Chapter 25
SARAH
I stare at my phone. I haven’t been alone with Miles since I told him I was taking Ollie to stay with my mom. I’d just found out I was pregnant with Frankie, and thankfully, Ollie doesn’t seem to remember it.
I could ignore him or tell him he’s not welcome, but we need to talk. It’s been a long time coming, and I have to know where we go from here. Miles lashes out when things don’t go his way, and I don’t need any more thrown onto my pile. I need understanding and direction.
“Everything ok?”
I set my phone back in my lap. “Yes, sorry.”
Kat flips through the report. “So, this is everything? Have you requested all investment accounts and real estate records over the last five years?”
I nod. “All marital assets are jointly owned, and each has a retirement account. Although they’ve contributed far more to his than hers.”
Kat smiles. “Very nice.” She shuffles the papers together and taps them on her desk. “Excellent work. Now, if only I can get these two to sort things out amicably. ”
“It seems like it should be pretty clear-cut.”
She rolls her eyes. “You’d think so. You should sit in if you don’t have anything pressing tomorrow morning. Hopefully, you can get a glimpse of what it’s like when people know how to be reasonable rather than spiteful.”
I smile. “Yes. That would be great.”
“If you want, we can ride together and grab lunch afterward.”
“Sounds good.”
She tips back in her chair. “How was your Thanksgiving?”
“It was good. We went to Slade and Krissy’s Friendsgiving. We had a really great time.”
It’s true, except for my tough conversation with Roxie. It might have been necessary, but I hate how we left things.
“How about you?” I ask, avoiding further questions.
“I flew home and spent time with my nieces and nephews while dodging subtle comments about my age and childbearing years.”
I wave a hand. “You have plenty of time.”
“Not if this job sucks all of the life and vitality out of me,” she laughs.
My phone buzzes, and I flip it over, seeing it’s Ollie’s school. “I’m sorry. It’s the preschool.”
She shoos me to answer. “This is Sarah.” I dart back to my office.
“Mrs. Atwater, Ollie is in the office. He’s not feeling well. You need to come get him.”
“Uh.” I glance at my watch. It’s only ten thirty, and I don’t qualify for paid time off. “Ok. I’m on my way.”
I shut my computer down and grab my things.
“Where’s the fire? It’s not even lunchtime.”
I spin, and Junior leans against my doorway. “Nope, but I have to go.” I tug my coat on and throw my bag across my body.
“I’m too late then. I thought you could join Seth and me. We could get to know each other.” He smiles.
I would roll my eyes if I had time. “Sorry, not today. Or really, ever.” I charge forth, and he moves out of the way .
“Next time, then.” He hollers at my back.
I push into the waiting area and stop at Marcie’s desk. Robyn notified us through a group email this morning that she wouldn’t be in. Her roommate had a traumatic experience with a spider, and she was comforting her.
“May I put you on hold for a quick sec?” Marcie presses the button and places the phone on her shoulder. “How many ways can you say I’m not entitled to give you that information?” She huffs but then smiles.
“I have to go. Ollie is sick.”
Her mouth turns down. “I’ll let Griffin know when he gets back. I hope he feels better.”
Fifteen minutes later, I find my little guy curled up in a chair in the office. I squat down and run my hand over his warm head.
“Mama.”
“Hey, buddy. You ready to go home?”
He nods, and I pick him up.
“Thank you for calling me,” I say to the assistant.
“We hope you feel better, Oliver,” she says as we exit the office.
I carry him through the building and almost reach the door.
“Mrs. Atwater.”
I turn, adjusting Ollie’s weight, and his teacher smiles.
“I was hoping to catch you. I provided Helen with information about speech therapy, but I wanted to ensure that you received it as well. Oliver is doing great, but you may consider getting a jump start on those speech issues.” Her head weighs from side to side.
“Kids are kids, and it won’t get easier for him. ”
I try to smile, but I can’t. “Thank you. I’m. . .looking into it.”
She nods once, running a hand over Ollie’s back. “Feel better, Oliver. We’ll see you soon.”
I turn, ready to get him home.
_____ _
Ollie’s feverish head rests on my thigh, and I have no doubt a large pool of drool has soaked through my leggings.
I peek down and pull a Kleenex from the box, folding it to wipe the line of snot pouring from his nose.
I toss it in the makeshift trash and carefully scoot down into the couch a little further.
Frankie is sound asleep on my chest as I watch Bluey and Bingo play a game called Elevator. Helen had offered to stay so I could go back to work, but Ollie cried, and the decision was made.
I rest my head against the couch, closing my eyes.
My phone buzzes, and my eyes pop open. I glance around, trying to remember where I am. It vibrates against my leg, and I shift Frankie to glance at it.
