out what he was wearing on his top half. A sand-coloured polo shirt with white collar and cuffs, that was just the right amount of tight. She couldn’t check out his pants and shoes without peeking under the desk, but guessed they’d have the same quiet luxury vibe he seemed to go for. Evie was in her favourite summer work outfit of peach-coloured tailored linen shorts and loose-fitting matching shirt. Both items could do with an iron, and Evie was sure Leo would bring this up at some point.
‘So, boss,’ said Evie, thinking she should show willing. ‘What’s on the agenda today?’
He looked at her with the same stony expression as before. ‘Did you not read my email?’
The accurate answer was ‘What email?’ but Evie kept that to herself and quickly scanned her inbox. Sure enough, there was an email from Leo. Sent two minutes ago. Even though his face, complete with working mouth, was barely a metre away from her own.
Oh, no, no, no.
Evie knew she was taking a risk. But that kind of behaviour, even from a brand-new boss, was unacceptable.
‘You sent me an email instead of talking to me?’
Now, he didn’t even take his eyes off his screen.
‘I prefer communications to be in writing,’ he said. ‘It prevents ambiguity.’
Evie had a fondness for pencils, and there were at least ten, newly sharpened, in a container on her desk. How much effort would it take to shove one in Leo’s ear so that it stabbed him in the brain? Should she test that right now?
‘Hullo, you two. How are you both getting on?’
Keith’s substantial presence loomed over their desks. His smile was paternal, indulgent, as if Leo and Evie were a pair of step-kids recently thrown together in a blended family.
Leo sat up ramrod straight in his chair, and before he’d even opened his mouth, Evie just knew he was about to tell Keith that she was falling short of expectations. There was only one thing to do – not give him a chance.
‘Leo’s had this great idea,’ she told Keith. ‘Really smart.’
She was gratified on two counts. Leo was rattled. His eyes darted between her and Keith, and she could feel his anxiety. And Keith clapped Leo on the shoulder with his big, meaty hand, making Leo wince.
‘Knew we could count on you,’ Keith told Leo. ‘What’s this smart idea, then?’
‘Uh–’
Evie could practically hear Leo’s brain whirring like a trapped dragonfly, so she took pity and rescued him.
‘Leo knows Double K is all about the customer,’ she said. ‘So, what better way to understand our customers than to spend a day with one of them?’
Keith frowned. ‘You mean – ride along with a turd herder?’
‘One of the good ones,’ said Evie. ‘Like–’ She had a burst of inspiration. ‘Like Dennis!’
‘Den-boy.’ Keith chuckled, fondly. ‘The bog prince.’
‘Dennis will give us the unvarnished truth about our products and services.’ Evie was on a roll. ‘And as Leo says, the experience will give us a real insight into how to tailor our messaging to get the most traction with customers.’
There was a small but weighty pause. Judging by his expression, Keith’s verdict could go either way. Evie crossed her fingers under the desk.
Keith’s face split into a huge grin.
‘I like it.’ He gave Leo’s shoulder another mighty clout. ‘I’ll give Den-boy a call right now and set it up.’
Keith walked off, and Evie exhaled a small puff of relief. Then she felt Leo’s eyes on her. She forced herself to meet his gaze. To her surprise, he was almost, but not quite, smiling.
‘Turd herder?’ he said. ‘Bog prince?’
‘Also khazi master, and one Keith picked up during a holiday in Australia – dunny diver.’
‘And what’s Dennis’s plumbing firm called?’
‘You’re getting the hang of this,’ said Evie. ‘Straight Flush. It was going to be Hot Flush, but Dennis’s wife said that was sexist.’
Leo nodded, slowly. ‘Okay …’
The squeak of ancient metal wheels heralded the arrival of Janice and the tea trolley.
Janice handed Evie her tea and scone – ‘Oo, lovely!’ – then squeaked her trolley up a bit to be right beside Leo’s desk. Next to his laptop, Janice placed a mug of milky tea and a plate on which lay an extra-jammy scone. Stared him right in the eye as she dropped a huge dollop of whipped cream on top.
Leo returned her gaze, and said, ‘Thank you, Janice.’
Then he smiled, and even though he wasn’t smiling at her, Evie felt a tingle all the way from the top of her head to the soles of her feet. My goodness. Non-grumpy, semi-human Leo really was exceptionally hot.
Though it was hard to tell under all the layers of nicotine, Evie swore she saw Janice blush. It felt like a seismic shift in the rules of the universe.
As Janice wheeled the trolley away, Leo turned again to look at Evie. His expression was one of subtle but distinct challenge. Evie might have got one over on him today, but she should not underestimate him.
Evie raised her mug of tea in salute. Bring it on .
“Bring it on” or indeed, “Bring them together.” We have the perfect opportunity, my collaborators in love. Let’s make the most of it. I’d say an hour alone should do it. But, of course, no harm in stretching it out a little longer.