Roxie.
I swipe to answer. “Hang on sec,” I whisper, slipping my feet out from under Grover.
I ease Ollie’s head off my leg and carry Frankie to her bed, hurrying back for my phone.
“Hey, I’m so glad you called.”
“Why were you whispering?”
“Ollie’s sick, and Frankie fell asleep on me.”
“Oh, that’s no good.” She pauses while I load the dirty dishes into the dishwasher. “I was going to call yesterday, but I had to go to work early.” There’s a brief pause. “Sarah, I’m sorry.”
I adjust the phone between my ear and shoulder and push Grover away from licking the dishes. “I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have—”
“No. You’re right. At least about wanting to punish my parents and then throwing my unhappiness in their faces. I would definitely do that.”
“Well, you weren’t totally wrong about me hiding either. I am. I just don’t know what to do about it. I don’t want people to see what I’ve become.”
“Sarah.” The way she says my name sounds painful. “You don’t have anything to be ashamed of. ”
“But you know how people judged even before Miles, and then when he posted all those lies . . .” I rinse a cup. “Everyone believed it without a second thought. I just. . .want to leave all that behind.” I whisper the last of it. “I think I want to leave the person I was behind, too.”
There’s a long moment of silence for the sad truth.
“But she’s part of you, and she’s amazing. You’re incredible, Sarah. Don’t let what Miles did make you afraid to love her still and be proud of who she is. It gives his lies way more power than they ever should have had.”
I think about that, and she’s not wrong. Trying to leave that woman behind might be part of my problem. I might just need her and everything she went through to piece together who I’m supposed to become.
I blow out the heaviness of that revelation, admitting the rest of it.
“I’m scared to face Miles.” I grip the phone tightly.
“I keep hoping he’ll show he cares about Ollie and Frankie, but I’m really afraid that won’t happen.
Then, I’ll have to finally accept the kind of man I married.
Even worse, no matter how much I wish I didn’t, I could use his financial support. ”
My entire body sags with the weight of the whole truth—every pathetic bit of it.
“But you can’t let Miles walk all over you or be a puppeteer.” Her voice is so soft. “It won’t change him or who he is. Sarah, you have to be able to move on for real and find out what you truly want. For Ollie and Frankie, but also for yourself.”
“I know.” And I do. I need answers so I know where to start rebuilding from. “He’ll be here Saturday and has to decide if he wants to be a part of Ollie and Frankie’s life. He’ll have to do more than say it. He has to show it.”
“Now we’re talking.” I smile at her encouragement. “While you’re laying down the law, knee him in the balls for me.”
I laugh, needing it. “How about you? Are you and Leonard still getting hitched? ”
I hear her push out a breath. “Yes, but hear me out. I’ve only been biding my time managing the bar to irritate the shit out of my parents.”
“But you love it.” I remind her.
“I do, but there are other things I can love. I just have to figure out how to do them my way.”
“You’re talking about marrying a stranger,” I say softly, knowing he’s not a complete stranger, but she hasn’t seen Leo in years, so he might as well be.
“Would it be nice to marry a guy I was attracted to and in love with? Sure, but it takes a special breed to withstand my family and their expectations and obligations. Despite how much I’d like to, I’m not willing to give it all up. I never have been. It’s why I’m still here.”
“So, you’re marrying Leonard Roland.”
“Yep. He agreed anyway. He’s in the same boat. He could marry me or worry about marrying someone who’s only with him for his money.”
“Rox, I want you to be happy. What if he’s no longer the nerdy, fragile bird but a socially awkward, arrogant, brilliant ass who can’t hold a conversation with regular folk because he thinks we’re imbeciles who aren’t worth even a second of his time?”
“Whoo! You’re starting to sound like me.” She laughs. “Well, we’ll have a long engagement, and I’ll still have time to speed date.”
I laugh at the craziness of it all.
“Speaking of dating,” she sings. “It’s time for you to know what that’s like again. And I think there might be a tall, ruggedly gorgeous man across the street who could help with that.” I hear her smile.
My cheeks begin to warm just thinking about Slade in the way she might be suggesting, but then I hear it. The sound no person wants to hear—a heavy grunt and then a rush of liquid splatting against the floor.
“M-m-mama,” Ollie whines, bent over the mass of puke.
“Rox, I gotta go.” I haul Grover to the door by the collar and shove him outside .
“K. Love you. Bye.”
I drop my phone on the counter and swipe the paper towels, along with the disinfectant and the trash can.
This. This is my life. I shove down all nerves and fear and get to work cleaning up barf.
Somehow, everything will be ok. I have no choice but to believe it.